


One-Two Punch

by peglegMeglikeskegs



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Adorable Clint Barton, Alternate Universe - Boxing, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, BAMF Natasha Romanov, Blood, Boxer!Bucky, Boxer!Natasha, Boxing Title Fights, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Dark Past, Depressing Thoughts, Depression, Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Face Punching, Fighting, Fluff, Hurt Bucky Barnes, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Minor Injuries, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Torture, Past Violence, Protective Sam Wilson, Rescue, Reunion, Slow Burn, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Suicidal Thoughts, Trainer!Steve, Violence, trainer!Clint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-21
Updated: 2016-09-04
Packaged: 2018-06-09 18:01:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 82,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6917536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peglegMeglikeskegs/pseuds/peglegMeglikeskegs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>First punch - mysterious boxer shows up to Steve Rogers' gym, and causes enough trouble for Steve.<br/>Second punch - Steve thinks he's the best boxer he has ever seen, and he may be falling in love.</p><p>An AU where Steve and Bucky both have difficult pasts that neither of them want to deal with, so they punch stuff instead.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I did not create nor own the characters in this story!
> 
> Enjoy!

_Thump, THUMP._

Steve Rogers internally cringed as he heard the last punch. He didn’t have to watch the spar to know that punches with that much power would knock down the best fighter. As if on cue, Steve heard the louder thump as Natasha Romanov’s opponent fell to the ground. The spectators around the ring whooped and cheered as Natasha’s trainer, Clint Barton, ducked under the ropes to lifted Natasha’s hand in victory.

Only problem was that this was a gym, not Madison Square Garden on Saturday night, with cable providers raking in the cash broadcasting this fight. It was a Tuesday morning at Steve’s gym in Brooklyn. And, as Steve has everyone told several times ( _at least_ twice a week), there are to be no knock-out matches in his gym. At least not without his medic on site.

“Alright,” Steve called as he walked over. “Everyone get back to their workouts. If I see someone slacking off, they’re out for the day.” Steve hadn’t even finished his sentence before the onlookers quickly scurried away. While everyone knew Steve wouldn’t physically remove them from the premises, they never wanted to be on his black list.

Steve stepped up to the ring where Natasha, Clint and the motionless body were still congregated. Clint was bent over, checking to see if the man was alright while Natasha looked on emotionless.

Clint shot Steve a grin before he began. “Now Steve, this wasn’t Nat’s fault. This lunatic decided to take her on while he saw us training. And besides, he’s fine!”

According to Clint, “fine” was lying on the mats and trying to control one’s breathing while staring at the ceiling with glassy eyes. However as soon as Clint finished speaking, the man groaned and turned to look at Steve.

“He’s right,” the man said. “I really wanted to see how long I would last against Natasha Romanov.” He looked over to the only onlooker who remained. “How long did I last?”

“Well,” his friend started. “You swatted at her wrists, and she took you down with a one-two combo. So,” the friend took a pause to mock-count the time on his fingers. “You lasted a grand total of eight seconds.”

“Awesome,” the beat-up boxer said. Steve just looked on, more concerned with the fact that he first didn’t know who these two guys were, and second that they might decide that he’s in a lot more pain and will want to sue, and third how he was going to tell Natasha (again) that she can’t take on newbies anymore.

Clint reached down to help up the losing boxer as Steve finally entered the ring. Natasha was now watching Steve, her face remaining impassive. Steve took a big breath and decided to handle the easier situation first.

“I don’t think I’m familiar with you, what’s your name?” Steve gave a quick look-over to the man, who looked much younger than Steve thought. His heart softened and his irritation at Natasha and Clint grew.

“Wade. Wade Wilson.” Steve’s paternal feeling for the youth changed as his hand was almost crushed under Wade’s strength. As Steve got a better look at him, he could see the slight muscles that were present in his arms and shoulders. And a quick look into his eyes saw that Wade’s eyes were focused and attentive. Steve breathed a sigh of relief as he returned the handshake.

“Steve Rogers. This is my gym and while I appreciate your enthusiasm we don’t encourage spontaneous fights, especially without running it by me.” He tried not to sound too preachy, but Steve didn’t care. _My gym, my rules_ Steve thought.

Wade didn’t look abashed, but he nodded his head as he spoke. “I figured. And I am sorry, I should’ve asked ahead of time. But when me and my friend Peter signed up yesterday, the chick at the desk didn’t really mention any other ground rules besides, and I quote, _no fricken needles and wipe up your sweat puddles_.” Steve had to hold back his laugh as Wade was able to imitate Darcy’s voice. But Steve realized he would have to have (more) words with his feisty part-timer.

“Alright, then I can’t give you guys too much crap. But I would like to sit-down with you and Peter and talk about your goals and training history before you guys do anything else.” Steve might be thorough in his work, but he wanted to make sure everyone at his gym was working as hard as they needed and wanted to.

Wade didn’t look put out by the consultation; in fact he looked at Steve with an even larger grin on his face. “Sounds great! Man you are so chill, some gym rats are so snobby and hell-bent on showing off their perfect and oiled bodies while making sure you stay smaller than they are.” He leaned in and lowered his voice. “And I know my friend will appreciate it. He has no idea where to begin with getting fit.”

Steve’s paternal instinct washed over him as he looked at Peter. The way Peter stood was eerily familiar to Steve; the smaller youth was looking around the gym apprehensively, shoulders tense as he eyed the stacks of weights that were lined against the wall. Steve immediately recognized the face of someone who looked ready to bolt if they had to do so much as one bench press. _Not now Steve, don’t analyze and scare off a potential client_.

“Well how about you two head over to the table by the front desk, we can chat about what goals you guys want to achieve and see where you both are at in your skills. Maybe today we can get you on some weights and possibly back in the ring. But only maybe, I think I’m going to call in my guy to check you over real quick for a concussion.”

Wade smiled but rolled his eyes. “That sounds awesome. But I don’t think I have a concussion. I’ve had at least three of those and I don’t feel that dizzy. But whatever you say sir!” He gave Steve a mock salute and walked out of the ring before Steve could react. He did catch Wade clapping his hand on Peter’s shoulder before they walked off to the tables.

Steve steeled himself as he turned to Clint and Natasha. As much as he loved his friends, he was still pissed. They were quietly conversing, but quickly shut their mouths when Steve looked over. At least Clint looked somewhat contrite; Natasha still held her composure.

“How many times have I told you that you are not allowed to challenge other fighters without asking me? _Especially_ new fighters?” Neither answered Steve. “You guys know how important this place is to me, and I cannot have you knocking someone out!” Silence. “You know that he could probably sue this place? Or worse he could have serious brain damage.” The only noise came from the other fighters as they worked out. Steve balled up his fists. “If you’re going to fight someone you could at least fight _me_.”

Both stared at him with wide eyes. “Really?!” Clint asked. Natasha’s mask finally fell as a look of excitement mixed with apprehension crossed her face. Steve had to force himself to not roll his eyes at their reactions.

“NO. I just knew that would get you to look at me.” Clint’s face immediately fell as he whined. Natasha’s face went back to neutral. “That’s not fair!” Clint complained. “Natasha needs to be challenged, and none of these lame jocks can step up to the plate.”

Before Steve could open his mouth, Natasha punched Clint on the shoulder. “Don’t be an ass. Steve will fight and lose when he wants.” Now Steve didn’t hold back as he rolled his eyes at the pair. Clint was rubbing his arm when Natasha turned to Steve. “I’m sorry Steve. I’ll try not to challenge any more dweebs. I’m gonna go cool down.” She took her gloves off and shoved them in Clint’s arms before gracefully stepping out of the ring. Only Natasha Romanov could bend through the ropes and step down without tripping and falling on her face.

Steve looked confused, and a quick glance at Clint’s face mirrored his confusion. “That was easier than I thought.”

Clint nodded confusion and worry etched on his face. “She’s been off today, I don’t know why.” His face scrunched up before he spoke again. “Maybe it’s her time of the month.”

Steve laughed. “Clint, are you willing to ask her if that’s it?” The look of horror that crossed Clint’s face made Steve laugh again. “How can her period still bother you? You’ve been training her for at least five years.” Steve was barely able to get that last sentence out without laughing at Clint’s scrunched-up face at the mention of Natasha’s Aunt Flo.

“TMI dude!” Clint paused. “And I am sorry about the fight. It was my fault, I should’ve talked the kid out of it.”

Steve shrugged, mostly over it. “It’s ok. Sorry if I overreacted.” Steve paused as he looked over his gym with fondness. Seeing everyone working out and aiming to get better filled Steve with pride. “I just really care about this place and the people, and I really have no idea what I would do without my gym.”

Clint nodded in understanding. “Same here dude. I think Natasha would retire if she couldn’t train here. Which would force me to retire, and that’s not something that I want to do anytime soon. But if anything or anyone tries to shut you down, they’ll have to go through me. And by me I mean Natasha.”

Steve gave a small chuckle. Clint’s words meant a lot to him. Even though he saw Clint and Natasha as family, he was still waiting for the day that Natasha realized she could train in much better facilities and leave Steve behind. And Steve wouldn’t even blame her; being a world boxing champion opened doors for Natasha and offers for her to train in gyms across the world came in every day. But Natasha was firm about staying at Steve’s gym. When asked about it in interviews, she gives a cold look to the reporters, “it’s where I began, and it’s where I’ll end.” Her answer hasn’t changed in five years, and Steve hopes it never changes. He doesn’t know what he would do without her and Clint around.

Clint’s voice brought Steve out of his thoughts. “I better go clean these and make sure she’s ok, which probably means I’ll be getting the silent treatment while she blasts that Russian heavy metal and stretches. You ok?” Clint gave Steve a careful look, also asking if everything was cool between them.

“Yeah I’m good. I gotta go take care of those new guys. Make sure that next time he steps in the ring he won’t go down in eight seconds.” Steve’s voice was complementary of Natasha’s skills and Clint’s training by the end of his sentence. It was quite impressive to get a KO in eight seconds, regardless of the opponent.

Clint grinned. “Yeah, she’s great.” Steve could almost detect a dreamy tone to Clint’s voice, but before he could ask Clint stalked off. Steve made a mental note to press Clint for information on that front, but he had to call in his medic and get Wade and Peter started. Steve also reminded himself to call his medic, and to talk to Darcy about scaring off clients. The amount of work that Steve had to do made him sigh. But the sounds of weights clinking and rock n’ roll that filled the gym put him at ease, and Steve smiled as he headed over to the tables.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! This is my FIRST EVER fanfic, so please go easy on me! A lot of the boxing and medical things I just looked up, so they might not be 100% right. Also I am doing this without a beta so any grammar errors are on me. And thirdly, I will probably be updating the tags and edits as I write the story. I hope you all enjoy, let me know if there is anything terribly horrible or wonderfully nice about this!


	2. Chapter 2

"Okay Wade, do you know what today's date is?"

"No man, that's why I have my cellphone."

"Wade, don't call me man."

"Why not bro? We might be related!"

Steve wasn't sure if he wanted to laugh or roll his eyes. Either way he had to try hard to not either of those. His gym medic and fellow trainer Sam Wilson came in on his day off to make sure Wade didn't have a concussion.

Steve could tell by Sam's facial expression that Sam suspected that Wade may have permanent brain damage. Or that he might want to give Wade permanent brain damage

Steve intervened. "Wade, please don't annoy my medic. I need him to want to come to work."

"Yeah, _especially_ on my days off." Sam muttered under his breath as he filled out some forms on a clipboard. Even though Sam acted like he was put out, Steve knew that he didn't have a problem with coming in.

Steve and Sam had met while running in Central Park.  Even though Steve could work out at his gym, he liked to get out and run in the fresh air. The pair had met after Steve passed Sam on a run. With Sam being extremely competitive, he had to pass Steve immediately. And Steve isn't one to turn down a challenge. Soon enough both men were sprinting around Central Park before almost colliding with an elderly walking group. Both were then subjected to an epic scolding by an 80 year old lady.

Steve smiled back on the memory. Even though they were getting yelled at, he remembers how he had to try really hard not to laugh. While attempting to look ashamed he had snuck a glance at Sam and saw that he was also trying (and failing) to look contrite. In that moment they became friends and it wasn't long until Steve asked if Sam wanted to work at his gym.

Sam had medical experience, being deployed as an army doctor for two tours in Iraq. He had actually just returned home from duty when he met Steve. In the year that Steve has know Sam, he has only talked about his time overseas once. After a night of heavy drinking, Sam confessed that he was scared every day for his life, and that fear escalated after he was unable to save his best friend in his unit, Riley. Steve had gone quiet, despite being equally drunk. However Sam had eased the tension by admitting that working at the gym was easily the best thing to ever happen to him. And ordering three large pizzas to share was also pretty great. Since then Sam hasn't said a word about his tours, but here and there he'll mention Riley, whether it be a funny story or if he would've liked coming to Steve's gym.

Steve can only imagine what horrors Sam had endured in Iraq. He won't ever ask, but part of him is relieved to have met him. Not only is he an experienced medic and trainer, he's been one of the best friends Steve has ever had.

But Steve was now running the risk of losing his gym’s medic.

“Wade, just let Sam do his job.”

“Hey, I’m just saying we shouldn’t rule out the chance that we could be related.”

Sam sighed.  “Ok fine.  I won’t rule it out.  But I _know_ there’s a 99.9999% chance that we are _not_ related.”

Wade grinned.  “I’ll take it.”

Same just shook his head.  “Alright, lets head over to some more space so I can test your motor skills.”

Wade shot right up.  “Ok, Dr. Wilson.”

“Please, you can just call me Sam.”

“Ok, Dr. Sam.”

Steve rolled his eyes again ( _This must be a record day for eyerolling_ , he thought.)  But before he could open his mouth to speak Wade turned his attention to Peter, who was sitting at the table with Steve.

“I’ll be right back, you’ll be good over here?”

Peter gave Wade an annoyed look.  “Yes mom.” 

Wade pointed his finger at Peter.  “Now listen here, young man.  I-“

“Wilson! Let’s go!”

Wade didn’t eve flinch at Sam’s booming voice over the racket of the gym.  He grinned at Peter and Steve and proceeded to jog over to Sam.  Steve swore he heard Wade ask what his astrology sign is, but Steve decides to give him the benefit of the doubt.

Steve turned to Peter, who was sitting opposite to him and looking embarrassed.

“I’m sorry about Wade, he can sometimes be an ass.”  Peter paused and looked thoughtful.  “Like, maybe nine times out of ten.”

Steve laughed.  “No harm, no foul,” he assured Peter.  “I’ve had much worse in here, trust me.”

Peter nodded.  He relaxed slightly, but he was still tense.  He drummed his fingers on the table, which Steve assumed to be a sign of his nervousness. 

“So, Peter, tell me a little about you.”

Peter immediately looked confused.  “Like, why I want to get in shape?”

Steve smiled.  “We’ll get to that in a minute.  Just tell me about your interests, if you have any pets, favorite movies…all that jazz.”

Peter gave a small smile.  “Oh, ok.  Well I like photography.  I’m working as a freelance photographer, and I sell some of my pictures to newspapers, but it’s nothing super fancy.  It’s more of a hobby.  Um, I have a pet jumping spider named Stan.  And as for movies…”

Peter went on and on about his favorite movies, foods, video games, and Steve could see him becoming more at ease.  Steve went through this with every new client – not only does it take the edge off of joining a gym but Steve is also able to learn a lot about the people who work out here.

Peter was just finishing up describing the new action movie that came out when Wade and Sam returned to the table.

“Prognosis, negative,” Wade uttered in a monotone.  Steve panicked for half a second before glancing at Sam’s annoyed face.

“Actually, Mr. Drama scored relatively high, which means that he probably doesn’t have a concussion.  Besides, forgetting easy things like the date and which street the gym is on.”

“That’s what the internet is for!”  Wade exclaimed before Peter silenced him with a look.

“However, just to be on the safe side, I don’t want him doing any more activity today.  And on his first day back here I only want him doing light weights.  _No_ boxing, _no_ fighting.”

Wade looked grumpy but didn’t reply.  Steve asked “will that be okay Wade?”

Wade sighed.  “Yeah, that’s ok.  Can I come back tomorrow?”

Steve smiled at his eagerness, despite his downcast tone.  “Of course.  And looky here, I have Sam working tomorrow.  He can help you through some light exercises, won’t that be fun?!”

Peter sniggered as Wade and Sam looked like they got the worse end of the deal.  But neither of them said a peep.  Steve was a nice guy, and he never was going to force anyone to do what they didn’t want to do.  However, he had this general attitude and way of speaking that made people do what he said, whether they wanted to do it or not.  It’s what made him a good leader and a good trainer.

Steve smirked at their matching crabby expressions and looked to Peter.  “If you can come back tomorrow, I can get you started on a beginner’s program.  It’s difficult, but I have faith in you.  And if you master that we can move on to some basic boxing combos.”

Peter smiled and opened his mouth to speak, but Wade beat him to it.

“Of course he’ll come tomorrow!  He can’t wait!”

“Wow Peter,” Sam said incredulously.  “How did you change your voice to sound exactly like Wade’s?”

Wade laughed at that and even Peter smiled.

“Sorry, man,” Wade said to Peter.  “I just got so excited for you.”  He clapped Peter on the back.

“It’s cool,” Peter replied.  “You’ve been my mouthpiece since high school, why stop now?”  Wade smiled wider and Peter turned back to Steve.  “As my secretary said, I can come back tomorrow.  Is there anything I need to bring?”

“Water. And if you want, a shirt to change into for after, you’re gonna get really sweaty.”

Peter’s smiled turned into a grimace but he still nodded.

“Alright you two, get on outta here.  Peter, make sure Wade doesn’t get in anymore fights.”  Steve called to the pair as they headed out.

Peter laughed at that.  “That was basically _my_ job in high school.”  He waved as he turned back but before either could reach the door a short, curvy brunette walked in.  She had her hair pulled back in a ponytail, with the hair band barely keeping the tendrils of hair in control.  Wearing an above-knee length plaid skirt and tank top, she had a pair of roller skates slung over her shoulder.  Under her other arm was a helmet.

Wade’s eyes lit up as he turned over to Steve.  “Hey I didn’t realize you have supermodels working here Rogers.”  His attention was drawn back to the brunette and he winked.

The girl waggled her fingers at Wade and smiled.  “Two days in a row!  You must be really determined to bench press a gazillion pounds.  Besides, you already look pretty buff.”  She ran her eyes over his figure appreciatively.  “Or is there someone special you want to impress?”

“Well I’ve always wanted to impress one of God’s angels, but now I have someone better that can inspire me.”  He gave a flirty smile to her and her smile grew.

“Oh you’re a modern-day Casanova.  I hope you stay around.”

“I do have a pretty good reason to standing right in front of me.”  Wade winked again and the girl giggled.

Steve was watching the conversation with his mouth handing open.  He has never, and he means _never_ , seen Darcy Lewis flirt this much with someone.  Sure plenty of the guys and girls who work out here hit on her, but one look from her usually scares them away.  This might be the first time that Steve has seen her show interest in someone.

Steve was also impressed with Wade’s skills.  _Was that really all it_ _took?_  He thought. _What happens if she said no?  How would Wade deal with that rejection? What is his secret?!_

A quick glance to Sam showed the same surprised look.  _Well at least I’m not the only one confused_ , Steve thought.

Before Wade and Darcy could begin a battle of pick-up lines, Peter was shoving Wade out the door.  “Let’s go Romeo, you’ll see her tomorrow.”

“Goodbye my sweet rose of the valley!”  Wade made a grand sweeping gesture before bowing out.  Peter followed before shaking his head.

Darcy laughed again as she walked into the gym.  She glanced at Steve and Sam and snickered.

“You boys are gonna catch some flies with your traps open that wide.”

Steve immediately closed his “trap” and followed Darcy to the check-in desk.

“You and Wade, huh?”

She put on her signature “resting bitch face” that she reserved for clients who asked her to change the music.

“Yeah.  What about it?”

“You guys are pretty tight, yeah?”  Sam asked her, leaning against the desk.

“Why, you jealous Sammy?”  Darcy asked him, batting her eyelashes at him.

“Oh yeah, _super_ jealous of missing the chance to date Miss America over here.”

“You’re just mad that he beat you to me.  And that he has a really hot bod.”

“Darcy, did you miss my sarcasm?  I know it’s difficult for people at your intelligence level to understand.”

"Well would you understand my foot up your-"

"Alright, knock it off." Steve always felt like he was officiating a match between Darcy and Sam. For some reason they did not get along. Sam was always easy enough to wound up and Darcy loved to see him spaz out. They never let it interfere with their work but it was exhausting for Steve to keep the peace.

Sam had walked off in a huff, heading to the employee room to get a cup of coffee. Steve sighed as he turned to Darcy, clearly unaffected by the altercation.

"You really shouldn't wind him up like that." Steve started.

Darcy scoffed. "He winds himself up. I just like to help him out." She turned back to the papers and invoices on the desk.

Steve wanted to say more but decided to let it go. Darcy Lewis was a god send for Steve. Six years ago he started his gym and he was barely breaking even.  He had the bare minimum for equipment, was able the count the number of members on his fingers, and had a minor rat problem; he was desperate for change but had no idea where to begin.

Then along came Darcy. She had just been looking for a place to get fit, but with one look around she approached Steve and told him flat out that he needed to clean up the place and his act or he wouldn't have a gym. Steve was more than a little taken aback and was about to give a snarky response but Darcy said that she would help him if he gave her a free membership.  Now Steve may be stubborn, but he’s not dumb.  He took her up on the offer, and before the week had passed his gym was running as smooth as a naval ship.  And not only did Darcy have incredible organizing skills, but she made Steve online social media accounts for his gym.  After one month of Darcy joining his gym, membership had doubled, equipment lined the wall and bags hung everywhere, and he had two boxing blogs write up about his gym.  Steve decided to hire Darcy full on, and he also gave her a few shares of his gym in thanks.

Darcy also made Steve’s gym the official training location for her roller derby team, the A-Force.  She, along with her team of equally terrifying and impressive women, train at the gym every Wednesday night.  They originally had planned to train during the day, but Steve was constantly reminding other patrons to keep working out and to stop distracting the women.  While Darcy basked in the attention Steve thought it would be easier for them to have their own time without any disturbances, free of charge.  His gym also sponsored their team, and would sometimes host parties for them in the gym.  Darcy thought it was too much, but Steve believed it didn’t even come close to what she had done for him. 

Darcy was sorting the papers on the desk when Steve walked forward.  “We need to talk about your orientation skills for new members.”

Darcy gave Steve a look that she give to people when she sees them not wipe down the machine they were just on. “If you try to tell me I have to use Sam’s ‘orientation packet’ save your breath.”

“I worked really hard on those, there’s a lot of valuable information in them!”  Sam shouted from the back room.

“This is a gym!  Not a community college class!”  Darcy yelled back.

Steve put his hand up.  “That’s not what I was going to say.  But, you should at least ask new members if they want it.”  Steve paused so Darcy could give an epic eye roll.  “One thing you _must_ tell people is that they cannot organize fights without going through me first.  Wade almost got knocked out by Natasha today.”

Darcy paused in her work to look up at Steve with a scared and shocked expression.  “Shit, that would’ve been bad.”   Her look shifted to guilty.  “I’m sorry.  I know it’s not an excuse, but Morgan quit our team two nights ago.  She jumped ship to S.H.I.E.L.D.!”

Steve looked disappointed.  “Oh shit, that sucks Darcy.”

“You’re telling me.  She was our best blocker.”  She sighed and slouched back in her chair in defeat.

“I thought you were the best blocker.”

“Flattery won’t work on me today, Rogers.”  Darcy sat up, checked her schedule and groaned.  “Great, I have Valentina for today.  She’s going to kick my ass.”

“You are more than able to handle her.  Her husband is scary.  He works harder than anyone in here, and he has an eye patch!”

Darcy was about to reply when the door swung open and a man strutted up to the counter.  He stood at just over six feet, with chin length brown hair.  Dressed in a loose grey t-shirt, his cargo jacket was snug on his muscular shoulders and arms.   His jeans and Converse sneakers were both worn from wear, and he looked very handsome.  Extremely handsome, like borderline supermodel looks.

 _Wait, what?_   Steve thought.  _What am I thinking?_   But the more Steve tried to stop thinking about the man, the more Steve was able to take in.  The storm grey eyes, dazzling smile, and a chin so prominent that he could cut glass if he desired.

 _Good lord Rogers, get a grip_.

The knocking of knuckles on the check-in desk interrupted Steve’s thoughts.  _Please sound like a troll, please sound like a troll_ Steve prayed in his head.

“What does a guy have to do to get a membership to this gym?”  His voice was smooth like honey, and he had hints of a Brooklyn accent.  _Damn it_ Steve thought.

The man turned to Steve with a curious look, and Steve realized that he spoke that out loud.  Mortified, he cleared his throat and hoped that he wouldn’t say anything stupid.

“Sorry, just thinking.  My name’s Steve Rogers, I own this gym.”  He held out his hand.

The man shot Steve another dazzling smile.  “James Barnes, but call me Bucky.”  He gave his hand and shook Steve’s.

“Bucky?!”  Darcy called out.  Her eyes were filled with mirth and excitement.

“Darcy, no.”  Steve continued to shake Bucky’s hand.  “I’m sorry about her, she doesn’t have a filter.”

Bucky continued to smile.  “It’s no problem.  Her guess about my nickname is probably right.  Play your cards right and you can see why I got it.”  He winked at Steve.

Steve felt like he received an electric shock.  “Um, well.”

Bucky winked again.  “You can answer me later.  But do you mind giving me my hand back?”

Steve released Bucky’s hand like it bit him.  He didn’t even realize that he was still shaking his hand.  He cleared his throat and attempted to regain some sort of professionalism.  “I apologize.  Darcy can give you the proper membership forms.  Would you like to take a tour of the gym?”

Bucky smirked at him.  “Sure, gorgeous.”  He waltzed into the main area of the gym.  Steve couldn’t speak. He turned to the main desk and saw Darcy giving him a huge cat-ate-the-canary smile.  Sam, who was now leaning against the door, looked thunderstruck.  His face told Steve that he saw the whole interaction.

 Steve, still feeling like he had cotton mouth, just shrugged his shoulders and followed Bucky into the gym.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, here's the next chapter! A little longer than chapter one, I couldn't really find a good stopping point. But oh well. A little of Sam and Darcy's back story, and finally seeing Bucky! I apologize he has a brief intro, but I promise that next chapter will have more Bucky. On that note, I'm not 100% how often I will be posting or when I will. I want to post at least once a week, maybe more if I can. I just don't have a set day of the week that it'll be there. There are some Marvel Easter Eggs in here, let me know if you know which ones they are! I hope you guys like this chapter, thanks for all the love from chapter one! :D


	3. Chapter 3

“Right over there are the free weights and benches.  We used to have a Smiths machine, but Sam had mentioned that they do more damage if not used properly.  So we got rid of it, and we’re in the process of getting some new machines.”

“Well, at least I can still do my hip thrust routine with the barbells.  Gotta make sure I keep up with those.” Bucky shot Steve a suggestive look.  “But I guess there are other ways to practice that.”

Steve grit his teeth.  While he was showing Bucky the facility Bucky had not stopped with the sex jokes.  He was even able to sexualize the complimentary white hand towels (“White towels, reminds me of the white tube socks I use to…well, you know.”)

It had threw Steve off at first, but after Bucky told Steve that working out in the nude builds muscle mass faster, he was ready to punch Bucky in his perfect mouth, and then kiss it better.

He let his professionalism take over as he continued the tour.  While on the outside he was courteous and helpful, Steve was near desperation on the inside.  He was irritated with Bucky’s jokes, but he had to admit it was turning him on and he wanted nothing more than to grab Bucky’s beautiful face and see how soft his lips really are.

The only betrayal of Steve’s thoughts was the constant clenching of his fists as he had to physically ground himself.  God only knows what would happen if he gave into his impulses.

Steve ignored Bucky’s last comment and brought him over to Sam’s office.  Originally Steve’s unused office, he gave it to Sam when he joined the team.  With the space Sam was able to give band aids, help gym members’ stretch their stiff muscles and evaluate pains and discomforts.  While the office was only a glorified Nurse’s office, Steve was happy to see the space get put to use.

Sam himself was sprawled on the examination table when Steve and Bucky came in.

“And this is Sam’s office.  Sam is our gym medic; if you have any aches or pains come to him.  He can also help with any training questions you might have, he specializes in aerial fitness.”

Bucky shot Sam a questioning look.  “I thought this was a boxing gym?”

Steve nodded.  “Our main focus is in boxing, but we all have specialties that we teach classes in.  Sam holds his aerial fitness class twice a month, and Darcy has a rage yoga class that’s really popular.  Even some of our regular gym members will offer to teach classes, as long as they take a class and receive their Adult First Aid/CPR/AED certificate.”

Sam grinned.  “We have a member who likes to help people channel their anger issues through boxing.  It’s quite something.”  He held out his hand to Bucky.  “Sam Wilson, good to meet you.  If you need assistance with any exercises, I would be more than happy to help you.”

Bucky’s eyebrows shot up as he returned the handshake.  “Any exercises?”  His voice sounded like velvet, and he put on a seductive face that had Steve clenching his fists again.

Sam gave Bucky an alarmed look.  “Within reason, of course.  What’s your name?”

“James Barnes, but you can call me Bucky.”  He gave a quick look around.  “So this is where you get to play doctor?”

Sam narrowed his eyes at Bucky.  “Not exactly.”

“But you do realize that you have the perfect set-up for a porno right?”

Sam’s face reddened as his eyes went wide with surprise.  Steve shot Bucky a look.

“Bucky, don’t you think that’s a little inappropriate?”

Bucky help his hands up.  “I meant no offense.”  He indicated into the gym with his head.  “Is there a bathroom out there?”

Steve nodded.  “Back by the front.  You can ask Darcy.”

“Thanks, gorgeous.”  Bucky winked again as he sauntered through the door.  Steve turned to Sam, who still looked mortified.

“I know he can be kind of…” Steve trailed off, trying to find the best way to describe Bucky that wasn’t 100% rude.

“He’s what?  Obnoxious?  Horny?  I mean, what the hell is his problem Steve?!”  Sam had gotten past his embarrassment and now sounded truly angry.

“Oh, come on Sam.  We’ve had much worse than him in here.  Besides, I can’t just deny him a membership.”

Sam scoffed.  “Yeah, well he’s going to be a _great_ addition to our gym.  Twenty bucks says he’ll get hit with a sexual harassment lawsuit by the end of the week.”

“Sam,” Steve said firmly.  “That’s extreme.  Don’t be so quick to judge.  We all thought the same thing about Bruce.”

Sam pursed his lips and didn’t say anything.  Despite Sam’s stormy face, Steve grinned.  He knew that using Sam’s favorite client’s success story would be beneficial.

Bruce Banner joined the gym a little less than a year ago; right after Sam was hired.  While going through the initial gym tour, Bruce said he had anger management issues and had previously been arrested for being in a bar fight.  After hearing this, Steve called a meeting with Darcy and Sam.  This was their first time dealing with someone with a violent past, and they discussed whether it would be safe to allow him into the gym; Darcy was against him, and Steve was on the fence.  But it had been Sam who was convinced that he would be okay and that everyone deserves a chance.  Sam had worked with Bruce the most, and they developed a friendly rapport.  As time passed, Bruce grew from the nervous and introverted member to a friendly and helpful boxer.  Even though he never fought in professional fights, he was able to find a healthy outlet for his rage.  He also volunteered and taught the boxing class that helps members with their anger issues.  Sam was proud of Bruce, even if he never admitted it to Steve.

So Steve knew that Sam would have to let Bucky join the gym; unless he wanted to be called a hypocrite, his hands were tied.  And Sam knew it.

“Ugh, fine.  You don’t even have to say it.  Obviously, he can join,” Sam muttered.  He crossed his arms and glared at the ground as Steve beamed at Sam.

“Good to know I have the doctor’s approval.”  Bucky’s voice made Steve jumped out of his skin.  He spun around and saw Bucky leaning against the door.

“Jesus you scared me, I thought you went to the bathroom.”  Sam placed his hand over his heart, as if it would calm its frantic beating.

Bucky shrugged.  “Couldn’t find it.  And that girl wasn’t at the desk.”

Steve sighed.  “Of course she’s not there.  Let me show you where it is, and then we can chat some more about your goals, if that’s alright.”

“Sounds good, lead the way.”  Bucky moved to the side of the doorway, but Steve still had to crowd towards Bucky as he shuffled out the door.  Bucky was smiling the whole time, and Sam looked horrified and angry.  Steve and Bucky walked in silence, and arrived at the tables.

“The bathroom is the second door to the right of the check-in desk.  I’ll be here when you’re done.”  Bucky nodded and walked to the bathroom.  Once out of sight, Steve slumped his shoulders.  He had no idea what Bucky was doing, and if his actions were genuine or an attempt to mess with him.  It made Steve confused and aroused at the same time, which was the most frustrating part for him.

While Steve did not keep more parts about his personal life a secret from the gym members, he tries to keep his love life to himself.  This is easy, for it being nonexistent.  It’s not like Steve is ignored; owning a gym had its perks and his sculpted body was proof.  And Steve was told by Darcy that one main reason she stayed was to “be able to gaze at your heavenly blue pools of wonder that you call eye balls.  And your ass is fiiiiine.”

Steve blushes, still feeling embarrassed.  While he had his opportunities from both men and women, he didn’t have the time; running and managing a gym was a lot of work.

At least that’s what he told himself.  His best friends, mainly Natasha, reiterated that he had lousy self-confidence, didn’t realize how gorgeous and great he really was, and had to stop sitting on his ass and make time to go after a relationship.  While this didn’t make Steve feel any better, he had to admit that she was right.  No matter what he was told, Steve couldn’t bring himself to believe that other people could be interested in him.

Which made his initial feelings for Bucky all the more frustrating.  He knows that Bucky is just messing with him, probably to get a discounted membership.  But Steve doesn’t understand why he can’t shrug off his advances, or how he can stop imagining what he would do to Buck if they were alone.

“Am I interrupting some deep thinking?”  Bucky’s voice broke through Steve’s thoughts.

Steve looked up as Bucky slid into the seat across from him.  He didn’t even realize he had sat down with his head in his hands, but just the appearance of Bucky was able to lift Steve’s spirits slightly.  Which Steve didn’t know if it was a good thing or not.  Steve gave a small smile and cleared his throat.

“Nothing a round in the ring wouldn’t fix,” he joked.  He sat up a little straighter and regarded Bucky with a more professional look.  “So, what made you want to join a gym?  Do you have any specific goals in mind?”

Bucky leaned back and didn’t respond right away.  To the casual observer it appeared that Bucky was gathering his thoughts before he spoke.  But all Steve could see what a fairy tale prince come to life; he trailed his eyes from Bucky’s soft brown hair, down his muscular arms to his perfect fingers drumming the table.  _How can fingers be so beautiful?_ Steve thought.  He almost started to imagine what those fingers could do when Bucky spoke.

“I used to fight professionally in Russia.  I came to America and decided to get back at it.”

Steve’s dirty thoughts were temporarily distracted with Bucky’s answer.  “Really?  Do you have any titles?”

Bucky shrugged.  “A few here and there.”

“Who did you train with?”

Bucky’s eyes widened slightly and his face fell for half a second.  He was able to put on an annoyed look before saying “oh you know that as soon as you get good, everyone around you tries to take the credit.”

Something with his answer didn’t seem right to Steve.  Besides the fact that Bucky didn’t answer the question, he had focused his attention on anywhere but Steve.  His causal posture tensed up and the haughty expression on his face looked too composed, like he was making an extreme effort to remain calm.  But Steve didn’t want to push for a real answer; if Bucky decided to open up to Steve that was his decision.

“Okay, well we would love to have you train here.  On your first visit, we can go through some drills so I can see what we’re working with.”

Bucky’s eyes sparkled.  “Will I fight with you?”

“No.”

“What do you mean, 'no'?”

“What do you think?  I don’t fight anyone.  End of story.”  If Bucky was surprised by Steve’s heated response he didn’t show it. He shrugged his shoulders and was going to respond but Natasha and Clint walked up to their table.

“Steve, we’re heading out.  Same time tomorrow?”  Clint spoke to Steve, but Natasha’s gaze was focused on Bucky.

“Sounds good Clint, I’ll see you guys then.”  Steve noticed that Natasha was still staring intently at Bucky.  “This is James, he’s interested in joining our gym.”

Clint nodded at him, but Natasha opened her mouth to say “you look familiar.”

Bucky smiled seductively at her.  “Maybe I’m the man of your dreams.”

Before Natasha could say anything, Clint stepped forward.  “Back off man.  She could take you down with one swing.”

“Oh I’d like to see what she could do to me.”

Clint looked furious.  “Or I’ll deal with you myself if you don’t shut your mouth.”

Bucky smirked and addressed Natasha.  “Nice guard dog.  Does he do tricks?”

Clint bristled and wanted to take another step forward, but Natasha held him back.  Shaking her head, she turned him towards the exit.

As they walked away, she looked over her shoulder and said “we’ll see you tomorrow Steve.  And you’re an asshole.”  Her last remark was aimed at Bucky, who laughed.

Steve gave a weak wave.  In the hour that Bucky had spent at Steve’s gym, he had pissed off two of his best friends and tried to make a move on another.  If Steve didn’t say something to Bucky about his demeanor, he wasn’t sure the guy would last a day without getting punched.

“You know, I think I want to train here.  I like this gym’s atmosphere,” Bucky said to Steve.

Steve smiled, ignoring the flutter in his stomach at Bucky’s decision.  “That’s great.  We’re really happy to have you.”  He stood.  “I’ll take you up to the desk and get your membership situated.”

Bucky gave another genuine smile and stood as well.  The pair walked up to the check-in desk, where Steve saw Sam and Darcy conversing.  Probably about Bucky, and how terrible he is.  Steve sighed, _well there’s no time like the present_.

“Listen, Bucky.  Like I said before, we would love to have you train here.  But if you antagonize everyone then I cannot allow you to stay.”    Steve put on his trainer voice, hoping that it would have some effect on Bucky.   “People come here to better themselves, and I won’t have you derailing them from their goals.  Is that clear?”  They had reached the front of the gym and stopped by the check-in desk.  Darcy and Sam had stopped their conversation to watch Steve and Bucky.  Steve wasn’t sure if Bucky would yell, try to hit Steve or just walk out.  He was preparing for the worst when Bucky surprised him and smiled.

“Alright, I’ll play fair.”  Bucky gave Steve his dazzling smile.  “I wouldn’t want to upset you, gorgeous.”

Steve heard an indignant huff behind him, and he didn’t have to turn around to know that Sam was annoyed.  But he ignored it and returned Bucky’s smile.  “Thank you, I knew you would understand.  We can get your membership squared away right now if you have the time.”

Bucky glanced at the clock behind the desk.  “I actually have to head out, but I’ll be back soon.  And I hope you’ll be ready for me.”  He winked at Steve and walked away before Steve could say anything.  He gave a mock salute to Sam and Darcy as he left the building.

“I don’t like him.”   Sam immediately said as Darcy cackled.

“You and Clint should talk; you’d be able to make a ‘We Hate Bucky’ fan club.”  Steve came up to the desk where Sam had his arms crossed and Darcy was still laughing.  “What’s up with you Darcy?”

She continued to laugh as she spoke.  “I’ve never seen you get caught off guard by anyone before, it was really amusing.”  She wiped her eyes, which made Steve blush.

“Well I’m glad that you find so much amusement at my life,” Steve shot back.  “Don’t you have a job to do?”

“Oh Rogers, sometimes I think you’re easier to rile up than Mr. Wind-Up toy over here.”  She stood up and made her way around the desk.  “He’ll be good for you,” she whispered as she patted his arm.  Before Steve could ask what she was talking about, she left.  Sam glared at her back.

“Can we get rid of her,” he asked his boss. Steve just rolled his eyes and took Darcy’s vacant seat at the desk.

“Sam, what am I going to do about Bucky?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that every time I look at him I can’t string together a sentence, but then he opens his mouth and becomes the biggest ass in Brooklyn.”  Steve sighed and stared down at the papers on the desk.  “I told him he can’t be rude to people, but that could just be his personality; we can’t tell the guy to not be himself.  But I don’t want him bothering other members, especially Natasha and Clint; mainly for his benefit, because the pair would easily kill him.”  Sam laughed at that, and Steve shot him a look.  “It’s not funny.”

“I’m not laughing at that, even though I would pay a lot of money to see that fight.”  Steve opened his mouth to speak but Sam held his hand up.  “I’m laughing at you, because you described the same problem from two very different perspectives.  But both of your problems have the same solution; time.  You’ll just have to wait and see what happens.  You were right in saying that we have to give him a chance, I’ll admit it.  But you shouldn’t stress about it until you see how he behaves.”

Steve groaned.  “But I don’t want to wait and see.  I want to know now.”

Sam laughed again.  “Okay, now you’re being fussy.  Is it time for your nap yet?”  Steve glared at Sam while he continued to laugh.

“Changing the topic, what do you think about Wade and Peter?”

“Oh man, I completely forgot about those two.  I like Peter, he’s funny and he can handle his friend.  Who, on the other hand, is kind of…um…”  Sam trailed off, unable to find the words to describe the eccentric kid.

Steve nodded.  “I know exactly what you mean.  And there’s something off about Peter too.  Don’t get me wrong, I think they’ll be great additions to the gym-“

“You say that about everyone,” Sam muttered.

“And I’m excited to work with them,” Steve continued, ignoring Sam’s comment.  “But I think there’s another reason why Peter decided to join the gym, besides Wade practically dragging him in.”

“Steve,” Sam said firmly.  “This is a gym, you are a trainer.  You are not a therapist.”

“I know, I know.”  Steve sighed.  “But Peter reminds me of myself.  And if his life is anything what mine was like, I could see why he is so skittish and quiet.”  Steve shook his head to dispel the unpleasant thoughts, and checked the clock on the wall.  It was only 3PM, but Steve was ready to close up shop.  Switching to trainer mode, he spoke again.  “Are you hanging here or leaving?  If you want you can head up to my apartment and chill.”

Sam thought about it.  “Nah, I think I might head out.  You have two more sessions today right?”

Steve nodded.  “Yeah, the last one right up to closing time.  Did you want to hang out later?”

Sam shook his head.  “Sorry, I have my group therapy session down at the VA tonight.  Tomorrow night?”

Steve smiled. “Works for me, I’ll see you tomorrow.”  They shook hands and Sam walked out.  Steve checked his schedule again, and sighed for the millionth time today. 

***

“Any hot dates tonight Darcy?”

She scoffed at Steve.  “If you count my couch, ice cream and Netflix as dates, then I have an epic orgy planned for tonight.”  She grinned as she gathered her things.  The gym was closed, with Darcy and Steve the only two left in the building.  “But first I have to survive derby practice.  Jennifer is going to run us hard tonight, I can already feel the soreness in my muscles.”  She gathered her things and made for the door.  “What time do you want me in tomorrow?”

Steve laughed.  “Darcy, when do I ever tell you what to do, and when do you ever listen?”

She gave him a devilish smile.  “Ah, you’re finally learning.”  She nodded her head towards him as she exited through the door.  Steve waved and turned back to the desk.  He waited a few minutes before going to lock up the front door.  But instead of turning out the lights and heading upstairs to his apartment, he left one spotlight on, bathing the center ring in soft light. 

Steve was adamant about not fighting others.  But some days, he had to fight his own demons.

As he wrapped his hands, he pictured the bullies that knocked him down.  Their fists raining down on his frail body and he tried to fight back, but when you’re 100 pounds soaking wet you don’t have a chance.  The sad eyes of his mother cleaning his wounds flickered across his head with his father yelling at him to be a man and tougher up still ringing in his ears.

Steve approached the bag hanging in the ring.  Starting slow, he went through quick and simple combos.  He tried to imagine the horrible thoughts as his opponents, each punch taking them down and out.  It worked at first, but he had plenty of dark memories to step in the ring. 

Johann Schmidt’s screaming commands popped up next in his mind, and Steve couldn’t help the increased force of his punches, the anger and fear coursing through his body.  _This is the past, this is the past_ , Steve tried to make his mantra, but the shouting and yelling from his former trainer always won out.  

 _Punch faster, harder!  Your opponent is going to beat you if you don’t shape up.  You are pathetic!_   Schmidt’s yells bounce around in Steve’s head. 

 _Here, try this natural energy supplement_ , the snake-like voice slithers in Steve’s head.  He can’t help the whimper that escapes as the words from Arnim Zola make their appearance.  Steve trusted this man to keep him in shape, when in reality he was building him up for failure.

Steve abandons any and all technique as he begins to strike the bag with as much force as possible.  _Moron, idiot, dishonor to fighting, selfish, shameful, banned for life_ thrash against his skull as Steve attempts to pulverize the bag.  Steve puts himself through this abuse, this self-deserving torture that reminds him of the stupid mistakes he made.

One final punch paired with a yell - the word _disgrace_ echoes in his head. No matter how many times he will hit that bag, there’s no magic number to take away his past mistakes. He unravels his wrap and walks upstairs to his apartment, leaving the spotlight on the center ring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the third chapter! I may have gotten carried away with the word count, I'm still trying to get the hang of this. Also, I knew I wanted the chapter to end the way it did, no matter how long it took me to get there. But on the plus side I believe I have a majority of the explanations of characters and "setting the stage" sections done, so the future chapters should be filled with plot! Yay! Bear with me, thank you all for the love and wonderfulness! :)


	4. Chapter 4

Frank Sinatra’s soothing voice crooned over the loud speaker as the morning light shined into the gym.  Well, at least the light shined into the streets.

Steve took a sip of his coffee, reveling in the peace and tranquility that is in his gym before it opens.  He welcomed early mornings with open arms; somehow the stresses and anxieties that plague him at night disappear with the rising sun.  Now he cradles his coffee in his hands as he enjoys the stillness in the gym.

Unfortunately for Steve, his peace is short-lived as Darcy and Sam come through the door, bickering.  Steve plans to ignore them for as long as possible, but by the gist of their conversation it appears that Darcy went to Sam’s go-to coffee shop and “stole” the remaining croissants.

Steve closed his eyes, trying to focus on Frank Sinatra’s soothing vocals.

“ _How far would I travel, to be where you are?_ ”

“You totally saw me in line behind you, and you know that I love croissants-“

“ _How far is the journey from here to a star?_ ”

“Bullshit!   _I_ thought I’d do something nice for everyone and buy breakfast, but _now_ I’m not gonna let you have any!”

“ _And if I ever lost you, how much would I cry?_ ”

“You don’t have one nice bone in your body.”

“ _How deep is the ocean?  How high is the sky?_ ”

“Steve, are you hearing this?!”

“I’m trying not to.”  Steve finally opened his eyes and glared over at the quarreling pair.  “You both are lucky the song just ended.  If you had interrupted Sinatra there would’ve been hell to pay.”

Darcy rolled her eyes.  “He’s a dinosaur, why do you listen to him?”

“Yeah Steve,” Sam laughed.  “This music belongs in a restaurant with an early bird dinner special that starts at 3PM.”

Darcy snorted.  “Nice,” she compliments, holding her first out to Sam.  He bumped it smirking back at her.  Steve didn’t understand how they could be at each other’s throats one second and in the next be joking together.  But Steve wasn’t going to point this out, even if they were making fun of him.

Sam and Darcy settled in as Steve went to take down the closed sign.  He propped the door open to get some fresh air into the gym.  He smiled, this simple task still brining him immense joy at still being able to open and run his gym, and a sense of pride at the progress that his members make.

Two figures heading his way interrupted his thoughts.  He waved as Natasha and Clint came up to the door.

“Good morning!”  Clint called cheerfully.  He gave Steve a big smile as he walked inside.  Steve returned the smile and faced Natasha.

“I swear the two of you wait around the corner for me to open the door,” Steve teased to the redhead.

Natasha smiled.  “We actually spy on you from the building across the street.  You wear a nice brand of underwear.”  She gave him another mysterious smile and walked inside.  She sounded so sincere that Steve wasn’t sure if she was kidding or not.  He shook his head and followed her in.

Clint was talking to Sam and Darcy as Steve and Natasha walked up to the desk.

“He was just awful and crude and cocky.  Even you would’ve been embarrassed.”  Steve could hear Sam say.

“Oh you don’t have to win me over I know he’s a huge tool.”  Clint replied testily.

Steve had a pretty good guess as to who they were talking about.

“I thought he was funny,” Darcy said, shrugging her shoulders.

Both Sam and Clint shot her an irritated look.  “Darcy, you think every guy that comes in is automatically hilarious and gorgeous.”

“Watch it Wilson, you were just about to get your croissant privileges back.”

“Did someone say croissants?” Clint lifted his head, automatically scanning the entire gym for a pastry box.

“In the back,” Darcy gestured behind her with her thumb.  “Also a fresh pot of coffee is waiting if you want it.”

Clint hurried towards the food with a grateful expression.  Natasha shook her head at his back and turned to Sam.  “Bucky was quite different, wasn’t he?”

“Ok, that’s Natasha’s code for saying he’s crazy.”  Darcy pointed out as Sam nodded in agreement.

“You guys, try to cut Bucky some slack.”  Steve interjected.  “Have you ever the expression ‘never judge a book by its cover’?”

The group around him gave a collected groan.  Steve could even hear Clint’s from the back break room.

“Steve, stop trying to go ‘Mr. Rogers’ on us.”  Natasha said.  Steve turned red as Darcy snorted in laughter and Sam grinned.  Anytime they thought Steve was being too preachy and responsible, they called him by the kind-hearted, friendly neighbor.  Steve doesn’t remember who called him Mr. Rogers first, but he didn’t like it.

“Yeah Steve, stop trying to make us be better people,” Sam said through his cat-like grin.

“Oh shush he’s just in love with Bucky, that’s why he has patience with him.”  Darcy replied slyly.

Everyone hooted and made kissing noises while Steve felt his face get even redder.  Desperate to stop the conversation from going someplace worse, he turned to Natasha.

“Did you ever find out where you knew Bucky from?”  He asked her quickly.

Natasha composed her face back to a neutral expression.  “No.”  Her response was short with a clipped voice.  Before Steve could ask her another question, she grabbed her iPod and walked over to the treadmills to being her warm up.

“Ohhhh, she totally knows!”  Clint crowed.  He laughed and went to clap his hands, but stopped before the coffee and croissant in his hands made a mess.

“You’re full of crap, she does not know.”  Sam said.

“Yeah, how could you tell?”  Darcy asked.

Clint shook a finger at the two.  “A magician never reveals his secrets.”

Sam and Darcy shared an exasperated look, but Steve was relieved that the attention had shifted away from Steve.

“Whatever man, I have to get ready for Jasper.  The man claims that he’s on a diet and cutting out treats, but I’m 99% sure that I saw him at the bakery down the street.”  Sam shook his head and walked away.

Darcy made an upset noise.  “If Jasper’s coming in then Maria must be too.  And she _always_ requests a trainer and I’m _always_ the one to do it, because apparently the management here thinks a woman has to train another woman and _God forbid_ she doesn’t-“

“Darcy,” Steve said, halting her angry-woman-rallying-the-troops speech.  “Maria requested you to be her trainer.  I worked with her once and she said after that I’m too polite and you motivate her better.”

Darcy blinked, but quickly shrugged into a superior stance.  “Well, yeah” she replied smugly, examining her finger nails.  “I could’ve told you that.  Well I better not keep the masses waiting.”  She walked away, with a dignified step and an important look on her face.

Clint looked to Steve with a skeptical look.  “Did Maria really say that about Darcy?”

“Well,” Steve started sheepishly.  “I _may_ have rephrased.”

Clint laughed, shaking his head at Steve.  “By the way, I know why Natasha was so upset yesterday.  Apparently a trainer at her old gym contacted her, trying to get her to come back.”  He shrugged at Steve’s concerned expression.  “She assured me it’s nothing but I’m keeping my eye on it.”  Clint looked out to the gym space, but Steve had a feeling that he was watching Natasha.  “She hasn’t said much about them, but you saw how upset she was yesterday.”

Steve hesitated, not wanting to say that she didn’t seem any different than normal.  But watching Clint’s face soften as he spoke about her confirmed Steve’s beliefs.

“You care for her.”  It was a simple statement, and Clint didn’t deny it.  Steve could see that Clint was thinking about what to say and choosing his words, but the expression on his face changed to resignation and he gave an unhappy sigh.

“She’ll never focus on anything but her training and fights.  And it wouldn’t be fair to me to distract her, she’s worked too hard.”  Clint gave another sigh but shifted his shoulders and masked his face into a controlled expression.  “I’m would rather be at her side as a trainer than risk losing her if a relationship didn’t work out.”

“Just wait, I know she sees you more than just her trainer.”  Steve spoke softly, as more members started to filter in and he didn’t want anyone overhearing him.  “She can’t fight forever.”

Clint huffed out a laugh.  “Well when she quits, I’ll be out of a job.  So I’d rather just force down my feelings for her and live in the moment.  That’s healthy right?”  Clint gave Steve a small smile before walking away. 

Steve sadly watched him walk away, torn at the conflictions that Clint is dealing with.  Steve understands his friend’s reasoning but it still hurt him to know that Clint was hiding his true feelings for Natasha.  Steve wants to believe that they would be a great couple, and he almost told Clint to take a chance.  But seeing how Steve has no experience in that department he held his tongue.

Steve wretched himself from those thoughts as he saw Darcy walk over.

“A-Force has the gym booked for tonight right?”  She replaced her sarcasm more serious tone.

He nodded in response.  “Of course.  Do you guys want to have a party after your match on Saturday?”

“Yeah that’d be awesome.  We haven’t had one in a while.  And we’re against the Justice League and they really suck so the party will actually be fun.  Thanks Steve!”  She jogged back to the free weights station where he saw Maria doing some bicep curls.

Steve started towards the weights, just walking around and seeing how everyone is doing.  He could see Sam showing Jasper the correct position for his elbows while he assisted his bench press. 

As Steve continued his walk around the gym, his mind wandered to Bucky.  A fresh wave of embarrassment washed over him, remembering his friends taunting this morning.  If he was that obvious to them, he wondered what kind of impression he made on Bucky.  _I will be shocked if he shows up_ , Steve though morosely.  _Way to go Rogers, scaring off another member_. 

He tried to clear his thoughts by going over to the bags that take up the most space in the gym.  Even though it was relatively early there were still a good number of members training and working out.  While many people trained alone, there were still some people working together.  Steve could see Clint taking Natasha through her drills at one bag.  Steve gave an involuntary shudder at Natasha’s skill; she moved so quick and light that it looked like her punch wouldn’t do any damage, but Steve knew better.

For most of the day Steve watched his members train.  He did some paperwork at the front desk, but always keeping an eye on the active boxers.  He updated the social media pages, reminding the followers that the gym is closing at 5PM tonight due to the A-Force training session.  He added another post letting people know about their match on Saturday, also stating that the gym will close at 4PM again that night.

It was around 3PM and Steve was picking at his salad, reading an article about the benefits of CrossFit when a booming voice cut through the noise of the gym. 

“Steve-O!  What’s good my man?”  Steve looked up as Wade Wilson came through the door.  Peter followed behind him, a more subdued expression on his face.

“What’s going on Wade?”  Steve stood up and went around the desk to shake his hand.  He had to hold back laughter as he saw Wade’s old-school workout getup.

“What do you think of my new threads?  Do you think Sam will be impressed?”  Wade gave a twirl to show off the full effect of his tight white shirt, bright yellow shorts with matching shoes and sweatbands.  Peter was dressed much more casually, with a light grey t-shirt and black basketball shorts.  His tennis shoes looked old, but held together with duct tape.

“I tried to talk him out of the clothes, but he refused.”  Peter started.  He gave Steve a smile and returned the handshake from Steve.

“You know, I think it’s rather fitting.”  Sam replied.  He came out from the break room and walked up to the group.  “We should take a picture and make it our profile picture.”

“Yes!  That’d be fantastic!”  Wade squatted and gave his best model’s pose, which was more duck-faced than anything.

“Alright, alright.  Let’s focus on the training before we even think about scheduling a photo shoot.”  Steve turned to Sam.  “You ready to take him on?”

Sam shrugged.  “As ready as I’ll ever be.”  He turned to Wade.  “Let’s go hop on a bike to warm up.”

Wade nodded enthusiastically, but turned to Peter.   “Good luck bro.  If there’s a problem come find me.”  Peter gave him a short nod as Wade clapped him on the back.

“Alrighty!  Let’s pump some iron!”  Wade punched his fist in the air and headed towards the bikes.  Sam heaved a huge sigh and followed behind the excited youth.

Peter turned to Steve, already looking apprehensive.  “Should I go to the bikes too?”

Steve shook his head.  “Actually, I’m gonna have you take a five minute jog on one of the treadmills.  After you finish that, come find me over by the free weights.  And jog lightly, just to loosen up and get your muscles stretched.”

Peter gave a short nod, his jaw clenched.  As he walked away, Steve could only imagine why Peter was so nervous.  He hoped that his routine wouldn’t be too hard for Peter, but Steve could sense some fight in him.

Peter jogged over just as Steve finished setting up.  Peter wasn’t panting or sweating too much, which was a good sign.  However, he still looked terrified.

“Okay Peter I’m going to take you through a 15 minute workout to get your blood pumping.  Every time I blow the whistle, you’ll switch to the next exercise.  One circuit includes 30 seconds each of shadow boxing, jumping rope, pushups, crunches, bicep curls and the military press.  We’ll go through the circuit five times, and then move on.  Sound good?”

Peter nodded, still looking nervous.

Steve gave him an encourage smile.  “Alright let’s get to work,” he said before he blew his whistle.

***

“C’mon Petey!  Imagine the bag as Jameson and he just called your pictures crap!”

Peter grunted at Wade’s encouragement and punched harder.  Steve was impressed as he held the bag so Peter could work on some simple combos.  He was totally in the zone, focused on the bag in front of him.

Peter had gone through the circuit and was on his 5th and final three-minute round against the punching bag.  His technique was sloppy and he was slightly hesitant on where he should lay his punches.  But damn did he work hard.  Steve was glad that he told Peter to bring a spare t-shirt; the light grey cotton material was stained dark as Peter continued to punch.

“Ten seconds Parker.  Let’s go, finish strong!”

Wade, watching off to the side with Sam, cheered and clapped.  Peter gritted his teeth and gave it his all before Steve blew his whistle again.

“Well done Peter,” Steve complimented.  Peter nodded, unable to speak.  He was bent over with his hands on his knees, panting hard.  But unless Steve was mistaken, Peter had a small, proud grin on his face.

Steve grabbed Peter a towel and a water bottle.  “You’ve earned a quick break.  But don’t stop moving, walk around the gym.  Come back after three minutes, we still have work to do.”

Peter gave Steve another nod.  Still trying to catch his breath, he walked away wiping his forehead as he went.

“Wade, you should probably take another break.  Keep Parker company.”  Sam told Wade, nodding him in Peter’s direction.

“Aye, aye Captain.”  Wade gave Sam and Steve a salute and jogged over to Peter.

“That kid is weird,” Sam told Steve.  “Like, weird as in a government experiment gone wrong weird.”  Steve laughed, not doubting Sam’s opinion.

“How did he do with his exercises?  Can you definitely rule out a concussion?

“Oh yeah,” Sam assured him.  “I took him through some basic arm and abs workouts and he’s good to go.  Unless bombarding me with all of the conspiracies he believes in, he doesn’t show any signs of a concussion.”

Steve laughed again, more relieved than before.  “If you want, he can join Peter on his last workout.  I’m just having him go through the circuit twice more.”

Sam nodded.  “Yeah, let’s see how he does with some real work.”  He turned towards the gym and cupped his hands around his mouth.  “Wilson!”  He called over the racket.

Steve watched as Wade stopped and turned to find who called him.  He looked everywhere but at Sam, until Peter yanked him in the right direction.  Steve chuckled as genuine recognition spread over Wade’s face as he and Peter made their way back.

“What’s up buttercup?”  Wade asked.

“I’m gonna put you in Steve’s care and you’ll hop into Peter’s workout.  There’s not much left, but at least you’ll be able to get the blood pumping.”

Wade’s face lit up like fireworks on the Fourth of July.  “Wonderful!  Aw man, this is the best!  Thank you!”  He rubbed his hands together happily and turned to Steve.  “What’s the workout?”

“You’re both going to do the circuit that Peter was working on before, but only for two more times.  Wade, follow along with Peter.  You should be able to keep up, Peter mastered it earlier.  On my whistle.”

Peter and Wade got into position, waiting for Steve.  Checking to make sure they were ready, Steve blew on his whistle and the boys jumped into action.

While Peter shows determination and enthusiasm, Wade has skill and agility to his advantage.  He easily catches onto the workout and is able to complete both circuits without breaking a sweat.

“And stop!  Good job guys, head back to the treadmills for you cool down.  Jog for five minutes, then walk for four.  I’ll check up on you before you finish.”

“No prob, Bob.”  Wade replied and Peter cracked a grin.  The boys walked over to the machines as Sam and Steve picked up the equipment.

“Wade has a lot of potential,” Steve said as he worked.  “I don’t think we need to train or show him anything, he knows what he’s doing.”

“Yeah,” Sam agreed.  “But I was surprised with Peter.  For such a small and shy guy, he sure had a lot of energy and heart.”

Steve nodded.  Watching Peter had been like looking into a mirror of the past.  Steve knew that he pushed Peter and made him work hard. But Peter’s refusal to give up and the vivacity that had radiated from him was so familiar to Steve that he had to pinch himself to stay in the present.

“Steve?  You with me?”  Sam looked at Steve with concern before Steve gave him a smile.

“Yeah, just thinking.  Are you good with picking up the rest?  I’m going to go chat with Wade and Peter.”

Sam nodded.  “I’ll also start letting people know we close in an hour.”

“You are the best, seriously.”

Sam shrugged.  “I try.”  He smiled before grabbing the jump ropes from the ground.

As Steve made his way to Wade and Peter, he was saw and another girl talking to the boys.  He recognized the other girl as Gwen Stacy, one of Darcy’s roller derby teammates.

“I hope you girls aren’t distracting Wade and Peter.”  Steve teased.

“As if,” Wade said.  He flashed Darcy a brilliant smile.  “They’re actually the perfect motivators for us, right Pete?”

Peter didn’t say anything.  He became quiet and withdrawn, but his ears turned bright red.  His eyes were focused on his feet, still not saying a word.

Darcy, who only had eyes for Wade, spoke to Steve.  “Gwen came in early and I thought she should meet the new gym hotties.”  Wade’s grin grew as Peter’s face reddened.

“Well, I know Darcy likes to exaggerate, so I wanted to see if her description of Wade was accurate.”  Gwen smiled at Darcy and Wade, who were still looking at each other.

“Oh, what did she say about me?”  Wade asked, his voice smooth like honey.

“Sorry, gotta uphold the girl code,” Gwen replied.

“But we can see if I’m right if you guys come to our match on Saturday.  After party is here at the gym,” Darcy said sweetly as she battered her eyelashes at Wade.

“Oh you know I’ll be there!  I’ll make signs.  Peter’s an artists, he’ll help.”

“An artist?  That’s so cool!”  Gwen spoke to Peter with a kind smile.  Peter met her gaze with an expression akin to a deer in headlights.  But Gwen, _bless her heart_ Steve thought, still smiled.

“Yeah, he can tell you all about it on Saturday!  You can expect us at the match and party.”  Wade assured Gwen, but still looking at Darcy.

Steve shook his head, but still smiled.  “Okay girls, I need to wrap up with Wade and Peter.  Go do…whatever you do for your team.”

Gwen nodded and smiled.  “It was nice to meet you both.  I’ll see you guys on Saturday!”  She gave Wade and Peter a smile and walked away.  Darcy waggled her fingers at them and followed her friend.

“Oh man, Peter you have it bad for Gwen.”  Wade grinned at his friend, who was still red in the face.

“Shut up!”  He spat at Wade.  “I do not, she’s just really nice.  And her hair looks so soft, and her eyes…” he trailed off, a dreamy expression coming across his face.  He looked at Wade and Steve, who were smirking at him.  “Oh shush!”

Steve laughed.  “Your secret’s safe with me.  But you guys are all done with your workout.  Peter, you did really well today.  You might feel some soreness tomorrow, but if you eat bananas that’ll help.  And Wade, next time you come in we can get you started on a real routine.”

Both of the boys smiled at Steve.  “Thanks!”  Wade said.  “I know I’ll be back tomorrow, but lame-o over here has to do work for his lame-o boss.”  Peter rolled his eyes at Wade. “Well it’s true!”  Wade shot back to Peter.  “Except you don’t call him lame-o, I’m censoring your language for Steve.”

“Alright,” Steve interrupted trying to get them back on track.  “When you guys are done walking you’re all set.  I have the A-Force coming in at 5PM to train, so just make sure you clear out by then.”

“Thanks for your help Steve.”  Wade nodded his head in appreciation.

“Yeah Steve thanks.”  Peter echoed.

Steve smiled.  “I’m glad to help.  I’ll see you guys later.”  He waved and walked towards the check in desk.

Steve promptly stopped in his tracks as he saw Bucky chatting to Sam at the check-in desk.  Even though he was dressed in workout clothes, he was still gorgeous.  He even had his hair tied up in a man bun.  Steve’s personal beliefs on the idiotic man buns went out the window as he took in Bucky’s look.

As if Bucky could sense Steve thinking about him, Bucky turned to Steve and gave him a radiating smile.  Steve’s mouth dried as he attempted to force his face into a friendly expression.  He made his legs walk over to the desk.

“What’s up Bucky?  Are you here to train?”  Steve tried to not feel to upset at the fact that he would have to tell him that he couldn’t stay.

“Well I was,” Bucky started.  “But Sam informed me that Darcy’s roller derby team trains on Wednesdays.”  He shrugged, clearly not upset at the snafu. 

“Yeah, I probably should’ve mentioned something yesterday.  I’m really sorry.”

Bucky gave Steve his dazzling smile.  “It’s no problem.  Sam actually set me up with my membership today, so my trip wasn’t in vain.  And I got to see you again, which is even better.”  He winked at Steve.

Steve, internally screaming like a school girl, gave Bucky a bright smile.  “Oh that’s great!  Tomorrow and Friday we have normal operating hours.  But on Saturday we’re closing early at 4PM.”

“Oh I’ll come in tomorrow.  I need to make up for today.”  Bucky acted put out, but the smile on his face proved otherwise.  “I’ll be back bright and early tomorrow morning.  Thanks, gorgeous.”  He winked again and left.  Steve watched him leave with a happy face, eyes not leaving the door until he heard Sam clear his throat.  Steve looked at him and saw Sam looking disappointed.

“Oh man, Darcy was right.  You _do_ have it bad.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter four! My word-count seems to be increasing as I write each chapter, I really hope to set some sort of word count goal. But I sometimes get so excited about what I'm writing that I can't stop! However I do apologize for the slightly-late posting. I started a new internship last week and I'm trying to get used to my routine. But I will continue to write the saga of Steve embarrassing himself in front of Bucky! Thanks for the continued love, y'all have no idea how much I appreciate it! :)


	5. Chapter 5

“C’mon Steve, what’s the problem? He’s clearly into you.”

Steve sighed.  “Clint, have you been listening at all?”

Clint shrugged.  “Well, Peggy brought our food and I haven’t really focused on anything since.”

Natasha rolled her eyes at him.  The three friends plus Sam were out to eat at a diner down the street.  They have plans every Wednesday to get dinner at Peggy’s while Darcy and her team train at the gym.  Finding a regular joint was difficult, since Natasha was on a strict diet plan and Sam demanded delicious, home-cooked food.

Thankfully, Peggy herself is more than understanding of their needs, and will always have a plate of plain cooked chicken with tons of steamed vegetables ready for Natasha.  And even Sam can’t complain; her homemade meatloaf with gravy is, in his opinion, “better than heaven.” 

While Steve normally digs into his plate of chicken parmesan with gusto, he’s having trouble enjoying it since the topic of discussion has stayed on Bucky.  Once Sam had realized that Steve had a ginormous crush on Bucky, he hadn’t stopped pestering Steve about it.  And since it was the four friends’ weekly outing, Sam had no problem informing Natasha and Clint of the situation.  Since then, Steve had alternated between feeling like a love-sick puppy and a shy turtle.  He was also seriously debating about becoming a monk so he would never have to talk to anyone about this ever again.

“Clint, I thought you didn’t like Bucky.”  Sam asked his accusingly.  “Why are you pushing Steve towards his obnoxious and offensive arms?”

Clint shrugged, his mouth full of burger.  “If Ucky ll make im appy, hen Seve deserves o be appy.”

“Don’t be a pig,” Natasha scolded to Clint, who grinned at her.  She gave him a look of disgust before turning back to Sam.  “And you can’t judge him, you barely know him.”

Clint swallowed and looked at the dubious Sam.  “Yeah, it’s not like we know what kind of guy he is in two days.”

“Oh come on!  You _always_ agree with what she says!” Sam sputtered crossly.

Natasha raised an eyebrow.  “What, are you calling me wrong?”  Her words were casual but her tone dangerously encouraged Sam to question her.  Only people with a death wish would doubt Natasha Romanov.

Sam, still looking displeased, didn’t say a word as he went back to his meatloaf.

Steve sighed again, which caused Natasha to throw down her fork in anger.  Before she could say anything, Peggy came over to check on them.

“How is everyone doing?  Food tasting alright?”  Her English accent was still prevalent in her tone and choice of words, despite moving to the States over six years ago.  But if anything it added to the charm and appeal of her diner. 

“Erryhing is anmasic Peggy.  Ell done, as usual.”

“Clint for God’s sake, chew and swallow before speaking.”

Peggy laughed gently.  “It’s alright.  It’s a wonderful compliment to the chef, who happens to be me.”  She smiled and turned to Natasha.  “Your fight against Yelena Belova is coming up soon right?  We’ll all be rooting for you here.”

Natasha smiled.  “Yeah, in about three weeks from now.  And thank you, I appreciate it.”

The diner owner returned the smile and looked to Steve.  “Steve, you barely touched your chicken parmesan, does it taste alright?”

“Oh yes, sorry Peggy I’m just not super hungry.”  Steve tried to speak with a friendly tone, but it sounded even more pathetic than his pining.

“Oh that’s too bad,” Peggy said with concern.  “How about some of my apple pie, does that sound better?

“At ounds antastic!”

“ _Clint._ ”

Peggy laughed again.  “Extra whipped cream?”

“This is why you’re the best Peggy.”  Sam gave her a wide smile and winked.

She returned the wink to Sam, and gave the table another smile as she went to get their dessert.  After she had gone, Clint raised his eyebrows to Sam.

“What?  She is the best.”  Sam replied defensively.  But he still had his grin on his face.

Clint and Sam dived into a discussion of Yelena’s fighting technique.  Normally Steve would join in, but he continued to push his food around and stayed silent.  He could feel Natasha’s eyes on him, but he didn’t want to meet her stern gaze.

“Your hands are bruised.”

Steve jerked his head up in surprise.

“No they’re not,” he replied, trying to not sound defensive.  He averted his eyes again, avoiding her knowing look.

“Okay maybe not. But they are definitely sore.  Every time you grab the fork, your face tenses in pain.”

Silently cursing he rests his wandering eyes on Natasha’s face.  She didn’t give much away but her lips were pursed in a small frown.

“Well you really do spy on me,” Steve tried to joke.  But Natasha didn’t budge.  He signed, finally giving in.  “Nat…”

“When will you forgive yourself?”

Steve looked down at his plate again, not wanting to see the pity laid out on her face.  Natasha knew all about his former life after a disastrous night out that included premium Russian vodka, tequila, whiskey, drag queens, a rubber duck, Thai food, and a community fountain.

The next day was the only day that Steve wasn’t running his gym; he only left his bed to rush to the bathroom.

But of course, Natasha didn’t miss a day of training and she remembered everything from that night.  She didn’t give any indication about what Steve had confessed to her until one day she recommended that Steve should use a bag of peas instead of ice to decrease the swelling in his hands.

Steve remembers going cold, the fear of someone knowing about his past overwhelming him.  But Natasha only patted his arm after his prolonged silence and gave him a kind smile.  The small gesture had quelled his fears and assured him of her secrecy.

But now Steve struggled to give her an answer.  It’s not like he enjoyed punching a bag over and over again until his hands shook.  But some part of Steve desired to feel control over his body, and to know that no one else would ever be able to tell him what to do and how to do it.  And if hitting an inanimate object quenched that need, then so be it.

Of course Steve couldn’t say this to Natasha – it would make him sound insane.

But before he could come up with his answer, Peggy returned with three slices of apple pie with a healthy dollop of whipped cream on each.  The boys scrambled to grab the plates, everyone knowing that Natasha stayed away from indulgent sweets.

Steve started on his pie, grateful that he was saved from answering Natasha’s question.  Before tasting the flaky pie crust mixed with the sweet apple filling, Natasha gave a sigh.

“Have you ever heard of the saying ‘Там где есть любовь и друзей, Там нет печали’?”

Steve gave her a blank look.  “Natasha, we’ve gone over this.  I don’t speak Russian.”

“It roughly translates to ‘Where there is love and friends, there is no sadness.’”

“Roughly?”

“Shut up, I haven’t been to Russia since I was a little girl.”  Steve laughed, which finally coaxed a small smile out of her.  “But do you see how it applies here?”

Steve shook his head, taking a bite of his dessert.  He may not have his appetite, but he would never refuse a slice of Peggy’s heavenly apple pie.

“Look, you are our friend and we love you; nothing will change that.  But maybe you should consider opening yourself up to some love.  Maybe a special someone could ease some of the hurt you still have.”

Steve snorted quietly.  “Yeah, but seeing how I don’t have the time to date I don’t think that’s possible.”

“Good lord Steve, how much longer are you going to use that excuse? We all know its bullshit.”  Steve gave her a sheepish look but she pushed on.  “And besides, it’s not like there isn’t a new member at your gym who is clearly into you…oh wait there is.”

Steve groaned.  “If you’re talking about Bucky-“

“Of course I’m talking about Bucky!”  She exclaimed.  “You are clearly into him and he obviously has a thing for you.  Take.  A. Chance.”  She emphasized the last three words by banging her fist on the table.  Clint and Sam paused in their conversation to look at her.  Steve quickly looked back to his pie.

“You two alright over there?”  Clint said warily.  He, better than anyone, knew that the dangers of interrupting Natasha included punches to the arms and slaps to the face. 

“Yes, we’re fine,” she replied.  “Just trying to make a point.”

“Well could you make a little less noise?  You’re disturbing my apple pie.”  A glare from Natasha shut Sam right up as he went back to his pie in a more subdued manner.  Clint laughed and turned away as well.  Steve continued to stare down at his pie until he felt Natasha’s hand on his clenched fist.

“Steve,” she said softly.  “Steven Grant, look at me.”  He lifted his head slowly and met her gentle and concerned gaze.  “You have to let the past go.”

“That’s not the problem.”  She stayed silent, waiting for him to continue.  “It’s just…I don’t know if he’s just goofing off or not.  I mean…no one is that forthright with strangers, right?”

“You won’t know until you try. You're a kind and generous man, you deserve to be happy. Give him a chance.”  The words he wanted to say to Clint were being thrown right back in his face, and Steve felt very uncomfortable with it; it’s easier to give advice than take it.

But Steve wouldn’t be a hypocrite, even if he only knew.

“Okay, I’ll see what happens.”  She gave him a bigger grin in victory and he shook his head.  “Why are you always right?”

“Because I’m smarter than you.”  She replied, stealing some of the whipped cream on his plate with her finger and smirking at him. 

***

No matter how hard Steve tried, he was never able to sleep in past 5AM.  He could lie in bed and scream in his mind _GO TO SLEEP, GO TO SLEEP_ but it didn’t do a thing.  Usually he had work he could catch up in the gym or cleaning to do.  But if there was nothing pressing, he opts for a morning jog.

His feet usually took him around Brooklyn.  If Steve can get up early enough to beat the worst of the traffic he’ll try to get across to the Brooklyn Bridge.  But usually Steve can navigate himself around without a preset running path.  The only other people Steve encounters are high-end business men and women who had to get in their work outs before trading stocks on Wall St or whatever rich people did. 

Attempting to not think about Bucky for once he started drafting workouts for some of his members, including Wade and Peter.  He has worked with a lot of people in his life and while he remembers each person, the two friends pop up the most.  He’s eager to get Wade into some more complicated combos and maybe even set up an informal match with someone in the gym.  And Steve can’t wait to see what Peter can do; he’s young and doesn’t have a lot of practice but Steve has a feeling that the youth will surprise and impress a lot of people.

Steve found himself coming around the corner towards his gym when a figure on the street slowed his steps.  Where he lived wasn’t an extremely dangerous place in Brooklyn and Steve was more than confident in his abilities to defend himself, but he wasn’t an idiot; the city is automatically deemed dangerous and desperate people will do desperate things to survive.

As Steve slowed to a walk, he tried to get a closer look at the person sitting right in front of his door without being too obvious.  His heart skipped a beat when he realized the person was Bucky, sitting on a small duffle and rifling through his phone.

Bucky looked up at Steve as he approached and gave him a smile.  “Told ya I’d be early.”

It took Steve a second for Bucky’s words to compute, but when they did…he was still confused. 

“You do realize that I open the gym at 8AM right?”  Steve asked.

Bucky shrugged his grin still in place.  “Kinda figured it out when I saw your hours posted on the door.  I was hoping that you would take pity on me being here so early and let me in. But I didn’t realize you weren’t in yourself.”

“Yeah, I was just out on a run.”

“I can tell.”  Bucky quickly gives him a look over and Steve reddens at the inspection.  But Bucky’s face didn’t look judgmental or disgusted.  “How far did you go?”

Steve rubs the back of his neck. “Uh, not sure.  I left at 5:15 and just got back.  I ran up to the Brooklyn Bridge but traffic was getting a little too busy for my liking.”

Bucky gave him a surprised look.  “You ran all the way up to the bridge?”  His voice sounded incredulous and impressed at the same time.  “That’s not fair, you should be drenched in sweat and it barely looks like you ran through a sprinkler.”

Steve laughed as Bucky shook his head in half-annoyance.  “Genetics?”  Steve offered.

“Whatever man.  I hope you have mops in your gym for wiping up my sweat puddles.”  Bucky replied.  Steve laughed again, which caused Bucky to give his genuine smile to Steve.  At his smile, a crazy idea popped into Steve’s head.

Which probably wasn’t a super crazy idea to everyone, but Steve always thought in extremes.

“There’s a really good diner down the street and I haven’t had breakfast yet.  You hungry?”  Steve tried to not sound like he was going to throw up or act like his heart wasn’t beating like a drum.

Bucky thought for a second, which was the longest second in Steve’s entire life.  “A diner breakfast actually sounds amazing.  Yeah, let’s go.”

Steve grinned.  “Awesome.  If you want, I can lock your duffle in the gym.  Sam and Darcy are the only two that have keys and they won’t touch your stuff.” 

“Oh yeah, that’d be great.  Thanks.”  Steve pulled out his key and unlocked the door.  Bucky unceremoniously tossed his bag in the building and stood off to the side as Steve locked back up.  The deadbolt slid into place and Steve turned to Bucky, who gestured with his hand.

“The diner isn’t a far walk from here, only two blocks away.”  Steve stated as Bucky fell into step next to him.  The brown-haired man nodded.

“Good, I need a cup of coffee stat.”  He said to Steve.  On cue, he gave a huge yawn, his mouth gaping open.  Steve took a closer look at Bucky and saw that he had bags under his eyes with blue and purple shadows to compliment; he looked exhausted. 

“Did you get any sleep?”  Steve asked. 

Bucky shrugged in response.  “Maybe an hour or two.  I mostly dozed.”

“That has to suck.”  Steve said earnestly.  He’s had a couple of sleepless nights, and he remembers how zombie-like he was the mornings after.

“It’s not so bad after you get used to it.” Bucky paused.  “No wait, I take that back.  It sucks no matter what.”  Steve chuckled at the bluntness in his voice as Bucky went on.  “But when you have too many thoughts in your head sometimes it’s just better to occupy yourself.”

Steve nodded, knowing only too well what he meant.  Before he could think of a response, they had arrived at Peggy’s.  Steve held the door for Bucky, who put his hand over his heart.

“Oh my, what a gentleman.”  Bucky pretended to swoon as Steve rolled his eyes.  Bucky snorted and went in the building, Steve not far behind.

The pair picked a booth near the window.  A tired-looking waitress brought them menus and coffee.

“Hey Steve, how’re ya thing morning?”  Her voice matched her appearance but it still had a friendly tone to it.

“Morning, Sharon.  I’m doing alright, how about you?”  He gave Bucky one of the menu but didn’t look at his.

“I’m tired, but what else is new?”  He chuckled at her wry smile.  “D’you want your usual?  With orange juice?”

Steve nodded.  “Yes please, thank you.”  He gave the plastic menu back and looked at Bucky, who already drank half of his coffee.

“Um,” he said.  “I’ll just take two scrambled eggs and wheat toast.  Please and thank you.”  He also gave Sharon his menu, but kept his hand around his coffee mug.  She nodded at them and walked back to the kitchen.  Steve added a few sugar packets to his coffee before looking up at Bucky. 

“Did you even look at your menu?”  He asked.  Bucky gave him a small grin and took another sip of his coffee.

“How often do you come here?”  Bucky asked, dodging Steve’s question with one of his own.  “Sharon knew your name and your order.”

Steve gave Bucky a sheepish look as he held his coffee mug with both hands.  “Yeah, I usually come in at least three times a week.”  Bucky gave him a skeptical look and Steve sighed.  “And order to-go every other night.” 

Bucky laughed softly, and Steve marveled at how normal Bucky was acting.  He wasn’t winking, dropping pick-up lines or making Steve trip over his words.  And Steve was even more impressed and proud that he was able to hold a regular conversation with Bucky without thinking about laying him across the diner table and -  _No Steve, you’re not thinking that today_.

“How’d you find this place?”  Bucky’s voice brought Steve from his thoughts.

“I had just opened my gym and moved into my apartment and I was looking for places to eat.  I didn’t have to walk far and the food is amazing.”  Bucky nodded at Steve after he finished. “It’s not really a huge story, it just happened.  But Peggy, the owner, is really sweet.  She opened the place after she came to America from England.”

“Oh wow.  That must’ve been a huge culture shock for her.”

Steve nodded.  “It was.  She said the slang words here are extremely different than in England. She almost got punched in the face asking for a cigarette once.”

Bucky laughed again and Steve wished he could make Bucky laugh all the time.

Bucky calmed himself down before speaking again.  “So, tell me about your boxing past.”  He saw the look come over Steve’s face and put up his hand.  “If you want, I mean I’m just curious as to how you got into boxing and what made you want to open your own gym.”

Steve still hesitated.  He could hear Natasha’s voice saying _give it a chance_ , and talking about his past seemed like a good place to start.  Even if he was giving Bucky an amended version of his past.

“Well when I was younger, I was really scrawny and skinny.  And I had this problem of getting in fights that I didn’t belong in.”  Steve started.

“What kind of fights?”  Bucky interrupted.

“Just stupid, playground fights with the bullies.  They usually didn’t bother me, but they would pick on people for no reason.  It made me so angry, and I just wanted to defend those who couldn’t.”  He smiled slightly at the memories that came flooding back.  “Even if I couldn’t really defend as much as deflect the punches towards me.

“So, I would come home a lot with bruises and bloody lips.  My mom was always proud of me standing up for others, but my dad would be pissed.  He was a shitty guy, he left us when I was twelve.”  Bucky gave him a pitied look and Steve shook his head.  “It’s fine, he was an asshole. He never hit us or anything, but he was always mad and my parents always argued.

“When I got into high school, I was sick of the bullies actually beating me.  I joined a gym just to bulk up, but it caught the eye of some trainers.  They encouraged me to come on the boxing nights and wanted to see me fight.  I went a couple of times, and those trainers saw potential in me.  So I graduated high school, and instead of going into the military, I signed with them.  But after fighting for four years, I was done.”

Bucky paused, waiting for Steve to continue.  But when it was apparent that Steve’s story ended, he looked confused.

“So you just decided to retire and buy a gym.”

Steve pursed his lips and nodded.  “Yup, pretty much.”  Steve didn’t mention how he was forced to retire and how he would never be able to return to the professional boxing arena, but he decided to leave that out.

“Huh.”  Bucky said, leaning back in the booth.  “Interesting.”  He pondered for a second, tapping his finger to his nose as he did.

Steve sighed.  “What’s interesting?”

“Well the parts about you defending others and standing up to bullies make sense.  I could tell you were a generous and courageous person from when I first met you.”  If Bucky noticed Steve’s face getting red he didn’t say anything.  “But I’m just surprised that you decided to retire at such a young age.”  He paused again, draining his coffee.  “Do you miss it?”

“No.”  Steve’s answer was so automatic and true.  But he thought for a second and backtracked.  “Well, partly no.  I miss some aspects, like the actual fights and the organization and grace that come when you face another boxer in the ring.  But I don’t miss my trainers and I don’t miss the glitz and politics.  And my trainers only cared about me making as much money as possible, even if it meant doing crazy and stupid endorsements.”

“Why didn’t you try to find different trainers?  Or why didn’t you quit?”  Bucky’s voice still sounded confused but not judgmental.

“I’m stubborn.”  Bucky grinned as Steve shrugged his shoulders.  “I just didn’t want to flat out quit because some people were being bullies.  That’s how I got into fighting.”  Steve took a sip of his coffee, quenching his dry throat.  While he didn’t give his complete story that was the most that he has talked about his past life to anyone in a while. 

The silence lingered as Sharon brought over their plates.  Bucky’s plate has his eggs and toast, and Steve’s much larger plate held three eggs, pancakes, bacon, sausage, hash browns, and fruit.  Bucky just started as Steve reached for the maple syrup.

“What?  I ran this morning!”  Steve tried to justify his large breakfast as Bucky shook his head and grabbed the ketchup.

The men ate for a few minutes, enjoying the love and butter that went into their food.

“So,” Steve started as he finished a piece of bacon.  Bucky was nursing another cup of coffee as he met Steve’s gaze.  “What’s your backstory?  How did you get into boxing?”

Bucky looked back down to his coffee, not saying anything.  He didn’t speak for so long that Steve was nervous he crossed some line.  He battled internally on whether he offended Bucky.  But when Bucky looked up he didn’t look upset or hurt.

“It’s kind of confusing at first.  But long story short I was born here in Brooklyn.  My parents emigrated from Russia, and when I was four they decided to move back to their families.  So I grew up in Moscow with my parents and sister.  But I was a bad kid, and by the time I turned 16 my parents threw me out of the house.  I ended up living with friends who were into these underground boxing fights.  I went with them, and I knew I could beat those amateurs.  So for about three more years I fought in warehouses, parking garages, anywhere.”  He gestured around with his hand to emphasize that those matches took place in many places as Steve looked on enraptured.  “The police would come and break up the fights, but I usually was able to get away before they could catch me.  So of course, I was in the middle of a fight when the police came and they busted me for breaking & entering and battery.  I’m sitting in the station, ready to be booked when an officer tells me that I wasn’t going to be arrested but instead I was being turned over to this other guy.”  Steve noticed how Bucky clenched his coffee mug tighter at the mention of the man in his story.  “He said that I could either go and fight professionally with him or go to jail.  Easy decision, right?”  Bucky shook his head.  He took a deep breath and his hands relaxed.  He saw Steve’s concerned face and smiled.  “In Russia, you don’t get the stranger-danger talks at school.  They tell you if a stranger offers you a job or food, you take it no problem.”  He tried to joke but his humor didn’t quite reach his eyes.  “So, I stayed in Russia and boxed.  But I had enough, left and flew to America.  Brooklyn seemed like a good place to start, since that’s what my parents did.”  He stopped for a second and looked thoughtful.  “I think I had been back for about a month when I came to your gym this week.”

“Oh wow, so you couldn’t stay away.”  Steve teased.  The smile that came across Bucky’s face looked more genuine, which made Steve smile in return.  He noticed how Bucky dodged around how he quit boxing, but Steve wasn’t going to press him for information.  He’s not one to talk about keeping some secrets close.

Sharon came over with the bill which Bucky quickly snatched up.  “My treat.”  Before Steve could protest, he added.  “You can get the next one.”  The butterflies in Steve’s stomach picked up as he smiled over to Bucky.

Bucky downed the last of his coffee and they left the diner.  More people were up and out as Steve and Bucky walked back to the gym.

“What’s your plan at the gym today?”  Steve asked.

Bucky chewed on his lip thoughtfully before answering.  “Well, I do have an idea in mind...”

Steve inwardly cringed, ready for whatever sex joke Bucky was going to quip.

“I think I want you to be my trainer.”

Steve turned his head to Bucky, completely caught off guard.  Bucky was staring down at his feet, still chewing on his lip.

“What?  I can’t be your trainer.  I, I…”  Steve tried to come up with a coherent reason but the shock at Bucky’s request muddled his brain.  “Bucky, I have no experience.  And I’ve never seen you fight.”

Bucky snorted.  “What, you scared I’m gonna suck?”  Steve turned beet red and tried to come up with a response but Bucky continued.  “Look, I know this makes no sense and it’s really crazy of me to ask you, since I’ve only known you for three days.  And I am really far away from participating in any sort of matches, even if that’s something I want to get back to.  But I have a weird, good feeling about you.  I think you are the perfect person to help me right now.”

“But Bucky,” Steve said.  He was still surprised and, if he was being honest, honored.  But before he could think of different practices, cold reason was making its way into Steve’s head and explanations and excuses were coming to Steve.

“Bucky, I have no proper training.  How would I know if I was leading you in the right way?”

Bucky grinned at him.  “And that’s exactly why you would be perfect. You’ve never done this before, I’ve never done this before.  Well, like this anyway.  And you do too have experience you were a professional boxer yourself.  Don’t be so critical of yourself.”

Bucky’s compliment sent Steve’s heart a flutter, but he pushed down the giddiness for a moment to think.  More reasons to say no were coming in his head, but Bucky’s determined face was proving hard to reject.

“This makes no sense,” Steve muttered, still trying to make a decision.

“I know,” Bucky nodded in agreement.  “But let’s take a chance.”

 _Take a chance_ , Natasha’s voice came into Steve’s head again.  He looked at Bucky’s earnest face and made his decision.

“Okay, I think I have a compromise.  I don’t think I can be your trainer right now.  But I can work with you every day.  However,” he held his finger up as Bucky grinned.  “We have to set up specific times that will work for both of us, because I still have a gym to run and other people to work with.  And we’ll also have to set up specific guidelines and rules, but more or less I will be like your unofficial trainer.  Do we have a deal?”

Bucky nodded, his grin almost covering his whole face.

“Let’s shake on it then,” Steve said, holding his hand out.

Bucky just looked down at it and, still smiling, rolled his eyes.  “You’re such a punk,” he said.  But he still met Steve’s hand with his own.

 “Jerk,” Steve replied.  But he returned Bucky’s smile as they shook on their agreement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear every time I make the chapter plans I always assume that the word count will not be as long. But here we are! Thanks to everyone for the nice things about Chapter 4! I will admit I had to use Google translate for Natasha’s quote, so I apologize if that’s not correct. I think this chapter is a little bit more structured and flows a little easier, but let me know if there is anything super wrong with it! :)


	6. Chapter 6

The gym is packed for a Saturday with men and women eager to train and become stronger.

 

But Steve is slightly annoyed to see that almost all of those people had abandoned their workouts to observe the action occurring in the center ring.

 

It could be Steve’s fault, seeing how he set up and worked with Bucky at this spot, but deep down he knows that the central location in the gym didn’t draw the people in. 

 

It was the man moving with such grace and power within the ring that drew in the spectators.

 

Steve couldn’t blame them for watching.  He himself was captivated with Bucky while he fought.  The members watching outside the ring saw a ruthless and experienced boxer, going through advanced combos with ease.  His movements were as quick as a cobra, as precise as a bullseye, and Steve personally could feel the years of experience that came from Bucky as he wore the mitts for Bucky to hit.

 

But what everyone missed out on was the most impressive feat that Bucky exhibited.  His emotional state while fighting is what all boxers aim to reach.  Steve can feel the anger and fury in each punch that Bucky throws.  But he is able to exert control over them.  He channels those emotions, but he is able to rein them in so he won’t become a victim to the feelings.

 

And the emotionless expression on Bucky’s face masks the war going on within him, which makes his feat all the more impressive and terrifying.

 

Steve only knows of one other person who has this much skill in the mental and physical battle of boxing, and she is sitting ringside with Clint by her side.

 

Since Bucky has started training and working out in the gym, Natasha and Clint have made an effort to get to know him.  If Natasha runs through drills by herself, Clint will amble over to see what Bucky and Steve are working on.  He’ll talk to Steve and Bucky while they work out, and Bucky won’t have any problem keeping up with the conversation.  And Natasha will take time out of her busy schedule to watch Bucky spar, which she won’t do for anyone.

 

So despite the terrible first impression Bucky made, Steve believes that Bucky is starting to grow on Natasha and Clint.

 

Steve wishes he could say the same for Sam.

 

He knows that Sam is currently sitting at the check in desk, refusing to watch Bucky train.  Steve can’t even get too mad, because Sam is actually doing his job.  But he desires that Sam would make some attempt to get to know Bucky.  Anytime the new member walks in, Sam ignores him and works with other people.   Even if nobody needs help and there is no work to do, Sam will claim that the windows need cleaning or that the desk should be reorganized.

 

When Sam took to replacing every light in the gym and cleaning the blades in all of the fans, Steve wanted to call him out on his act.  But Steve didn’t want to cause conflict and upset his friend.

 

Besides Steve had other important things to focus on right now, which included the fists flying into his face.

 

“Okay, Bucky.  Keep going, thirty seconds left.  Fight on, push through, let’s go!”  Steve clapped the mitts on his hand together and held them up to Bucky.  The boxer didn’t give any indication that he heard Steve, but the force that came from him was a good enough answer.  The sweat was dripping down his face, and continued down his chest.  The top half of Bucky was bare, except for a compression sleeve on his left arm.  Steve wasn’t sure if it was from a past injury or a comfort thing, but it was working for Bucky.

 

“C’mon Bucky!  Go for a knockout!  But don’t kill Steve!”  Cheered Wade.

 

Steve gave a small smile as he heard Wade cheering, but he kept his focus on Bucky.  The constant dodging and punches were incredible, and Steve was lucky that he had a front row seat to the show.

 

“And time!”  Steve reached forward and set his hands on Bucky’s shoulders as Bucky relaxed his stance.  The spectators around the ring clapped and whistled as Bucky regained control of his breathing.

 

“Well done Bucky!  Way to use your muscular arms!” Darcy yelled.  Bucky cracked a grin and offered Steve his fist.  Steve bumped it with his own, a smile spreading across his face.

 

“Yeah, what she said.”  Steve told Bucky.  He grabbed a towel from the ropes and tossed it to Bucky.  “Go cool down, I’ll meet up with you in a sec.”

 

Bucky nodded, immediately wiping the sweat off his face.  “Thanks Steve.”  He gave Steve a wink and strolled to the ropes.  He exited the ring where Wade and Darcy were standing.  Peter and Gwen were with them, and the group gave a collected cheer when Bucky came close.  Wade extended a hand to Bucky and pulled him into a quick bro-hug.

 

Steve tried not to stare, but he couldn’t help watch the movement of muscles in Bucky’s arms and shoulders as Bucky returned Wade’s gesture.  He tried not to think about those arms wrapping around Steve in a tight embrace –

 

“Earth to Steve!”  Steve shook his head and glanced over to where Natasha and Clint were watching him.

 

“What?  Sorry did you say something?”  Steve composed his face into polite confusion, but one look at Natasha and Clint’s expression made him realize that he wasn’t fooling anyone.

 

“Oh, we were just going to ask if you wanted us to start moving benches for the party tonight.  But if you’re too busy, we can ask later.”  Natasha’s suggestive voice made Steve redden and Clint sniggered.

 

Steve cleared his throat before responding.  “No, no that’s good.  I’ll get Sam to help you.  I’m gonna wrap up with Bucky and then I’ll be back.”

 

“Okie-dokie!”  Clint called before walking away.  Steve glanced over to Sam and saw him watching.  He got up and nodded at Steve’s wordless question to aid Natasha and Clint.  Steve gave him a grateful smile that Sam did not return.

 

Feeling somewhat defeated by Sam’s behavior, Steve walked over to where Bucky was cooling down on a bike.  Bucky smiled as Steve approached him.

 

“Well done today, Bucky.”  Steve said, matching Bucky’s grin.  “I could see how you incorporated some of the new stances I told you about.  What did you think?”

 

“Oh yeah, it was a huge change.”  Bucky said.  The pitch of his voice was rougher due to the strenuous workout, and it did wonders for Steve.  But he pushed those thoughts aside to focus on Bucky’s words.  “I definitely felt more stable and grounded.  I think it’ll be a good starting stance, but when I have to go in for my attacks I’ll have to switch out of it.”

 

Steve nods, understanding the logic.  “Yeah, and if you find that it doesn’t feel right, you can just go back to what you were doing before.”

 

“No way man.”  Bucky said, shaking his head.  “Its good advice, it’d be stupid of me not to take it.”  He looked around Steve to see Natasha, Clint & Sam moving equipment.  “You guys redecorating?”

 

“No, Darcy has a roller derby match tonight & I offered to host the after party.”

 

“Oh, cool.”  Bucky replied.  “I don’t think I’ve ever seen a roller derby match.”

 

“Really?”  Steve asked.  “Do they have teams in Russia?”

 

Bucky shook his head.  “Not that I know of.”

 

Steve hesitated.  His immediate instinct told him to invite Bucky to the game and party.  But the negative Nancy in his head told him that Bucky had better plans and wouldn’t want to hang out with Steve.

 

Before those thoughts could convince Steve, he said “You should totally come tonight.  I mean, if you don’t have any plans.”  Steve spoke quicker than normal and gestured unnecessarily with his hands.  He realized what he was doing and immediately clenched his hands behind his back.

 

Bucky watched his antics with an amused expression.  But he at least showed some interest.  “Really?  Are you going to be there?”

 

Steve nodded enthusiastically.  “Yeah, and Natasha and Clint and Sam too.  I even think Wade and Peter will be there.”  He hesitated, his nerves getting the better of him again.  But he pushed through. “And you’re more than welcome to come to the after party.”

 

Bucky gave Steve a concerned look.  “No. I wouldn’t want to intrude on the team and you guys.”

 

“Nonsense,” Steve replied, waving his hand at Bucky’s reasoning.  _Enough with the hands, Rogers_ he thought before shoving his hand in his pocket.  “The party is for all of A-Force’s supporters.  And since it’s in my gym, I say you are more than welcome to come.”

 

Bucky ponders the idea for a minute before giving Steve a smile.

 

“Alright, you’ve convinced me.  But I’ll have to meet you there, I gotta run home and shower quick.”

 

Steve’s heart soared and he grinned.  “Great!  Give me a sec and I’ll write down the address of the rink.”

 

“Nah, I’ll just give you my number and you can just text me.  Save the environment and all that jazz.”  The machine Bucky was on beeped, and he dismounted.  He turned away from Steve and bent down into his bag.  Steve tried to not watch the Bucky’s back muscles and memorize their movements.

 

“Oh, cool.”  Steve tried to sound nonchalant, but he was on Cloud Nine.  Bucky turned back and shrugged his shirt on.  He grabbed the phone from Steve and typed quickly.

 

“There, I’m listed under _OG Boxer_ for obvious reasons.  Shoot me a text.”  Bucky gave back Steve’s phone and shouldered his duffle’s strap.  Steve smiled and rolled his eyes.  “I’ll see you later Rogers.”  Bucky called over his shoulder as he walked out the door.

 

Steve gave a small wave and watched Bucky leave.  He turned around to see Natasha, Clint and Sam watching him.

 

“Smooth.”  Clint said, crossing his arms.  “You’re a real sweet talker.  Teach me your ways, _please_.”  Natasha and Sam laughed and Steve glared at the trio.

 

“Just shut up and move those tables out of the way.  We have a party to set up for.”

 

***

“Go A-Force!  Juice the Justice!  Juice the Justice!  Juice the Justice!”

 

“Wade, that makes no sense.”

 

“Parker, we’ve been over this.  You’re in charge of the posters, and leave the chanting to me.  We’ll get this crowd going soon.”

 

Sam leaned towards Steve.  “Seriously, this kid is weird,” he whispered.  “I think he’s had too many hits to the head.”

 

Steve laughed in agreement.  He and his friends were waiting for the A-Force’s roller derby match to start against the Justice League.  Steve and Sam were sitting next to Wade and Peter with Natasha and Clint sitting behind them. Wade and Peter were both holding poster boards with “clever” words of encouragement for the team.  While the art on the posters was fantastic and tasteful, some of the sayings didn’t really make sense.  But pointing this out to Wade was pointless, as he was dead-set on starting a chant with the crowd.

 

“Wade,” Sam started.  “I have to agree with Peter.  ‘Juice the Justice’, while a clever play on words, doesn’t make sense.”

 

“Well it would’ve it Peter had gone with the design I wanted for the poster!”

 

“I didn’t think it would be appropriate to put tiny people in blenders.  Especially since a lot of the people here can kick our asses.”  Peter retorted.

 

Wade opened his mouth to speak, but a loud voice over the speakers spoke first.

 

“Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to our friendly match between the Justice League and the A-Force.  Make some noise!”

 

The crowd cheered and screamed in response. Whistles pierced the air, and Wade waved his poster higher.

 

“Alright, put your hands together for the Justice League!  Led by Diana ‘Wonder Woman’ Prince!”

 

 Blurs of blue skated around the rink, fists pumping and arms waving towards the crowd.  But when they passed by the A-Force supporters, the fans booed and hissed.  Above the din, Steve could hear Wade cry “we’re gonna juice you!”

 

“Let’s give an equally warm welcome for the A-Force, captained by Jennifer ‘She-Hulk’ Walters!”

 

The fans rose to their feet and cheered as loud as possible as the terrifying and strong women skated around.  Steve could make out Darcy and Gwen skating next to each other, Darcy’s face a mask of concentration.  Steve made sure to clap extra hard for his employee, and he was pretty sure she gave him a wink as she went by.

 

“Alright folks, we’re gonna get going in a few minutes here.  Captains, meet in the middle to shake hands!”

 

“Oh good, I didn’t miss anything.”

 

A voice by Steve’s ear made him jump a foot in the air, and he turned to see Bucky sliding into the seat next to him.  Bucky gave Steve his genuine smile that made the butterflies in Steve’s stomach do backflips.

 

“Hey, you made it!”  Steve returned the smile.  “Just in time too.”

 

“Yeah, took me a little longer to get here than I thought.  But I’m here, so things are infinitely way better.”  He winked as Sam scoffed on the other side of Steve.  “Oh hey Sam.  Didn’t see you sulking there, how’re you doing?”

 

Sam shot Bucky a look, but still nodded in greeting.  He turned his attention back to the rink, despite the lack of action happening.  Bucky gave Steve a puzzled look, but Steve just shook his head.

 

“So since you’ve never seen a roller derby match, I’m assuming you have no idea what the rules are.”  Steve asked Bucky, eager to change the subject.

 

“No, all I know is that the girls wear skirts, skate around and shove each other.”

 

“Well, that’s pretty accurate of what actually happens.”  Steve credited Bucky, which made him smile.  “But just to give you a quick rundown, there are two thirty minute halves.  There are two-minute series of play called jams, and each team has to earn as many points in the jam.”

 

“How do they earn points?”  Bucky asked.  A whistle pierced throughout the rink, and Steve turned to see the women assemble on the rink.

 

“Well, they’re about to start a jam now.  But one player, called the jammer, from each team has to skate through the pack of blockers.  Once a jammer initially passes the blockers, they have to skate around the rink and every time the jammer passes an opposing team member they earn a point.”  Steve pointed down to where two girls were lined up behind the rest of the women on the rink.  “That’s where the two jammers start, and Gwen is one of the jammers for the A-Force.  The blockers start after the first whistle, and the jammers follow with the second whistle.”  As if on command, the refs blew their whistles and the main pack of players took off.

 

“What do the blockers do?”  Bucky asked loudly.  He raised his voice over the noise of the crowd and kept his eyes on the rink.

 

“Pretty much what it sounds like.  Their job is to keep the other team’s jammer from passing.  That’s where a lot of the shoving and pushing comes in.  But there are rules and areas where you can’t hit.”  The second whistle sounded, and Steve watched as Gwen and the Justice League’s jammer skated.  Steve paused in his explanation to watch her weave through and easily pass the crowd of blockers.  Steve admired their skills and tactics, and Gwen’s successful passing proved how hard their team worked.  Steve clapped as Gwen started to pull away from the blockers and almost reach the tail end of the group.

 

“Now since Gwen passed through the blockers before the other jammer, she is now the lead jammer.  This means that she can call off the jam before the two-minute mark if she decides to.”

 

“Why would she do that?”  Bucky asked curiously, still keeping his eyes on the action.

 

“Well, if she scores enough points they might call it off so they can change positions.  They can also prevent the other jammer from scoring any points.  There are a lot of other reasons, but it gets really technical and specific to the situation.”

 

“Huh.  I guess that makes sense.”  Bucky watched Gwen pass through the blockers again and clapped along with the crowd.  He heard a big whoop and looked over to see Peter standing up and clapping.  Wade was looking at Peter with an elated look on his face, with Natasha and Clint also looking up at him in happy surprise.  Steve’s grin widened and he looked at Bucky.

 

Bucky, oblivious to the action happening next to him, continued to watch the skaters.  He smiled as he watched Darcy aggressively block the Justice League’s jammer from passing.  He heard the whistle blow and looked around at the time clock. 

 

“Wait, there’s still 30 seconds left in the jam.”  Then a look of comprehension dawned on his face.  “Unless Gwen stopped the jam early?” 

 

Steve smiled and nodded.  “Yes!  And good use of the terminology.”

 

Bucky gave him a smile that made Steve’s inside glow.  “Well, I have a good teacher.”  He turned back to watch the teams reassemble, so he missed the stupid grin that crossed Steve’s face.

 

***

The noise in Steve’s gym almost matched the noise in the rink after A-Force had won their match against Justice League.  Or, as Wade will continue to chant, “You juiced the justice!”

 

Steve had gone back to the beers to grab a refill for himself.  He left Bucky and Clint alone, but Steve wasn’t worried.  He glanced their way, and saw them talking animatedly to each other.  Steve saw Clint clench his fist and turned it, undoubtedly showing Bucky a gripping technique.

 

Steve decided to let them bond, and his eyes drifted around the gym.  He let Wanda Maximoff use a blackboard to go over new plays and tactics with her brother Pietro, the team’s manager.  He watched them argue and gesture at the board as some of the other players looked on. 

 

Taking a sip of his beer, he also saw Peter and Gwen talking.  Steve smiled to himself, seeing how well they were getting along.

 

“Rogers, what’s good my man?”  Wade came up from behind and clapped Steve on the back.  Steve nodded and pointed his bottle in Peter and Gwen’s direction.

 

“Just watching Peter and Gwen hit it off.  They seem to really connect with each other.”

 

Wade huffed before replying “Yeah, he deserves some good in his life.”

 

Steve turned to him questioningly. “What do you mean?”

 

Wade hesitated, taking a sip of his own drink.  “I’ll tell you, but just don’t mention it to him.  He’d probably kill me if he knew, but I know you won’t be malicious to him.”

 

Steve looked at Wade in confused apprehension.  “Hey, if you don’t want to tell me, that’s okay.  I won’t budge.”

 

Wade shook his head.  “Nah, you should know.  You’re going to be working with us for a while.  And he won’t really kill me or hate you or anything.  It’s just a long, sad story.

 

“Peter’s parents were killed in a car crash when he was nine.  He had to move here to live with his aunt and uncle.  He came to my school, and he was this tiny, scrawny kid.  I mean, we all were, but he just seemed smaller and weaker than the rest of us.  So a lot of kids beat him up, trying to find his breaking point.  We had no idea about his parents, and if we did I want to say that we wouldn’t have picked on him.”  Wade shook his head.  “I never went in on him, but I didn’t stop my friends who did.  And I don’t think I will forgive myself for the pain that they caused him.”  He paused, his normally goofy face filled with regret.

 

“But, I mean he must’ve forgiven you,” Steve started quietly.  “You guys are best friends now, right?”

 

Wade nodded, a small smile creeping on his face.  “Yeah, a few years after he moved, someone who wasn’t my friend started to beat up on him.  Something in me snapped and I tackled the kid.  Some weird possessive thing inside me came alive and I tried to justify that it wasn’t one of my friends that tried to beat up Peter, so that didn’t make it okay.  I was a moron, because anybody beating up Peter wasn’t okay, but I don’t think I was ready to tell my friends that.

 

“So, I get suspended for two days, and when I come back to school none of my friends would talk to me.  I will admit I was upset because I had known these people for years.  And for them to easily completely turn their backs on me just because I stood up for someone else hurt a lot.  But at lunch, Peter sat down next to me and started talking about spiders.”  Wade huffed out a laugh.  “I mean, that kid could’ve gone on for days talking about spiders.  He loved them.  He still loves them, it’s really fucking creepy.”  Steve laughed, and Wade shook his head in disgust.

 

“We became best friends, and he was more true and genuine than any of my friends that I had before.  We went through middle and high school, not having a care in the world.  After graduation, he was going to go to School of the Art Institute in Chicago for photography and I was going to the University of Illinois for political science.”  Wade’s face dropped a little before continuing.  “Then his uncle got shot the summer after graduation.”

 

“Oh my god,” Steve said horrified.

 

Wade nodded solemnly.  “Yeah, it was a robbery gone terribly wrong.  But it messed Peter up bad.  He didn’t go to school, and I almost didn’t go.  But he pushed me to go, didn’t want to hold me back.  Peter had to stay home and take care of his aunt.  She went off the deep end after and, putting it nicely, she’s a mental case.  But he stayed, and gave up a life to take care of her.”  Wade stopped, and Steve saw him bite his lip.  He took a deep breath through his nose before continuing.

 

“I only did two years at the university, and I decided to transfer home.  Peter made me swear that I truly wanted to come home for myself, and I didn’t leave school because of him.  Which was true but not really.  I missed my best friend, and I missed everything here.”  Wade shrugged.  “So now, Peter is working as a freelance photographer, selling pictures to newspapers so he can make some money.  The state pays for the home he lives in with his aunt, and the medical bills that come with it.  But that’s all he does – when he’s done working, he has to go home and work even more.”

 

A grave silence hung over the pair as Wade finished his tale.  Steve was disturbed and saddened at Peter’s tragic past, but still surprised at how down-to-earth and normal he seemed.  Although Steve knows how easy it is to put on a brave and happy façade.

 

“Wade, I am so sorry.  I know-“

 

“Wait.”  Wade interrupted, a little sternly in Steve’s opinion.  But he closed his mouth as Wade spoke.  “I know it’s terrible, and I know you might have deep sympathy for Peter.  But please don’t say anything about it.  He doesn’t want pity, trust me I know.”

 

Steve nodded, shoving down the condolences he wanted to speak.  They lapsed into another silence, somewhat tenser than before.  But Steve noticed that Wade didn’t look angry, just sorrowful.

 

“You’re a good friend to him Wade.  I haven’t known you guys for long, but I can tell that he is thankful for your friendship.”

 

Wade gave a small smile.  “It’s funny, because you’re not the first person to say that to me.  My parents, teachers, community members, they all told me that I was a good friend for standing by him and being there for him.  They made it sound like it was this huge favor or commitment I was giving to Peter.  But he is the nicest, most generous person I’ve ever been honored to be friends with.  I sometimes might be annoyingly friendly with him or protective, but I know he would make ten times the effort for me if the situations were reversed.  So staying his friend was, and is, a no-brainer.”

 

Steve was silent, touched by the brotherhood that was between Wade and Peter.  The term ‘best friend’ didn’t cover the level of their friendship, and Steve felt privileged to know both Wade and Peter.

 

“You’re a good man, Wade.”  Steve held his beer bottle towards Wade, and Wade clinked his own with Steve’s.

 

“Thanks Rogers.  Now changing topics real quick, how can I get Darcy to go on a date with me?”

 

Steve, resisting the urge to roll his eyes, thought for a second.  “Offer to take her out to a real Italian restaurant.  Fancy wine, homemade pasta and a fresh cannoli are her weaknesses.”

 

Wade grinned at Steve.  “Excellent.  Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a girl to woo.”  He walked away with a swagger in his step, and Steve sniggered as he left.  He looked over and saw Bucky walking towards the coolers.

 

“What’s so funny Steve?”  Bucky asked.  He looked to where Steve was watching and saw Wade heading towards Darcy.  “Oh, wait never mind.  It makes sense.”

 

Steve laughed loudly.  Steve could still feel the grief from Wade’s story, but Bucky’s presence was able to lift some of that grief.

 

“Did you have a good time tonight?”  Steve asked Bucky.

 

“Oh yeah,” Bucky said excitedly.  “Everything was awesome.  It’s such an intense sport, but everyone is chill and relaxed at the same time.”

 

“Don’t let Jennifer hear you say that, she’ll sit you down and lecture on the seriousness of it all.”  Steve warned him, but his smile got in the way of his caution.

 

Bucky grinned at him again.  “Oh I’ll keep it hush-hush.  Thanks for inviting me, I had a really great time.”  He paused, rolling his own bottle of beer in his hands.  “And thanks for all of the help you’ve given me.  I know we’ve only been ‘training’ for three days, but I’ve learned a lot. I feel like a better boxer.”

 

Bucky’s praise made Steve glow, but he knew that Bucky would get to it on his own.  He turned to say that to him, but Bucky was staring at him with such an intense look of gratitude that all thoughts flew from Steve’s mind.  He looked back into Bucky’s eyes, nearly getting lost in the storm-grey pools.

 

“Hey,” a voice brought Steve back to reality, and he thought he saw Bucky jump in surprise too.  Steve turned to see Natasha standing with her hands on her hips.

 

“I think I’m gonna take off, have you seen Clint?”  She asked both Steve and Bucky, her eyes flitting between the pair.

 

“When I left him, he said he was going to get the $20 that Sam owed his from the game.”  Bucky replied.  “And I think that was about five minutes ago.”

 

“Ahh,” Natasha said.  She looked at Bucky with a thoughtful expression on her face.  “Спасибо,

зима воин.”

 

Bucky froze at the Russian language.  His eyes widened and his fists clenched.  Steve looked at Natasha in confusion.  “What did you say?” Steve asked.

 

She ignored him, still watching Bucky.  “Твой секрет в безопасности со мной,” she spoke.  With her words, Bucky relaxed slightly, although his face was still pale and he looked shaken.

 

“What did you say to him?” Steve repeated his question to Natasha urgently.  He didn’t want to get mad, but he would if Natasha was going to upset Bucky.

 

“Ask him.”  Natasha said, shrugging her shoulders.  “I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

 

“Natasha!”  Steve called, but she continued to walk away.  He went to go after her, but a hand on his arm help him back.

 

“It’s okay.  She didn’t say anything bad.”  Bucky waiting until Steve was facing him again before he smiled.  “I’m good, I’m just overreacting.”

 

“Are you sure?” Steve asked, concern seeping into his voice.  He didn’t like the way Natasha’s words affected Bucky so severely, but he wasn’t going to push Bucky.

 

Bucky nodded, still smiling.  “I’m good.  Thanks Steve.”  He looked down at his hand still holding Steve’s arm and pulled it away sheepishly.  Bucky rubbed behind his neck and looked around.  “I think I might take off though, it’s getting pretty late.  But I’ll still be in tomorrow?”

 

Steve nodded, not able to say much.  Bucky smiled and waved as he walked away.  Steve just stood there, confusion and concern spreading through his body.  He didn’t want to worry about Bucky, he didn’t want to blow things out of proportion. 

 

But he couldn’t ignore Bucky’s lingering hand on his arm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ta Da! Next chapter, things are changing, even if just a little!!! Thank you so much for the love from Chapter five, you guys rock! :)


	7. Chapter 7

“You know people usually sleep in on Sundays, right?  They don’t wait outside the door of my gym before I open.”

 

“Oh, are you talking about the slackers?  Also known as losers and failures?  You know, early bird gets the-“

 

“I know, I know.  Just get inside.”  Bucky grinned in victory as he stepped over the threshold of the gym.

 

Steve actually slept in a little on Sunday, seeing how people didn’t filter out of the party until 2AM.  But he was only given an extra half hour of sleep, getting up at 5:30AM.  He had groggily made his way downstairs to start a pot of coffee, groaning at the exercise equipment still strewn around the gym.  He returned upstairs to show and get ready, and by the time he got back down Bucky was sitting outside his door again.

 

Seeing how it was the third day in a row that Bucky had been found sitting outside, the surprise had worn off.  But the warm and happy feeling that Steve got every time still made an appearance.  And Steve wasn’t about to have Bucky sit outside in the cold (even if it was a cool 55◦F.)

 

“Coffee’s in the back if you want some.”  Steve called over his shoulder as he re-locked the door.  “But unfortunately, our French chef is off today, so no fancy quiche.”

 

“Ha ha.”  Bucky said sarcastically.  “Well, you’re lucky I picked up muffins on the way.”  He dropped a paper bag on the front check in desk and made a beeline for the coffee. 

 

“Oh, I was totally kidding about the chef.  I could’ve had something to eat upstairs.”

 

“Yeah, I know.”  Bucky rolled his eyes over his coffee cup. 

 

“Thanks Bucky.  This is awesome.”  Steve opened the bag and peered inside.  Six muffins sat inside, their heavenly scent wafting into Steve’s face.  “Is that blueberry? And banana nut?”

 

“Yeah, I wasn’t sure what you liked, so I got a selection.”  Bucky shrugged, as if buying an assortment of freshly-baked muffins was a normal thing to do.  Steve shook his head incredulously.

 

“What?”  Bucky asked.  “Are they gross?”

 

“No, they smell amazing.  It’s just-” Steve wanted to say how sweet and thoughtful this was of Bucky, and that he was super cute and his eyes were really dream.  But Steve wasn’t that crazy, so he tried to tie in all the sentiments into short and sweet words.  “This is really nice, thanks Bucky.”

 

Bucky gave him his genuine smile that made Steve’s heart flip.  “It’s the least I could do.”  He walked over and reached his hand into the bag that Steve was still holding.  Steve’s heart fluttered when Bucky’s hand brushed against his through the paper.  “I mean, you let me in early and give me coffee.  Getting you breakfast is nothing.”  Bucky grabbed a muffin and strolled over to a chair and sat down.

 

Steve put down the bag and grabbed a blueberry muffin.  “Well, if you don’t mind I could use a hand moving the benches and equipment back to their normal spaces before I open.  But don’t feel obligated.”

 

Bucky gave Steve a look of fake annoyance.  “Okay, that’s where I cross the line.”  Steve laughed, and Bucky took another bite of his muffin.  As he was chewing, Steve noticed a crumb that got caught at the corner of his mouth.

 

“You got a little muffin here.”  Steve pointed, which prompted Bucky to stick his tongue out and clean off his own mouth.  _Oh my_ , Steve thought as he watched.  It only took him a split second to realize what he was doing, and he shook his head free of his dirty thoughts.  _Not today Steve, not today_.

 

“So, what else are you doing today besides being here?”  Bucky asked Steve, who just shrugged back.  “There’s this movie I’ve been dying to see, and it would be cool if you could come too.  If you’re free.”  Bucky added the last sentence a bit hastily, but he still sounded cool and casual. 

 

 _Is this a date?_   Steve wondered, his mind going completely blank at the idea that Bucky might actually be asking him out.  _It sounds like a date, but there’s no way that it could be a date.  I’m thinking the word date a lot, I should probably stop._

 

Bucky was giving Steve a weird look, which made Steve realize that he had been trapped in his own thoughts and didn’t answer.  “Oh, you want me to go to a movie with you?  Tonight?”

 

“Yeah, if you can make it.  I don’t know what the rest of your day looks like, but if you have some free time.”  Bucky gave Steve a smile, as if he knew that Steve was having a difficult time comprehending his suggestion.

 

“Sure!  That sounds great!  Sundays are pretty slow for me, so I should be able to get out of here at 5.”  Steve now spoke without hesitation, as if he waited one more second Bucky would rescind his offer.

 

Bucky’s face broke into his genuine grin, which was dangerously starting to become Steve’s favorite smile.  “Excellent!  Maybe we can get a slice somewhere too.  I know this great pizzeria by the theater.”

 

Steve nodded, already getting excited and extremely nervous.  This was sounding more and more like a date, which he couldn’t remember the last time he had gone out with another person.  But he refused to let himself spiral downwards into an anxiety-filled pit.

 

Steve pushed the negative thoughts from his head and threw out his coffee cup.  “We better move the benches back.  I don’t want to piss off Natasha, or else I might not be alive to see a movie tonight.”

 

Bucky laughed loudly.  “Yeah, that wouldn’t be a good thing.”  He rose from his chair and went to help Steve.

 

They talked about the roller derby match last night as they moved the equipment back to their original spots.  Steve was impressed by how much Bucky had remembered of the rules and regulations of the game, and still giddy about the idea of his date-that-might-not-be-a-date tonight.  He tried to contain his excitement, forcing him to think about all of the reasons why it couldn’t be a date.

 

He and Bucky moved the last bench into place as Sam walked through the door.  He nodded to Steve and completely ignored Bucky as he went to the back to get a cup of coffee.

 

“Well he seems to be in a good mood.”  Bucky stated cynically.

 

“He hasn’t had his coffee yet. Believe me, he is an unbearable monster until he has at least two cups of coffee.”  Steve tried to reassure Bucky, but deep down he knew that the lack of caffeine may only be part of the problem.

 

Bucky shrugged.  “I think I’m gonna warm up.  Are we able to start our training now, or do you have some things to take care of?”

 

Steve shook his head.  “No, go ahead and start.  I’m going to go say ‘hi’ to Sam, and then I’ll be right back.”  Bucky nodded back and headed off to the treadmills.

 

Steve took a deep breath and made his way over to the check-in desk.  Sam was staring at the calendar, holding his coffee.  He looked nothing less than annoyed and tired, but Steve wasn’t deterred.

 

“Morning Sam, sleep okay last night?”  Sam shot Steve a glare, but it was a measure of their friendship that Steve was able to classify Sam’s glare as an ‘I’m tired so leave me alone’ glare.

 

“Okay, so clearly not.”  Steve teased lightly, which caused Sam to huff in annoyance.  “I’m going to go flip the closed sign,” Steve continued.  “And I’m gonna start with Bucky today.  I think Wade and Peter will be back in at some point today, but other than that I don’t know if we have anyone else scheduled for training.”

 

Sam nodded.  “I can work with Wade again today if you want.”  His voice held no discernable emotion, so Steve couldn’t tell if Sam was annoyed or not that Bucky was already here.  


“That’d be great, thanks.”  Steve turned to walk to Bucky when Sam called him back.

 

“What are these?”  Sam poked the bakery bag with a pencil, looking at it suspiciously. 

 

“Oh, Bucky brought muffins this morning.  You can probably have one, he won’t mind.”  Sam shot a look to the bag as if the muffins personally wronged him in some way, and then rolled his eyes as he pointedly pushed the bag away with the pencil.  Steve wanted to roll his eyes at Sam – he had no idea why he was so judgmental and flat-out rude with Bucky, but he was getting sick of it.

 

Steve was going to ask Sam what his problem was, but he heard Bucky get off the treadmill, and decided to postpone that uncomfortable and possibly destructive conversation for another time.

 

***

The rest of the day went by eerily fast, and Steve found that he had an hour until Bucky was coming back to the gym to meet him.  Throughout the butterflies in Steve’s stomach would not stop fluttering, and several times he thought he was going to throw up from his nerves.

 

He tried talking to Natasha and Clint about it, but they were far from helpful.

 

“This is totally a date, man!”  Clint clapped his hand on Steve’s back.  “Awww, little Stevie is growing up on us Natasha!  He’s becoming a man!”  He pretended to wipe a tear from his eye as Natasha rolled her eyes.

 

“Shut up, it’s not a date.”  Steve ducked out under from Clint’s arm and stepped away.  “I have to tell myself it’s not a date because if I think it’s a date then I get extremely nervous and I want to bail, but it’s not a date so I don’t have to be nervous, but I’m still really nervous for some reason, why am I nervous, it’s not a date, I shouldn’t be freaking out.  Oh my god what the hell am I-”

 

“Whoa, whoa slow down Steve.”  Natasha grabbed Steve’s arm to halt him in his tracks.  He didn’t even realize that he had been pacing while he rambled.  “It’s not a date, you’re going to be fine.  You didn’t have a problem talking with Bucky last night, right?”  She waited until Steve shook his head.  “Right, so just think about it being two friends going to see a movie and getting pizza after.  Nothing romantic, okay?”  Natasha looked into Steve’s face until he visible relaxed.  She released her hand and stepped away.

 

“Natasha, you just described a date.  Dinner?  And a – ow!  You didn’t have to punch me!” Clint massaged his arm where Natasha thumped on him.

 

“You’re not helping!  Sometimes I wonder if you really think before you speak, because you say the stupidest shit.”  Clint’s face fell slightly, but Natasha just shrugged her shoulders at him.  “It’s the truth.”

 

“Yeah, whatever.”  Clint mumbled, still rubbing his arm.  “I’m gonna go get your stuff and head out.”  He walked away, leaving Steve and Natasha staring after him.

 

“What’s up with him?”  Natasha asked, but whether she was talking to Steve or herself Steve wasn’t sure.  Steve didn’t know what to say, seeing how he really knew why Clint had been upset. 

 

“I better make sure he’s okay.” Natasha spoke to Steve, but her voice took on a gentler tone that she doesn’t use often.  Steve glanced down at her and saw that her face matched her tone, and Steve was able to connect some pretty obvious dots.  But he wisely kept his mouth shut, not wanting to pry into Natasha’s personal life.

 

“Okay, I’ll see you and Clint tomorrow?”  Natasha nodded, turning her attention back to Steve.

 

“I’m going to want details, so be ready.”  She paused, thinking for a second.  “And if you need me to bail you out tonight, just text me.”  Steve laughed, but she sounded quite serious.

 

“Thanks Nat, but I should be okay.  It’s not a date, right?”

 

She gave him a small smile, and the look on her face was dangerously close to pity.  “Yeah, keep telling yourself that Steve.”  She waved and walked away before Steve could bombard her with more questions and concerns.

 

Steve gulped and retreated upstairs to get ready.  He took a quick shower, and spent the rest of his time getting ready deciding on what he should wear.  He had to take several deep breaths, and repeat how this wasn’t a date and he finally grabbed a checkered-blue button down, and paired them with khaki-colored corduroys.  He debated between wearing his brown Oxfords and his TOMS sneakers, eventually picking his TOMS (because this definitely wasn’t a date, right?”).

 

Before Steve could change his mind on his outfit, a text alert from his phone indicated that Bucky was downstairs waiting.  Steve grabbed a jacket and his wallet, and rushed down the stairs.  _This is not a date, this is not a date_ was on repeat in his mind as he came through the back room and met Bucky by the front.  As soon as Steve saw him, he stopped in his tracks.

 

 _Okay, this might be a date_.

 

Bucky looked…stunning.  He was wearing a plain (and very tight) dark red t-shirt with a leather jacket on with black skinny (but not too skinny) jeans.  He had blacks Keds on his feet, and his hair was loose.  Steve couldn’t help but stare as Bucky ran a hand through his hair, and he knew that he was in deep trouble.

 

_Yeah, this is definitely a date._

 

Bucky turned towards Steve and smiled.  “Rogers, you clean up nice.”  He winked and it took Steve a second to regain his composure.

 

“Well, you look pretty shitty.”  Bucky laughed, and Steve grinned at his lie.  But it helped him relax, and that calm feeling stayed with him as they walk to the theater.  Bucky went on and on about how great this movie was supposed to be and his favorite actors that would be featured.  Just listening to Bucky put Steve at ease, and he was able to contribute to the conversation effortlessly.  Steve could compare it to talking with any of his other friends, even though there was something different with Bucky.  Steve wasn’t sure if it was because he was so attracted to him, or if it was still because they haven’t even known each other for a week.  But Steve felt more relaxed and comfortable than ever before.

 

They sat through the movie, which actually turned out to be pretty decent.  After the movie ended, Steve mentioned this to Bucky, who rolled his eyes and said “Duh, I picked it.  I have impeccable taste in films.”  Steve punched him lightly on the arm, and followed him out of the theater.

 

“So,” Bucky said.  “The pizza place is a couple of blocks away, but it’s not far from Pier 1.  We could take our slices to-go and eat them there.  It’s kind of pretty, I don’t know.  It’s up to you.”  Bucky trailed off at the end, sounding a little embarrassed.

 

“That sounds like a perfect idea, I’m down.”  Bucky gave Steve his genuine smile, and they took off in the direction of the pizzeria.  They chatted more about the movie and the realistic special effects. 

 

Steve could smell the pizza before they arrived, and when they walked through the doors the heavenly smell was everywhere.  The kid at the counter greeted Bucky personally, which made Steve look at Bucky.

 

“You a regular here?”  He asked and Bucky focused on the slices in the case, ignoring Steve’s question.  Steve’s question was answered when a heavier man came around the counter and grabbed Bucky in a tight hug.  He spoke in rapid Italian that Steve had no chance in understanding.  Steve was surprised to see Bucky understand and respond to the man in Italian.  Steve felt a tad awkward, and that feeling intensified when Bucky and the man kept glancing at him and speaking.

 

Eventually, the kid at the counter gave Bucky a box with plates and napkins.  Bucky started to pull out his wallet but the man shouted and waved Bucky’s wallet away.  Bucky started to protest, but the man pushed the box into Bucky’s hands and steered towards the door.  He gave Steve a friendly wave and ushered the pair out the door.  Bucky called a final farewell over his shoulder and shook his head laughing.  He looked at the expression and laughed even harder.

 

“I…” Steve started, not quite sure where to begin.  “I didn’t know you spoke Italian.”

 

Bucky snorted, and he started to lead Steve in the direction of the park.  “Yeah, I learned when I boxed in Italy.  Made it easier to tell if my trainer was screwing me when he was making deals and agreements.”

 

“Did that happen often?” Steve asked.

 

Bucky shrugged.  “Once was enough.  C’mon, we can sit on a bench by the water.”  He walked towards the benches and Steve followed, the pizza smell drifting out through the box making his mouth water.  Bucky eventually picked a bench and sat down. 

 

“Be prepared for the best pizza you will ever eat.”  Steve snorted, and Bucky narrowed his eyes at him.  “I’m serious, this slice will blow your mind.”

 

Steve laughed as he grabbed a slice.  He had to admit that the cheese on the pizza was perfectly gooey, and the pepperoni smelled divine.  Steve took a bite, and it was amazing.  He looked over at Bucky, watching intently, and nodded contently.  Bucky grinned and bit into his own slice.  They ate in silence, Steve staring out into at the water.  He felt so relaxed, so at peace with the world.  The nagging voice in his head, constantly reminding him of his insecurities and telling him why he should be alone, was diminished.  He knew it wasn’t completely gone but when he was with Bucky, he felt that anything that ever made him feel terrible was crazy and wrong.

 

He looked over at Bucky, who was scrutinizing his piece of pizza.  His expression was downcast, and he looked deep in thought.

 

“Thanks for inviting me out, this was fun.”  Steve said.  Bucky looked at him and gave him a small smile.  “I don’t really get out and do much anymore, I’m usually too busy at the gym.”

 

“Do you get any days off?”  Bucky asked, and Steve paused to think for a second.

 

“I don’t really have any official days off, but I don’t really need it.  I mean, it’s my business and everything, and I’m just paranoid that if I take time off or slack on anything then the gym will fold.”  Steve shrugged.  “I don’t know, I get weird anxiety over things like that.”

 

“That makes sense,” Bucky said thoughtfully.  “But you could go crazy, being at the gym all of the time.”

 

Steve smiled.  “It’s worked for six years so far, I’ll just keep going with it.”  He shrugged off Bucky’s concerned look. “And I still get out and do some things, like I go to Darcy’s roller derby matches.  And I get dinner with my friends.”  He looked back at his pizza as he struggled to find more examples to prove that he wasn’t a loner.

 

“Hey,” Bucky said, making Steve look back up.  “It’s all good, I just don’t want you to get burned out from working.”  He had a kind smile on his face, which warmed Steve’s heart.

 

Bucky took a breath before speaking again.  “Can I ask you something?”  Steve noticed that hesitant look on his face.

 

“Sure, what’s up?” 

 

“Does Sam hate me?”  Steve tensed up, not quite sure how to answer his question.

 

“I don’t think he hates you, he’s just very protective and judgmental.”  Steve paused, trying to phrase the next words carefully so he wouldn’t offend Bucky.  “He takes a lot from a first impression, and if he gets offended, which happens very easily, it’ll take a while to earn his trust back.”

 

Bucky looked thoughtful again, staring out into the water.  “Huh.  Well, that makes sense.”

 

“Can I ask you a question?”  Bucky turned to Steve, still looking pensive.  “What did Natasha say to you last night?”

 

Bucky’s face fell ever so slightly, and Steve immediately felt bad.  He went to say that it didn’t matter and he was sorry for being curious, but Bucky spoke first.  “She called me by my old fighting name.  She knows who I was.”  He paused.  “Who I am.”

 

“Were you someone else when you were fighting?”  Steve asked.  He was confused, but he hoped that Bucky would trust him enough to open up to him.

 

“I like to think that I’m a different person now, but there are some things you can’t escape from.”  Bucky sounded defeated as he looked back over the water.  He stood up and walked to the edge of the pier.  Steve could see how tightly he was gripping the railing, and got up and joined him.  He kept his eye on the water and the Lower Manhattan skyline.  It was breathtaking, but Steve knew it was only a quarter as gorgeous as the man standing next to him.

 

“Is it a bad thing that she knows who you are?”  Steve asked quietly, still not looking at Bucky.

 

Bucky sighed.  “It’s not like I’m trying to desperately hide who I was, or erase all evidence of my past,” Bucky started.  Steve looked over to him and saw a pessimistic but resolute expression on his face.  “You can do a quick Google search and find me.  But I just know that as soon as other people know about me and my past, they won’t want anything to do with me.  I’m better off alone.”

 

Steve knew exactly how he felt, and yet Bucky’s words left him confused and hurt.

 

“If you don’t want anyone to know you, then why did you act all flirty when you first came to the gym?”  Bucky gave him a look and Steve quickly added, “I mean, I’m assuming that’s all an act, right?”

 

“It can put people off, and make them not like me anyway.”  Bucky ran another hand through his hair, sighing again.

 

“So you’re purposely being rude and hoping it’ll keep people away from you?”  Bucky nodded.  “That’s kind of a twisted idea.”

 

“Well, it’s been working so far.  It worked on Sam.”  Bucky turned to Steve.  “But it didn’t work on you,” he said attentively.

 

Steve blushed, turning away so Bucky wouldn’t see his tell.  He couldn’t say how attractive he found Bucky and that’s why he was able to put up with the sex jokes and the mocking.  But part of him is truly disappointed, knowing that Bucky’s flirting was just an act.  _I knew it_ , the nasty part of his brain spat at him.  _No way would he ever consider being with you_.

 

“Well I’m glad.”  Steve turned to Bucky, confused at his statement.  “I’m glad that my obnoxious alter-ego didn’t scare you away.  I’m glad to have met you, because you’re a really great guy, Steve Rogers.”

 

A tingling sensation was spreading throughout Steve’s body, and he feels a smile spreading across his face.  “I’m glad too, Bucky.  You’re a really good friend.”  The look that came across Bucky’s face, the true and open happiness, spread warmth throughout his body, and he had to turn away or he would’ve felt the urge to lean in and kiss Bucky.

 

“Of course,” Bucky said as he turned back to the water.  “Even when I was being overly insufferable, all of my thoughts and words were true.  Bucky Barnes ain’t no liar.”  He looked at Steve and gave him a wink, which made Steve blush a deeper shade of red.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s we go, a total Steve-Bucky fluff fest! I think at least, I don’t really know if this classifies as fluff, I’m still new to this stuff. But I hope you like it! They are both so dumb, I swear to god. Thanks for the love from Chapter Six, you guys are the best! :)


	8. Chapter 8

Monday morning dawned bright and beautiful, and Steve can’t help the excess cheer that radiated from him.

 

Clint assumes that he got some, but that idea was immediately shot down by both Steve and Natasha.

 

“Clint, for the last time, nothing happened between me and Bucky.”  If Steve sounded annoyed, he had a good reason to – Clint had asked how great Bucky was in bed at least five times.

 

“Alright, I’ll back off.”  Clint put his hands up in surrender.  “Even though I’m _clearly_ right.”

 

Steve just shared an exasperated look with Natasha, who only shook her head.

 

“He must’ve been dropped on his head when he was a baby,” Natasha said sagely.

 

“Yeah, it must’ve been from a pretty great height.”  Steve said, nodding his head in agreement.

 

“Hey, I was never dropped as a baby,” Clint argued.  “I obviously ate too much glue.”

 

Steve and Natasha laughed and Clint grinned at them, clearly unfazed.  Steve looked over to Natasha and saw a sweet smile on her face.  He decided to push Clint into talking to Natasha, believing that they share some similar feelings for each other.

 

“Alright Nat, I’m gonna get your stuff set-up, give me five minutes.”

 

She nodded at Clint and he trotted off to the bags.  Steve looked down at his surprisingly clear schedule as Natasha leaned over the desk.  He looked up and jumped at how close her face was.

 

“So, what else happened?”  She asked curiously, her eyes bright and a mischievous smile on her face.

 

Steve groaned.  “Not you too!  I did not sleep with Bucky!  Good lord.”

 

“Hey, that’s not what I meant.”  Steve gave her skeptical look, but she sounded sincere.  “I just wondered what else you talked about, or if anything thrilling or scandalous came up.”

 

Steve knew what she was hinting at – she wanted to know if they talked about Bucky’s past.  Since Natasha knew about Bucky, Steve could tell that she wanted to know what he thought about it.  But Steve was gonna keep this topic to himself.  Seeing how he didn’t even know about Bucky’s past, he didn’t want to find out from anyone else.  Oh but was he tempted to, as Bucky said, Google-search his name and find out for himself.  But as much as his curiosity burned, he hoped that Bucky would trust him enough and tell him.

 

So he wasn’t going to tell Natasha about their conversation, and she was going to have to deal with it.

 

“Oh, we just talked about the gym and boxing.  Nothing too deep.”

 

Natasha narrowed her eyes at him, and Steve almost cowered under the intensity of her glare.  “Really?” 

 

He nodded defiantly at her.  They both knew that Steve and Bucky had talked more, but Steve refused to talk about it with Natasha.

 

She glared back, and Steve held her gaze.  But surprisingly, she shrugged her shoulders and her expression returned to her neutral coolness.

 

“Alright, whatever.”  She shrugged her shoulders.  “As long as you had a good time and he didn’t hurt you, then I’m happy.”

 

Steve smiled.  “Yeah, I had a really good time on my…” His smile grew even wider as he paused.  “Date.”

 

Natasha gave Steve a rare smile, and together they were staring at each other like morons.

 

“Nat!  You comin’?”  Clint hollered across the gym, and she flipped him off in return.  He laughed and returned the gesture.

 

“He seems to be in a better mood than yesterday,” Steve noted as Natasha pulled her hair in a braid.

 

“Yeah, he said I offended him.  Even if I spoke the truth.”  Steve scoffed and she gave him a look.  “You know that I don’t keep anything silent.  I’ll speak the truth, no matter how much it hurts.”

 

Steve nodded, knowing all too well.  “Well, he seems much happier.  Did you guys talk about anything else?”

 

She gave him a suspicious look.  “No why?  What did he say to you?”

 

“I, uh, nothing.  Nothing at all.”  Steve tried to smile but cringed under her glowering gaze.  “Oh look, I think my phone is emailing, I mean my email is ringing, uh wait-”

 

“Romanov!  Double time, let’s go!”  Clint called to Natasha again, and she tightened her eyes at Steve again.

 

“I’m not letting this go, Rogers.  We _will_ talk about this later.”  She pointed her finger at him and stalked off towards Clint.

 

Steve breathed a sigh of relief, knowing that he had at least some time to think of a better excuse for Natasha.  She was known for never letting things go – she still hasn’t forgiven Sam for telling Clint a sexist joke that she happened to overhear.  While Sam never found out that she had heard the joke, he was treated to a brutal beat down when he stepped in to help Natasha train.  He hasn’t been back in the ring with her since.

 

Steve leaned back in the chair, still riding the high from his date last night.  He hadn’t fallen for someone like this in ages, and he can’t remember the last time another person had shown any sign on interest in him. 

 

But of course, there was still a small, festering thought that bothered him – Bucky seemed hell-bent on not getting close to anyone.  The happy and joyful part of him forcefully pushed down that notion, remembering how Bucky said he was glad that he knew Steve.  But the negative and malicious voice in his head claimed that Bucky had to say something to make him feel better. 

 

The door opening interrupted Steve’s thoughts, but he grinned as Bucky, Wade and Peter walked in the door.  Bucky was laughing at something, with Peter shaking his head in annoyance – if Steve had to guess, Wade was probably retelling the story about the time he broke a skee ball machine.

 

“Rogers!  What’s going on!  Where’s the most beautiful woman in all the land?”  Wade glanced around the gym, looking around for Darcy.

 

“She’s off on Sundays and Mondays.  She has a standing appointment with her colorist every Monday.”

 

“She colors her hair every week?”  Bucky asked, looking confused. 

 

“No, they usually go and get coffee together once a week.”  Steve shrugged, clearly not understanding the mystery that surrounds Darcy and getting coffee with her stylist every week.

 

Wade turned to Peter and elbowed him.  “You upset Petey?  Wishing that Gwen would be coming in to say ‘hi’ to Darcy?”  Wade asked Peter slyly.

 

“No!”  Peter automatically sounded defensive, and everyone shared knowing glances with each other.  “You’re the one who desperately scoured the gym for Darcy!”

 

Wade sighed dramatically.  “What can I say?  She has captured my heart.  And I never got to ask if she wanted to go out for dinner.”

 

“You didn’t ask her on Saturday?”  Steve asked him.

 

Peter laughed.  “No, this clown got hammered at the party and I had to drag his ass home.  That’s why we didn’t show up yesterday, he was sleeping all day.”

 

“I thought that if I got a little tipsy I would be more confident in asking Darcy out,” Wade said presumptuously.  “But Carol and Jessica bullied me into taking shots with them.”  He shuddered.  “I couldn’t say no to them, they are terrifying women.”

 

“I feel ya.  But Darcy will be in tomorrow and you can ask her then.  While I have you and Bucky here, I was thinking of setting up a small and informal match between you two.  Wade, you can get some actual experience fighting someone, and Bucky can get re-acquainted with the ring.  I’m thinking Thursday afternoon?”

 

Wade and Bucky both nodded enthusiastically.  “That sounds great!  I’m ready to beat down on someone.”  Bucky spoke, arrogance seeping into his voice.

 

“Oh you _wish_.”  Wade countered.  “You won’t be laughing when Deadpool defeats you!”

 

“Deadpool?  Really Wade?”  Peter gave his friend an incredulous and annoyed look while Steve laughed.

 

“Yeah, it’s great!  I came up with it on Saturday night, when-”

 

“Wade we’re not gonna call you Deadpool.  This is informal, and we are just going to practice your skills.”

 

“Hey, it’s your loss.  Although you’ll remember my name when I’m knocking down opponents left and right!”  He punched both hands in the air.  “’Deadpool!  Deadpool!  Deadpool!’  I can already hear them chanting my name!”

 

“Alright, alright tone it down a little.  Sam isn’t here today so I’m responsible for all three of you.  Wade, go through your warm-up and circuits, I’ll come check on you at some point.  But _work hard_ , got it?”

 

“Your word is my command.”  Wade saluted Steve, and then Bucky and Peter and marched off to the benches.  Bucky shot Peter an unbelieving and Peter just shook his head.

 

“As for you two, I’m gonna work with you guys together.  Peter, we’re gonna bump up your routine a little, but I know you can handle it.”

 

Peter nodded, looking more confident.  Steve paused to appreciate Peter’s collectiveness, knowing that a week ago he would’ve paled and possibly run away.

 

“You got this bro,” Bucky held his fist out to Peter, who bumped it eagerly. 

 

“Alright, let’s do it.”

***

 

Steve & Bucky trained hard in the passing days, and Thursday came quickly.

 

Even though both Wade and Bucky only had a few days to prep for their fight, Steve was impressed – he could see the increase in their skill levels, even after three days.  Steve couldn’t wait to see their fights, and he was excited to see how they would use their training in the match.

 

Sam, on the other hand, wasn’t fascinated.  Steve is now 99.99% sure Sam has a personal vendetta against Bucky, just by the way Sam reacts whenever Bucky is brought up.

 

He certainly didn’t care to hear about Bucky’s progress.  Or learn that Bucky went through a jab, cross, left uppercut & right uppercut combo in record time without any mistakes.

 

Steve was at his wit’s end with Sam’s behavior.

 

But nevertheless, Sam agreed to monitor the fight with Steve, and he made sure that his medical supplies were well stocked.

 

As quick as Thursday came, the afternoon rolled through even faster.  Steve found himself standing in the ring with Wade and Bucky.  There wasn’t any notice about a fight happening and things were to run as normal in the gym, but a small group of spectators huddled around the ring.  Among those were Natasha, Clint, Darcy and Peter.  Even Gwen had stopped by, initially to say ‘Hi’ to Darcy ( _yeah, suuuuuure_ , Steve had thought).  But Darcy convinced her to stick around, and she was currently standing next to Peter.

 

Sam was also standing by the ropes, but he was alone.  Steve knew that he was focused and ready to jump in the ring in the event someone needed medical assistance.

 

Which Steve fervently hoped wasn’t necessary, but he wasn’t an idiot.

 

“Okay, fighters in the middle.”  Both Bucky and Wade came forward at Steve’s command, meeting him at the center of the ring.

 

“We’re going to aim for a three-round bout, with each round lasting three minutes.  But be prepared for us to stop you at any moment.  It could be to point out a different angle or to help you change up your technique.  But other than that, we’re gonna treat this like a real fight.  Bump your gloves & retreat to your corners.  Good luck.”

 

Both fighters bumped their gloves, Wade giving Bucky a wide smile as he did. Bucky returned the gestured with a tight and strained smile.  Steve was curious, thinking it was a strange reaction to have, but shrugged it off.  _Probably just getting in the zone_.

 

As they went back to their corners, the group around the ring cheered and whistled.  Steve saw Darcy hooting, and even Natasha was looking curious enough to see what would happen.

 

Once Bucky and Wade stood waiting, Steve raised his hand, giving one final look to the fighters.  Wade had a determined but eager expression on his face, his whole body practically vibrating with excitement.

 

Steve gave one quick look to Bucky, and he could see every muscle tensed up, almost uncomfortably so.  Steve could see him clenching his jaw tightly, and he looked distressed.

 

Steve knew something was wrong, and he almost called off the fight.  But Bucky just nodded and raised his fists.

 

“Alright, fight!”

 

Another cheer went up as Bucky and Wade shuffled towards the center again, fists raised.  Both were standing in a defensive position, gloves up ready to protect from any blows to the head.  They circled each other, eyes never wavering.  They remained in these poses for a full thirty seconds, before Wade sent out a small jab to test the waters.  Bucky returned the favor with an even smaller jab, still ready to ward off any punches.

 

Steve was watching intently, ready to stop and fix anything incorrect.  But there wasn’t anything to change, seeing how neither Bucky nor Wade had made any offensive move in the first minute.

 

“Let’s go Bucky!  Hit him hard!”  Clint called out.

 

“C’mon Wade!  Put those enormous muscles to good use!”  Darcy yelled.

 

Wade grinned ever so slightly, but still refused to make a move.

 

Steve looked over to Bucky, expecting to see his mask of concentration, his cool and calculated look searching for a target on Wade’s body.

 

What he wasn’t expecting was for Bucky to slump his shoulders and lower his arms.

 

“I can’t, I can’t do this.”  His voice was filled with regret and disappointment, and he looked dismayed.  As he spoke, the tension that wracked his body left, and with one sigh his body sagged downward.  Steve felt a pang of pity for Bucky, seeing how dejected he looked.

 

The group around the ring made noises of disappointment, and Wade also lowered his hands.  “Wait, what?”  He looked confused, also not expecting this course of action.

 

“I’m sorry, I just can’t.”

 

Bucky sounded really upset, and he kept his gaze downwards.  He turned away and started to walk out of the ring.

 

“Bucky, wait.”  Wade stepped forward and put a gloved hand on his shoulder.

 

Steve knew in an instant that was a bad move.  But before he could say a word, Bucky tensed up, pivoted back towards Wade and punched him square in the face.  Wade staggered back and put his hands up to hold his face.

 

Everyone watching gasped audibly, and it would’ve been funny if Wade wasn’t bent over, his hands still covering his face.

 

“What the hell man?!”  Steve turned, startled at the volume and hostility behind Peter’s shout.  He had marched right up to the side of the ring, his hands balled into fists.  “You just sucker punched him, what the hell was that for?!”

 

Steve could see Bucky shake his head, and a remorseful and horrified expression crossed his face.  “Oh my god, Wade, I-”

 

“Is that your tactic? Get people to put their guard down and then go for the punch?!  That’s bullshit!”

 

“Peter, enough.”  Steve wished he had spoken, but Sam’s stern voice cut across Peter’s yelling.  He had leapt into the ring and was already by Wade’s side.  Wade was still bent over, and Steve could see blood gushing onto his gloves and the floor.

 

Steve looked over to Bucky again, and the shocked expression grew as he also watched Wade.  “I’m so sorry.”  He spoke quickly and quietly, but he quickly spun away and exited the ring. 

 

“Bucky, wait.”  Steve called out, but Bucky was already ripping his gloves off and throwing them by his bag.  Steve went to follow, but Sam spoke again.

 

“Steve, maybe you should focus on your member who is currently bleeding on your mats.”  His voice was still stern with an icy edge added to it.

 

“Oh shit, yeah.  Wade, are you okay?”  Steve went back to Wade, who had finally stood up.  Sam had instructed him to stand straight but tilt his head slightly forward.  He was gripping Wade’s nose tightly in an attempt to stop the bleeding.

 

“Well, I’ve been better.”  Wade joked, and that combined with his voice sounding squeaky helped Steve crack a small smile.  “I probably shouldn’t have tried to grab Bucky’s shoulder - that was my bad.”

 

“No, he shouldn’t have punched you.  That was his fault.”  Sam voice went colder as he kept a hold on Wade’s nose.  “If you want to press charges-”

 

“Press charges?  What are you talking about?”  Steve questioned disbelievingly.

 

“James assaulted Wade, it was completely unnecessary.”

 

“They were in the ring, it’s not like the punch was out of the blue!”

 

“Well, correct me if I’m wrong, but when a boxer lowers his fists then that’s an indication that the fight is over.”

 

“The fight is over when I say it’s over, Sam.”

 

“Of course, take his side, _he’s_ your best friend.”

 

“What is that supposed to mean?”

 

“You know damn well-”

 

“Boys!  That’s enough!”  Natasha’s voice rang through the gym.  Steve blinked and looked around, finally noticing everyone watching their fight. Steve immediately blushed, seeing how everyone watched him and Sam argue like school children.  He glanced over to Sam and saw a similar look of embarrassment, but he quickly looked angry once he saw Steve looking at him.

 

“C’mon Wade, let’s get you cleaned up.”  Sam turned away and led Wade towards his office.  Darcy met them at the ropes and helped them through.  Steve watched them leave, feeling even more embarrassed and slightly guilty.

 

Steve stood a little straighter and turned to everyone remaining at the ring.  “Okay, back to your workouts.  Let’s go.” Nobody even dared to question him as they quickly scurried away.  He sighed and went to examine the mess from Wade’s bloody nose in the ring.

 

“Well, that went well.”  Steve turned and saw Clint and Natasha coming up to him.  Clint looked awkward as hell, but Natasha seemed indifferent to the whole situation.

 

“Yeah, it was a real walk in the park.”  Steve squatted down to examine the spot of blood.  Lucky for him, the blood was only in a small spot on the mat, and it wouldn’t take that long to clean.

 

“Bucky left his bag here.”  Natasha noted, and Steve automatically looked up.  “You should go look for him.  We’ll take care of this.”

 

Steve shook his head.  “No, I need to clean this up, and then I have to salvage some of my dignity and make sure Wade is okay.  And I better check on Peter too, he was really upset.”

 

“Peter stormed off too, but Gwen followed him.  She’s calming him down over by the tables.”  Steve looked over, and sure enough Peter and Gwen were sitting down and talking.  Well, to Steve it looked like Gwen was talking and Peter mainly listening.

 

Natasha continued to speak.  “Steve, as Bucky’s trainer, you should make sure that he is alright.  He left his keys and phone, so he couldn’t have gone far.”

 

“Alright, that seems – hey wait.  How did you know that Bucky asked me to be his trainer?  I’m not even his trainer!”

 

“Well, it’s kind of obvious.”  Clint said.  “You’ve worked with him every day, and you guys work on the same stuff that Nat and I go through.”  He shrugged.

 

“Go, find Bucky and then you can come back.  Wade will be here for a while, Sam is thorough.”  Steve looked at Natasha and Clint and caved. 

 

“Okay, but I’m coming back in 15 minutes if I can’t find him.  Call me if there’s an issue.”  Natasha rolled her eyes at him but nodded.

 

Steve left the ring and walked through the gym to the exit.  He could feel people staring at him, but quickly looking away as he came near them.  Steve kept a tough face and finally left the building.

 

But now the real challenge came, as Steve had no idea where Bucky could’ve gone.  He looked both ways down the street, and decided on going right.

 

The echoing words from his fight with Sam still rang in his head, and the shame and humiliation washed over him again.  Even though now he had no doubt that Sam hated Bucky, he was dismayed to see that Sam was now angry with him.  He had no clue why, and he wasn’t sure that Sam would even tell him. 

 

Feeling worse than before, he quickly glanced down the first alley, not expecting much.  But sure enough, Bucky was slumped against the wall underneath the building’s fire escape.

 

“Bucky,” Steve called, relief seeping into his voice.  But Bucky didn’t acknowledge Steve, keeping his eyes on his feet out in front of him.

 

Steve, undeterred, walked up and stood next to him.  He opened his mouth to speak, but found that he had no idea what to say.  He was so wrapped up in his thoughts and trying to find Bucky that he didn’t think about what to say when he found him.

 

“You don’t have to say anything,” Bucky said.  He sounded disheartened and still stared at his feet.  “Just let me get my duffle from your gym and you won’t ever see me again.”

 

“Wait, why?”  Steve was confused, but immediately began to panic.  “Are you leaving?”

 

“No, but I understand if I am no longer welcomed at the gym.”

 

Relief flooded through Steve as he understood.  “Bucky, I’m not gonna kick out of the gym.  You paid for a half-year membership.” 

 

“It’s okay, I don’t deserve a refund.”  Bucky clearly didn’t notice Steve’s attempt at joking, still not meeting Steve’s eyes.

 

Steve sighed, knowing that it was going to take a lot to convince Bucky he wasn’t in trouble.  Before he realized what he was doing, Steve leaned against the wall and slowly sunk down to the ground.  In his head he thought it would be a thoughtful gesture, but as he sat on the dirty alley ground in New York City the smells of garbage reached him and he realized the terrible idea it really was as he tried not to gag.

 

“Bucky, I’m serious.  You’re not kicked out of the gym.  It was a fight, both you and Wade knew there was a chance you could get hurt.  And he seemed to be in good spirits anyway.”  He turned to Bucky, who still looked stony-faced.  “Can I ask why you couldn’t fight?  Did I push you into it?”

 

Bucky finally tore his gaze from his feet and looked at Steve.  He still looked depressed, but a hint of fierceness gleamed in his eyes.  “Absolutely not.  This was not your fault, it was mine.  I just…”  He made an annoyed sound and shook his head.  “I don’t know.  I really was looking forward to practicing with Wade, but just facing him in the ring freaked me out.  I thought I was going to have a panic attack, so I just wanted to get out of there ASAP.  And I really didn’t mean to hit him.  I honestly don’t even remember it happening, something just snapped in me.  You gotta believe me.”  Bucky pleaded with Steve, the need and desire to be forgiven evident in his voice.

 

“I do.”  Steve reassured him.  “To be honest, you seemed really shaken before the fight.  I almost called it off, but I didn’t want to overstep my boundaries.  I’m sorry.”

 

Bucky shook his head.  “No, there is nothing to apologize for.  Thank you for looking out for me.”  Even though Bucky still looked sad, some warmth returned to his face and he gave Steve a tiny smile.  Or at least Steve thought his lips form into a straight line instead of a frown.

 

Not that he was observing Bucky’s lips or anything.

 

Steve lifted himself from the ground and held his hand out to Bucky.  “C’mon.  Wade is still back at the gym, if you want to talk to him.”

 

Bucky nodded, gripping Steve’s hand and allowing to be hoisted into the air.  “Yeah, definitely.  I owe him a huge apology.  And I should probably apologize to Peter or something.  He got really upset, like I’m not wrong in thinking that he freaked out, right?”

 

Steve shook his head in agreement, even though he had a sneaking suspicion on Peter’s outburst.  But he wasn’t going to share with Bucky, not wanting to make him feel worse.

 

The pair walked back to the gym in silence, both absorbed in their own thoughts.  Steve, relieved that Bucky was found and returning to the gym with him, was also troubled at Sam’s behavior.  And if he was being honest, he wasn’t sure what to expect when they came back.  He didn’t know if Sam was going to try to force Bucky out of the gym, return to the silent treatment from before, or do something much worse.

 

They reached the gym doors, and before Steve could walk in, Bucky rested a hand on his arm.  “Thank you Steve, for looking out for me.  I’ve had to look out for myself for a long time, and that clearly worked out well today.”  He paused, grimacing at the still fresh memory from the day.  But he shook his head and continued to speak.  “As corny as this sounds I don’t know what I would be doing if I haven’t met you.”

 

Steve’s stomach fluttered and his heart beat faster.  Despite how crappy turn of events that occurred and the possible end of his friendship with Sam, Bucky’s statement made Steve feel like everything was right in the world.

 

That feeling stayed with him as he watched Bucky apologize to both Wade and Peter, Sam nowhere to be found ( _A blessing and a curse_ Steve thought humorlessly).  He shared in the relief that crossed Bucky’s face as both Wade and Peter accepted his apology, and Steve smiled as Bucky waved Peter’s own apology away.

 

Since his life was ruined over five years ago, Steve is never 100% about anything anymore.  But now he was pretty sure that he was falling in love with Bucky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter eight! I do apologize for the lateness, I started an online class last week and it took me awhile to get in the rhythm of the work and finding time to write this! I did add some tags about the blood from the fight, I don’t want anyone to freak out or get caught off guard by it. Thanks for the continued love, this fic got 100 kudos! I'm not sure if that's a big deal, but it made me happy, thank you all so much!!! I hope everyone had a Happy Independence Day, or Canada Day, or a great beginning of July! :)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Suicidal thoughts, ideas, and general upsetting thoughts in this chapter

Despite Bucky’s training and abilities, Wade’s nose was not broken.  However, Steve still ordered him to stay away from the gym until Monday.

Wade had put up a fight, arguing and complaining and even brainstorming ideas to sneak in the gym.  At least until Darcy stepped in and promised to hang out with him every day.  Steve didn’t think Wade would shut up, but the delightfully stunned expression on his face amused Steve to no end.

Another positive effect from Wade’s exile was some quality one-on-one time with Peter.  For the next three days, Steve made sure to work with Peter every time he came in, wanting to get him working on some tactics for an actual fight.  Granted, Peter only worked with a bag, but he treated that bag as if it was a mighty opponent, but damn if he didn’t work hard.

But since the infamous Bucky and Wade showdown occurred, Peter hasn’t mentioned his outburst to Steve.  Not that Steve wanted to push it out of Peter, but at the same time he wanted to make sure the kid was okay.

So as Peter jumped off the treadmill after he finished his cool down, Steve called him over to the tables for a quick chat.

“Am I in trouble?”  Steve smiled at Peter’s wary voice, attempting to reassure him.

“No, of course not.  I just want to check in and make sure you were okay.  And I want to make sure that you’re pleased with your work outs and if there are any changes you want to make to your routine.”

Peter thought for a minute, but shrugged.  “I mean, unless there are changes you think I should make.  I trust your judgement.”

Steve nodded.  “Thanks, and I think you are making great progress.  Tweaking your workouts here and there has been working so far, but if you feel like you wanna go harder on anything, let me know.”

Peter’s eyes widen and he shook his head.  “Uhh, no that’s okay.  I’m still sore from the workout from yesterday.”

Steve laughed and Peter cracked a sheepish grin.

“Alright, just thought I’d ask.  I’m surprised that you didn’t want to start some reverse burpees yet.”

Peter’s face paled.  “We’re gonna be doing reverse burpees?”

Steve nodded, smiling brightly.  “Oh yes, lots of them!”

Peter forced a smile, which looked as cheerful as getting a root canal.

Steve cleared his throat, wanting to get serious.  “I also want to make sure you’re okay from the fight on Thursday.”

As soon as Steve mentioned the fight, the smile and laughter was wiped from Peter’s face and he stiffened in his seat.

“But first, I owe you an apology.”  Peter looked momentarily confused before Steve continued.  “I lost my cool with Sam, and it was really unprofessional.  So, I am sorry.”

Peter shook his head at Steve.  “Apology not needed.  _I_ need to apologize.  _I’m_ the one who truly freaked out, and I wasn’t even involved in the fight.  I know Bucky said it was okay, but I had no right to yell at him.”

“Yeah, but you were just defending Wade,” Steve reasoned.  Peter looked downcast, and Steve kept speaking.  “Anyone who is close to a friend as close as you and Wade are would do the same thing.”

Peter nodded, but he didn’t look upset anymore.  But he also wasn’t relieved.  “It’s just…he’s my best friend.  And for a second, I thought I was gonna lose him, as dumb as that sounds.”

Steve shook his head.  “That’s not dumb, anyone who has suffered a loss would feel some sort of protectiveness for a friend.”

Peter’s eyes shot up and he immediately bristled.  “What do you mean ‘someone who has suffered a loss’?  Are you referring to me?”

Steve blanched as he realized what he said.  Cursing his loose tongue, he quickly gathered his thoughts and decided on what to say without pissing off Peter or ratting out Wade.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“I’m doing perfectly okay, I’m not protective over anyone because of my _losses._ ”  Peter shot back snottily.

Steve thought about the irony of that statement, seeing how Peter was ready to duke it out with Bucky a few days ago over a punch.  But he decided to ignore it.

“Okay, okay.  I was just going to say that if, and only if, you felt that way, I could understand.”

“Oh really?  You read up on how to deal with death on the internet?  Looked up on how to take someone through the five stages of grief?”

“No, it’s because I’ve lost my parents.  And I know how scary it is to feel something ripped away from you.  And the lengths you would go to not feel that pain again.”

Peter’s mouth dropped open in surprise and he automatically turned red.  “Oh my god, Steve, I am so sorry.”

“It’s okay.”  Steve waved away his apology.  “You didn’t know.”

Peter stared back down at the table, his head hanging in shame.  He was silent for a few seconds until he spoke.  “When did your parents die?”

“Well, I know my dad is dead, but I don’t know when he died – maybe when I was 17?  He left my mom and me when I was twelve.  I tried looking for him when I was older, but state records marked him as deceased.”  He shrugged.  “He was a pretty shitty dad, so I don’t miss him.”

“And your mom?”  Peter asked quietly.

“She passed away when I was 20.  Cancer.”  Steve answered Peter’s unasked question with a detached tone.  Even though it happened a while ago, losing his mom still hurt a lot.

“I’m sorry Steve.”  Peter said softly.

“Thanks Pete.”  Steve paused, allowing himself to be lost in the memories of his mom baking apple pie, and darning his clothes after fights and scrapes ruined them.  If he thought hard enough, he could still feel her hand caressing his face or ruffling his hair.

“She never approved of my fighting.” Steve said suddenly.  Peter’s gloomy eyes locked onto his face.  “After I graduated high school, I signed with trainers to fight professionally, and she said it was always a big mistake – always said it wasn’t a true job, one I could be proud of.  But I didn’t listen.  And she died while I was still fighting.  I hate knowing that she died with that.”

“She still loved you though.  I’m sure of it.”  Peter assured Steve firmly, despite never meeting Steve’s mom.

But it still brought a small smile to Steve’s face.  “I know, and she wanted me to follow my heart and passions.  And I think if she saw me today, she would be happy.”

“My uncle and I got in a huge fight.”  Peter started.  He still wasn’t looking at Steve and he voice was soft.  “I think it was some stupid thing or form that I had to fill out for school.  I stormed out of the house and left for a few hours.”  He paused, taking a breath.  “When I came back, two police cars were outside my home.  Apparently he tried to find me, but a robber with a gun found him instead.”  His voice hitched and he paused again, looking down at his clenched hands.  “I know I’m not supposed to say it’s my fault, and Wade would punch me if he knew I was even thinking it.  But I still feel responsible.”

“Pete,” Steve said, but Peter shook his head.

“No, I don’t need that whole speech, trust me.  And I know that I didn’t actually pull the trigger, blah blah blah.  But I can have people tell me that over and over, and I can tell myself over and over, but the guilt I feel doesn’t go away.”

Steve didn’t know what to say.  But not because he was at a loss for words, but rather he had so much he wanted to say.  How sorry he was, how it was never Peter’s fault, how Steve would always be there for him.  But what he really wanted to convey was how _he got it_.  He understood the guilt that Peter was feeling – maybe not from the same circumstances, but guilt is guilt.  It can keep you up at night when you want to sleep, it can bring clouds to a sunny day, and it can destroy a person’s self-confidence.  Steve also knew how quickly it can consume you if you don’t talk about it to someone.

Steve took a few seconds to get his thoughts together before speaking.  “I think that guilt doesn’t ever go away.”  Peter looked up at him, his eyes slightly watery.  “But rather, I think that you are more immune to it, and you get stronger.  With time and patience and work, you are able to carry that weight with ease – some days it could be as light as a feather, but other days it may be a ton of bricks.  It might not make sense to others why you have it, but it’s there and you can control how you carry it.  And when it feels heavier than normal, or that you may fall under the pressure, you get help.  From Wade, your spider, Gwen, or even me.  Anything or anyone that can help you bear your burden.”

Peter was silent after Steve finished speaking.  He was looking down again, and Steve could see him working his jaw, clenching and unclenching.  But when he looked back up at Steve, he smiled.  His eyes were still red, and he looked weary.  But he still was able to convey a look of thanks.

“Thank you Steve.”  Peter sounded tired, but there was still some hope in his voice.

“And if talking doesn’t have the effect you need, I’m sure I can think of some workouts and drills to make you feel better.”

And Peter, despite looking downcast, was still able to smile.

***

The conversation Steve had with Peter stayed with him for the rest of Sunday and well into Monday.  He couldn’t remember the last time he talked about his parents to anyone – and now he remembered why.  His melancholy state was noticed by everyone, but his members still stayed away from him since they saw him freak out in a matter of five seconds.

“Earth to Steve.  Are you even watching them?”

Steve’s internal debate about whether any of his life decisions mattered or if there was any point to life was interrupted with Natasha’s stern voice.  He looked up at her inquisitive face as he sat at the check-in desk, and then over to Clint and Bucky in the ring.

Clint announced that he wanted to work with Bucky at least once when he and Natasha came into the gym that morning.  He originally stated that he wasn’t going to take no for an answer, but quickly changed his mind after Natasha glared at him.

Luckily, Bucky seemed all right with working with Clint for a day.  Steve approached him with the topic as soon as Bucky came in on Monday, and Bucky was eager to see what Clint could teach him.

If Steve was being honest with himself, he was slightly relieved that he didn’t have to work with Bucky.  He thought that maybe helping Bucky could distract him from his disturbing feelings, but at the same time he couldn’t get jazzed about training Bucky.

So Steve retreated to his desk to ponder life’s important questions, and Natasha decided to blow off Clint’s planned workout for her and harass Steve instead.

“Huh?  Oh sorry, was I zoning out again?”  Even Steve could hear the remoteness in his own voice as he responded to Natasha.

“What’s going on?  You’ve been acting bizarre today.”

“Sorry, just have a lot of thoughts in my head.”  Steve gave a half-hearted shrug and Natasha’s look softened.

“Did I do something to upset you?  I feel like you’re not talking to me, and I’ll feel terrible if I said something or pushed you to do something you didn’t want.”  She spoke softly and her face still had a kind and gentle expression.  Steve immediately thought of his mom and how she would look at him the same way when he was upset.

 “No, not at all.  I talked to Peter about my parents yesterday, and I always get a little…I don’t know, weird I guess.”  He looked up at Natasha’s sympathetic face and quickly spoke up again.  “No, it’s okay.  I’m fine.  I’m sorry that you think I’ve been upset with you.  I could never be upset with you Nat.”

She smiled at Steve’s sincerity and nodded.  “Okay, but you tell me if there is anything wrong.  Or if anyone upsets you.  Just say who and I’ll kill them.”

Steve rolled his eyes at her.  “Okay, weirdo.”

“Hey, don’t say I didn’t offer.”

Steve laughed at Natasha’s snappy response, knowing full well that she would have his back in a heartbeat.

“So, how’s life?  Are you getting ready for your fight against Belova?”

Natasha shrugged.  “Yeah, I think I’ll be good to go against her.  I can still have my pre-press conference here on Wednesday, right?”

Steve nodded.  “Of course.  I’ll set up the usual spot for you.”

“Thanks,” she replied.  She didn’t sound super grateful, but Steve knew that she was.  “As for life, I can’t really complain.  My old trainer threatened me, and the old lady who lives on the floor below me got two more cats.”

“Wai, wait, your old trainer contacted you again?  He threatened you?!”

“Yeah, but I’m not too worried about it,” she replied nonchalantly.  “What I am worried about it that old lady.  She has at least five cats and she’s pushing 90.  Who is going to take care of them when she dies?  Not me, let me tell you right now.”

“Natasha, hold up.  How did your trainer threaten you?  Does Clint know?”

Natasha gave Steve a hard look.  “Of course Clint knows, that’s why I’m not worried about it.  And my trainer just said he had some dirt on me that he would release to the press if I didn’t return to his gym – it’s an empty threat.”

Despite the comfortable tone in Natasha’s voice, Steve was still anxious.  He opened his mouth to speak but Natasha snapped at him.

“Jesus, Steve.  Let it go, I have more important things to worry about.”  Steve immediately shut his mouth and a cold silence fell over them.  Natasha huffed out a breath and pulled her headphones from her pocket.

“I’m gonna go punch something.  Just…don’t worry about it, okay?”  Her voice was flat, and it did nothing to make Steve feel better.  But he just nodded and let her walk away.  He tried to think of something funny to say to call her back, but the memories of his father yelling and his mother’s disappointment bounced around in his head instead.

***  
_“Weak!  Lazy!  Useless!  Are you a fighter or a coward?!”_

Steve shot forward in bed, gasping for breath.  He sat still for a minute, attempting to decrease his heart rate and forget about his latest nightmare.

He thought that if he didn’t have any bad dreams on Sunday night, he would be off the hook.  Oh but how wrong he was. 

Checking the clock, Steve saw 1:07AM in red staring back at him.  He knew that there was no way he was going to fall back asleep and he sighed as he ultimately decided to head down to the gym and tire himself out.

Steve went to reach for his sneakers when an idea popped into his head.  He grabbed his phone and sent out a quick text before chickening out.

He sat back down on his bed, forcing himself to relax as he waited for a response.  He told himself he would wait only five minutes before going down to the gym.

But he didn’t even have to wait one minute and his phone vibrated with an answer.  Quickly scanning the message, Steve let relief wash over him and he grabbed some clean clothes to change into.

Twenty minutes later, Bucky walked into Peggy’s and scanned the diner.  Steve smiled as Bucky finally saw him, quickly walk over and slide into the booth across from Steve.

“You texted me at the perfect time, I have just finished _That 70’s Show_ on Netflix and I didn’t want to find another show to start.”

Steve gave a half-smile.  “I thought you would do something more intellectual with your time, not watch that garbage.”

“Hey, don’t go knocking on my shows.  I’ve already watched everything that has won awards, received critical acclaim, blah blah blah.”

“Alright, I can’t judge.  I don’t remember the last time I watched a TV show.”

“Really?”  Bucky asked.  He nodded his thanks at the waitress who brought his coffee and they both put in their food orders.  “So,” Bucky continued as the exhausted waitress shuffled away.  “What do you usually do when you wake up in the middle of the night?”

Steve’s smile slid from his face and he looked down at his coffee.  He was glaring at the flavored hot water, debating if he wanted to tell Bucky why he texted him at one in the morning seeing if he wanted to meet for coffee at Peggy’s.

“Hey,” Bucky’s soft voice made Steve look up.  Steve felt his chest tighten at he looked into Bucky’s worried but gentle eyes.  “If you don’t want to tell me or talk about your nightmare that’s okay.”

“How did you know I had a nightmare?”

“I mean, you texted me early in the morning – you either had a bad dream and you don’t want to be alone or you wanted me for a booty call.  And I know we’re friends, but we’re not _that_ close of friends, yet.”

Steve’s mouth dropped open in surprise and he felt his face redden.  He coughed to hide his embarrassment, but Bucky just grinned at him from across the table.  Bucky lightly kicked Steve under the table, and Steve looked back up.  All he could see was patience and kindheartedness, and the storm grey eyes looking back at Steve made his heart flutter and gave him the courage to speak.

“Well yeah.  I did have a nightmare.” Steve started.  “I dreamed that I was training with my old trainer, and he was just yelling and yelling at me.  I couldn’t breathe and I tried to tell him that, but he didn’t stop screaming in my face to keep going.  And if I stopped, my parents would be off to the side with disappointment on their faces.”  He scrubbed his own face with his hands as if to rid the image from his mind.  “The training nightmare isn’t new, but my parents being there was new.”

“Why do you think?”  Bucky asked.  He kept his voice relaxed but apprehensive.

“Probably because I talked to Peter about them a few days ago.  He lost his parents when he was younger, and I thought sharing my story would help him feel more relaxed.  I think it did, but I didn’t think about what it would do to me.”

“And what did it do?”

Steve shook his head in slight desperation.  “I haven’t opened up to someone about them in ages and every time I do it puts me in a weird headspace.”

“Is that why you were so out of it yesterday?”  Steve looked at Bucky glumly and Bucky gave him a sheepish smile.

Steve groaned and slumped in his seat.  “Was I really that obvious?”

“Only to someone paying attention.”  Bucky replied quietly.  To Steve’s surprise, he could see a hint of color in Bucky’s cheeks as Bucky looked down at his coffee. 

Before Steve could even think of a reply, their waitress brought their sandwiches and quickly shuffled away.

“So, what’s so scary about this nightmare?” Bucky asked as he grabbed the ketchup for his fries.  “It sounds like you’re just boxing right?”  Bucky’s tone wasn’t condescending – he just genuinely wanted to understand and help Steve.

“Well, yes and no.”  Steve said hesitantly.  He didn’t really want to confess the full extent of his dreams to Bucky, but looking at his supportive face gave Steve the push he needed.

“Okay, so remember how I told you that I trained and boxed professionally after high school and retired to open a gym?”

Bucky nodded, his eyes curious.

“Well, I was sort of forced to retire.”

Bucky’s eyebrows went up and he titled his head to the side in confusion.  “What did you do?”

Steve was silent for a beat, and then took a big breath.  “I was banned because I tested positive for performance enhancing substances.”

Shock flitted across Bucky’s face as he registered what Steve said – he sat in silence, clearly dumbfounded.  Steve squirmed slightly in his seat, edgily waiting for Bucky to speak.

Bucky seemed to finally collect his thoughts and he shook his head.  “I find that very hard to believe.”

Steve sighed.  “It’s true?”

“How?  What happened?”

“It’s kind of a long story.”

“Well,” Bucky looked down at the non-existent watch on his wrist.  “I think we have a lot of time.”

Steve huffed a laugh, which made Bucky smile in return.

“Okay, well bear with me, and stop me if you get lost.”

~~~

“What’s your name, young man?”

“Steve Rogers, sir.”

“Hmmmm, interesting.” Steve noticed the man earlier, as he had come in the gym to watch him train the whole week.

Boys and girls Steve’s age had been working hard to get to this point – the past week at Steve’s gym had been somewhat similar to try-outs, where prospective boxers showcase their skills to trainers and agents.

Steve wasn’t even considering coming to the gym this week, not showing any interest in becoming a boxer.  He knew that the military was his route, and he wasn’t going to get caught up in the volatile and impractical world of professional boxing.

But the gym owner, Dum-Dum, as Steve and others so affectionately called him pushed Steve to come down.  He saw the potential that Steve was blind to, and he was finally able to convince Steve when he offered to know-off two months of membership fees if Steve came for one day.

The second that Steve stepped in the ring, he had the eyes of every trainer and agent on him.  Offers came to him by the end of the day – and Steve had to admit that some of the deals were too good to turn down.

But Dum-Dum ( _“Really Steve?  Dum-Dum?”  Bucky interrupted with an eyebrow raised.  “I’m serious, I never learned his name.”_ ) advised Steve to wait it out – deals that came later in the week were from the top trainers.

So Steve waited, and sure enough each offer was getting larger and grander.  Some part of Steve was ashamed, never wanting to taste any of this life, but it was getting difficult to ignore the growing amounts of signing bonuses.

But this man who was talking to Steve now had been watching him all week, always leaving before Steve finished and never leaving a name or card.

Steve was intrigued, and not only because of the mystery surrounding this man.

“You know you’re the first person to come up and ask me my name?”

The man gave Steve a thoughtful look.  “Well, what do people normally say?”

“Their offers and deal to get me to train with them.”

“Oh, well that’s very rude.”

“It’s quicker than small talk.”

The man smiled at Steve’s curt tone, and Steve couldn’t help but smile back.

“Well, I’ll make this quicker for you.  My name is Dr. Abraham Erskine, and I would like to be your manager.”  He held his hand out to Steve.

“Doctor?” Steve asked as he shook his hand.

“Yes.  But my PhD is in American History & Conflict.”

Steve gave him a look.  “That’s very specific.”

Dr. Erskine shrugged.  “It’s my passion.  I’m a big believer in following passions.”

Steve scoffed.  “You and my mom would get along great.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, she’s a big believer in chasing your dreams.  She won’t shut up about it.”

“Does she think you are not following yours?”

“Oh I _know_.  She won’t get off my case.”

“Are you following your dream?”

The word ‘yes’ got lodged in Steve’s throat as he tried to answer.  He knew he wasn’t, his mom knew he wasn’t, and now this stranger knew.

“Steven, I can tell that you have no desire to box – I see no spark, no passion.  But you have an incredible talent, and I would hate to see it go to waste.”

Steve bashfully looked down at his hands as Dr. Erskine continued.  “It’s true, I saw all of the offers you got this week.  But I can tell you are still hesitant.”

Steve shrugged at the statement, not quite denying the truth of it.

“Look, Steven.  If you want to sign with me, I’ll work for you.  We will find a gym that you are comfortable at, and we’ll do everything the way you want.  If you want to box for two weeks, two years, twenty years, whatever.”

Steve pursed his lips, debating the offer.  Part of him wanted to politely refuse Dr. Erskine, gather his things and leave.

But another, louder part of him is thinking about the money he could win.  Thinking about the tiny apartment he shares with his mom and how she deserves so much more.

“Think about it Steven.” Dr. Erskine held out his card, which Steve took from him.

Dr. Erskine made it to the crosswalk before turning around at a man calling his name.

Steve ran up to him and held his own hand out.  “You have a deal.”

\---

“Where is he?!  Where is the pathetic, crybaby Rogers?!”

“Johann that is enough.”

“Don’t you dare tell me what to do, Erskine.  He’s late for training – you have no right to interfere!”

“I do when you’re yelling at my client.”

They didn’t even attempt to keep their voices down, for which Steve was somewhat thankful for.  It kept his thoughts preoccupied.

Preoccupied from the fact that two weeks ago he was burying his mother in the ground.

Since then Steve has felt this cloud hover around him.  Sometimes it would whisper how disappointed his mother was, other times it would hiss how it was his fault she died.  ( _“Steve that wasn’t your fault.”  Bucky immediately interjected.  “Yeah, I know Bucky.”_ )

Sometimes, the cloud would encourage him to punch the wall, snidely cheering when he did and snicker at him when Johan screamed his reprimands at him.

Dr. Erskine wasn’t fond of Steve’s trainer, but Steve refused to leave him.  In the two years that he trained with Johann Schmidt he has only lost one fight – it was completely unheard of.  And Steve didn’t want to jinx it, even if it meant that he had to endure Schmidt’s very cruel verbal abuse. 

The goading and taunting usually worked for Steve – it helped push him to his limits and test his strength.

But not today.  Steve heard their arguing voices as he packed his gear into his bag.  His plan was to leave with little commotion as possible, and head back to his apartment.  But he would either have to wait for Schmidt and Dr. Erskine to finish their loud conversation or meet them head on.

Never one to shy away from a fight, Steve shouldered his duffle and took a deep breath as he walked out of the locker room.

\---

“Fine, then you stupid boy.  Don’t believe me.  You want to leave, there’s the door.”

Schmidt walked away from the confrontation Steve started.  He was welcomed to the gym this morning with a letter taped to his locker from Dr. Erskine.

Apparently, a position opened up at a university in Germany to teach American History & Conflict.

Steve stormed through the gym until he found Schmidt, immediately accusing him of forcing Dr. Erskine out.

Schmidt denied ( _“Of course,” Bucky muttered darkly_ ).  The shouting match almost escalated into a shoving match until Schmidt left for his office.

Steve, still clutching the letter, marched back into the locker room.  He slammed an open locker door with such force that the top hinge snapped off.

He collapsed onto the bench, hot tears pooling into his eyes.  He continued to sit there, taking in the emptiness around him, realizing that he was truly alone.  His father deserted him ages ago, his mother passed away two years ago, and now Dr. Erskine had left him.  The silence surrounding him was suffocating him, and surely he would die here, alone and silent-

“Hello, Steve.”  A voice from the corner of the room spoke and Steve snapped his head up.  A short, paunchy man with glasses was watching him intently.

“Who’re you?” Steve asked harshly.

“My name is Arnim Zola.  I am your new manager.”  His voice was low and sickly alluring, and his beady eyes zeroed in on Steve.

“Why do you think you’re my new manager?  Why the hell do you think I’d stay here?”

Zola shrugged, his eyes never leaving Steve’s face.  “You’re still here, aren’t you?”

Steve stood and shook his head.  “Not for long.”

Zola didn’t say a word until Steve had packed his bag and was heading for the exit.  “Who are you going to Steven?”

Steve stopped in his tracks.  Zola’s question wasn’t nasty, but it still cut Steve deep, and he felt tears coming to his eyes again.

“Stay, Steve.  We both know you have the potential to become something great, even greater than you are now.”

Steve turned around and gave Zola a hard glare.  “And how can _you_ help me?”

Zola smiled, as if he was waiting for Steve to ask.  He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small vial.

Steve scoffed at him.  “If you really think I am stupid enough to trust you-”

“Oh even you aren’t that silly Steve.”  Zola gave a tinkling laugh – the sound raised the hairs on Steve’s back unpleasantly.

Zola tossed Steve the vial, and as he caught he saw handwriting scribbled on a label taped to the side.  With a jolt, he recognized Dr. Erskine’s handwriting – _Herbal Supplement_.

“Come, Steve.  Let’s be something great.”  Zola crooned hypnotically.

Steve looked down at the vial again, his heart hammering.  There was no distinct threat, he could easily tell Zola to shove it and walk away forever.  But the cloud hovering around his head asked him who would care if this hurt him.

It was almost too easy for Steve to follow Zola back into the gym.

\---

“ _Steven Rogers, once a rising star in the boxing world, has officially been banned from professional boxing.  After testing positive for several types of performance enhancing substances, the decision came after Roger’s former trainer confessed to Roger’s secret past._

_‘It was a shock to everyone, but not to me.  I tried to warn him what would happen to his career if he was caught, but he didn’t care for my thought.  I had trained him for years, and I knew of his tendency for violence and disregard for the rules, but I thought that he would at least listen to me.  It just goes to show what happens when someone is desperate enough to win.’_

_"And that clip, taken from Johann Schmidt’s testimony, sealed Roger’s fate as the world turns it back on a once distinguished and great boxer.  It’s a shame.”_

_“It’s not a shame – he was at fault!  He was the moron who thought he wouldn’t get caught!  He’s a cheat – there are hundreds of other boxers who train all day, every day and here’s Rogers not giving a damn about the consequences!  If that’s not disgraceful, I don’t know what is.”_

_“Open the dictionary, look under dishonor, and you’ll see Steve Roger’s picture there_.”

Steve dragged himself from his couch, shambling out of the room. He didn’t turn off the TV and as he sagged on his bed he could still hear news anchors bad mouthing his name.

 _I deserve this_ he thought impassively.  Steve hasn’t left his apartment since coming back from his trial three days ago, and has only changed once from his suit to sweatpants.  He hasn’t eaten, only drinking a small sip of water here and there.  He can feel his stomach eating itself, and he knows his body is slowly crumbling into worthlessness.

At least that’s how he felt, and he knows that’s how the world wants him to feel.

That small cloud that’s been hovering since his mother died has turned into a full on fog.  Steve can feel it in every corner of his apartment, no matter where he steps. 

Steve’s over being angry, shocked or upset - he’s moved onto a detached numbness.  But every now and then, a sort of desperate cry will arise in him, begging for this pain to end and to be put out of his misery.

And that’s when he would think about the razors in his bathroom, or the belts hanging in his closet-

~~~

“Whoa, whoa, Steve no.  God no, don’t even think that.”  Bucky’s fear is clear in his voice, and he interrupts Steve’s story.

“It’s okay Bucky.  Clearly I never acted on any thoughts.”  He tried to smile, but it felt more like a grimace.  And Bucky was still looking at him with wounded eyes.  “After two weeks of being banned-”

“Two weeks?! You didn’t eat for two weeks?!”

“Yes, and it was easily the lowest moment of my life.  After two weeks I called an ambulance and said I felt extremely light-headed and thought I was going to pass out.”

“And they came to your apartment?”

“I think they didn’t want to, but I said how I was living alone and it probably wouldn’t have looked good if someone called for help and ended up dying because they didn’t come.”

“Did the press ever find out?”

“Yeah, but it wasn’t blown out of proportion.  After I was banned, people kind of stopped caring.  And on the report it says I broke my leg.”

Bucky gave him a quizzical look and Steve clarified.  “I asked my doctor to change the report – I think he pitied me.”

Bucky nodded.  “That was lucky.”

“Yeah, I had to promise that I would stay overnight and go see a therapist.  As an adult, I could’ve refused those things but he said he would leave in the report how I was having suicidal thoughts.”

Bucky nodded slowly again, staying silent.  They were now the only people left in the diner, and the waitress looked like she was nodding off behind her podium.  Bucky looked down at his now empty plate, with serious concern etched across his face.

“If it makes you feel better,” Steve said.  “I haven’t had any thoughts like that in six years.”

Bucky nodded.  “That does make me feel better.”  He looked up at Steve and it almost broke Steve’s heart to see so much distress in Bucky’s eyes.

“Bucky, I’m sorry if I upset you.  That was never my intention.”  Steve is silently cursing himself for telling Bucky about his past.

But Bucky shook his head at Steve.  “No, God no Steve you have nothing to apologize for.  _I’m sorry_ , that must’ve been…I just can’t….God I can’t even put my thoughts into words.  I am so angry for you.”

Steve shrugged.  “Honestly, it was my fault.  Those drugs were found in my system, I did take them.”

“Yeah but you didn’t know.”

“I was suspicious, I should’ve just walked out of there and never look back.”

“Steve, you weren’t in the right state of mind, Dr. Erskine had just left you and Zola was taking advantage of you.”

“I am a grown man - I am capable of making my own decisions.”

“Fine!  It was a stupid decision and you deserve it, happy?!” Bucky snapped at Steve but his face immediately fell.  “Oh shit, no I’m sorry that’s not what I meant.”

Steve shook his head.  “No, it’s okay.  I’m just stubborn; I won’t believe anything isn’t my fault or that I deserve anything good.”

Bucky just gave Steve a sad look.  “Steve, that’s the worst thing I’ve ever heard anyone say.  And I lived in Russia.”  He paused to see if Steve would smile.  But when he didn’t, Bucky continued.  “Of course you deserve any-and-everything good.  Do you know how many people you’ve helped with your gym?”

Steve finally felt his lips slightly curl upwards.  “I think that’s why I opened the gym, so I could create a safe environment for people to train in.”

“See?  Despite all of the shit you’ve been through and the hellfire you’ve endured, you are still thinking about other people.  You _are_ a good person, Steve Rogers.  You _deserve_ happiness.”

Steve sat silently, taking in Bucky’s words.  Even though he had to relive the worst years of his life, he felt lighter.  He wasn’t sure but he almost, and he meant _almost_ , was starting to believe in what Natasha and now Bucky had both told him.

The realization almost brought tears to his eyes, but he was able to keep them in.  But he did smile at Bucky, who smiled as if he won the lottery.

“Thank you Bucky.”  He tried to put as much gratitude and appreciation into his voice so Bucky would know how much he had helped, and Bucky’s face radiated affection and compassion.

Steve finished his sandwich and signaled the waitress for the check.  She irritably moved from her podium and practically threw the paper at Steve.  Bucky went to reach for his wallet but Steve shut him down.

“If you even think you’re going to pay for this you are insane.”

Bucky quietly laughed and put his hands in the air.  “Alright, I’ll back off.  But I get the next one, yeah?”

Steve smiled.  “Of course.”

They walked up to the podium, and Steve earned a smile from the waitress after leaving a generous tip.  They walked out the doors and realized they were going in separate directions.

“Do you have a far walk? You can always crash at my place, I have a comfy couch.”

“Oh really Rogers, you think buying my dinner will make me stay the night?” Bucky smirked as Steve sputtered for an answer.  “Nah, it’s not too bad.  And I’m probably not going to sleep.  But I will be here, bright and early.”

Steve smiled, relieved to be off the hook from his embarrassing question.  “Well of course.  We have work to do tomorrow.”

Bucky grinned, but looked at his shoes sheepishly.  “Hey, are you going to be weird if I hug you?  You just poured your soul to me and you still look a tad shaky.”

Steve’s heart picked up speed as he nodded silently.  Bucky leaned in and wrapped his arms around Steve’s shoulders.  He squeezed him tight, and Steve finally realized how badly he had needed someone to hold him.  He put his arms around Bucky and squeezed back, silently conveying his thankfulness.

They stood like that for a minute, before Bucky slightly loosened his grip.  As Steve went to do the same, they faced each other, still embraced. 

It was dark, the only light coming from the diner and the streetlights, but Steve swore he saw Bucky look down to Steve’s lips.  But it must’ve been a trick, because Bucky gave a small smile and finally let go of Steve.  He gave Steve a small salute and turned away.

“Oh but Steve,” he called casually over his shoulder.  “I would be lying if I said part of me wasn't disappointed you didn’t want me for a booty call.”  He winked at Steve’s astonished face and walked into the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH MY GOSH this chapter got away from me. I had one simple plan, and this got bumped up to DEFCON Five. I did not mean for Steve & Peter to get so many feels, I certainly didn’t plan on writing a Steve flashback, but here we are. And I know this is a long chapter, but I am on a tight chapter schedule that I could easily fix but I refuse to because I don’t want to. I did add some trigger alerts at the top and to the work, I personally feel they sometimes reveal spoilers, but no way was I going to skip it. But I hope everyone likes it! Thanks for the love from chapter 8! :)


	10. Chapter 10

The cameras flashed and the handful of reporters talked over themselves to ask Natasha a question.  Steve always admired how well Natasha has kept her cool with people practically screaming at her.  It certainly put Clint on edge, who was up sitting at the table with her.  He was fidgeting, and every now and then he leveled a glare at the reporters when they got a little too loud.

But Natasha just sat there with a cool and almost bored expression on her face.  She answered each question deftly and professionally.  And if any reporter ventured too far with their questioning, all Natasha had to do was raise an eyebrow and watch as the reporter back down timidly.

Steve, staying away from the media circus, leaned against the check-in desk.  He was keeping an eye on his gym members but he would glance up at Natasha and Clint every so often to make sure they were doing okay.

“Man, I would hate to face Natasha in the ring.  I know I’m the female equivalent of Arnold Schwarzenegger but she scares the crap out of me.”

Steve rolled his eyes and looked down at Darcy, sitting at the desk.  She was looking and sorting the growing stack of papers and didn’t look up to see Steve’s skeptical expression.

“Arnold Schwarzenegger?”  Steve asked.

“Yeah, it was the first name that popped into my head.  Wade made me watch _The Terminator_ movies after I said I have never seen them.”

“He made you sit through all five films?”

Darcy shot Steve a sly smile.  “Well, we did _more_ than just watch movies.”

“Oh good lord Darcy,” Steve groaned as he turned away shaking his head.  Darcy just cackled, reveling in his obvious discomfort.

“I take it things are going well between you two?”  Steve asked after Darcy had calmed down.

“Yeah,” she sighed dreamily.  “He’s funny, sweet, we’ve gone on some pretty awesome dates, and he treats me really well.”

“Good.”  Steve acknowledged.  “And if he doesn’t, you let me know.”

“Yeah, yeah, you gonna give him the shovel talk Steve?”

“If I have to,” Steve retorted.  But he couldn’t fight the smile on his face.  “You’re a good friend, Darcy.  And you deserve the best.”

Darcy blinked but immediately scowled.  “It’s too early to be sappy, Rogers.”

Steve laughed and for a few minutes they remained in a content silence, watching people work out and the press conference.

Steve was thinking about how lucky he was and how grateful he was for his gym when Darcy spoke up again.

“Have you talked to Sam since last Thursday?”

The good feeling vanished and Steve felt his smile turn into a frown.

“No,” he replied quietly.  “I honestly have no idea why he’s upset.”

“Really?”  Darcy’s incredulous tone made Steve turn to her - she had an astounded look on her face.

“What?”  He asked, his tone showing his confusion.

“Sam is jealous!”

Steve let the astonishment cover his face as Darcy rolled her eyes.  “Come on Steve, it’s _so_ obvious.”

“Not to me,” Steve shot back, embarrassed and puzzled.  “Why is he jealous?”

“Well, as soon as Bucky came here, you’ve been all over him.  And Sam feels left out.”

“But…I mean it’s – he can’t be…”  Darcy just frowned at Steve as he fumbled through his explanation.

“Steve, let me ask you this – when was the last time you and Sam hung out?”

“Last Wednesday.”  Steve answered automatically.  “We had our dinner at Peggy’s.”

Darcy shook her head.  “No, I mean _only_ you and Sam.  When was the last time you guys shot some hoops, or go for a run, or do anything like you used to do?”

Steve was silent, attempting to rack his brain for any recent memory of him and Sam spending time together.  He honestly couldn’t remember the last time they played a pickup game of basketball, or if they held an impromptu race around Central Park.  Hell, Steve couldn’t even remember the last time he laughed at Sam’s attempt to flirt with any girl who walked by.  Steve was feeling worse and worse as he realized that he could barely remember anything else besides hanging out with Bucky.

He looked at Darcy, who had a gentle but disapproving face, and hung his head.

“I’m a moron,” Steve said lowly.

“Well, yeah.  I knew that the minute I first stepped into this gym years ago.”  Steve could hear the light, joking tone in her voice but he could barely muster a smile.

Darcy sighed. “Look, everyone here is really happy about your lovefest with Bucky.  Lord knows it’s been ages since you have been on _any_ kind of date.  Or you know, not be too much of a ditzy airhead and realize that people are into you.”

Steve shot her a dirty look but she just waved her hand at him. “I mean it in the nicest way possible.  I think that you got caught up in all of Bucky, which isn’t unexpected I’ve been watching him work out without his shirt on and _damn_.”

“Darcy, are you planning on taking this anywhere?” Steve asked, knowing full well what she was talking about and refusing to get distracted.

“Okay, okay.  My point is that it can be hard to balance friends, work, and a new romance.  Believe me, I know the dance.  Be lucky that you don’t have anything more, like a roller derby league for example.”

Steve snickered and rolled his eyes.  “Darcy, are you trying to one-up me here?”

“No, I’m just reminding you that other people could be in worse situations than you.”  She replied contemptuously. 

“Well, how do _you_ manage it all?”  He asked, half annoyed but half genuinely curious.

“For me, it helps that my best friend is also dating someone new, who happens to be the best friend of my boy toy.”

Steve smiled.  “So Peter and Gwen are still hanging out?”

“Yeah,” Darcy replied.  “We’ve all gone on a few double dates, and they are so cute together.  He’s still a little ferrety and high-strung around her, but she thinks it’s sweet.”

“That’s awesome,” Steve said.  “She always been a nice girl.”

“Oh yeah, she’s pretty great.”  But Darcy quickly shot Steve a stern look.  “However we’re not talking about Gwen.  We’re talking about you and Sam.”

Steve slumped his shoulders.  “I don’t know what to do, Darcy.  I’m a shitty friend and I have no idea what I could say to make it right.”

“Steve,” Darcy said softly.  “You’re not a bad friend.  You just need to make it work with Sam.  You guys are best friends, I know you can.”

Steve looked at his employee and friend miserably.  “But what do I say?”

Darcy gave him a small smile.  “Whatever sounds right.”

***

“Steve, stop fidgeting.”

“I can’t help it, what if he punches me?”

“When has Sam ever shown the inclination to brawl in public?”

“You don’t know what he could do.”

“Rogers, he’s annoyed not vengeful.  Now quit fidgeting and _relax_.”

Steve’s anxious voice and Natasha’s cool yet frustrated reassurances bounced across the diner table they sat at.

It’s their traditional Wednesday dinner at Peggy’s and Sam had shown no interest in showing up.  Granted he paid very little attention to Steve at work, but the only time someone wouldn’t go to Wednesday dinner was if they were sick or out of town. 

Sam was on his way to breaking tradition, but not if Steve could help it.

Steve had asked Natasha and Clint to help get Sam to the diner.  Steve knew that if he asked Sam to come to the diner and talk, Sam would just ignore him.

(At least Steve thinks he would, now he admits that he truly has no idea what Sam would or wouldn’t do.)

Nonetheless, Clint agreed to bring Sam to the diner and Natasha would wait with Steve.  She also, unknowingly, took on the responsibility of keeping Steve from collapsing due to his anxiety.

“But Natasha,” Steve whined desperately.  “What am I going to say to him?”

“Well, you can apologize for being an ass.”  Natasha suggested coolly.  “But I also don’t know what he may say back, so I guess you should remember how shitty you feel and channel that into your apology.”

“Thanks, I guess.”  Steve replied, more uncertain of what he should say now than before.

Natasha gave him a curt nod and looked over his shoulder.  She sat up straighter and took a quick breath. “They’re here,” she said shortly.

Steve truly thought he was going to have a heart attack, seeing how fast his heart was beating right now.  He turned around and watched as Clint led Sam to their table.  Clint looked relaxed, but the tenseness in his arms gave away his own nerves.

But Sam just looked irritated.  Like really irritated.  Steve didn’t have time to wonder at how Sam was able to look apathetic and annoyed at the same time, knowing that the anger was directed towards him.

Natasha slid out of her seat and met them at the front of the table.  Both men stopped and Natasha turned to address Sam.

“I’m sorry we tricked you into coming,” she said, not sounding sorry at all. “But you two need to work this out.  And before you try to leave, we already bribed Peggy into never serving you pie again if you two don’t sit and talk.”

Sam glared at Natasha, who returned the gaze with equal fervor.  Clint darted his eyes between the pair as he waited for someone to make a move, and Steve was still surprised no one could hear the loud hammering coming from his chest.

Eventually, Sam slowly sank into the seat across from Steve.  He turned his glare to Steve, who now wished to never see this much hostility from Sam directed to him ever again.

“Okay.  Clint and I are going to be sitting by the door.  You guys have to talk for at least five minutes before we let either of you leave.”  Natasha walked past the table without a look back while Clint gave them both an encouraging smile before following her.

The icy silence that surrounded Steve and Sam was enough to draw the attention of other customers – the curious diners glanced at the one man glaring down the other subdued man.

Steve finally looked up to meet Sam’s fiery stare.  He desperately wanted to look away, but he grit his teeth and launched into his rehearsed speech. 

“I know I’ve been a shitty friend, and I am so sorry Sam.”

Steve thought it was a pretty well thought out apology, but when Sam’s face only scrunched into a deeper frown, Steve was rethinking his strategy.

“And I can make it up to you by…” Steve’s voice trailed off and he left his sentence open as Sam raised an eyebrow at him.  “…buying you croissants?”

Same gave an indignant huff and rolled his eyes.  “If you think you can buy me off with croissants, then I really have no idea how we’re friends.”

His harsh tone hurt Steve, but Steve found himself getting angry at Sam’s words instead of upset.  “Well, _maybe_ if you told me what the problem was before then we wouldn’t be in this situation.”

“Yeah, if you could ever make time for me.”  Sam shot back viciously.

“What are you talking about?”  Steve asked exasperatedly.  The wise and sane part of his brain was telling him to shut his trap and apologize, but his reckless side pushed him to goad Sam.

“You completely ditched me Steve!  Even since Bucky joined out gym, you’ve been obsessed with him – you dropped me for someone unpleasant and offensive.”

“You don’t even know him!  You _never_ gave him the chance to redeem himself!”  Steve felt the anger rising within him, and he had to work hard to ignore the little voice in his head telling him to yell and scream.  Instead he made an effort in keeping his voice down.

“You know I don’t believe in second chances.”  Sam scoffed at Steve.

Now Steve was the one ridiculing at Sam.  “That’s so childish.  Now do you see who the rude one is?”

Sam curled his lips in a mocking smile.  “Yeah well when you’ve been in the military, you don’t trust the reckless assholes – they’re the ones that get you killed.”

Steve bit back his retort, knowing it would piss off Sam more.  He took a breath and tried to collect his scattered thoughts.  Sam was also quiet, a look of silent fury on his face.  Steve took another breath before speaking in a more restrained manner.

“Can I ask why you don’t want to be friends with him?  I mean, yeah he was a jerk when he first came into the gym.  But now he’s really nice and kind.  It’s just a defense mechanism, his whole over-the-top and flirty personality.”

Sam was still sitting quietly, thinking.  “There’s something about him that doesn’t sit right with me,” he finally said.  “I don’t know what it is, but I _know_ it’s bad.”

“Really Sam?  That’s your reasoning?”  Steve was furious and appalled.  “You’re trying to find some dirt on Bucky to prove to everyone that he’s a terrible person and you were right all along?  That’s pretty low Sam, even for you.”

“This has _nothing_ to do with me being right!  I am just looking out for you Steve.”

“I don’t need to be protected Sam!  I can make my own damn decisions!”

“You’re so naïve, you always think the best of people before they shove you around and walk all over you.  Gym members have done it to you before, and Bucky is just another vile scumbag.”

“God, you’re being a real dick right now.”

“Yeah, just like you’re _best friend_ is when he’s-”

“Enough.”  Steve’s voice cut through whatever insult Sam had prepared.  “You know what?  He _is_ my friend.  He’s been a good friend to me, and I to him.  But you’re my friend too Sam.”

“Well I don’t know if I can be your friend.”

Steve stared, alarmed by Sam’s words.  His heart rate picked up again, and he felt frozen in his seat.

“Come on Sam,” Steve’s voice showed the quick change in emotions and he was slightly embarrassed to hear the slight break in it. 

But Sam just shook his head.  “No Steve.”  His voice was still firm, but he also sounded a little hurt.  “You hurt my feelings, and you don’t even feel bad.”

“I do though!”  Steve said quickly.  His voice still cracked and he cleared his throat.  “I just didn’t think you would get upset.”

“You just never bothered to ask.”

“Well you never told me you were upset,” Steve shot back defensively, the anger riling him back up.

“I shouldn’t have to tell you, you should know!  You said we were friends.”

“Oh, so I’m just supposed to be able to read your mind?”

“No, but you were so caught up in getting into Bucky’s pants that you didn’t realize how much of an as you were being to everyone else.”

Steve recoiled, Sam’s words a hard slap to his self-esteem.  But when he opened his mouth to snap back, he realized that he didn’t want to argue anymore.  He didn’t want to be at ends with one of his best friends.  And Steve knew that he fucked up – he has to cut his crap and apologize.

Steve sagged in his seat, feeling all the fight and fury finally drain from him.  “I’m sorry Sam.  You’re right, I’ve ignored you and haven’t made any effort to see how Bucky being at the gym has affected you.  I really am sorry.”

Sam’s eyes softened a little and Steve could see his shoulders release some tension.  “I appreciate you saying that Steve,” he said after a pause.  “But I still need some time to think.  I’ll still come to work and do my job though, if you want.”

Steve nodded dejectedly but he understood.  Sam gave him a curt nod and left the seat.

Steve stared at the now-empty booth in front of him, not bothering to watch Sam leave.  Seeing the hurt in Sam’s eyes and knowing that their conversation may have been their last one ever, Steve is amazed at how quickly he can go from feeling okay to worthless.

***

Steve still felt like garbage the next day, but some of the sting was able to be lifted away as he worked with Bucky.

It’s always a little bit of a shock to Steve when he realizes that he’s been training with Bucky for only two weeks.  The easy rapport and friendly back and forth that has built up between Steve and Bucky makes their friendship feel like years in the making instead of a handful of days.

But Steve can’t help the little heart flutter he gets when he sees Bucky saunter into the gym, or the butterflies he feels in his stomach when Bucky gives him his small smile that somehow lights up his whole face.

And Steve certainly couldn’t help the heat in his belly when Bucky would strip his shirt to box.

Steve always acted professionally, knowing that he holds a powerful position over Bucky as his trainer.  But somedays he can’t help but watch Bucky attack a bag, seeing the bulging muscles work to dish out complicated combos.  And after Bucky finishes his workouts and leaves, Steve will excuse himself to take a ~~cold shower upstairs~~ quick break.

Steve has had little crushes here and there, but they can’t even compare with how Steve feels about Bucky.  Not only does he have a burning need for Bucky, but also a desire to _be_ with Bucky.  Whether they watch bad TV, walk around Brooklyn, or even read in silence - Steve has an overwhelming want to be around Bucky and stay in his presence.

He tries to keep his pining to a minimum, and sometimes he thinks he’s doing a good job being discrete.  But he’ll catch Clint giving him a sympathetic look or Darcy pretending to throw up and he vows to not stare a Bucky for the rest of the day.

His resolution usually lasts a grand total of five minutes.

But Steve continues to push these thoughts aside, focusing now on Bucky getting off the treadmill following his cooldown.

“So, Sam just said he needed time to figure out if he still wants to be friends with you?  That’s kind of harsh.”  Bucky’s voices was rough due to the extraneous workout Steve put him through, and his top half was bare save for the compression sleeve on his left arm and the towel around his neck.  It took a lot of focus and effort for Steve to concentrate on Bucky’s words and not his perfect jawline or the sweat glistening on his chest.

“Yeah,” Steve sighed.  He filled Bucky in on the conversation he had last night with Sam, with the purpose of keeping Sam’s anger and resentment towards Bucky quiet.  But Bucky wasn’t an idiot and was quickly able to surmise that Sam very nearly hated Bucky.

“I could probably apologize to Sam.”  Bucky offered as he wiped his face with his towel.

Steve shook his head at the idea.  “No, I have to make this better.  Also, he’d probably assume I put you up to it just to make him feel better.  Or he’d get pissed that I told you about our argument.”

Bucky tilted his head to the side.  “But even if I volunteer to?”

Steve just shrugged.  “Sam is a very particular person.  To be proven wrong, he has to see living proof, right in front of him.  Otherwise he’ll deny any and everything.”

“Does that include stuff like global warming?”

“Oh no,” Steve said quickly.  “Just things that matter to him personally.”

“No offense,” Bucky started slowly.  “But he sounds like a…toxic friend.”

Steve pursed his lips, thinking about that particular word.  “I will admit that he can be a bit…difficult.  But I know that everything he does and the reasoning for all of his actions are rooted in helping others.  He is stubborn, rude, and can be aggressive.  But he is also loyal to a fault.”  Steve gave a small smile.  “We were watching the movie _The Martian_ , and we argued about how the team risked their lives to save just one person on their crew, and how the chance that they would actually save the guy was way smaller than the crew dying.  And he was very supportive of the crew’s decision to save that guy.”

Steve’s voice trailed off as he remembered that conversation he had with Sam during the movie.

_‘I mean Sam, would you jump off a cliff if I told you to?’_

_‘No that’s stupid. But if for some reason you were falling off a cliff and I could save you, I would.’  The determination in his voice brought a smile to his face._

_‘Of course,’ Sam continued.  ‘If I had an awesome jetpack or something, that would make the whole thing easier right?’_

“Hello?  Earth to Steve?”  Steve shook his head and glanced a Bucky watching him warily.

“Sorry, just got distracted.”

Bucky hummed and nodded.  He had grabbed his shirt out of his bag and was getting ready to leave – Steve couldn’t help himself as he brazenly watched Bucky pull the tight cotton material over his arms and chest.  As Bucky lifted his bag, the keys made a jangling noise and reminded Steve of something.

“Oh, before you go, I have something for you.  Give me one sec.”  Bucky watched curiously as Steve jogged to the check-in desk, grab something from the top drawer, and hurry back.  He held his fist out to Bucky, and when Bucky opened his own hand Steve dropped a key into Bucky’s palm.

“Here, it’s a spare key to the gym.  You always get here super early and I feel bad making you wait outside for like 20 minutes.”

“Oh shush that only happened once.”  Bucky rebuked in a hushed tone.  He was looking at the key with an unreadable expression on his face, and Steve began to panic, thinking he crossed some sort of line.

Bucky just stood there, continuing to examine the key and flipping it over and over.

“I mean if it makes you feel better, Darcy, Sam, Clint, Natasha and that guy Bruce who runs the anger management class all have a spare.  And I have another lock on my apartment door upstairs with a different lock.  I keep the important files and money upstairs too.”

Bucky was still silent, looking at the key now resting in his palm.  Steve’s nerves were at their highest, still waiting for Bucky to say something.

“Steve, there’s no way I can accept this.”  Bucky looked up to Steve with a touched and pained expression on his face.

“Why not?”  Steve asked carefully.

“I mean, I just, it’s really…” Bucky struggled to find the words as Steve watched him.  He was slightly amused at Bucky being the one to trip over his words, but he reigned in his enjoyment.

“I don’t know, I just feel like this is so much responsibility.”  Bucky finally settled on his words, holding the key out for Steve.  But Steve didn’t reach for it.

“Bucky, do you like having to wait outside on the street for me to let you in?”  Steve asked, tilting his head to the side and daring him to say yes.

Bucky exhaled and shook his head.

“I trust you,” Steve said quietly.  “You’re a good friend, and I know you won’t be negligent with it.”

Bucky shook his head, a small smile creeping onto his face.  “No, I would never.”

“Great!  Then it’s settled!”  Steve smiled as Bucky shook his head again.

“Alright, you got me.  But I’m keeping this on a trial basis.  If it doesn’t work out, or I don’t like it then you take it back, got it?”

Steve held his pinky out, trying to be serious and believing Bucky’s stern voice.  “I promise.”

Bucky gripped his pinky with Steve’s, giving him the smile that made Steve feel like he was flying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 10! I am so sorry that this is a few days late, this chapter was so hard for me to write. I was having terrible writer’s block and the words were not coming to me. Also the work for my summer class is proving to be more annoying than I thought, and I'm gearing up for an interview I have for an internship on Thursday. So this chapter is a little shorter than the others, please forgive me! I’ll make it up to y’all, and I'm still focused on this fic, because you are all beautiful butterflies who give me wonderful comments that are so nice and sweet! :)


	11. Chapter 11

Steve trudges down his stairs, yawning hugely.  He eagerly yet slowly shuffled to the coffee pot to get some coffee started, but stopped abruptly as he saw the liquid gold already merrily dripping into the pot.

He started at it in a dazed stupor until a light chuckle made him turn around.  Bucky was leaning against the door frame between the back room and the gym, enjoying his own cup of coffee.  His mouth was lifted in a smile as Steve just looked at him.

“Yeah, I _guess_ the key is a good idea.”  He gestured towards the machine with his own cup.  “I hope you don’t mind me getting some coffee.”

“Are you kidding?  This is the greatest thing that somebody could even do for me right now.” Steve prattled.  Bucky laughed quietly as Steve quickly put together a cup of coffee for himself.

Steve took a sip and sighed distractedly.  “This is the best cup of coffee I’ve ever had.  I could kiss you right now,” Steve muttered.  He froze, blushing furiously as he realized what he said.  He chanced a glance at Bucky, hoping he didn’t offend.  But his friend just grinned and looked pleased with himself.

“I also brought some croissants – they’re fresh baked.”

“By you?”  Steve asked as he gazed into the bakery bag by the coffee pot.

Bucky barked out a laugh.  “God no.  I can barely boil water without the smoke detector going off.:

Steve laughed with Bucky as he drank his coffee.  “Thanks Bucky, for the coffee and breakfast.  Let me go upstairs and get ready real quick.”

“Oh, you’re not going to be working out in your puppy PJs?”  Bucky asked smirking.

Steve looked down at the puppies frolicking with the American flag background that were on his pajama pants – a Christmas gag gift from Clint.  “Shut up, they were a present.”  He said blushing again.

“Well, I’m just wondering where the matching top and slippers are.”  Bucky teased.

“How’d you know about my slippers?!”  Steve asked in mock surprise – Bucky just laughed in response.  Steve set his empty coffee cup on the counter and stretched his arms over his head.  He felt his shirt ride up but didn’t think anything of it.  At least until he looked over at Bucky and caught him staring at the sliver of skin exposed at his stomach.  Bucky’s eyes darted up to meet Steve’s and he quickly looked away, clearly embarrassed.

 _Well this is an interesting development_ , Steve thought.  An intriguing idea popped into his head as he walked up the stairs to his apartment and he couldn’t help the little smile that came on his face.  He went into his room and pulled out a shirt from the back of his dresser.

Steve had only worn this shirt once, also a gift from Clint.  The shirt was two sizes too small, and the material stretched over his chest and arms awkwardly, restricting his movements.  And the lack of work Darcy got done that day and the way she blatantly ogled Steve also made him very uncomfortable.

But today Steve was hoping it would have a similar effect on Bucky.

While he was getting ready, his brain kept telling him to change his shirt, he’ll only embarrass himself.  But he kept Bucky’s curious staring in his head, pushing him to keep the shirt on and be bold.

Quickly Steve brushed his teeth, washed his face and grabbed his sneakers.  He made sure to keep his head up and shoulders back to ~~catch Bucky’s attention~~ show proper posture.

As he walked into the gym after grabbing a refill of coffee and a chocolate croissant, Bucky lifted his head from the newspaper he was reading.  Bucky didn’t even try to his the shocked look and open-mouthed gape.  His stunned expression made struggling into the tight shirt worth it for Steve.

“It that new?”  Bucky asked, his voice a pitch higher.  He must’ve heard the change in his voice, because he ducked his head and cleared his throat.

Elated with his reaction, Steve confidently decided to have a little fun with Bucky. 

“Oh what, this?” Bucky looked back up and nodded as Steve gestured to his shirt.  His eyes were still wide and Steve noticed how tightly he was gripping his coffee mug.

But Steve just beamed back.  “I’ve actually had this shirt for years and it just got buried in all of my clothes.  I honestly forgot that I had it!”

Bucky continued to stare at Steve disbelievingly, as if questioning how he could lose a shirt that made him look like that.  But he didn’t say anything – he just nodded and took a breath before looking back down at the paper. 

Steve smirked to himself and leaned against the desk.  He was thinking about what he wanted to get done and who he had to train for the day when Sam and Darcy came in.  For once they were not bickering, but they certainly weren’t happy.  Sam looked straight ahead, ignoring Steve and Bucky while Darcy looked concerned.  But she grinned when she saw Steve and Bucky.

“Barnes, the proper etiquette suggests that a man gives up his seat for a lady.  Scram.”

Bucky grinned but didn’t move from his seat.  “Don’t you get pissed when the old men call you ‘sweetheart’ and ‘honey’?”

Darcy rolled her eyes.  “Yeah, seeing how I’m neither their granddaughters nor mistresses, they should call me by my name.”

“Alrighty.  Then first come first served, _sweetheart_.”  Bucky replied smugly.

Darcy’s eyes flashed but she gave Bucky a smirk.  “Check the bottom of the seat, hot shot.”

Bucky gave Steve a confused look, who only shrugged back.  He got up and looked under the seat and laughed incredulously.

“ _’Property of Darcy Lewis – whoever is found sitting in the chair is subjected to a beatdown’_.”  Bucky looked up at Darcy and Steve with an incredulous look. “Are you serious?”

“Dead serious,” Darcy said as the same time Steve said “I had no idea that was there.”

“Fine.  I’ll surrender.”  Bucky mockingly glared at Darcy as she settling in.  She gave him a superior look.

“Oooo, a chocolate croissant.”  She reached over and commandeered Steve’s breakfast, shooting him a look just beggin him to take it back. “They’re my favorite.”

Steve opened his mouth to protest, but Bucky rested a hand on his arm.  “I’ll grab you another.”  He said comfortingly before walking away.

Steve watched Bucky leave and tried not to watch the slight sway in his hips.  He looked back to Darcy grinning at him.

“Don’t give me that look, you stole my croissant.”  She laughed at his disgruntled tone and took a big bite of the pastry just to spite him.

“I see you’re wearing the shirt I like,” Darcy noted, shamelessly taking in his figure as Steve squirmed.  “Haven’t seen it in a while.”

“Darcy don’t make me remind you of our sexual harassment policy.”  He told her severely.  She tilted her head in confusion so Steve continued.  “’Anything that makes me uncomfortable is banned from the gym – including phrases, stares or remarks.’”

“Oh Steve, _everything_ makes you uncomfortable.”  Darcy replied, smiling at his annoyed look.  She leaned in closer.  “Does Bucky like the shirt?”  She asked curiously.

“This makes me uncomfortable.” Steve automatically said.  But when Darcy refused to back down, Steve replied in a matching whisper.  “I think so.”

Darcy wiggled in her seat and clapped her hands.  Steve rolled his eyes but still smiled.

At least until he saw Sam and Bucky come marching out of the breakroom.  Sam looked furious but Bucky was cheerful.

“I asked Sam to train me, but he said no!”  Bucky stated.  Despite practically everything being negative in that sentence, Bucky was still smiling.

Sam looked ready to throw something. 

“Uhhh, that’s okay Bucky.  I can train you.”  Steve said quickly, trying to ease the tension that sank into the room.

But Bucky shook his head.  “I need to get a different perspective.  Make sure I’m learning as much as I can.”

The excuse sounded genuine, but Steve had a feeling that there was something more to the story.

“Did you every think that maybe I don’t want to train you?”  Sam asked nastily, finally breaking his silence and bringing Steve back to reality.

“Yes, when you told me so in there.”  Bucky pointed in the back room, still smiling joyfully.  “But you’re not going to ignore a helpless and fragile boxer in need, are you?”

Sam looked like he was ready to rip Bucky’s smile off his face and Steve intervened again.

“Well, I am certainly _not_ going to let you train alone Bucky.  And I can help you now.”

The door then opened and a voice called, “Goooooooooood morning!”

Steve cringed as everyone turned to watch Wade and Peter walk into the gym.  Wade immediately made his way over to Darcy and gave her a gentle kiss on the lips.  He brought his hand up to caress her face as they gazed into each other’s eyes.

Steve was surprised by this intimate and tender display of affection and looked to Peter for an explanation.  But he just shrugged his shoulders.

“You guys are early.”  Sam noted.

“Hmmm?”  Wade asked absently, still stroking Darcy’s cheek.  Peter nudged him and Wade finally turned away.

“Oh, right!”  Wade cleared his throat.  “Steve, young Peter and I would be humbly honored if you could grace us with you presence and knowledge of the art of formal fighting down yonder within this fine establishment.  This young strapping man and I need all the guidance that you so selflessly provide.”  Wade flourished his hand in an attempt to make an eloquent speech.

Steve just stared at Wade, suspecting that he had another concussion.  “What are you talking about?”

“We were wondering if you could train us today.”  Peter said shortly.  “And I have work to do in the afternoon so that’s why we’re in a little earlier than before.”

“That’s basically what is said.”  Wade grumbled.

“Well, look at this!”  Darcy jumped in.  “Steve, you have two paying customers who want you to train them, so now Sam can train Bucky!”

“Wow!  You’re right Darcy!”  Bucky replied, grinning brilliantly.

While standing between them Sam looked as if he had a personal raincloud dumping buckets of water on him.

Steve’s sneaking suspicion of Bucky’s ulterior motive grew, and he now believed that he recruited Darcy and Wade into his plan.

“Fine,” Sam suddenly said, anger in his voice.  “If it’ll get everyone off my back, then I will train Barnes.”  He stormed off into the gym, leaving an awkward silence in his wake.

Well, an awkward silence for Steve.  Bucky grinned at Steve and followed Sam.  Steve could help the alarms going off in his head warning him of bad things to come, or the million terrible consequences that could occur from this arrangement.

A hand on his shoulder made him turn around and he saw Peter standing behind him with Wade on his side.  Both were looking at Steve expectantly.

“What do you want us to do today Steve?”

Steve glanced once more to Bucky before responding.

 _They’ll train for a half hour, 45 minutes tops._   He thought trying to soothe his anxious mind.  _What would go wrong?_

***

Surprisingly, nothing went wrong.

In the almost three hour session between Sam and Bucky there were no weights being used a weapons or impromptu challenges called.

Even though Steve was supposed to be keeping an eye on Wade and Peter, he was flat-out spying on Bucky and Sam, ready to run over and mediate if necessary.

But from what Steve could see, Bucky and Sam went through the workouts with no signs of one completely destroying the other.

And what’s more, Sam actually chatted with Bucky.  Steve couldn’t see or hear what they talked about, but it didn’t seem like they were arguing.  Sam even listened to Bucky without an angry expression – he had a more controlled look on his face.

Steve thought he was being discrete but a balled up piece of paper hit him right on the side of the head.  He looked over to Darcy, Wade and Peter sniggering into his hands.

“You’re all children.”  Steve spat at them.

“Oh lighten up Rogers,” Darcy retorted.  “Clearly nothing bad is going to happen, so you can quit your gawking.”

“I wasn’t _gawking_.”  Steve replied scathingly.  “It’s my job to keep an eye on the gym members.”

“Members?  Or one particular member?  And maybe _his_ member?”  Wade asked with an arched eyebrow and a juvenile smile.

“Watch it, Wilson.  I’ll make your next workout a living hell.”  Despite Steve’s threat, Wade continued to smirk.  “What are you guys still doing here anyway?  We ended your workout like an hour ago.”

“Gwen’s meeting us here and we’re going out to lunch before I have my work meeting.”  Peter said.  Even mentioning Gwen by name made Peter a big softy, his eyes wide and a dopey expression on his face.

“Oh, so you’re loitering?”

“Rogers, you wouldn’t kick us out on the streets.  You love having us here.”  Wade batted his eyelashes at Steve, which was definitely not having the effect he wanted.

Steve could grumble about the youths, but he would never admit he was happy they were around.  They made him laugh and they cared about each other – it was sweet to watch. 

The group around the desk hushed and Steve turned around to see Bucky and Sam head their way.  Bucky had a clean shirt on and looked exhausted but happy.  And Sam looked…unreadable.

“I’m gonna take my lunch now if that’s alright.”  He said to Steve.  His voice didn’t give away his emotions and he gave everyone a terse nod before walking out of the gym.

Bucky gave Darcy a quick smile before walking up to Steve.

“How’d it go?” Steve asked, hoping his anxiety didn’t show too much.

“Good,” Bucky replied.  Steve almost pulled his own hair at the simplistic answer before Bucky spoke again.  “I do like training with you more though.”

Steve tried to ignore the butterflies dancing around in his stomach, and for the most part he was successful.  “You guys trained for a long time.”

Bucky nodded.  “Yeah, Sam doesn’t mess around.”

“Well, I’m glad you enjoyed it.”  Steve said before an awkward silence shrouded them again.

“Thanks,” Bucky gave Steve a small smile.  “It’s funny, because for a lot of the moves he would show me, I thought _‘Well this is what Steve would do’_ or _‘Steve already showed me this.’_ ”  Steve could see a hint of a blush tinting Bucky’s cheeks but he continued stoutly.  “I guess you’ve gotten in my head.”

Steve smiled back warmly, trying not to show how stupidly happy Bucky’s words made him feel.

He wasn’t sure how long he and Bucky were smiling at each other, but clearly long enough for Wade to heckle them.

“Get a room!”

Bucky just smiled wider and shook his head, still not taking his eyes off of Steve.

“Well, we’re gonna escape this sexual tension before we get sucked in, Gwen is here anyway.  Not Steve,” Darcy changed her tone to one she uses to answer any question a gym member asks her.  “Both Sam and I are at lunch, so you’re going to have to take your eyes off your boyfriend and watch the gym.”

Wade and Peter laughed as Steve finally tore his gaze away from Bucky to flip Darcy the bird.  She laughed as she got up from her seat.

“I’ll be back in 45 minutes, okay?”

Steve waved a full hand at her.  “Take as long as you want.  I think Sam and I can handle the afternoon.”

Darcy grinned.  “Thanks!  I’ll see you later!”  She waved at the duo, who waved back.  Steve as Wade laced his fingers with Darcy’s and she gave him a radiant smile.  And further outside, Peter greeted Gwen with a swift kiss to the cheek that made his ears go red.  But Gwen just smiled sweetly and linked her arm into his.

The public displays of affection made Steve want to hurl, and he couldn’t help but roll his eyes towards Bucky, who shared a similar look of disgust.

“So where are Clint and Natasha?”  Bucky asked.

“Oh, she has a title fight tomorrow so they’re checking out the arena and doing some last minute press.”

“Oh wow.”  Bucky remarked.  “I didn’t realize she was in title fights.”

“Yeah, she has a few of her own.  I think Yelena Belova challenged her and she has to defend it or whatever – which she is more than capable of doing.”

“I don’t doubt that.”  Bucky chuckled.  “Are you going to a bar somewhere and watching it?”

Steve shook his head, unable to hide his glee.  “No, Natasha gets to bring any friends or family so Sam and I are usually able to get decent seats.”  Steve’s face fell for a second.  “I mean, if Sam is even my friend anymore.”

Jealously flickered across Bucky’s face.  “No way!  That is so cool.” His voice was envious, and Steve couldn’t contain his excitement.

“Clint made sure to save a spot for you!”  Steve blurted, almost laughing at the stunned expression on Bucky’s face.

“Oh no, there’s no way I could accept that.”  Bucky affirmed straight away.

“Bucky, Natasha would’ve told Clint ‘No’ if she didn’t want you there,” Steve reasoned.  “She doesn’t have family here, and I know it would mean a lot if she was surrounded by her friends.”

Bucky was silent, still looking uneasy.

“C’mon, it’s going to be fun!”  Steve said encouragingly.  “Expensive beer, girls hitting each other, how could you turn that down?”

“Well, to be honest two girls fighting doesn’t really _do it_ for me, if you know what I mean.”  He gave Steve a wink with a suggestive smile on his face.

This piece of information, while not 100% surprising, still dazed Steve.  And not only did it confirm his thoughts on Bucky, but now Steve could want Bucky and not worry about him ending up straight.

“Well, _I’m_ going to be there.  That’s my highest offer, take it or leave it.”

Bucky laughed and finally nodded his head.  “Alright, you’ve convinced me.  What time should I meet you?”

“I’m not sure,” Steve admitted.  “I gotta talk to Sam, or at least try to, and see if he’s gonna come or not.  I’ll let you know tomorrow.”

“Bright and early.”  Bucky nodded and turned to leave.

“Oh, by the way Steve,” Bucky looked back and met Steve’s eyes.  “If you wear that shirt again tomorrow, I can’t guarantee we’ll do much fighting.”  He smirked at Steve’s blush and strolled out of the gym.

***

“$20 says Natasha takes Yelena Belova down with one punch.”

“Oh, I will gladly take that bet.”

“Babe, you can’t bet against me.”

“Oh, I’m _sorry_ , are we in the 1950s and I can’t make my own decisions because of my _womanly_ thoughts?”

Steve couldn’t help but be amused and annoyed at Darcy’s sassy response.  Steve firmly believed in equality for everyone, despite their gender, race, sexual orientation, anything. But he’s been on the receiving end of her angry feminist rants and he thinks that she sometimes goes a tad overboard.

He still won’t forget the time she actually stood on a table at Peggy’s advocating for the end of demeaning and derogatory nicknames created to make women inferior to men after someone asked her to pass the sugar.

But now, the Saturday afternoon before Natasha’s title fight, Steve is enjoying himself as he watches Wade struggle to find a response that won’t piss of Darcy or put him further in the dog house.

However, Gwen comes to his rescue as she pats Darcy’s arm and whispers, “Remember when you asked me to tell you when you’re acting too harsh?  That’s right now.”

“But he assumed that I can’t make my own decisions!”  Darcy whined to her.

“I think he meant how he doesn’t want you to bet against him and not support him,” Gwen suggested kindly.

Darcy nodded shamefully and hugged Wade’s waist.  “I’m sorry I went crazy-woman on you.”  She said in a tiny voice.

But Wade just grinned and put an arm around her shoulder.  “No harm no foul.  I like when get all fired up and yell at me.”  He pulled her closer and planted a soft kiss on the side of her head.

Steve never would’ve pegged Wade as a risk-seeking maniac, fiercely loyal friend, and sweet and kind boyfriend.  But here he was.

“So Steve,” Darcy started, keeping her arms around Wade. “You going to the fight tonight?”

He nodded.  “Yeah, Clint got me, Bucky and Sam seats.”

“Oooooo, Bucky!”  Wade said promisingly.

“Yes, as a _friend_.”  Steve said firmly.  “But honestly, I have no idea if Sam’s gonna go.  I never got a chance to ask him yesterday.”  Steve remembers trying to find Sam in the afternoon, but Sam had kept himself occupied with other gym members and he had left without saying goodbye.  But he did text Steve, letting him know he’d be in late on Saturday.

“Well, speak of the devil.”  Darcy muttered under her breath.  Steve turned and felt his stomach drop at Sam’s flat expression.

“Can I talk to you alone?”  He asked in a low voice.

Steve nodded, his mouth suddenly dry.  He looked back to Darcy and the group around her.  She got his message and nodded.

“Uh, we’re gonna head out anyway.  Gotta prep for the viewing party at Gwen’s apartment.  I’ll see you guys tomorrow!”  She haphazardly gathered her things and whisked Wade, Peter and Gwen out before any of them could even give a wave goodbye. 

Steve braced himself as he turned to Sam.  He was ready for a resignation, swearing, and even the possibility of a fight.  Steve was almost wincing, ready for the blow.

“I owe you an apology.”  Sam said remorsefully.

The tension immediately seeped from Steve’s body at the admission.

“What are you talking about?”

Sam dropped his head and spoke to the ground – his voice was low but clear.  “After our conversation on Wednesday, I thought a lot about what you said.  I had to talk to Natasha and Clint to get their thoughts.  Hell, I even mentioned it to Peggy.  And they all told me the same thing.”

“Which is what?”  Steve asked quickly.

Sam met Steve’s gaze with an ashamed look.  “That I was being an asshole and acting like a child.”

Steve shook his head, immediately dispelling Sam’s words.  “But only because I was a jerk to you.”

“Yeah, but you apologized.  You were the bigger man and I was still angry.  I was small minded and rude.”

“I deserved it,” Steve said regretfully.  Even now he still cringes at how rotten he treated Sam.

“No.”  Sam’s response was steady.  “You didn’t deserve my selfish and idiotic behavior.  You’re my best friend Steve.  I’m supposed to trust your judgement and support you, and I couldn’t even do half of that.  All I did was cast your opinions to the side and treat them like dirt.”  Sam hung his head again.  “I’m a terrible friend.”

Steve felt marginally better, slowly realizing that Sam didn’t completely hate him.  But he still felt guilty, knowing it was his actions that caused Sam to act the way he did.

“Sam, you’re not a terrible friend.”  Steve tried to get Sam to meet his eye again, but he wouldn’t budge.  “Yes, it sucked when you said mean things about Bucky and you didn’t want to be his friend.  But deep down, I know you were looking out for me.  You’re a dedicated and strong-willed friend.  Like a mama falcon.”

Sam finally looked back up and gave Steve a weird look.  “Falcon?”

“Well, I was gonna say ‘mother hen’ but chickens are dumb.”

Sam snorted and gave Steve a tentative smile.  “Do you forgive me?”

Steve enthusiastically returned the smile, feeling a huge weight being lifted off his chest. “As long as you forgive me for being a bad friend.”

Sam’s smile widened and he held his hand out.  “We can be shitty friends together.”

“Deal.”  Steve grabbed the outstretched hand and pulled Sam in for a bro-hug.  And if they stayed together for longer than necessary, neither of them mentioned it.

After they pulled apart and slugged each other on the arm, Steve brought up Natasha’s fight.

“Oh yeah, if there’s still a seat I’m down.”  Sam said keenly.  But he quickly toned down his enthusiasm.  “But don’t think that I wanted to make up so I could go to the fight.  I missed you Steve.”

Steve smiled softly.  “I missed you too, Sam.”  He cleared his throat of the emotion building up and changed the subject.  “Bucky is gonna come too, if that’s okay.”

And to Steve’s astonishment, Sam smiled and nodded.  “Yeah, that’s awesome.  I’m gonna head home and change.  I’ll meet you back here.”

Steve nodded, still surprised by Sam’s amicability about Bucky.  He watched his friend jog off and only wondered at what Bucky told Sam to change his mind.

***

The crowds around the stadium were massive – scalpers selling tickets standing near anxious and desperate people asking for free spares.  There were even mobs of people protesting the fight, claiming how fighting for money will send you to hell.

Luckily Steve, Bucky and Sam bypassed the madness and went straight to Will Call to grab their VIP passes.

Bucky’s eyes widened as he hung the lanyard around his neck.  “I just assumed we were gonna have tickets for decent seats.”

“Nah, we’re part of Natasha’s entourage!  We get the best treatment.”  Sam said, clapping Bucky on the back.

It was still a shock to Steve to see Sam willingly and happily interact with Bucky.  And what’s more disbelieving is that Bucky seemed completely oblivious to the change in Sam’s attitude.

“Entourage?”  Bucky said nervously.  “Should I have worn better clothes?”

“No, you look great.”  Steve reassured him.  And Bucky did, wearing black joggers, a (very tight) black shirt under a casual black and gold letterman jacket.  He had his hair tied up in a small bun with high-top black and gold sneakers.

Steve had to choke down a gasp when he first saw Bucky’s outfit, and was having difficulty keeping his eyes off of him.

“You’ll actually fit in with the people in the other entourages.”  Sam told Bucky as they navigated through the crowd.

“Hey, shouldn’t we be going to our seats?”  Bucky asked as they walked further away from the entrances to the seats.

“Well, Nat’s fight isn’t until the end of the night.”  Steve replied, still looking for the right door.  “And where we’ll be sitting is the, as Sam put it, the ‘entourage’ box and that won’t be available to use until Natasha’s fight.  But there’s a green room area that we can hang in.  There’s free booze and food too.”

Bucky grinned.  “Sweet, I didn’t know Natasha had all the hookups.”

Steve shrugged.  “Yeah, she doesn’t really like to acknowledge it - doesn’t want people taking advantage of her.”

“Oh, I totally get that.”  Bucky muttered.

Steve realized that Bucky had fought professionally and should understand the glitz and glamour from backstage.  But seeing how Bucky was reacting to everything in awe and wonder made Steve think twice.

They finally found the right door and after showing their passes to a burly security guard they made their way downstairs.  Steve found a harried assistant with a headset and asked for Natasha Romanov’s locker room - they were promptly led to her quarters by the assistant himself.

Clint was pacing outside the door to Natasha, but brightened when he saw his friends walking his way.

“Hey!  Glad you guys could make it!”  He shook everyone’s hands and grinned.  Instead of his normal sweats and t-shirt getup, he was wearing a crisp black polo with a red spider on the pocket of the shirt.  He also looked smart wearing light khakis and polished shoes.  “You guys are lucky, it’ll be just you three in the box.”

“Tony can’t make it?  Oh, what a bummer.”  Steve said sarcastically.

“Tony…”  Bucky stated questioningly.

“Stark.  He’s Natasha’s largest sponsor.  He called me saying how Pepper wanted Italian food so he flew her to Italy.”  Clint shook his head.  “That guy has too much money.”

“And too much ego.”  Steve murmured.

Sam nodded in agreement but Bucky sputtered.  “Tony Stark?  As in Stark Industries?  Shit you guys are rubbing elbows with all the fancy folk!”

“Well _I_ try not to.  Tony and I don’t see eye-to-eye on a lot of things.”  Steve said irritably.

“Pepper, Tony’s girlfriend, is on the same roller derby team as Darcy and Steve is jealous whenever Tony buys the team new uniforms or equipment.”  Sam clarified.

“They don’t even need it!  They get new stuff every week because Tony has the attention span of a toddler!”  Steve countered.

“Somebody’s jealous.”  Bucky said quietly.

“I am not!”  Steve replied indignantly, and the looks Sam, Clint and Bucky gave him just made him scoff crossly.  “I need a drink.  Clint, will you tell Natasha we said ‘Good luck’?”

“Of course.”  Clint replied.  “And someone will come get you when you can go to the box.”  He waved and walked into the locker room.

“Okay, I need a beer stat.”  Steve muttered.  Talking about Tony Stark also stressed Steve out, and every time he had to endure interacting with him Steve always feels like he’s aged sixty years.

“Way ahead of you,” Sam said, leading the way to the green room.

TVs lined the walls, broadcasting the current fight happening above them.  A loaded bar was against one wall with a buffet set up on another.  Endless snacks and appetizers were piled on the table, and scantily clad women were holding trays of food and drinks.  Bucky eyed one blonde who walked by and gave Steve a look.  But Steve just held his hands up, unable to respond.

“I’m gonna grab some beer, you guys want anything?”  Sam called above the din.

Steve and Bucky nodded and Sam took off in the direction of the bar.  It left Steve standing close to Bucky, purely so he would be able to hear him.  Obviously.

Not because he always wanted to stand this close to him.

“Getting any feelings of nostalgia?  Steve asked.  He leaned over and spoke close so Bucky could hear.

Bucky gave him another annoyed look and also leaned in close.  “Nah man.  My manager and coaches never let me near this.”  His voice tickled Steve’s ear, and Steve had to exert massive amounts of control to not bury his face into Bucky’s neck.

“Really?”  Steve asked back, focusing on the conversation.

“No, they said it was poison for my body and my job was to focus on the fight.”

“That kind of sucks.”  Steve remarked.

Bucky shrugged but didn’t say anything back, so Steve dropped the subject.  They stood in silence, watching everyone else mill around and gab.

“I should’ve said before, but you look great too.”  Bucky leaned in close again to talk in Steve’s ear, and he placed a hand on Steve’s shoulder.  Steve’s heart hammered as he felt the heat from Bucky’s hand through his dark blue Henley.  He paired it with brown pants and grey sneakers – he didn’t think anything of the outfit, but the look Bucky was giving him made Steve feel like a million bucks.

But before he could do or say anything Sam returned with their drinks.

“Beer!  Sorry it took so long, a certain blonde convinced me to take a shot or two with her.  So I’m definitely getting drunk tonight!”  Sam grinned as he enthusiastically tapped his cup to Steve and Bucky’s.

Steve forced a smile back, wishing Sam waited two more minutes before returning.  He looked at Bucky, who looked very self-conscious.

“C’mon,” Steve said.  “Let’s get some food and watch the fights.”

They were able to snag seats right by the largest TV and enjoyed being served wings upon wings (or shots upon shots for Sam.)  Other groups came up and they chatted, but usually not for long.

Finally, the same assistant who helped them before, looking no less stressed, came up and said their box was ready.

Sam, fairly inebriated at this point, stood and cheered loudly.  Steve made sure to grab a couple of water bottles for him to drink during the fight.  He had no problem with Sam enjoying himself, but Steve had a feeling that he was going to be responsible for Sam later and he wanted to make it as easy as possible.

The three followed the assistant, passing other people running around – some were wearing similar headsets and others were carrying clipboards.

The wall of sound that greeted them as they walked into the arena almost deafened Steve.  He looked around at the full house of fans screaming and waving posters.  Steve smiled as he saw more than a few of those signs featuring Natasha.

The assistant brought them to their seats, an upgrade compared to those other stadium seats that filled the arena.  As they sat he asked if they needed anything else.

Steve cut across Sam, who looked ready to order another round, and assured him that they were fine.  The look Sam gave Steve was similar to the glares he received in the past weeks, and Steve just pressed the water bottles into Sam’s hands.

“No drinking now.  Finish these and at the after party you can have more.”

The promise of more alcohol brought another dazed grin to Sam’s face and he nodded.

“After party?”  Bucky asked on Steve’s other side.

“Yeah, Tony set it up at a club he part-owns.  It happens whether or not Natasha wins, but it’s definitely more fun when she wins, trust me.”

Bucky nodded, no doubt thinking about Natasha’s fury if she lost.

He went to say something else but the lights dimmed and dramatic music filled the arena.

“Ladies and gentlemen, please prepare yourselves for the final title fight of the night!”

The roar that accompanied the brief into was booming but didn’t stop Steve, Bucky and Sam from joining in.  The lights shined onto the ring, where a man in a tuxedo stood holding a microphone.  Steve could spot Natasha sitting in her corner, wearing her black robe with red accents.  Clint stood right outside the ring, his poker face in place.

“In this corner, we have the challenger, Yelena, the Tiny Spider, Belova!”  The announcer gestured to the corner where a blonde woman sat.  She stood up and shrugged out of her own robe, sending a sneer to Natasha.  There were a few cheers piercing the air, but the boos and hisses drowned them out.

“And in this corner stands our title defender, Natasha, the Black Widow, Romanov!”

Steve and Bucky clapped loud and Sam whistled with his fingers in his teeth.  Yelena’s entourage, sitting in the box next to theirs, glared at Sam’s enthusiasm.  Bucky had no problem returning the stare until the last snob turned her head away.

“Fighters, meet in the middle and let’s get ready to rumble!”

Fans cheered as Natasha and Yelena came together.  The referee issued quick warnings and general rules about the fight.  Loud music played during the exchange, and Steve looked over to Clint, who happened to glance in their direction.  Clint gave Steve a quick nod and returned his hawk-like eyes back to the ring.

It was always this pageantry, the obnoxious lights and effects that made Steve hate fighting.  There were some sports that depended on this spectacle but Steve could barely tolerate it here.

Finally, the ref had Natasha and Yelena bump gloves and both retreated to their corners.  Steve could see Clint whisper last-minute plans and tactics into Natasha’s ear, but she kept her face in a cool indifference.  Despite the strobe lights and loud music, Steve began to feel the excitement and anxiety he would feel before his own fights.  He couldn’t imagine keeping his face as calm as Natasha’s now, and certainly back then.

The referee slashed his hand down and yelled “Fight!”  Both Natasha and Yelena came to the center as the fans roared again.

Steve loves being able to watch Natasha fight.  Seeing her go against a bag in the gym isn’t the same as facing an (almost) equal opponent.  She’s quick on the offense and has that great sixth sense and is able to stop every hit Yelena attempts to lay on her.

The first and second three-minute round goes pretty similar.  Natasha keeps her perfect score of ten points each time for winning the round and successfully blocking Yelena’s punches.

Yelena, on the other hand, starts to show her strain early on.  Instead of keeping her nine points for losing the rounds, she earns a seven and a six, one point deducted for each time Natasha lands a punch or when Yelena falls to the ground.

Between the second and third round, Steve leans over to Bucky.  “You doing okay?”

Bucky nods, his eyes wide with admiration.  “Yeah, this is great!  Natasha is kicking ass.”

Steve smiles, and for the third round he watches Bucky’s expressions and reactions.  He can’t help but beam as Bucky nods strongly, or even says a quiet “Yeah!” while watching the fight.

It seems that Natasha would be able to end this soon, but of course Yelena would get her second wind and finally land her punches on Natasha.

She goes on to win the fourth, fifth, sixth and even seventh rounds.  Natasha finally shows some of her emotions, letting a small amount of fury cross her face.

Steve can understand, seeing how Yelena is just dodging and finding small openings to attack.  And anytime Natasha tries to retaliate, Yelena just darts out of the way, not even attempting to block.

Steve is frustrated and by the way Bucky and Sam are yelling, he knows they feel the same.

“This is bullshit!  She’s not even _trying_ to fight!”  Bucky exclaims angrily.

“Yeah!  What he said!  And more angry words like that!”  Sam yells, still drunk.

Steve watches Clint whisper heatedly into Natasha’s ear as she sits, catching her breath and waiting for the eighth round to start.  And as soon as the bell rings, Natasha storms up with a simple yet murderous look on her face.

Steve would bet all his money on this being the final round.

They start somewhat tame.  But Natasha pulls back, like she’s ready to go in for a hit.  Yelena sees this attempt, and puts herself in an offensive position, waiting to hit Natasha’s weak spot.

That would never show.

Yelena, taking the offense, leaves the right side of her face wide open.  And Natasha moves at an inhuman speed to whack that sweet spot with as much force as possible.

Yelena falls like a tree and lays motionless on the mat.  The “Ohhs” come from all around as everyone waits for the next move.

Yelena feebly stirs and attempts to get up.  Natasha immediately swoops in to finish the fight, but the bell rings and she is held back by the referee.  The ring physician steps in and quickly rushes to Yelena’s side.

The crowd starts chanting “Romanov!  Romanov!  Romanov!”  Steve, Bucky and Sam all join in, standing on their feet (Sam a bit wobbly).  Natasha retreats to the far side of the ring, pacing intimidatingly.

The physician, referee and judges convene and quickly discuss.  Eventually the referee returns to Natasha’s side while the announcer gets back on the speaker.

“Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for your defending champion, Natasha Romanov!”

The crowd goes wild, cheering louder than ever as the referee holds Natasha’s arm to the sky.  Steve is just yelling, with Bucky clapping and Sam whistling again.

As soon as the referee releases Natasha, Clint dives into the ring and pulls her into a bone-crushing hug as the crowd resumes chanting “Romanov!”  She leaves Clint’s embrace to pump her fists into the air and wave to the crowd.

She turns her gaze to the box where Steve, Bucky and Sam are still cheering.  She finally cracks, a grateful and thrilled smile spreading across her face.  She held her hands to her chest and back out to her three friends, expressing her gratitude in the best way Natasha can – by not saying it at all.

But Steve wouldn’t have it any other way.

She and Clint finally leave the arena and Steve turns to Bucky and Sam.

“She’s gonna be pissed it was a technical knockout, and not a true knockout.  She won’t get as much credit.”

“But she won!  Wooo!”  Sam cheered again.

“Yeah, but it’s Natasha.”  Steve countered.

“Hell, _I’d_ be pissed.”  Bucky chimed in.

“Well it doesn’t matter!  We have more pressing matters at hand.”  Sam claimed.  “I drank the water, so I get more booze!”

He missed the exasperated look Steve shot Bucky.

***

The music is loud with the bass thumping so much it hurts Steve’s ears.  But he just takes a sip of his drink and smiles.

He’s surrounded by smiles, everyone celebrating Natasha’s victory at The Iron Man.  The crowd cheered for her earlier when she entered the club, wearing a tight and flattering black dress with the straps handing off her shoulders.  She gave everyone a small smile, but had made a beeline for Steve to give him a tight hug and bigger smile.

“You have _so much_ to tell me,” she had whispered in his ear.  He nodded eagerly, but she was quickly swept away by Clint for interviews and meet  & greets.

That was two hours ago and since then Steve had drifted from group to group, keeping an eye on Sam.  He was currently attempting to drink Clint under the table.  A collection of shot glasses littered their table and Steve knew he would be taking care of two grown babies tonight.

But distracting Steve from those stressful thoughts was Bucky, who joined him at his high-top table.

“Dude, I was just talking to the lead actor in that action movie we saw a few weeks ago!  He was so chill, it was awesome.”

Steve smiled at Bucky’s excitement.  “That’s so cool.  I didn’t know you were a big fan of his.”

“Oh yeah, he’s one of my favorite actors.  God this has been such a great night.”  Bucky gave Steve a bright smile.  “Thank you for inviting me along.”

“It’s no big deal.”  Steve said, downplaying how Bucky’s praise meant a lot to him.

“No, this was huge.”  Bucky stated.  “But not even just this.  Thank you Steve, for everything.”  He sounded so serious and so genuine that Steve could only nod, unable to speak.

A bright flash distracted him and a photographer for the event peeked out from behind his camera.  “Great pic, you guys make a cute couple.”

Before Steve or Bucky could correct him, the man shuffled off to take more photos.  Steve glanced over to Bucky and huffed an embarrassed laugh.  But if he had to admit it, his heart was pounding at the idea of being called a couple with Bucky.

Bucky gave Steve a chagrined look, but moved around the table, stepping closer to Steve.

“You know, everyday I’m so thankful that I came to your gym.”  Bucky said casually.  But the look he was giving Steve was anything but casual – his grey eyes were piercing straight into Steve’s with enough intensity to still Steve’s heart.

“Really?”  Steve asked, thankful that he didn’t stammer, considering how he felt like his tongue would fall out of his mouth.

Bucky nodded slowly.  “If I didn’t join your gym, I would have never met you.  And I know my life would be infinitely worse if I didn’t have such a friendly, considerate, generous friend like you Steve.”  He took another step closer and gently put his hand on Steve’s arm.  And left it there.

Steve was certain that he was dreaming.  Shouldn’t he be hearing the music blaring, or seeing the other people shuffle around him?  Because all Steve could hear was the erratic and fast thumping of his heart, and he only saw Bucky standing in front of him, staring back at him with eyes full of adoration and desire.

There’s no way Bucky would be looking at Steve like that, as if _he_ wanted Steve, unless it was a dream, right?

But the steady hand on his arm applying the faintest amount of pressure was keeping Steve grounded, reminding him that he certainly wasn’t dreaming and this was oh so wonderfully real.

Steve smiled and quickly looked down to Bucky’s lips.  He was close enough to see they were slightly chapped, but still soft.  He shivered, knowing that he would finally tell what those lips felt like on his own.  Steve leaned in slightly, and his heart rate picked up when he saw Bucky do the same.  He closed his eyes, ready to claim what he’s been wanting for so long.

And he promptly smashed his forehead against Bucky’s.  Hard.

Granted it wasn’t Steve’s fault.  It was the wildly loose and flailing limbs that belonged to Clint, who just attempted to hug Steve at the worst possible moment in history.

Steve almost wished he was dreaming now instead of living in this mortifying nightmare.

“Stevie!  Oh man, I’ve missed you sooooo much!”  Drunk Clint was fun, sweet, and once he latched on he refused to let go.

“Hi Clint,” Steve said gruffly, attempting to maneuver him so Clint would be clutching the table and not Steve’s back.

Once he successfully got Clint half-laying on the table he looked at Bucky, who was still rubbing his forehead.  He gave Steve a small smile, but Steve could see the disappointment on his face.

Steve was sure it mirrored his own.

“Steeeve,” Clint started.  “Sam started talking about love and it made me think of Natasha and it made me saaaaad.”  He pouted, and to Steve’s aggravation Clint’s eyes looked bright and his chin wobbled.

“Oh yeah, where is she?  I still haven’t properly congratulated her.”  Bucky asked, craning his neck around.

At the word ‘her’ Clint burst into tears and held his face in his hands, sobbing.  Bucky looked to Steve alarmed, but Steve only shook his head.

“Clint is a weepy drunk.”  He explained, and a look of comprehension dawned Bucky’s face.

“She’s off doing another interview Bucky.”  Clint continued to sob into his hands, so his voice was muffled.  “I just, I just love her so much!”  Clint hiccupped and his shoulders shook.

“I know buddy, I know.”  Steve put an arm around his friend’s shoulder and tried his best to comfort Clint.

“If he’s talking about Natasha again, I _don’t_ want to hear it.”  Sam’s irritated and slurred voice drifted towards them as Sam stumbled up to the table.  “He went _on_ and _on_ about how her hair is silky and smooth.”

“It is!”  Clint cried miserably.  “I could run my hand through it all day and never grow tired.”  He paused and for a brief second, Steve thought he was done crying.  But a fresh wave of sobs overcame him and he set his head on the table and cried.

Sam rolled his eyes in disgust and just downed his drink.

“Okay, how are you still functioning?”  Bucky asked Sam, eyeing the glass Sam was holding as Steve continued to pat Clint’s shoulder.

“Booted and rallied in the bathroom when we got here, up top!”  He grinned and swung his hand up for a high five, which nearly threw him on his ass if Bucky didn’t reach out to steady him.

“Sam no, that is a very bad thing.”  Steve scolded as Clint cried into his neck.

“You know what’s a bad thing?  Being rejected three times by the same woman! Three!”  Sam angrily held out two fingers to try and emphasize his point – Steve thought better than to correct him.  But Sam continued.  “I asked her out three times and she said no!  Every time!  Is it _me_?  Am I ugly?  Unlovable?”  To Steve’s immediate alarm Sam’s chin also began to wobble.

“It Sam a weepy drunk?”  Bucky asked cautiously.

“No, this is not good.”  Steve replied quickly.  “I gotta get these guys home, would you give me a hand?”

Bucky nodded and went to Sam’s side.  Steve could hear him speaking words of comfort and encouragement to drunk Sam as he led Clint out, who was still sniffling.

A line of taxis were waiting outside the club.  Steve picked one at random and shoved Clint in.  Steve saw his head lolling to the side and knew it was only a matter of time before he would crash.

He turned to Bucky and Sam, who thankfully looked much happier than before.  Sam pulled Bucky into a tight hug and slapped his cheek endearingly.

Steve steered Sam to the taxi giving him a stern look.  “Do not torment Clint.”

Sam attempted to roll his eyes but ended up going cross-eyed.  He shook his head and muttered.  “Yeah, whatever mom.”

Steve heaved a huge sigh and finally looked to Bucky. “I’m gonna take these guys home.  I just have to talk to Natasha first.”

“It’s cool.”  Bucky said.  “I’ll go find her and let her know.  As long as you can handle them.”  He nodded towards the taxi where Sam was dragging a half-comatose Clint into taking selfies.

Steve nodded.  “Yeah, this isn’t the first time this has happened.  And it probably won’t be the last.”

Bucky smiled, but it was nowhere near as intense as before.  “You’re a good friend, Steve Rogers.”

“Thanks Buck.”  Steve replied, exhaustion finally catching up to him.  They stood there for a while, neither wanting to be the first to break away.

“I’ll go find Natasha, yeah?”  He started to turn away slowly, but when it became clear that Steve wouldn’t say anything Bucky gave him a wistful smile.  “I’ll see you tomorrow Steve.”

Steve just raised a hand in farewell, cursing himself for not pulling Bucky in close and pleading him to come home with Steve.  He climbed into the taxi – sure enough Clint was snoring against the window and Sam was shooting off texts left and right.

Not having enough energy to see who Sam was talking to, Steve told the driver his address and sat back in his seat.  He was quite upset with how the night ended.  Even though he had a great time with his friends, that isolated feeling creeped up and settled on Steve’s shoulders that always came around when Steve was reminded he would be going home alone tonight.  He hated this demoralizing unhappiness and how lonesome it made him feel.

A text shook him from his thoughts and he looked down at his phone.

_OG Boxer (Bucky)_

_I still meant everything I said.  And what I didn’t say._

 

Steve smiled, although the message only worsened Steve’s gloomy mood.

He leaned back again, sharing the cab with his equally lonely friends, and closed his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 11, holy words! I think this may be the longest chapter, or one of the longer ones. But I think you guys are okay with that! Just a quick few things, I do NOT condone binge drinking. It’s mentioned briefly in this fic, and it is definitely NOT okay. Second, I kind of used boxing knowledge I researched and how I would want a match to happen, so if they are not accurate I apologize! But I hope some of you will be happy knowing that Steve and Sam patched things up, and I’m sorry to leave you with that almost-kiss! :) Thanks for all of the love from chapter 10, you guys are the best!


	12. Chapter 12

“Dude, why do you have to stomp around so much?”  Sam complained as he brought his pillow down over his head.  Steve ignored him and continued walking towards the kitchen to grab a beer for himself and a water bottle for Sam.

Steve had spent most of his Sunday down working in his gym, but Darcy told him to go upstairs and relax.

Well, her exact words were “keep the annoyance upstairs occupied.”

The annoyance in this situation was Sam, who was still feeling the effects of last night’s celebrations – and he was paying for it dearly.  From what Steve could tell, he has not moved from his spot on the couch.  But he just knows that Sam must’ve made a few trips to the bathroom.  Call it an intuition.

Steve, because he was a good and kind friend, tried to make as little noise as possible as he got up in the morning.  He had to admit it was an adorable sight to see Clint, who crashed on Steve’s couch after returning from the club, half-draped on the couch with his other half lying on the floor, while Sam was scrunched into the corner of the couch.

Steve may have snapped a few pictures of the pair, sending them to Natasha and Darcy.  Darcy sent back a flurry of emojis ranging from a laughing face to a fire house, while Natasha replied with a dry ‘Ha ha.’

But Steve’s giving mood was long gone and he knew that same was overplaying his condition.

“Sam, its four o’clock in the afternoon, there is no way you’re still hungover.”

“You don’t know my life,” Sam sighed dramatically, turning over and covering his eyes with his arm.  Steve just rolled his eyes and drank his beer.

They sat in silence, watching whatever garbage Sam had put on TV.  Steve could barely focus on the simplistic plot, his mind wandering to last night’s events.

He replayed each interaction with Bucky, analyzing the small smiles they shared and obsessing over the scorching looks Bucky laid on him.  And despite the unexpected turn their night took with the displeasure still fresh in his mind, the regretful look Bucky gave Steve before they parted was at the forefront. 

Of course, there was the nagging part of his head that mentioned Bucky was drunk and there was no way that he would be interested in Steve.  The ideas that he came up with were obscure and foolish, but still there.

But Bucky’s blazing gaze dashed (almost) all of those thoughts away.

“Steve, are you with me?”  Sam’s voice broke into Steve’s consciousness.  “I’ve been talking to you for the last five minutes, did you hear anything I said?”

Steve shook his head.  “Sorry, I’ve got a lot of thoughts up in the old brain.”

“Yeah, sure.”  Sam said sarcastically.  “I know you only got one thought, and his name is Bucky Barnes.”  Steve tried to shake his head in disagreement, but stopped when Sam shot him a look.  “Please, you two were making lovey-dovey eyes to each other all last night.”

“You were drunk out of your mind last night.”  Steve countered, trying to hide his own blush.

“A blind man could see the chemistry between you two.”

Steve didn’t reply, contemplating Sam’s words.  Despite Sam’s guarantee, the troublesome thoughts in his head were growing stronger, listing more precise and detailed reasons as to why Bucky wouldn’t have any interest in Steve.  He’s done nothing with his life, he’s an embarrassment to professional boxing and he takes everything too seriously.  Who would want to waste their time with someone like that? _Not Bucky_ Steve thought pessimistically.  Especially since last night Steve didn’t make any attempt to go to him, or even _say_ anything after their almost-kiss.  Bucky was expecting something, he lingered behind, waiting for Steve to swoop in and finally embrace him.

Steve messed that up, and now he’s sure that Bucky will want nothing to do with him.   _Or maybe he’s making some elaborate plot to string me along_ , Steve thinks frantically.  _And when I finally put my guard down, Bucky will reveal his sick joke and leave me high and dry._

Steve brings his head back against the couch and sighs up towards the ceiling.

“What’s up?”  Sam asks, nudging him on the shoulder.  “I thought the attraction was a good thing, aren’t you into Bucky?”

Steve just sighed again.  “I am, but too much.  I’m just paranoid that he won’t feel the same way as me, or he’ll back out at the last second or something like that.”

“Okay knowing you, you’re probably worried about much more than that.”  Sam replied.  “Trust me, he’s really into you.”

“Oh yeah,” Steve challenged.  He tried to sound tough despite the negative thoughts swirling around his head. “How do you know?”

“Like I said, the chemistry between you two is unreal.”  Sam said his words carefully.  He frowned at Steve and shrugged his shoulders.  “That’s all I can say.”

“All you can say?”  Steve asked, extreme curiosity getting the best of him.

Sam nodded and pursed his lips.  Steve knew it would be easier to defeat an army of aliens in the city than to get Sam to divulge any more information on Bucky.  So he just nodded with the worry still hanging around in his gut.

Sam noticed his uneasiness and sighed.  “Okay, well how was it today when Bucky came into the gym?  Did he seem annoyed or upset with you?”

Steve shook his head, feeling marginally better.  He had been expecting some form of awkwardness or discomfort to ruin the dynamic between Steve and Bucky, and he was ready to flounder and embarrass himself in an attempt to create normal conversation.

But Bucky had strolled into the gym, for once not beating Steve downstairs in the morning.  But he was still smiling.  He and Steve talked about the fight from the night before, and Bucky inquired about the well-being of Clint and Sam.  And by the time Bucky left the gym, Steve had wondered why he was so concerned about before – the minute Bucky walked into the gym Steve had relaxed every so lightly.  And as Bucky spoke and made Steve laugh, Steve felt more at ease than ever before.

But Steve knows that everything will crash and burn, as it always had in his life.

He mentioned all of this to Sam, who just rolled his eyes again.  “Steve, you gotta believe me.  He is into you.  Have some faith.”

“Yeah but -” Steve started to list off another reason why Bucky wouldn’t like him, but Sam abruptly interrupted.

“Look, I’m too hungover for this so I’m only gonna say it once.  You’re a catch Steve Rogers.  You’re so kind and generous, and you really can’t see how great you are.  Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, because you’re not a dick and taking advantage of other people, but it sucks because when something great comes along you throw it to the side because of whatever bad shit happened to you in your past.  _You_ bring us together and make us a family.  It wasn’t Clint who invited me to Peggy’s to dinner for the first time, it was _you_.  Darcy certainly didn’t tell me about her derby matches, it was _you_.  It’s not me who keeps the other gym members around, it’s _you_.  You care _so much_ about other people – take Wade and Peter for example.  If they joined any other gym they would be paying ten times the rate and not get nearly as much time and appreciation that you give them.  That you give to _all_ of the gym members.  You inspire me to be a better person.  But even I gave it my all and became the next Martin Luther King, Jr., it wouldn’t be a quarter of what you give on your worst day.  The sooner you realize that Bucky saw this within the first five minutes of meeting you, the quicker you’ll realize that he’s not gonna fuck around with you.”

Steve is stunned silent by Sam’s angry-ranting praise.  He goes to Sam for the tough love and the hard truth, not for any tribute or compliments.  Even if his delivery was a tad harsh.

Sam glances at Steve’s astounded look and shakes his head.  “Like I said, one and done.  My head is still pounding and I want peace and quiet and greasy food.”

Steve nods, forcing the gratitude and pleasure that he feels to put on a normal, tough guy act.  He even punches Sam on the arm for emphasis.  “Cool, do you wanna shoot down to Peggy’s and grab dinner?”

To Steve’s surprise, Sam widens his eyes and quickly shakes his head.

“Why?  You’re always game for Peggy’s apple pie.”  At the second mention of Peggy’s name, Sam winced.

A light went off in Steve’s head.  “Oh my god, is Peggy the one who turned you down three times?!”

Sam turned to Steve with an accusing look.  “How’d you know that?”

“You told me last night that a woman turned you down three times, while holding up two fingers.”  Steve tried to joke with Sam, who ignored the ridicule.  “I had no idea it was Peggy.”

Sam nodded, playing with the label on his water bottle.  Steve felt a pang of pity, seeing Sam hang his head and he wonders if Sam’s thinking those nasty thoughts he said last night about himself.

Sam quickly looked back at Steve’s sympathetic face and grit his teeth.  “Don’t give me that look, Rogers.  I’m fine.  I just need a few days until I can go back to the diner without humiliating myself.  Again.”

Steve hesitated.  “Do you at least wanna tell me what happened?”

“Absolutely not.”  Sam reached over and snatched Steve’s beer and took it for himself. 

Steve let it go, sensing the fragile emotional state Sam was wallowing in.

“Alright, well how about pizza?  Or Chinese food?”  Steve got up from the couch and wandered back into the kitchen to rifle through his stash of take-out menus.

“Pizza,” Sam called from the living room.  Steve glanced through the endless colorful menus when he remembered the amazing pizza he shared with Bucky.  He reaches for his phone to text Bucky and find out if they delivered.

So what if Steve quickly types out a message and sends it in a rush?  He’s hungry – he’s certainly _not_ jumping at the first valid opportunity to talk to Bucky.

 _Oh who am I kidding_?  Steve thinks wryly.

**Me**

**Do you know if that pizza place you dragged me to delivers?**

Steve had just grabbed another beer from the fridge when his phone went off.

_OG Boxer (Bucky)_

_Dragged?  Pretty sure you ate the whole thing by yourself._

_And he does deliver.  Just say my name and Vito’ll toss in some free breadsticks_.

**Me**

**Vito?  I’m assuming he’s the one who you gossiped with about me in a foreign language (rude)**

_OG Boxer (Bucky)_

_Maaaaaaayyyyyyybbbbbbeeeeee…….. :D :D :D_

**Me**

**You still never really told me when you learned Italian**

_OG Boxer (Bucky)_

_Well how about I tell you over dinner?  Vito’s cousin owns an Italian restaurant just down the way from his pizza shop.  Tomorrow night?_

**Me**

**Yeah that sounds good**

_OG Boxer (Bucky)_

_Great, it’s a date_.

Steve couldn’t help the smile that spreads across his face.  A wave a relief washes over him – Bucky was still interested.  He wouldn’t have called it a date if he wasn’t serious, right?

Bucky was either really into Steve or he was a huge fan of playing extravagant mind games with Steve.

Settling on the former, Steve allowed himself to revel in the euphoria and dialed Vito’s for delivery.

***

Steve knows he has to concentrate – he can’t get derailed or distracted.

But that is becoming extremely problematic when his eyes trail down Bucky’s form and takes in his beautifully sculpted muscles.

 _No, Steve.  Focus, dammit_.

He is currently watching Bucky work with a speedbag and as Steve attempts to zone in on Bucky’s technique, his eyes wandered from his hands to his arms down his chest and to his abs.

Okay Steve needs to do something about this.  And quick.

“Hey Buck, why don’t we go work on the bag in the ring?”  Bucky turned to him and nodded, catching his breath.

They haven’t talked much today.  Bucky came in late again, just after Steve had opened so they wasted no time and got right to work.  Bucky was mainly keeping to himself, focusing on his routines.  It had worried Steve at first, thinking that Bucky changed his mind about diner.  But before Bucky started his warm up, he brought it up to Steve.

“We’re still on for dinner tonight right?”  Bucky’s voice was cautious and he looked unusually nervous – a huge change from his normal suave and boisterous personality.

“Yeah of course.”  Steve had reassured him.  “I’m really looking forward to it.”

Bucky’s returning smile was full of relief and enthusiasm and it was a good thing he turned away to start his workout because Steve had half a mind to grab his face and kiss the living daylight out of him.

Since then, every time Bucky and Steve’s gazes would meet they would share a shy smile or look away bashfully.  More often than not it was Bucky who turned away first, a slight blush tinting his cheeks.  Steve had to work hard to stop himself from wriggling with excitement and smiling like a fool.

Steve knew he was in way too deep and there was no way he would allow them to go back with being just friends.  How could Steve be platonic with someone that made him feel like he was more than a failed boxer and gym owner – Bucky had pulled the best of Steve, hidden in their dusty spots in his mind and gave them value.  Sure Sam, Natasha, Clint and Darcy also made Steve feel appreciated and loved, but in the spots where they failed simply because of being best buds, Bucky was able to easily fill the gaps that had been ignored for so very long.

Steve was aware of this dangerous dependency, and he was still waiting for Bucky to leave and never come back.  But the fear of rejection and loneliness was growing smaller with each small grin Bucky sent his way.

“Will you two be able to keep your hands to yourselves?”  A snide voice carried over the gym to Steve.  He shot a look over to Darcy, who was smirking from her spot at the desk.  Sam, Natasha and Clint were standing around her with matching grins of their own.

“Yeah, d’you two need a minute alone?”  Sam drawled.

Bucky just smiled and looked down.  Steve felt a pleasant heat tint his cheeks at Bucky’s chagrin.

“I give my thanks to the peanut gallery.”  He called to them, which earned him a few laughs in return.

Steve and Bucky ducked under the ropes as they stepped into the ring.  “How about you go through Routines B & E and then we’ll get on the bag.”

Bucky nodded at Steve’s plan while stretching his arms.  He rolled his shoulders and began punching and swiping the air.  Steve left him to his shadow boxing, retreating to his friends at the sideline before he could get too distracted by Bucky’s movements.

“Things seem to be going well.”  Clint started with a smile.

“Yeah, and they would be going much better if _someone_ didn’t cock-block him on Saturday.”  Darcy responded alluringly.

Clint put up both hands.  “I have no recollection of my actions on Saturday, and therefore have no responsibility for my actions.”

Sam snorted.  “Yeah, I doubt that would hold up in a court of law.”

“Well, it doesn’t matter.”  Steve cut in before Clint could reply.  “Bucky and I are getting dinner tonight at some Italian restaurant – he knows the owner’s brother I think.”

Everyone around him hooted and clapped as Steve turned red again.  Nonetheless he smiled at the encouragement and teasing, too joyful to get wound up.  He looked at Natasha, who looked rarely satisfied. 

“I’m happy for you Steven.”  Her voice was full of unnatural warmth and sweetness and Steve’s heart swelled with happiness.

“Thanks Nat.”  He said quietly, trying to convey more gratitude into his voice.  He thinks he was successful, seeing how the corner of her lips perked up ever so slightly.

“We need details, Rogers!”  Darcy demanded eagerly.  “What are you going to wear?  What are you gonna say?  Who will top and -”

“Okay, nobody needs to know that.”  Sam immediately cut across Darcy and glared at her.  “Just let the man be.”

Darcy scowled but thankfully backed down.  “Spoilsport.”  She muttered as she crossed her arms.

Steve just shook his head, but gave Sam a grateful look.  “I’m gonna get back to Bucky.  Are you guys sticking around?”

“Duh.  What else would we be doing, knitting?”  Natasha huffed a laugh at Clint’s response and somehow missed the dopey look he gave back to her.

Steve didn’t, and he gave Clint a small smile as he jogged back over to Bucky.  Bucky met his eyes and nodded shortly and took his spot up by the bag.  He didn’t have his playful smile anymore, but Steve knew that Bucky was absorbed and concentrating on perfecting his craft.  And all Steve could do was hold the bag still and give out encouraging words and polite criticisms.

Bucky was zoned in on the bag and Steve was finally able to focus on Bucky’s technique and not his physique.  He watched as Bucky started small and simple and slowly switch into more elegant and intricate combos.  Steve was proud that Bucky was able to change his routine at a quick prompt from Steve, knowing the amount of trust that Bucky has in Steve.  While Steve is able to keep his mind busy with Bucky’s current training, he still feels honored with the level of confidence Bucky gave him.

“Ahh!  There you are James!”

Bucky froze at the malicious and confident voice calling above the racket of the gym.  He didn’t just stop his punch or put down his arms, he completely froze.  Steve looked to Bucky and saw wide and fearful eyes staring into the bag.

Steve straightened up and looked for the source. He saw an older man wearing a classy suit and tie stroll over to the ring.  He was flanked by two enormous men wearing black jumpsuits – one was casually but carefully scoping the gym and its inhabitants but the other was keeping a stern and cold eye on Steve.  Steve didn’t know who these people were but he immediately felt the tension and protectiveness surge through him.  He glanced back to Bucky and saw him standing still, a statue of terror.

“James,” the old man called again, a stern scolding tone seeping into his voice.  “It’s rude to ignore me.  We’ve been over this before.”

“Is there something I can help you with?”  Darcy’s spoke out harshly and authoritatively.  “Like maybe with your beer gut or your flabby ass?”

The scoping bodyguard turned to Darcy and took an intimidatingly step forward, which caused Sam to immediately step in front of Darcy protectively.  But the second bodyguard just continued to stare at Steve menacingly, his eyes narrowed and a look of pure loathing on his face.

“It’s alright Jack.  We should introduce ourselves to these…lovely people.”  The older man gave Darcy a leering smile that looked so terribly deceptive.  “My name is Alexander Pierce.  But you may know me as James’ manager and trainer.”

Steve felt the shock ripple across his face and he heard Natasha and Clint suck in a breath.  But Alexander just grinned and laughed at Steve’s face.  “Oh, so I’m guessing that you don’t know who I am.  Has our dear James never talked about me?  Oh James.”  He sounded genuinely upset but it sounded wrong coming from his polite and deceptive smile.  “I thought I made a much better impression.  Apparently not.”  He chuckled, and the sound raised the hairs on Steve’s neck.

Steve glanced again at Bucky and was alarmed to see Bucky still frozen, holding his arms up and facing the bag.  Steve wants to reach out to him but he knew he couldn’t turn his back on Pierce and his cronies. 

“Bucky doesn’t have a trainer anymore.”  Steve spoke cautiously and forcefully, finally meeting Pierce’s eyes.  He kept his gaze stone cold and refused to shudder at the sharp and ruthless expression on Pierce’s face.

But Pierce gave Steve a skeptical look, his eyes still hard and cruel.  “Did you tell you that?  James.”  His voice changed from a pleasant mockery to a stern authoritative.  “Посмотри на меня Дурак.”

Steve turned to see Bucky finally move but he was sickened at the rigid and directed movements - Bucky immediately turned around and faced Pierce with his back as straight as a rod and his chin up.  But despite the practiced and forced moves, Steve noticed a trembling in his hands and saw his eyes were still wide and fearful.

Steve also heard Natasha hiss in anger and he looked over to see her eyes flashing towards Pierce.  The man that originally advanced towards Darcy now turned his attention to Natasha, but was waved away by Pierce.

“Now now, Natalia.  I have no quarrel with you.  I was actually quite impressed with your fight on Saturday.  Of course I shouldn’t have been surprised that it took you eight rounds to defeat a low-ranking boxer, you’ve always embraced a more…unorthodox method of training.”  His eyes trailed to Clint and around the gym with a contemptuous look.  But he just jeered at Clint’s furiousness and turned away from his dismissively. 

“No, what I’m interested in is getting James under my care.  You see, he is contractually bound to train in my gym and unless I say the word he cannot go anywhere else.  I’ll give a pass and let the last few weeks slide, as long as James comes without incident.”  Pierce shifted his gaze to Bucky and gave him a knowing look.  “James knows oh so well what happens if someone breaks their contract.”

Steve looked over to Bucky and felt his blood run cold at Bucky’s visibly shaking frame.  His face had paled and he was clamping his mouth tight, his throat swallowing convulsively.  All while keeping his strict posture.

“Okay, you need to get out of my gym.  Or I’ll call the cops.”  Steve put as much hatred into his voice as he spoke, and he was displeased to see what little effect it had on Pierce, who just chuckled.

“Oh Steven.  We may leave now, but James knows that we never really go away.  Don’t think for a second that you’re safe, because when something of mine drifts away I do everything I can to get it back.”

“Is that a threat?”  Steve almost growled as he stepped as close to Pierce as he could without leaving the ring.  He simultaneously put himself in front of Bucky, blocking him from Pierce.

“That depends, do you feel threatened?”  Pierce was the one below Steve, but the look he sent up was anything but passive.  He gave Steve one final disdained look and turned to leave.  He made it all the way to the door, with his bodyguards flanking him when he turned back over his shoulder.

“Oh, Johann sends his regards.  Come Jack, Brock.”  He lifts a wrinkled hand in farewell and steps outside.  He walks with the one he called Jack, while the second man hovered back.  He scoffed at Steve and Bucky with daggers in his eyes.

Steve waited until they were out of site before going back to Bucky.  He saw how badly Bucky trembled, and it only took a hand on his shoulder to cause him to practically collapse in Steve’s arms.

“Bucky!  It’s okay, they’re gone.”  Steve tried to console the shaking man in his arms but Bucky abruptly shoved himself away from Steve and booked it from the ring.  He vaulted over the ropes and as soon as his feet hit the ground he made a break for the gym door.

“Bucky, wait!”  But by the time Steve made it out of the ring himself, Bucky was already gone.

He made to go after him, but a hand on his arm pulled him back.

“Let him go, Steve.”  Natasha’s pleading voice spoke. 

Steve looked back, feeling the desperation on his face.  He just looked at Natasha, then glanced up to meet the hopeless looks on his friends face as he tried very hard not to fight Natasha’s grip.

He slumped, feeling the fight leave him and he turned towards the door, almost thinking he would see Bucky leaning against the door frame, giving him a small smile or a flirty wink.

He let Natasha lead him back to the check-in desk and briefly saw other people giving him concerned looks.  "Did you know him?"  Steve asked her as she set him in the chair.  Sam and Clint turned and faced Steve while Darcy spoke on the phone.

"No Wade, I'm okay.  Just a rough day at the office."  Steve heard Darcy speak into the phone.  He heard the tremor in her voice and instantly felt guilty.

"Darcy, are you okay?"  Steve asked her.  His voice almost matched her's, wavering in places that he didn't want.  He cleared his throat to remove the excess emotion and focused on his shaken employee.

Darcy nodded as she hung up the phone.  "Yeah, sorry.  Just a little freaked out by Bucky.  Wade is coming by, he said he's only a block away.  I can meet him outside if you want."

Steve shook his head.  "No that's fine.  He is more than welcome at the gym, he's a paying member.  I can help him out, I just need a minute."

"Steve, you need to sit down and take a breath."  Natasha said firmly, holding his hand in a vice-like grip.

"Yeah Steve, no offense but you look like you're either going to cry, scream, or punch a hole in the wall."  Clint offered, trying to be helpful.

Natasha gave him a stern look but Steve ignored it.  He was dazed, frustrated, confused, angry and upset.  But the overwhelming emotions left him feeling drained and he allowed Natasha to hold his hand - he was a little worried that he was going to punch a wall if she didn't.  

Steve went to ask Natasha how she knew Pierce when Wade quickly walked up to the desk.  He made a beeline to Darcy and grabbed her hand.  "Is everything okay?  You look scared, who did this to you?  Give me a name and I'll kill a man."

Darcy held Wade's hands in both of her's tightly.  "I'm fine.  Steve is the one who's freaking out."

Wade quickly looked to Steve with concern etched on his face.  He gave a look of surprise when he saw the suffering on Steve's face.  "Oh god, Steve.  What happened?"

"Some guy came into the gym who knew Bucky, practically threatened Steve, and Bucky freaked out and ran away."  Clint recounted quickly.

"He also had one of his men go after Darcy and Natasha." Sam added stone-faced.

"What?!"  Wade interjected furiously.  "Darcy, did he lay a hand on you?  I swear to God, I will  _murder_ someone if -"

"Wade!  It's okay!  He didn't hurt me.  He wasn't going to, but it still freaked me out."  Darcy interrupted Wade's violent tirade and smoothed her hands over his arms.  His hands were balled into fists and looked ready to do serious harm.  But he looked over to Darcy's anxious face and took a few deep breaths.  Wade's hands went limp at his side and he leaned into Darcy's hug, fiercely hugging back.

"Who was that guy, Alexander Pierce?"  Steve finally spoke up, confident that he wasn't going to burst into tears or laugh maniacally.  He asked the group at large but spoke specifically to Natasha and Clint.  "You guys recognized him when he introduced himself."

Clint nodded solemnly.  "Alexander Pierce is one of the most powerful figures in professional boxing.  He always has champions all around the world working for him, and he has many friends in many places.  But he almost never goes out in public, even for important fights or matches."

"He's made a lot of enemies."  Natasha said knowingly.  "Stealing fighters from other gyms, plotting other managers against each other, Pierce has a lot of power.  And a lot of people want him dead for that."

Sam raised his eyebrows.  "Who were his henchmen?"

"I'm not 100% sure, but I think the one who was glaring at Steve was Brock Rumlow.  He's Pierce's newest fighter and he's making serious waves in Europe."  Natasha still kept her grip on Steve's hand, and her other hand was settled on his shoulder.

"What did he call Bucky?  When he spoke Russian, you reacted to it and I'm assuming it's something bad."  Natasha's grip tightened at Steve's questions.  She sighed before she answered.

"Дурак means 'Fool'.  It doesn't sound like much, but it's a very offensive word for someone who is worthless."

Sam huffed while Darcy and Clint made noises of disgust.  Steve just ground his teeth and returned Natasha's grip with more force.

"Son of a bitch."  Wade whispered angrily.  "Well, where is Bucky?"

The anger vanished from Steve as he wondered where Bucky could've gone.  He let his head hang forward and took a deep breath.

"C'mon Wade.  Let's go for a walk, kay?"  Steve didn't look up but he could picture Wade being led out by Darcy, curious and rage distorting his face.  Steve closed his eyes and tried not to think of Bucky running through Brooklyn, fear and terror guiding him along.  He didn't want to picture Bucky's storm-grey eyes wide and hurt by the trauma from his past.  And he certainly didn't want to think of what would happen if Pierce found Bucky walking alone.

Steve sat at the chair, letting his energy sap and tried to ignore the pang of loneliness in his heart.

***

“Steve, c’mon let’s go get dinner.”  Sam’s soft voice broke through Steve’s worrying thoughts.

He shook his head.  “No, I’m good.  I gotta stay here in case Bucky comes back.”

“Steve,” Clint started but Steve shook his head.

“No don’t give me that.”  He snapped.  “Bucky left his bag, his apartment keys are in it and his phone.  He wouldn’t just leave his stuff.”

It’s nearing 9PM on Monday night, close to when Steve shuts down his gym and retreats upstairs.  He tries not to think about how he should be on a date with Bucky right now, possibly holding hands or enjoying a plate of spaghetti.

“Steve, maybe if we by the time we come back Bucky’ll be here.”  Clint tried.  Steve felt bad, because he had just snapped at him and Clint, along with Sam and Natasha, were still trying to distract him.

Steve sighs and looks at the concerned faces of his friends.  “It’s okay.  Honestly I just want to be here in case Bucky comes back.  I’ll make sure I get up to my place at a reasonable hour.”  He tries to smile, but it must look terrible because Sam frowns deeper and Clint and Natasha share a look.

Finally Natasha relents and grabs her stuff.  “Okay Steve, well we’re gonna head out then.  But I am going to call you in two hours and if you’re not upstairs you’re gonna be sorry.” 

Steve finally felt a real smile tug at his lips, and he nodded at Natasha’s threat.  “I promise I’ll be upstairs by then.  Scout’s honor.”  He holds up his hand in a promise.

Natasha seems satisfied, and to Steve’s relief the group leaves together.  Clint gives him a friendly and sad smile while Sam shakes Steve’s hand hard.  The door opens and closes quietly, and Steve allows himself to sag in his chair and feels the isolation start to creep up on him.

He shakes his heads and shoots up, looking around the gym.  He walks around the gym, straightening weights and giving all the machines a proper cleaning.  He occupies himself for another hour, focusing his thoughts on the tasks at hand.  Once everything is as clean as they can be, he forces himself to lock the door and up the stairs to his apartment.

Steve bypasses the kitchen and heads straight for bed, knowing that he’s far from sleep but unable to muster the energy to make dinner.  He changes into his pajama pants and falls into bed, not even pulling on a clean shirt or brushing his teeth.

The loneliness is crawling back, itching at Steve’s skin.  He tries everything to keep it out of his head, from counting sheep to moving through boxing combos to just straight up counting numbers.  But with every pause he sinks deeper until he finally gives up and lets the miserable thoughts pull him into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 12! We are moving the story along! Sorry this chapter is a little shorter, but it had to end here no ifs or buts. The Russian is from Google translate, I tried my best to make it sound right, so if any of you are Russian speakers and it makes no sense, I'm sorry!!! 
> 
> Brought in some new (terrible) characters, let me know how y’all like the chapter!
> 
> Friendly note, I have no beta for this fic and I look for grammar and spelling mistakes on my own. If you do see one, feel free to let me know! I usually can go back and find some errors days after I post a chapter, for which I apologize! But you have all be so great, thank you for the love from Chapter 11! :)


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this chapter are posted at the bottom.

Quiet but quick thumps forced Steve from his uneasy sleep.  He sat up in bed, trying to see if he was dreaming or not.  After he realized that he was awake, he got out of bed and pulled on a sweater.  Steve didn’t mind having to get out of bed; he barely got any sleep as it was.  Pierce’s shark-like smile was still etched in his brain, alongside Bucky’s expression at seeing his old trainer show up.

The shock and fear was unlike Steve had ever seen.  It was so uncharacteristically Bucky that it had stunned him into silence.   It made him very uncomfortable to see someone change Bucky by just his presence alone, and Steve didn’t like how forceful Pierce was while in his gym.  Clearly that man had no respect for anything or anyone that he believed to be less than him, but that didn’t give him the right to be an ass.

Steve walked into his gym and felt immediate relief - the source of the noise came from Bucky attempting to punch the stuffing out of the bag hanging in the center ring.  Steve swallowed down the pleasure in seeing Bucky as he made his way to the ring.

Bucky’s back was to Steve, and Steve noticed how his back muscles shifted as he swung left and right.  The level of skill was evident as Bucky quickly whacked the bag with as much force as possible.  The constant switching of his stance and the quick succession of his punches was unlike anything Steve had ever seen.  He could stand and watch Bucky for hours, his elegance and strength enrapturing.  And despite the early hour and being awake for only five minutes, Steve couldn’t help but feel slightly turned on at the display of pure power.

At least until he saw the trail of red coursing down Bucky’s arms.  Upon quick glance Steve noticed that the man in the ring hadn’t wrapped his hands.  Steve’s heart started to race at the realization; not only has Bucky punched enough to draw blood but he might also break his fingers, shatter his wrist, or even lose mobility in his hand.

Only someone who didn’t care about his own wellbeing would be this negligent.

Steve knew that Bucky wasn’t careless.  He always took the time to wrap his hands and wrists before he trained.  He was always making sure to work out his wrists and keep them strong.  And Steve knew how important boxing was to Bucky.  So why would he run the risk of ruining what he holds most important?  What had happened to make him-

And suddenly the answer hits Steve like running into a brick wall.  _Of course_ , Steve thought.  _I’m a freaking moron_.

Possible ways to handle the situation and possible outcomes flew into his head faster that he could manage, but he had to stop Bucky from doing serious damage to himself first.

“Bucky.”  Steve’s voice is quiet and he knows that Bucky won’t hear him.  He can’t force himself to speak any louder.  Steve knows that the second he gets Bucky’s attention, their bond will change and Steve honestly doesn’t know if it’ll change for the better or worse.

But Bucky was still hitting the bag furiously, and Steve can’t ignore the blood running down his hand and dripping onto the ring.

Steve sighs before he speaks louder.  “Bucky, stop.”  Bucky doesn’t.  _Thump, thump-thump_.  “Bucky, come on.”  _Thump, thump, thump_.

Out of fear and frustration, Steve finally yells “Bucky, stop!  Please!”

Bucky gives one final swing and ultimately stops.  His shoulders are heaving as he stands, breathing almost as fast as he was punching.  His arms fall to his sides, hands still clenched in fists.  Steve can see the flesh on his knuckles ripped open as blood continues to ooze from them.  But he won’t turn around and face Steve.

 _Huh.  ‘Please’ really is the magic word_ , Steve thinks as he finally climbs into the ring.  He clears he throat before he speaks.  “Bucky?  What’s going on?”

Steve cringes inwardly as he wishes he said something more comforting, but it did the trick.  Bucky slowly turns to Steve.  He stands stiffly, shoulders hunched as he still tries to slow his breathing.  He makes no effort to look at Steve, keeping his eyes to the ground.

As Steve cautiously takes a step forward, Bucky’s eyes flash to Steve.  The initial wave of relief that came with Bucky acknowledging Steve is quickly drowned in the shock of seeing his face.  His eyes are red-rimmed and wide, pure fear and panic contorting his handsome features.  Bucky crowds in on himself leaning away from Steve’s step yet not making any attempt to defend himself.   Steve halts; the sight of Bucky looking so vulnerable and unfamiliar to Steve knocks the wind out of him. 

“Bucky,” Steve whispers.  “It’s okay.  I’m not going to hurt you.”  But Steve didn’t make any move towards Bucky.  He waited while Bucky stood, silently hoping that he will give some sort of indication that Steve can step forward.  But Bucky still stands in shock.  Steve has to try another approach.

“Bucky, will you please let me take care of your hands?”  Steve’s voice is still soft, but on the border of desperation.  Steve needs to inspect Bucky’s hands for injuries, and he can’t fathom the idea that Bucky would be forced to retire due to a simple hand injury that was overlooked.

At the word ‘hand’, Bucky slowly unclenched his hands and examined his knuckles.  Only a slight furrow in his eyebrows gave a clue that Bucky was listening and understanding Steve.  While he examined his hands, Steve took another step closer.  Bucky looked up to Steve again, but he didn’t look as unhinged as before.  If anything Bucky looked to Steve with extreme remorse, and the sight of him broke Steve’s heart in two.

“Bucky,” Steve repeated, his voice wavering slightly.  “Please let me help you.”  Steve could feel the prick of tears in the inner corners of his eyes and he looked to the side, forcing himself to not lose the little self-control he had.

Once he looked back, he saw Bucky watching him.  If Steve had to guess, he could see Bucky’s eyes looking slightly watery as well.  With a sigh, Bucky reached both his hands out to Steve, finally allowing him to examine his bloodied knuckles.

Steve hurried forward, and gently held Bucky’s hand with the knuckles facing up.  Looking closely at Bucky’s hands, Steve was as relieved as he could be to only see the top layer of skin torn, nothing deeper that would have to be healed with more than time.  He looked back up to the alien face of his friend.

“Bucky, I’m going to check for broken bones or sprains, will you let me know if anything hurts?”

Bucky gave a miniscule nod before dropping his eyes.  Steve began to gently press down on the flesh of Bucky’s palm, watching his face for any signs of discomfort.  He slowly moved down to Bucky’s wrists, and as soon as Steve’s fingers touched Bucky’s right wrist, Bucky gave a hiss of pain.

“Okay so I’m guessing that’s discomfort, yes?”  Steve asked Bucky.  He kept his voice quiet but somewhere during his examination he shifted to his professional trainer voice and his emotion was kept from his question.  While Steve would ask any of his members about their pain in this tone, he had to try twice as hard to not let the sadness he felt for Bucky overwhelm him.

Bucky tensed up and shook his head.  “No, I’m fine,” Bucky finally said in a hoarse and low voice.  He pulled his hands back and immediately winced as he impulsively grabbed his right wrist with his left hand.  He tried to steel his expression into one of nonchalance and indifference, but Steve could tell how hard he was trying to not cry out in pain.

“Bucky,” Steve began.

Bucky shook his head.  “No, I’m fine,” he repeated.  “I don’t need your help, I’m fine.”  He started to back away from Steve, not taking his eyes off of him.  “I’m fine.”

“Bucky, you are not fine.  Please let me help you.”  Steve wanted to step closer to Bucky, but he didn’t want to scare him away.

“I’m fine, I’m fine.”  Bucky whispered, more to himself.  He closed his eyes and his face scrunched up in misery, but from his wrist or whatever emotional discomfort he was feeling, Steve couldn’t tell.

Steve took a few cautious steps forward, and was soon close enough to reach out and hug Bucky.  But he knew better than to actually touch him.

“Bucky, I want to help you.  I’m not going to hurt you,” Steve murmured gently.  He waited for what seemed like ages before Bucky opened his tear-filled eyes, biting his lip.  He opened his mouth to speak but a soft sob replaced his words.  Bucky took his left hand to cover his crumpling face as the tears started to fall.  He tried to turn away from Steve, but Steve had grabbed his shoulders and gently pulled him in close.  Careful not to injure his wrist, Steve wrapped one arm around Bucky’s shaking shoulders and placed his other hand on the back of Bucky’s head.  He continued to hold Bucky as the man sobbed into his shoulder, not caring if the tears would soak through to his skin or if the blood on Bucky’s knuckles would stain his shirt.  The sounds of pain and hurt rebounded against the gym walls as if Steve needed a constant reminder of Bucky’s emotional torment.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” Bucky cried into Steve’s shoulder.

“Shhh, Bucky, you have nothing to be sorry for.”  Steve whispered into his ear.  He started to caress Bucky’s head with his thumb, trying to put as much reassurance and compassion into the simple gesture.  “You have done nothing wrong.”

“You don’t know what I’ve done.  What I had to do,” Bucky howled.  The grief and despair was palpable in his voice, and it made Steve want to cry.

“It’s in the past Bucky, it’s okay.  It can’t be that bad.”  Steve tried to console him, but if anything it made Bucky weep more.

“I was horrible, I was a monster.  I _am_ a monster.”  Bucky’s breathing was becoming erratic as he tried to talk and cry at the same time. 

Steve grew concerned at the change in Bucky’s breath.  “Bucky, you’re okay.  You’re not a monster, but please don’t try to say anything, just calm down.  _Breathe_.”

Bucky nodded but continued to sob into Steve’s shoulder.  His cries wracked through his body, the tears flowing freely.  Steve couldn’t possible imagine what had happened in Bucky’s past to cause such a strong and caring man to break.  Steve could feel the anguish and hurt that plagued Bucky, and all he could do was to hold his friend and try to relieve some of the pain he felt.

Steve had no idea how they stood there, but Bucky’s sobs turned to quiet cries and sniffles.  He turned his head so that his cheek was resting on Steve’s shoulder, which caused Steve to awkwardly cup the side of his face.  But Bucky didn’t seem to care.

“I’m sorry,” he croaked.  Steve opened his mouth but Bucky spoke again.  “And before you say I don’t have to apologize, I got blood all over your mats and the bag.  I probably could’ve handled my emotions better.”

“It’s okay.  I’ll just change the locks.”  He felt a weak huff of laughter come from Bucky, which relieved him more than anything.  “But then you have to promise you won’t break in.”

“Pinky promise.”  Bucky’s voice was still hoarse, and he was still leaning on Steve.  “Do you have anything for my wrist? If not, I can go down to the hospital, I don’t want to bother you anymore.”

Steve shushed him as he released Bucky.  He cradled Bucky’s wrist in his two hands and re-examined the injuries.

“Well, I don’t know if this is really broken or not.  Tomorrow, or I guess today, I can have Sam take a closer look.  But I can clean up the wounds and wrap your wrist until then.”  Steve met Bucky’s eyes and saw that he still looked upset, but there were no more tears there.

“I mean, if you don’t mind.”  Bucky spoke in a small voice and looked down.  “You don’t have to do that for me.”

“But I want to.”  Bucky opened his mouth to object but Steve put his hand to Bucky’s lips to quiet him.  “Bucky.  It’s okay.  Let me help you.”

Bucky finally gives in and lets Steve lead him upstairs.  Steve turns on his lamp upon entering his apartment, bathing the room in a soft yellow glow.

“Here, sit down and I’ll go get my first aid kit.”  Bucky nodded numbly.  He still cradled his wrist to his chest and sank down to the couch.  When Steve felt assured that Bucky wasn’t going to pass out he darted quickly into his bathroom.  He grabbed the kit, along with a wet towel and dry towel.

As he walked back out to his living, he saw Bucky staring at the corner of the room from his spot on the couch, still holding his wrist.  Steve joined him, setting the kit on the coffee table.  Wordlessly Bucky held out his arm and Steve began to clean the dried blood.  They sat in silence, Steve absorbed in his work.  Every so often he would glance up at Bucky, who still looked away from Steve.  His jaw was clenched and he was sitting stiffly – Steve wanted to ask about Pierce but everything in Bucky’s appearance told Steve to back off.

Steve pulled out some hydrogen peroxide and applied it to Bucky’s wounds.  He hissed and clenched his jaw tighter. 

“Sorry, sorry.” Steve quickly mumbled, grabbing the dry towel and hastily wiping the excess antiseptic away.

“It’s okay,” Bucky replied just as quietly.

“Buck,” Steve started, ignoring how Bucky didn’t meet his gaze.  He focused on applying fresh gauze to Bucky’s injuries while he tried to find the right words.  “If you tell me what happened, I can help.”

“No one can help me.”  Bucky said lowly.

“I can.”  Steve replied fiercely.  “I can and I will.”

Bucky finally looked at Steve and gave him a small smile.  “I don’t deserve your sympathy.”

“Well tough.”  Steve quietly retorted, wrapping an ACE bandage around Bucky’s wrist.  Bucky’s mouth curved up slightly but set back in a frown again.  Steve wanted nothing more than to pull Bucky into a hug and take away all of his hurt and pain. 

“It’s bad Steve.  I was a really bad person.”

“Yeah, _was_.”  Steve stressed.  “Look, if it’s really personal and you don’t wanna tell me all of the details, that’s okay.  But please don’t think that I’ll judge you or hate you because of it. It’s killing me to see you looking so…miserable.”

Bucky breathed deeply a few times and Steve could see his jaw working again.  Steve set the ACE bandage in place and left Bucky on the couch while he cleaned.  He got some hot water going, hoping he still had some calming tea left in his cupboards.  He gave a little sigh of relief when he finally found a box of chamomile tucked away.

Armed with two cups, he slowly walked back to the living room.  Steve handed Bucky one of the mugs, who accepted it mechanically.  But Steve saw Bucky curl his fingers around the warm mug appreciatively.

Steve rejoined Bucky and waited for his friend to speak.  He knew he could wait a thousand years to hear whatever Bucky would say, and he hoped he would be able to listen to his speak forever.

 _Okay Steve, now is not the time to think about your weird undying love for Bucky_ , Steve thought annoyed at himself.

“Steve, I know you want to help me.”  Bucky started.  He was looking down at his tea, not meeting Steve’s eyes again.  “But messing with Alexander Pierce is a death wish.  He’s very powerful and very dangerous.”

“Why?”  Steve pressed.  “What has he done to you?”

"You remember how I was arrested at 19 and a man found me and gave me a second chance?" Steve nodded. "That was Pierce.

"I had heard about him, people in Russia know that he has connections and does a lot of dirty and illegal work. But the major crime families in Russia wouldn't lay a finger on him.

"I was scared but desperate. 19 years old, practically living on the streets, and I was on my way to jail. So I took him up on his offer."

Bucky gave a musing smile. "Pierce gave me everything - food, clothes, my own apartment. And all he asked me in return was for me to box for him.

"I wasn't a moron, I knew that making a deal with Pierce was akin to making a deal with the devil, and that working for him was a dangerous profession with a low life expectancy. But compared to the shit life I started with, I ignored all the warnings and did what I was told.

"And not only was I given everything I asked for, I was winning. Every fight I was in, I dominated and slowly rose to the top. It made Pierce so happy and he constantly told me he was proud of my accomplishments.

"At 21 years old, I was respected, feared, valued and appreciated - a world champion, but I felt like a king."

Bucky paused, contemplating his own memories. He looked ashamed and disgusted, as if he should've known better at 19 to not take advantage of a star angers kindness. But Steve knew all too well what good fortune will do to someone who'd been dealt a shit hand in life.

Bucky sighed, a twisted smirk on his face. "My reign didn't last. About a year after I was 'crowned' the champion, I lost my first fight in France. I was sitting in my locker room, beat up and dispirited.  But I was scared - Pierce didn't take too kindly to failures or slip ups. If I think hard enough, I can still feel the hard weight in my stomach and hear the pounding of my heart in my ears as I sat waiting for him." Steve's own pulse picked up, his nerves getting the best of him.

"Pierce came in, and told me I gave it my best shot and he wasn't mad."

Steve felt the surprise on his face. "That's it? He wasn't upset or angry?"

"Not to my face." Bucky replied. "But he did ask me to accompany his men to a job. It was right in the city and I assumed it was a gun run or something like that. We pulled up to an old warehouse and as I walked in I could see some more of Pierce's men surrounding one man tied to a chair."

Bucky's words filled Steve with dread, but Bucky continued. "One of the guys started conversing with the man, but they spoke French so I wasn't paying attention. It wasn't until he stopped talking and everyone turned to look at me that I realized something was off. Plus how the man in the chair was trembling and pleading in rapid French. I didn't speak the language, but begging for mercy is easy enough to understand."

Steve felt chilled, and Bucky's detached toned didn't help. "I refused to rough up this guy, which cause me and the guy who spoke for Pierce argue back and forth. I finally decided to call Pierce. I assumed there was some mistake - I knew what Pierce did, but he wouldn't send me to do his dirty work. That wasn't my job."

Bucky's lips curled unpleasantly. "Oh how wrong I was. Pierce screamed at me, admonishing me for having the nerve to call him without doing my job." He looked at Steve with a resentful smile. "This man, who I almost thought to be a father to me, telling me I was useless and a loser, and losers have to do their jobs." Steve's heart panged just listening to the crestfallen tone in Bucky's voice.

"So, Pierce told me to only call him when I get the job done and if I could not do, then I shouldn't bother coming back."

"Shit," Steve breathed, unable to help himself.

Bucky nodded grimly in agreement. "I did what I had to do. The shock pushed me through it, but I sometimes still think about that guy and the fear that was in his eyes.  It keeps me up at night." Bucky looked down at his tea, lost in thought.

"Bucky," Steve started to say softly.  But his friend just looked at him and gave him a stony smile.

"It gets worse," Bucky said honestly. "I can stop if you want."

Steve shook his head.  What kind of friend would he be if he wouldn't let Bucky unburden himself, seeing how he did that for Steve before.

"Well, after my loss in France my relationship with Pierce deteriorated. He would only speak to me to tell me that I had to go on jobs for him, along with my fights and matches. There was always someone who owed Pierce or encroached on his territory." A sickened look crossed Bucky's face. "But some of these people were in trouble for the most asinine reasons. I once beat up a kid for standing outside the gym begging for change." He gave Steve a pained look, which nearly broke Steve's heart. "I had to pummel him for just trying to feed his family."

"You had to, Pierce would've killed you if you didn't." Steve tried to reassure Bucky, despite feeling slightly queasy at the thought of Bucky bashing some kid's face in.

But Steve knew it wasn't Bucky's fault, even if Bucky clearly didn't feel the same.

"I could've done something - not hit as hard or refuse to do it, I don't know."

"Did you ever refuse to hurt someone?" Steve asked quietly.

A dark and even more wounded look clouded Bucky's face.

"We were back in Russia, I think I was 24. We were at a party for Pierce, but I wasn't there long.  Me and Pierce's men drove out to another warehouse, but there was a girl.  A young girl. Maybe 16 or 17 - but she looked terrible.  She had bruises covering her arms and face, she was barely breathing and her eyelids wouldn't stop fluttering. It was scary."

Steve felt sick with dread curling in his stomach yet again.

Bucky continued speaking in a monotone, but his face paled and Steve saw the mug shaking in his grip. "Someone handed me a syringe, which was weird because I usually used my hands to beat up someone. I vividly remember _thinking this is really weird, why am I using this_? But it didn't matter, because I couldn't do it - I said no and there was a gun immediately at my head. So, I did the only thing that I could." He paused for a beat, quickly looking to Steve. "I shoved the syringe into the guy holding the gun and fought off everyone else."

"Did it work?" Steve asked in a hushed tone.

"For a while - you think those goons would've realized that they shouldn't take on a champion boxer in hand-to-hand combat. But one of them snuck behind me and clobbered me on the head, knocking me out."

Steve was staring at Bucky intently, eyes never leaving his face and hanging onto his every word.

"When I came to I was strapped to the table, the girl was gone. But Pierce was there, and he was not happy."

The hairs on Steve's neck rose and he couldn't help but ask, "What did he do?"

"He said how disappointing I was, and I should be more grateful for being saved by him. And I how I had to be punished for my disobedience." Bucky grit his teeth and swallowed.

"Then he took a long knife and sliced into my left arm.

Steve gasped, horrified.

"He carved my arm like a cooked turkey - it was agonizing, slow and excruciatingly painful. I begged him to stop, but he only cut deeper."

Steve brought a hand to his mouth, trying to hide his petrified expression.

"After he finished, he left me lying on that table for twenty minutes, shrieking and writhing in pain. And Pierce just saw and watched, even enjoying a glass of scotch and a cigar."

Steve didn't bother to mask the appalled sound he made and Bucky looked to him with sorrowful eyes.

"Once I stopped screaming and the pain became a numbing throb, Pierce got up and looked me in the eye. He told me that despite my _heroic_ rescue attempt, the girl still died. Slowly and painfully." Bucky closed his eyes and took a shaky breath.

"I didn't even know her, but something in me broke. I couldn't save her and she pro-probably died b-because of me." Bucky choked on the last word and a tear fell from his closed eyes.

Steve didn't hesitate to close the gap between them. He grabbed the mug from Bucky's hand and set it and his own down before pulling Bucky in close. Still careful of his bandaged wrist Steve rubbed soothing circles into Bucky's back as he held him.

"I'm sorry." Bucky mumbled. It didn't sound nearly are wrecked as before, but his voice was low and broken.

Steve just shushed him gently and continued to hold him.

Bucky pulled back and gave Steve a small watery smile. Steve handed him a tissue and gave him a probing look.

"If you want to stop, you can." Steve told him as Bucky wiped his eyes. "But if this is helping you I am here to listen without judgement."

Bucky sniffed and cleared his throat. "This is helping me." He said in a small voice.

Steve nodded and readjusted himself. But he sat closer to Bucky and kept an arm on his shoulders.

Bucky took a breath before speaking. "Okay, so after Pierce fucked up my arm, the doctor told me I was benched for four months - no boxing, no activity that would strain my arm.

"I thought I was off scot-free, but Pierce had other ideas. He kept me close by and I had to go to every dinner and every party with him.

"Sometimes it would just be the two of us, and I didn't mind those dinners - we would sit and eat in silence and I didn't have to do anything. But if he had any friends or sponsors with us, I had to be charming and entertaining. It was terrible. Pierce made sure I did whatever I could do to make his friends happy."

"Whatever?" Steve asked apprehensively.

Bucky nodded. "Let's just say some of Pierce's friends were kinky bastards."

Steve closed his eyes, feeling nauseous. But closing his eyes didn't help, because Steve could picture older men leering and creeping on Bucky, bringing him up to their rooms to do whatever they wanted. And Bucky would be helpless to stop it. Steve felt the nausea rising in his throat and he had to swallow the bile that came with it.

He opened his eyes and saw Bucky looking concerned. The concern was for _him_.

"Bucky, God I am so sorry." Steve couldn't help the babbling words tumbling from his mouth. But it was either going to be that or hysterical sobbing.

Bucky must've sensed that, for he grabbed Steve's fist ( _when did that happen?_ Steve wondered) with his uninjured hand and held it tight. "It's okay. It was a hard time in my life, but it is what it is."

Steve nodded, clenching his own jaw. He took his other hand from around Bucky's shoulder and rested it atop Bucky's hand. Steve took a breath and looked to Bucky for him to continue.

"The four months passed quickly and soon I was cleared to fight again. And there I was, thinking I would get back in the ring and box." He gave Steve a sour smile. "But Pierce had replaced me and I was out of boxing for the foreseeable future."

"Oh Bucky," Steve sighed.

"Boxing was my life, and it was keeping me going. And once Pierce took that away, I lost all my drive. I wanted to die."

"Oh Bucky, no." Steve gripped Bucky's hand tighter, unable to hide the anguish in his voice.

"Pierce knew it. Since I was cleared and not boxing, I wasn't left alone. He didn't want me offing myself when I was alone or anything. But I didn't stop trying." Steve winced at the harsh words but Bucky ignored it. "I would intentionally disobey orders and refuse to do my job.

"But Pierce never killed me. Sure he had his men beat the shit out of me, but he held onto the only thing I had control over. I had nothing - I was nothing."

Steve wanted to cover his ears at Bucky's hard truth. He could understand the pit that Bucky that had been driven to in order to have those thoughts. But Steve couldn't even imagine what it took to get him there.

 _Well, it was Pierce_. The instant Steve thought his name, a righteous fury came over him. He knew he didn't care for Pierce since he met him not even 24 hours ago, but a pure hatred and a desire to cause him harm threw Steve. For a minute he could only sit and try to control the onslaught of murderous feelings.

"Steve?" Bucky's anxious voice broke through Steve's thoughts like a sunbeam through the storm clouds and Steve turned to his face. Looking into Bucky's concerned eyes, Steve wanted no more than to kiss his face and hold him close.

"Sorry, I got wrapped up in my thoughts." He gave a firm little nod and focused his attention on Bucky.

"Well, after everything was taken from me I just gave in. I did whatever Pierce asked of me, and for two years I was compliant and attentive to my job.

"Once Pierce was satisfied with my submissiveness, he backed off and gave me some more freedom. I think he was pleased to see me broken down, so he paid little attention to me.

"It wasn't until we were in Scotland when I got my idea."

"What idea?" Steve asked.

"I was watching some stupid news story about this animal sanctuary that takes in injured animals and releases them back into the wild when they're healthy and able to survive. It was seeing those stupid hedgehogs having more freedom than me that gave me the idea to escape. I had plenty of money saved from fights and sponsorships, it was just going to take time."

"How long?" Steve asked. "How long did it take?"

"Almost two years. I had to open a bank account here in the US and slowly transmit money over. And I had to keep doing my job and act like I was sticking around to make sure Pierce wouldn't suspect anything.

"We were in London for a fight - not mine but my replacement's. I told my guys I was going out for smokes. But I broke my phone, threw it in the River Thames and went straight to the airport."

"Oh wow," Steve said in awe. "You just up and left?"

Bucky shrugged. "The timing was right, I had saved enough money in my account here, and Pierce didn't have a someone guarding me anymore. I flew to Argentina, then to Iowa, up to Canada and finally to here in New York."

"Why so many stops?" Steve asked confused. He was relieved to see Bucky's cheeks get some more color and his posture relax slightly.

"I wanted to leave my trail as confusing as possible, in case anyone tried to find me."

Steve nodded, understanding the logic.

"So, I got an apartment with the money saved in my account and was finally ready to get my new life started." Bucky finished his story and the pair sat in silence. Steve was still holding Bucky's hand but made no effort to move.

"Wow, Bucky." Steve said. He was still trying to wrap his head around everything, but the anger towards Pierce and heartbreak for Bucky were the consistent thoughts for Steve.

"I know," Bucky said lowly. "I'm a terrible person."

 "No you're not." Steve replied automatically. "Pierce forced you to do those things."

"Steve I could tell myself that over and over but it doesn't change what I did."

Bucky looked so downcast, so broken that Steve didn't hesitate to cup one hand on the side of Bucky's face. He flinched ever so slightly at the contact but then leaned into the touch and closed his eyes.

"I know how hard it is to let your past affect your thoughts and feelings today - it happened and you can't change it. No matter how hard you wish it'll always be there. But you can change for the better. Steve paused, reading Bucky's face for a reaction. "Despite the horrors you had to endure in your past, just to survive, you are still generous, kind, and hopeful. It _is_ possible to change from your past, you've already done it. You might not believe it, but I see it."

Bucky was quiet, still leaning into Steve's hand. "It's hard to leave your past behind when it's finally caught up to you." He said sadly.

A flash of anger flared in Steve. "Pierce will not get close to you. I will make sure of that."

Bucky's eyes opened, the storm-grey eyes once again piercing Steve, causing his heart to skip a beat.

"No one is safe with Pierce around." Bucky whispered. If he was scared he didn't show it, looking at Steve with a scorching look.

Steve leaned in, praying he wasn't reading this wrong. His lips hovered over Bucky's. "You're always safe with me," he breathed before pressing his lips to Bucky's.

Steve should be thinking _fucking finally_ , or _abort abort, you are taking advantage of his fragile state you dunce._

But all that registered to Steve was Bucky's hum on content the gentle press of him kissing back.

Their kisses stayed sweet and gentle, but soon Bucky's tongue pressed against Steve's lips and he had no problem letting Bucky in.

A fire blossomed in Steve's chest as Bucky explored Steve's mouth with his tongue. Steve placed his hands on Bucky's waist while Bucky set his hands on Steve's chest. But they quickly settled around Steve's shoulders as he explored deeper into Steve's mouth.

Steve adjusted eagerly, unable to hold back his small moan of pleasure. He gripped Bucky's waist tighter and he almost pulled him into his lap when he remember the injured wrist. Steve pulled away but Bucky simply moved his attention elsewhere.

"Bucky, your wrist." He gasped as Bucky kissed and sucked at the skin on Steve's neck.

"Fuck it," Bucky growled directly into Steve ear. Steve moaned louder and finally pulled Bucky into his lap.

Bucky threaded his hands through Steve's hair and caught his mouth with his own. His hands weaved through Steve's hair slowly, a contrast to his tongue attacking and mapping every surface in Steve's mouth.

Steve let him lead, blissfully aware that this was Bucky sitting his lap, and Bucky was finally kissing him and the heat radiating from Bucky's skin was a wonderful burn on his own skin.

Bucky pulled back and Steve leaned forward to chase his mouth, but laughed quietly when he saw Bucky yawn.

"We should sleep," Steve said. His hands were still resting on Bucky's waist and his thumb was making small circles on the exposed skin. "You look like you're about to pass out."

"No that's ridiculous, I don't-" another huge yawn punctured his sentence and he met Steve's knowing look. "Okay, fine." He ran his hands through Steve's hair once more and pushed off from his lap.

He awkwardly flopped on the couch, holding his injured wrist in the air to prevent it from being jostled. Steve rose from the couch much more gracefully and offered his hand to Bucky.

"We'll be doing that much more though."  Bucky stated as he was pulled to his feet.

Steve held Bucky's hand to his chest and caressed his cheek with his other hand. "Of course." He agreed softly before kissing Bucky again. As he pulled away he couldn't help but smile at the dopey expression on Bucky's face. "Stay the night?"

"Oh Rogers, are you trying to-" The rest of Bucky's flirty suggestion was cut off my another yawn. Steve just rolled his eyes and pulled Bucky into his room. Steve gave him from clean clothes and retreated to the kitchen to give him some privacy.

When he came back with two glasses of water, Bucky was snuggled under the covers passed out. Steve just smiled, his heart bursting at the sight. He quietly set the waters down, turned out the lights and settled in next to Bucky as gently as possible. He didn't pull him in, respecting his space and his wrist. But Steve did place a gentle kiss to his temple before he rolled over and closed his own eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Violence, blood, torture, suicidal thoughts, self-destructive tendencies.  
> Ta da! Finally!!!! Bucky’s past and they FINALLY kiss! I updated the tags to reflect some of the ideas from this chapter and I decided to up it to a ‘M’ rating, I don’t know if it needs it but I’d rather be safe than sorry. Thank you so much for waiting this one out, and thank you so much for the love from chapter 12! You guys are seriously the best!


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings at the bottom!

It took a lot of self-control on Steve’s behalf to not scream violently and throw the other person in his bed out when he woke up.  But the memories of last night came flooding back and suddenly he didn’t have an issue with Bucky curled up to him, his head resting on Steve’s chest.

It was a pleasant surprise – Steve couldn’t remember the last time he woke up with someone next to him.

He looked down at Bucky’s face – slack and completely peaceful.  Despite what actually brought Bucky to the gym last night, Steve couldn’t help the wave of euphoria that crashed over him.  He knew that there were serious issues that had to be taken care of, from Pierce’s unwelcomed return to Bucky confronting his past demons.  But for now, Steve took comfort in watching Bucky rest.

_Yeah, totally not creepy or anything_ , he thought sarcastically.

He snapped out of his dumbstruck daze and gingerly wrapped an arm around Bucky.  As Steve gently set his hand on Bucky’s side, he finally stirred and snuggled closer to Steve.  And once Steve gently caressed his skin with his thumb, Bucky hummed contently.

“Feel free to move that hand elsewhere.” Bucky murmured.  His sleepy voice made the suggestion even hotter and Steve blushed.

“You’re not even awake and you’re making me blush.” Steve admonished.

Bucky cracked one eye open and gave Steve a sleepy smile.  “A blushing Rogers is my favorite sight to see.”

Steve grinned and shook his head.  He leaned in and kissed Bucky’s temple.

Bucky huffed indignantly.  “You missed,” he said as he pouted his lips.

Steve knew he would never be able to deny Bucky anything when he pouted his lips, so he eagerly bent down and kissed him.  It was soft, gentle and sweet – feelings that Steve now knew were rudely taken away from Bucky.  He decided long ago that he would be a generous and caring boyfriend, if he was ever given the chance.  And now that the man he cares about has been put through hell, Steve knew he would increase his efforts tenfold.

Which is why he pulled back from the kiss to give Bucky a careful look.  “How’re you feeling this morning?”

Bucky took a second to think about it, his lips pursed in thought.  “Honestly, I feel a lot better.  Besides my stupid wrist.”  He waved his injury irritably, and set it back down on Steve’s chest.

“You sure?” Steve asked.  He back peddled when Bucky’s face scrunched in displeasure.  “I just meant that you told me a lot last night and I cannot imagine how difficult it was for you.  Plus,” he paused, shifting slightly.  “You know, I wanna make sure that _this_ is something you want.”  He indicated to his arms wrapped around Bucky.

Bucky chewed on his lip while he thought of an answer - Steve had to breathe deeply at the simple yet sensual action, willing himself to focus on Bucky’s response.  “I mean, yeah.  I’ve got shit that I have to deal with, and Pierce being back around really sucks.  But I’ve dreamt about last night a lot, never thinking it would really happen.”

“The part where you punch a bag so hard your hands bleed?” Steve joked weakly.

“No, the part where you kissed me ‘til I couldn’t think straight.”

Steve shuddered at the heat-filled memory – the pleasant weight in his lap, Bucky’s roaming hands and the soft noises he had made lit a fire in Steve’s hear that made him want to pull Bucky back up right now and have a repeat of last night.

But Steve also remembered Bucky falling apart at the seams, and his torn knuckles and wrapped wrist were harsh reminders of the hurt Bucky felt.  Steve didn’t want him to just shove those feelings back down.

Bucky clearly had other plans as he trailed kisses from Steve’s cheek, down his neck and chest, and Steve had to stop him before he went further south and render Steve speechless.

“Bucky wait.” He waiting until Bucky looked back at him with hooded eyes before continuing.  “I don’t think we should be moving so fast.  Not because I don’t want to, it’s not that at all.  I just think there may be some more things to work out.  And this is new to me, and I want to take this slow.”

Bucky nodded and lay back down on Steve’s chest.  “Okay.”

Steve was internally bracing himself for bad news but he faltered at Bucky’s simple answer.

“Really?”  He asked, quiet and insecure.

“Of course.  I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.  What?”  Bucky looked up at Steve biting his lip.  “What did I do?”

“No nothing.  I’m just used to guys ditching me when I say that.”

Bucky tilted his head to the side and gave Steve a confused look.  “Really?”

Steve nodded.  Bucky sighed and spoke up in a reserved voice.  “If you don’t mind me asking, how many boyfriends have you had?”

Steve gave an uncomfortable laugh.  “Uhhh…not that many.  When I was boxing, there was an unspoken rule of no dating, which even if I was allowed to I don’t think I would have.  But later on I tried, and the guys would want to go further so soon, and that’s not what I wanted.  So they left.  It sucked, and after all that shit that went down with my career, I didn’t feel so great about myself.  So I just gave up and focused on the gym.”

“Well those guys are super lame and stupid, because you are awesome.”  Bucky said.  He sounded so firm and adamant that Steve felt the corner of his mouth lift.  “You’re nice and super hot.  Fuck those guys for thinking with their dicks.”

Steve fully smiled at his insistence, feeling slightly embarrassed but pleased.  “Thanks Buck.”  Bucky gave Steve his sweet smile and leaned back up to kiss Steve.  They broke apart and Steve’s lips quirked up into another smile, more self-depreciating than before. “I’m sorry if I ever get weird or self-doubtful or whatever.  If I do, just punch me and tell me to shut up.”

Bucky fully sat up and cupped Steve’s cheek.  “A lot has changed in my life, and I certainly don’t have the answers to everything.  But I _know_ that you are worth it, regardless of what other people have told you or even what your own brain tells you.  And I would be honored to tell you that every day, if you’ll let me.”

Steve had to try real hard to not cry at Bucky’s sincere declaration.  He knew if he tried to respond with something as sweet, he would butcher the sentiment.  So he had to convey his immense happiness and gratefulness the best way he could, by grabbing Bucky by his neck and pressing their lips together.

Steve knew that Bucky was special, and he knew that he was in love.

_Whoa, whoa slow down_.  Steve’ rational brain thought quickly.  But it was hard to listen when Bucky’s lips were against his.

A loud grumble from Bucky’s stomach made Steve smile against his lips and Bucky pulled away looking guilty. 

“Sorry, my stomach is a real cock-block.”

Steve laughed as Bucky grinned.  “You’re good, I can make us breakfast.  If you want.” 

Bucky nodded eagerly.  “That would be great. Um, I don’t think I have time to run home, do you think I have some gym clothes I could borrow?”

“Gym clothes?” Steve inquired.  He watched as Bucky stood up and stretched.  “Do you wanna train today?”

“Gotta stay in shape.  I know I won’t be able to do much with this.”  He stretched his hurt wrist over his head as he spoke.  “But I might be able to get some time on the treadmill or something, right?”

Steve didn’t say anything as he also rose from the bed and walked over to Bucky.  He took Bucky’s wrist gently in his hands and started to unwrap the bandage.  “I mean, if you want to train I’m sure we could think of some conditioning exercises.  But you pushed yourself last night, so I’m surprised that you want to get back in the gym.”

“It grounds me.”  Bucky said simply.  Steve just shrugged as he finally pulled the wrapping away.  He couldn’t help but wince at the bruises that trailed around the injury.  “Yeah, this is pretty bad.  Do you want me to wrap it again or can you wait until Sam comes in so he can check it?”

“I can wait.”  Bucky replied.  “I _can_.”  His insistence came from seeing the unsure look on Steve’s face.  “I can move it a little without it hurting too much – I’ll just be careful getting dressed.”

Steve nodded, still not satisfied.  He wasn’t going to contradict Bucky, at least until Sam came in to give his assessment.  But he lifted Bucky’s wrist and pressed a gentle kiss to one bruise.  He met Bucky’s soft eyes and gave him a quick kiss.

“Here, I’ll get you some clothes.  You have to go through the living room to get to the bathroom, there are some spare toothbrushes under the sink.  I’ll make us some breakfast?”

“Ohhh, I thought you said you didn’t have overnight guests?”  Bucky teased as Steve rummaged through his dresser.

He snorted as he grabbed an outfit.  “Please, you have no idea how many times I’ve had to drag Sam and Clint home after a night out.”  He handed Bucky his clothes and couldn’t help but kiss him again on the cheek.  “I’m gonna run downstairs and get the coffee pot going, and then I’ll be back up.”  Bucky nodded and smiled as Steve walked out.

He quickly rushed downstairs and racked his brain for the food he had in his apartment.  Once he got back upstairs, he sighed in relief at the eggs and toast that were still edible.  Seeing the closed bathroom door, he darted into his room to shed his pajamas and rapidly change into clean gym clothes.  He went back out to his kitchen to get breakfast started.  As Bucky walked out of the bathroom Steve divided the scrambled eggs and toast onto two plates.

“I figured we could eat downstairs, the coffee should be done brewing.”  Steve ignored the weird domestic sensation he felt as he watched Bucky walk over to him.  But Bucky just smiled and grabbed the two plates from Steve.

“That sounds perfect.  And this smells _perfect_.”  Steve grinned at the praise and grabbed two mugs from his cabinet. 

“Speaking of food, we still need to go to that Italian restaurant you talked about.”  He called down to Bucky as he walked downstairs to the gym back room.  He saw Bucky looking back at him guiltily.

“Yeah, I’m sorry about bailing on you last night.  I should’ve texted you.” 

Steve waved away his apology.  “It’s no biggie.  You can make it up to me tonight.”

The guilt disappeared from Bucky’s face as he gave Steve a mega-watt smile.  “It’s a date – well another one.”

Steve smiled back and handed him a mug.  Bucky looked at Steve’s and smirked.

“What’s with the patriotic mug?”

Steve looked down at his American flag mug and flushed.  “It’s kind of an inside joke.  Natasha gave me this after I told her my old boxing name.”

“What was it?” Bucky asked.

Steve paused.  “You can’t make fun of me,” Steve told Bucky sternly.  But he just looked back innocently.  Steve sighed wearily.  “It was ‘Captain America’.”

Bucky snorted into his coffee and unsuccessfully tried to hide his laughter as Steve scowled at him.

“Shut up!  My old manager thought it would be great because I like apple pie and I _sometimes_ listen to the Star Spangled Banner!”  But Bucky just laughed harder as Steve tried to come up with excuses for his past name.  He just glared over his wonderful mug, which only made Bucky laugh harder.

Bucky finally calmed down, actually wiping a tear from his eye.  “Oh man, I bet you wore red, white and blue boxing trunks, right?”  After Steve didn’t answer, Bucky cracked up again.

Despite Steve’s aggravation, he was secretly satisfied to see Bucky laughing; his relaxed and gleeful face a welcomed change from the agonizing and painful looks from last night.

“Hey, if it makes you feel better, my name was ‘The Winter Soldier’.”  Bucky tried to soothe Steve, who only groaned.

“Seriously?  That name is so much cooler.  You probably looked really bad-ass and sexy.”

Bucky only shrugged, his eyes glittering.  “What can I say?  I project sex.”  He grinned wider at Steve’s eye roll.

But Steve could only picture Bucky’s sex-appeal as he fought, and he doesn’t doubt the claim.

“Oh my god, Bucky!”  Steve looked over to see Natasha, Clint and Sam hurrying over.  Between their banter, Steve didn’t even hear them come in the door.  Clint looked worried sick, Natasha had a slightly softened look on her face, and Sam looked concerned but calm.

Steve glanced over to Bucky and watched him tense up ever so slightly, his posture rigid in his seat.

 “Thank god you’re okay!  We were worried sick!  Oh wow, what happened to your wrist?!”  Clint spoke quickly and didn’t give Bucky or Steve any time to answer.

But Steve didn’t want to stress Bucky out anymore so he quickly got up and stood between them and Bucky.

“Clint, ease up yeah?  We had a little bit of a rough night.  But Bucky is back now, and-”

“I’m also sitting right here, Steve.”  Bucky leaned out around Steve.  He also got up and stood next to Steve as he addressed his friends.  “I’m sorry I ran out yesterday, it was pretty rude of me.  But I did injure my wrist, Sam I was wondering if you could take a look at it?”

“Of course, let’s go to my office.”  Sam’s eyes darted quickly to the non-existent gap between Steve and Bucky, and back to Steve’s face.  If he had any suspicions he kept them to himself as he turned away towards his office.

Bucky looked to Steve, hesitation on his face.  Steve could tell Bucky was letting him make the decision about their new status, not wanting to decide in front of his friends.  But Steve didn’t have any issue with leaning over and giving him a quick peck on the lips.  A blissful smile broke Bucky’s face and he wandered away with a small happy smile.

Steve tore his gaze away from Bucky’s retreating form to Natasha’s soft smiling face and Clint’s excited grin.  Steve huffed a laugh and nodded.

“Alright, let me have it.”

Clint exploded into a frenzy of questions, ranging from inquiries about what happened yesterday to asking if Bucky is a gentle lover or rough in bed.  Natasha didn’t say a word, just looking satisfied and proud of Steve.

Steve eventually put his hand up to halt Clint’s latest question (“What kind of underwear does Bucky wear?”) and spoke carefully.  “I’m not going to talk about what happened yesterday or about Pierce, but I will say that Bucky came back to the gym and stayed the night.”

“What did he do to his wrist?” Natasha asked evenly, interrupting whatever nonsense Clint was going to ask.

“Well, I came down and he was punching a bag over and over.  His hands were torn up and I think he sprained his wrist – he didn’t wrap his wrists or anything, it just his bare knuckles against the bag.”

“Oh shit.”  Clint said, his voice subdued.  “Why didn’t he wrap his hands?”

Steve only shrugged, not even sure himself.  “I didn’t ask him, and I don’t want to guess.”

Clint nodded, understanding.  Natasha just stared appraisingly.

“You’re happier.”  She stated.  It had no discernable emotion, but she didn’t sound critical.

Steve shrugged again, not contradicting her assessment.  “I mean, yeah.  I finally kissed the guy I’ve been crushing on and he has real feelings for me.  But he’s got a lot of stuff to get through, and I don’t know if we can be anything before he figures that out.”

“Are you not going to see him then?”  Natasha asked.

“God no.”  Steve shook his head adamantly with his answer.  “If anything, I’ll do whatever it takes to help him.  And that starts with getting Pierce out of the picture.”  A lightbulb went off in Steve’s head and he stared back at Natasha accusingly.  “You knew about Bucky and Pierce, what exactly do you know?”

She licked her lips before answering.  “That’s a story for another time.”

Steve gave a frustrated sigh but Natasha walked away before he could get another answer from her.  But as he turned to watch her walk towards the treadmills, Sam and Bucky emerged from the medic office.  Bucky looked grim but accepting while Sam looked relieved.

“Bad news, it’s definitely sprained.”  Sam announced as they came back to Steve and Clint.  “But he’s only going to be out for two weeks.  There’s a good amount of bruising but the muscle around his wrist isn’t as swollen as it should be.”

Bucky gave an ashamed sigh and hung his head.  “I shouldn’t be pissed, but I am.  It’s my own fault.”

Steve saw Bucky slowly sink into self-hatred and quickly stepped in to de-rail his damaging thoughts.  “Well they say exercise can help with a bad mood!  Why don’t you join Natasha on the treadmill?”

It seemed to work, as Bucky gave Steve a small smile and walked over to the machines.  Steve gave a small sigh of relief.  _One crisis as a time._

“I’m gonna go join them, and make sure Natasha doesn’t get distracted.”  Clint said as he moved away.  He turned to Steve with a gentle and kind look.  “I’m glad Bucky is okay, and I’m glad that you guys finally got together, you deserve some love in your life.”  He smiled and walked away before Steve could even give thanks.

Feeling surprisingly happier at Clint’s words, Steve sat down at the desk as Sam leaned against the front.  “How’s he doing?” Sam asked apprehensively.

The good feeling vanished as quickly as it came.  “Honestly, I don’t know.” Steve admitted truthfully.  “He was a mess last night, but he seemed okay this morning.  But I don’t know if he’s just trying to forget everything or whatever.  I’m a little worried – he almost broke his hand from just _punching_ a bag.  Like,” he looked up to Sam with a hint of desperation in his eyes.  “What is god’s name happened to Bucky to get that kind of reaction from him?”

Sam frowned and shook his head.  “Pierce is a really bad guy – he’s done terrible things.”

“Wait, how do you know?”

“Bucky told me about Pierce.  Well, not directly but he told me how he got into boxing and a lot of the stuff he had to do for Pierce.”

“When?” Steve asked bewildered.

“That day he asked me to train him.  He apologized for his rudeness and told me why he acted so strange.”

“Huh,” was all Steve could say.  Part of him was surprised that Bucky would divulge such personal information to Sam when Steve practically had to pry it from him.  But Steve was also disappointed that Bucky didn’t come to him first.  Sure he knew he had no grounds for being upset, and at the time he and Bucky weren’t an item.  But now Steve wasn’t sure Bucky would’ve even told him if he wasn’t so distraught.

“He wanted to tell you.” Sam’s voice broke through Steve’s consciousness and he whipped his head to his friend.

“God Sam, can you read my mind or something?!”

“No, but you have a terrible poker face and you look disappointed.”  Steve grumbled about his facial expressions but Sam ignored him.  “I asked him if he had talked to you about it all, and he said he was scared to tell you because he didn’t want you hating him.  He said he really liked you and didn’t want to fuck up his chance or hurt you.”

Steve immediately felt bad for his petty and childish thoughts as he processed Sam’s words.  He bit his lip and looked down.  “Oh.”

“So I told him that you wouldn’t turn him away because you have more compassion than anyone I know and how great it feels to talk to you about hard shit because you don’t hold any judgements or ill-will.”  Sam’s calm and soothing voice made Steve look up to him, and he saw a meaningful look on Sam’s face.  He gave a small grateful smile and opened his mouth but Sam held up his hand.

“Dude, I haven’t had my coffee yet, save the ‘Full House’ moment for later.”  He turned away and walked to the back, leaving Steve to laugh and shake his head.  He glanced over at the treadmills and saw Bucky and Natasha conversing with Clint standing nearby.  Bucky looked relaxed and content, and Steve couldn’t help the little flutter in his heart when he saw Bucky smile.

The morning passed in a blur, and despite Bucky’s injury he and Steve went through other routines and practices.  Even though Bucky was a crumpling mess not even 12 hours ago, he worked out with the passion and dedication that he gave any other day.  And Steve was pleased that he was able to focus on Bucky’s workouts even though he woke up in the same bed with him this morning.

Other gym members came and went, acting like nothing was amiss or different.  The exception was, of course, Wade and Peter, who came running to Bucky’s side and practically throwing themselves at him.  Steve was ready to step in as he had to do earlier, but Bucky took it in stride and even hugged the boys.  He nodded in appreciation at their concern and apologized for his disappearance, and Steve could see how touched he was by their concern for his wellbeing.  Sam eventually dragged them away and put them to work, but a small smile graced Bucky’s lips for the rest of the day and he would meet Steve’s eyes with delight and gratitude.

Steve had left Bucky to some cool down exercises and wandered back to the desk.  Darcy sat at attention, ~~patiently~~ informing another member that she is ~~unable~~ unwilling to change the music in the gym.  Steve gave her a look as the disgruntled man walked away.

“Don’t give me that, Rogers.  He wanted to put on Nickelback.  _Nickelback_!  For Christ’s sake, this isn’t some frat house at a state university from the 2000s!  You don’t see me wearing a leather bracelet and sneaking out back to play some hacky sack!”  She said irritably as Steve leaned on the desk.  He had to bite back a laugh at her disgruntled expression and accurate description of Nickelback fans.

“Well, you could be a bit nicer when people ask you.”  Steve reasoned.  But Darcy just rolled her eyes at him. 

“Oh I was.  But then he suggested that _garbage_ that people dared to call music.”  She shook her head in disgust as she looked down at the papers on the desk.  “Anyway, I see that Barnes is back.  And injured.”

Steve nodded tightly.  “Yeah, we had a rough night last night.”

“Is he okay?”  The irritated tone was replaced with genuine concern, her question asked in a softer voice.

Steve shrugged.   “We’re gonna work on it.  There’s a lot that he needs to talk about and the shit we gotta deal with concerning Pierce.  But I think we can make it work.”

“Of course we can.”  Steve gave her a confused glance and Darcy just tutted.  “If you think you and Bucky are gonna handle everything on your own, you’re stupid.  _Obviously_ we don’t need to help you two with romance, although I still am interested to know who tops and who bottoms.”

“Darcy!”  Steve hissed, his face turning bright red.

“But we’re gonna help you guys take down Pierce.  Gwen’s father is a police Captain and she knows some of his work friends that could really help, and one of my teammates is really good friends with one of the best lawyers in Hell’s Kitchen.”

Steve was speechless.  While he didn’t really think that their friends would turn their backs on them, he never believed they would be so willing and ready to come to their aid.  For the third time that day, he felt so overwhelmed and knew he would have to express his gratefulness with his actions.

Which is when Bucky came up to the desk looking curiously as Steve crushed Darcy in a hug that she struggled to escape from.

“Are we switching partners, because I don’t know if I could keep up with Wade in bed.” Bucky said shrewdly.

“Bucky, it would be an honor to introduce you to little Deadpool.” Wade called from the free weights, with Peter shaking his head beside him.

Bucky and Steve laughed and Steve finally released Darcy, who immediately punched him on the arm.

“Do that again and you won’t have a glorified secretary.” She shot at him without any venom to her words.  Steve grinned as she walked away, leaving Bucky and Steve alone at the desk.  Steve walked around and reached for Bucky’s wrist.

“How does it feel?”  He asked, carefully holding the injury.

“It’s fine.  Sam told me I could just take some ibuprofen, and I’ve got some back at my place.”

“Your place?” Steve asked with concern.  “Are you heading back there now?”

“Yeah, I need to shower before our date tonight.”  Bucky said.  “I mean, if one of your kinks is my scent after working out then I’ll skip the shower.”

He grinned but Steve only returned the smile with a frown.  “No, I’m just worried about Pierce.  What if he’s waiting for you there?”

“Oh Steve,” Bucky sighed.  “He won’t be.  And even if he is, I’ll be okay.  I’m coming back to you, so he won’t be able to get to me.”

A million warning bells went off in Steve’s head at Bucky’s reassurance, and he wanted nothing more than to argue and point out everything that could possibly go wrong.  But Bucky sounded so sure, and Steve wasn’t going to meddle and push too much.

“Okay,” he relented uncertainly.  “But um,” Steve shifted his weight and looked down at his feet.  “If you want, you can pack some clothes and stay with me for a while.  Pierce might not be there now, but he might come back.”

Bucky placed his fingers on Steve’s chin and lifted his head up.  His eyes were soft and his smile was sweet.  “If it’ll make you feel better, I’ll pack a big bag.”  He leaned in and gave Steve a gentle kiss.  Steve inhaled slightly and captured his sweaty and musky scent that was Bucky.  He closed his eyes and savored the moment, one hand sliding up Bucky’s arm.

Bucky pulled away first and gave Steve his genuine smile that made Steve’s knees weak.  Steve was sure he heard a few people whistle at them, but it was all drowned out by his quickened heartbeat that always picked up anytime Bucky looked to him with those intense storm-grey eyes.

“I’ll see you at seven.” Bucky whispered against his lips before giving him one more quick kiss.  “Wear something blue, it’s my favorite color on you.”  His hand left his chin and lightly trailed down Steve’s arm before he turned away.  He got to the door and gave Steve one more smile over his shoulder before finally leaving.

Steve was rooted to the spot, still feeling the ghost of Bucky’s lips on his.  He was sure he looked like a love-struck fool, but he didn’t care.

“Your happy is showing.” Sam called to him.

“Is that what Steve calls his penis?” Wade asked curiously.

He didn’t even care.

***

Steve had miraculously finished the rest of the day at the gym, managing to help other gym members and chat with Natasha and Clint before they left.  As soon as he locked the door and flipped the sign to ‘Closed’ he sprinted upstairs and carefully groomed himself to a presentable member of society.

Hopefully one that would make Bucky say ‘Daaaaaaaaaaaaaamn.’  But he was more focused on making sure his shoes were shined and his shirt tucked in properly.

Steve’s nerves were threatening to take over but Steve forced himself to breathe and relax.  He tried to remember Bucky’s eyes and smile, and his heart rate decreased.

Bucky’s eyes worked better than any drug, his smile the perfect fix for Steve’s troubles.  And the hangover was worth it if Steve got to spend even a minute with Bucky.

Seven o’clock rolled around and Steve heard the door downstairs open and close.  He waited a few minutes, half-expecting Bucky to walk upstairs and meet him upstairs.  But after a while with no indication of him trudging up the stairs, Steve grabbed his wallet and keys and eagerly walked down to the gym.

He hoped Bucky would wear something to accent his own eyes, and wondered about the restaurant that he promised to take them to.

What he was not expecting was Alexander Pierce sitting at the front desk.

Steve halted in his steps, shock rooting him to the spot.  Pierce looked over and gave Steve a superior look.

“Ahh, Steven.  I thought you were more punctual, James said he’d meet you here at seven, and it is now,” he pulled up his hand to examine the expensive looking watch on his wrist.  “7:04. Tsk, tsk.  If you were one of my boxers, you would be running suicide sprints, 50 for every minute late.”  He tittered darkly.  “James learned that rule on the first day, and he was never late again.”

The casual mention of Bucky working out ridiculously hard, paired with the watch that Pierce may have bought with dirty money from work Bucky had done made Steve’s blood boil.

“What the hell are you doing here?” He spat at the older man.

Pierce stood up and made his way towards Steve.  “Seeing how you don’t fight for me and you were raised in Brooklyn, I’ll excuse your vulgar word choice.  And I’m here as a messenger for James – he quits.”

“Bullshit.” Steve replied rapidly, refusing to let Pierce’s bluff fuel his anxiety.

“No it’s true.  Scout’s honor.”  Pierce sounded so apologetic, but the sick look of pleasure told another story.  “He actually wrote you this letter and asked me to pass it on.”  He pulled a sealed envelope from his jacket and gave it to Steve, who yanked it from his hand without opening it.

“I don’t have to read this to know you’re a liar.”  Steve hissed.  His hands were shaking, the envelope quivering ever so slightly.  “Bucky _hates_ you, and he has every right to. He wouldn’t go back to you even if he was dying on the streets.  You can’t just take him away, that’s kidnap.”

“James broke his lease and closed his bank accounts willingly.  Even if you had the access to those documents, you would see Bucky gave everything up freely.  What he does after is his business, and it so happens that he decided to come back and work for me.” 

Pierce was giving Steve a victorious and vicious grin, watching as Steve tried to think of a response.

Steve struggled, his anger clouding his logical thinking.  All he wanted to do was throw Pierce into the wall and rip him apart limb by limb until he confessed to where Bucky was.

“How dare you?”  He finally managed to say through his fury.  “How dare you break him down into nothing and come back to fetch him like he’s some lost possession?  Bucky is a brave and strong man, and you have no right to take away his freedom because you need him to do your dirty work.  You’re despicable, vile and repulsive.”

“Oh _I’m_ repulsive?” Pierce asked, all teasing gone from his voice.  “I assume that James had told you about his time working for me.  But clearly he didn’t tell you the whole story if you can still stand here and fight for him.”

“What are you talking about?” Steve asked heatedly. 

“You think you know so much from James in what, three weeks?  Four weeks?  Please, I knew that boy for seven years.  I’ve watched him grow from the pathetic child he was when I found him to the warrior I trained him to be, and when he had the guts I turned him into the monster that I know he still is.  He must’ve forgotten to mention the family he murdered in Sweden because one of their sons fought Bucky in the ring and broke his tooth.  Or the young girl he strangled to death because she bumped into him at a party.  Because clearly if he told you those stories there’s no way you could still be here singing his praises and admiring his _resilience_.”

Steve could hear his heartbeat in his ears, and he felt like he was falling down a deep hole in the ground.  Surely Pierce is saying those things to get a rise out of him, right?  There’s no way Bucky was able to commit those atrocious acts, right?

“From the look on your face, I guess James did not share those fun times with you.  Oh, to be the bearer of bad news, it’s a responsibility I don’t take lightly.”  Pierce’s cheerful voice was back, and it sounded like he was having the time of his life crushing Steve’s heart.  “I know James seems like he is so much more than he really is.  Believe me, I’ve been duped by his charming personality too.  But the truth is that James is a lying, conniving and shameful man.”  His voice changed to mocking pity, and Steve let himself be reeled in by Pierce’s words.  “I am sorry that you put so much work and effort into him.  But think of it this way, he’s out of your hair now and you won’t ever have to see him again.”

Steve swayed on the spot, speechless.  He had a million thoughts running through his head, and his hands were still shaking.  Pierce was looking at him with a knowing expression, as if he shared in Steve’s thoughts and feelings.  It was all so overwhelming, trying to get his thoughts in place and he thought he would be ruined from trying to fathom one thought.  Steve closed his eyes to escape the chaos and considered taking Pierce’s words to truth.

But as his eyes slid shut, Steve saw Bucky’s eyes filled with fear from Pierce’s return.  He heard Bucky’s wails of despair after the mere memory of Pierce broke Bucky’s spirit.  He felt the hot tears fall from Bucky’s eyes as he held him tight.  Bucky was wrecked and distraught – someone had to get him to that point.

Steve’s eyes snapped opened and he looked to Pierce sharply.

“No.  Bucky is not a monster by choice.  You made him into something that has caused him pain and agony.  You tore at Bucky’s heart and stripped him of all joy and happiness.  You trapped him in that lifestyle, threatening him with simple necessities if he didn’t tend to your every call and demand.  Bucky has done some terrible things in his life, but only to protect himself, to survive.  He may be a devil, but he was taught by Satan himself.”

Steve ended his fiery speech with harsh words thrown at Pierce, who only looked at him with disdain.  They stood silence, Steve’s chest heaving from the power and venom from speaking.

Pierce laughed humorlessly, his face still full of contempt.  “Well Steven, as great as that speech was James still isn’t coming back.  And you can believe all you want, but he is still a monster.”  He finally smiled a horrid and threatening smile.  “But he’s my monster.”

Pierce turned and started to walk away, leaving Steve standing in the same spot.  He stopped by the desk and pulled something out of his pocket.  “A parting present.”  He dropped it on the desk, and Steve recognized the key he gave to Bucky.  His heart began to hammer and he stumbled forward to check if it really was the key that Pierce discarded.

Steve leaned heavily on the desk, despair and loneliness starting to creep in around him.  He grabbed the key and turned it over and over.  _No, no, no, no._   He thought, tears forming in his eyes.

“Oh Steven?”  Pierce waited until Steve dragged his eyes from the key to his superior look.  “While your devotion and love for Bucky is cute, if I had a nickel for every time I caught Bucky with another man…well I guess I shouldn’t shoot a man while he’s down.”

Pierce finally left the gym, the smirk forever sketched into Steve’s head.  He looked back down at the key and the sealed envelope, unable to stop the tears from falling.

An idea forming in his head, Steve quickly yanked his phone from his pocket.  He ignored the ‘good luck’ texts from his friends as he dialed Bucky’s number.  Desperate hope flared in him again as he waited for the call to connect.

“ _We’re sorry, but this phone has been disconnected.  Good bye_.”

The faith left as soon as it came, and Steve could only sink to the ground.  Gripping the key and envelope, he tried to hold onto the memory of storm-grey eyes staring into his soul as he felt his heart break into pieces.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: some minor graphic depiction of murder  
> -  
> I’M SORRY. I KNOW I’M TERRIBLE AND BREAKING THEM APART. GAAAAAHHHH. And I do apologize if anyone likes Nickelback, I happen to share Darcy’s feelings on the band…like come on. Thanks for the love from Chapter 13, I’m sorry this one is a few days late. Once again, I’M SORRY PLEASE TAKE THE STUFFED ANIMALS AND CHOCOLATE AND FLUFFLY PILLOWS THAT I AM LEAVING HERE.


	15. Chapter 15

“Um Steve?  Are you looking for something?”

“No, I’m just organizing this shit.”

“Oh.  Well you’ve done that twice in the last three days.”

“Yeah? Well it’s a fucking mess.”

Irritation flared through Steve as he sorted the ever-growing piles of papers on the front desk.  Couldn’t Sam and Darcy see how disorganized it was?  Did they care about keeping this area clean?

He didn’t need to look up to see the glance Sam and Darcy shared, he felt their discomfort through the silence.  It irked Steve more than ever.

He turned his head up just in time to see his employees glance away from each other.  “Sam did you clean the bathroom?  Deep clean?”

Sam straightened his back and nodded stiffly.  Steve disregarded the slightly pained look in his eyes and how similar he looked to taking orders from an angry captain.

“Okay, I need you to take stock of all your med supplies and make a spreadsheet on the computer - we’re gonna start taking inventory every month.”

Sam’s lips pursed into a tight line but he still nodded.  He turned and started to walk away.

“And while you’re at it you need to clean up in there, it’s a complete disaster.” Steve called to his retreating form.

Sam paused and Steve was hoping he would turn back and complain.  He had no problem reminding Sam and Darcy that he was their boss and the business came first when they were at work.

That’s all he could care about, not since -

 _Not today_ , Steve thought forcefully.

But Sam only heaved a sigh and continued his walk towards the medical office.

Darcy was silently glaring at Steve, clearly unhappy at this tyrannical side of Steve.  He took in her annoyance but did nothing to change his attitude.

“Have you put your signups for Rage Yoga on the spreadsheet?  I asked you to do it yesterday.”

“Yup.”  Darcy replied.  Her voice was icy and her look unforgiving.

Steve nodded in his attempt to give thanks, but it did nothing to break her stern gaze.  “Okay, you can go on lunch.  30 minutes exactly.”

She turned on her heel and almost stormed from the gym.

A small voice in his head was chastising him from treating his friends like crap, but he forced that voice down again.  He instead turned his focus to the massive to-do list he created for the gym.

Steve certainly didn’t think about why he created that list and what has caused his change of heart.

Steve didn’t want to remember waking up two Wednesdays ago lying on the gym floor with a concerned Sam bending over him checking his pulse and pupils.  He had been led upstairs and babysat by Sam for the whole day with take-out from Peggy’s brought up by Natasha and Clint.

Steve really didn’t want to feel the confused daze he had been stuck in, the loneliness fogging up his brain yet again.  He wanted to replace the hurt and anger that consumed him, making him unable to do anything more than just lie on his couch for two days and process his thoughts. 

Steve _did_ recall the newfound strength and determination he found as he hiked all over Brooklyn one week ago.  He had continued his extended absence at the gym and spent his Saturday seeking answers from empty apartments, explanations from disgruntled landlords and solutions from confused and equally outraged pizza shop proprietors.

Steve tries to forget the growing frustration he felt at his fruitless attempt to find any trace of his friend.  But it was almost too easy to think about how some people change, and if someone really wanted to be found they would make _some_ attempt or help in _some_ way.

Eventually, Steve let himself believe in one thing - deeply caring about others who either cannot or will not care for you is a waste of time.

Steve took that mantra along with his new-found hectic and chaotic energy to his gym, completely changing everything in his space.  He obsessively cleaned every surface in the gym, re-arranged the equipment and enforced new policies and rules for his members and employees.

He knew that a lot of these changes that affected the members were strict and he had now created an intimidating persona – an almost 180 from the generous and forgiving identity he held before.  But Steve justified his actions with a very simple argument – his gym, his rules.

If he wanted to yell at Natasha and Clint for monopolizing half the gym when they trained, he could.  If he wanted to discipline Darcy and Sam for not properly filing paperwork, he could.

If he wanted to be in the gym every night, punching his guilt, anxiety, hurt and loneliness away, he could.

His gym, his rules.

Darcy’s kindness ran out first, if her glares and insubordination were anything to go by.  Clint wasn’t far behind, even threatening Steve to never return after a second reminder about moving equipment without his permission.  But Steve took their fury and channeled it into more tough guidelines.

He sometimes think he should be grateful that Natasha and Sam are more forgiving of his oppressive state, catching the sympathetic and pitying looks they send his way.  But if had to be honest, he only cared about Sam doing his job and Natasha respecting the gym.

He didn’t want their understanding, and part of him knew that he didn’t deserve it.

For the past week he had done nothing but boss his gym members around and piss off his friends.  He was being an ass and taking his anger and hurt out on people who did nothing wrong – it was weak and juvenile.   But he couldn’t deny those angry and hurtful thoughts.

Steve is angry because he tried so hard to find Bucky, and the man couldn’t make any attempt to reach out or be found.

Steve is hurt because Bucky was so easy to love and now that he couldn’t talk to him broke Steve’s heart every day.

But the worse part isn’t why he’s angry and hurt – it’s _how_ he is able to be so angry and hurt.

Steve had ben steeling himself for disappointment the day he laid eyes on Bucky.  Every touch, smile or laugh was pure magic for Steve, but he was gearing himself up for an even greater letdown.  And despite how ecstatic he was when he and Bucky finally kissed, Steve had been standing at the tallest point and the moment Bucky would let him go the fall would be unbearable.

So if Steve had prepared himself for the crash and burn, why is it so much worse than he thought?

If Steve was being truly honest with himself, he was embarrassed by how easily he cared for Bucky and he’d rather walk around being almost hated by everyone than let them know how much he had cared.

And now Steve carried himself in the gym with knowing that deeply caring about others who either cannot or will not care for you is a waste of time.

And after almost two weeks since Pierce visited his gym, he was coming really close to actually believing it.

The gym door opened and both Wade and Peter walked up to the front desk. 

“Deadpool and Happy Feet!  How’re you two doing?”

Wade just nodded at Steve’s greeting while Peter shrugged.  Both of the boys didn’t directly meet Steve’s gaze but Steve still saw the guarded look in Wade’s eyes and the dread in Peter’s.

“Peter how’s your shoulder holding up?  Did you ice it last night?”

Peter nodded and one hand instinctively held his right shoulder.  “Yeah it’s a little sore and still bruised.”  He lifted his shirt sleeve to reveal patches of purple and red skin.  Steve wanted to wince at the bruise but he held his poker face.

“Yeah, well tripping over your feet and using a dumbbell to catch your fall will do that to you.”  He said instead, trying not to look at the hurt expression on Peter’s face.

“You had us doing cross body dumbbell curls while doing plyometrics.”  Wade cut in flatly.  “It was really dangerous, don’t you think?”

“I mean, if you want me to modify your routine so it won’t be too dangerous that’s fine.”  Steve curled his lip - it felt so wrong but he didn't stop himself.  “Next time Gwen is working out I’ll have you guys join her.”

A look of outrage crossed Wade’s face but Steve gestured to Sam in his office.  “Peter, I’ll have you work with Sam today.  The routine I had planned for you guys is going to be tough and fast – I didn’t make modifications for injuries.”

Peter bit his lip and nodded.  He walked away from Wade and Peter with his head bowed and Steve nearly broke right there and then.

_Deeply caring about other who either cannot or will not care for you is a waste of time._

Steve instead looked to Wade and gave him a challenging look.  “You ready to work?”

The youth narrowed his eyes and nodded.  “Always.”

Steve wasn’t kidding about the workout he planned today – it was easily the hardest and most challenging routine he planned for Wade.  Alternate renegade rows, burpee pull ups, and wall jumps paired with wall sits were just a few of the selected workouts – Steve even brought out the chains to be used as weights during Wade’s bench press exercise.  And Wade worked through it all without one word.  He even ignored Darcy coming back from her lunch, even though the look she gave Steve was nothing short of pure loathing.

“And time.  Well done, Wade.  Jump on the bike for a cool down and you’re all set for today.”  Steve tossed him a white towel to wipe his face after he completed a full boxing match with a bag using a different take-down punch and combo for each round.

“Actually, do you think we could take a walk?  There’s something I want to talk to you about.”  Wade was breathing deeply after finishing his workout but looked committed and serious.

Steve just shrugged and agreed – it was the least he could do, seeing how hard he had pushed Wade and how little the kid had complained.

 _Okay, no there’s a lot more that you have to do you moron._   Steve pushed the voice in his head down further as he led Wade outside the gym.  It was a nice day and Steve couldn’t remember the last time he actually took a walk with someone else.

_Well you did walk around with –_

“I know you’re pissed off and you’re taking your feelings of frustration out on us.”  Wade interrupted Steve’s downward spiraling thoughts in a very matter-of-fact tone.

Steve whipped his head over to glare at Wade, who was looking back with a simple look on his face.  “What are you talking about?”

“Well Bucky is gone and you, along with everyone else, don’t really know where he went.  I’m assuming that’s why you’re upset.”

“Yeah, so what?”  Steve said gruffly.  He ignored Wade's casual use of...that name with a grit of his teeth. 

“So you felt dejected and alone, and now it’s even worse since you went to find him and couldn’t.”

“How did you know I went looking for…him?”

“Darcy told me.  She’s worried about you.”

Steve suddenly felt very small and pressed his lips together to keep himself together.  “Really?”  He asked in a tiny voice.

“Well, right now she’s probably pissed as fuck – from what she’s told me things have been kind of difficult at the gym lately.”

Steve scoffed and rolled his eyes, returning to his cold-hearted state of mind.  “Yeah I know I’ve change.  But I’m trying to do what’s best for my gym and the people who come to it.”

Wade shrugged.  “Maybe.  Or maybe you feel so helpless and lost that you’re trying to exert some power over something you have control of.  Which is a good thing, when things are shit doing anything to distract you from the bad thoughts is good.  But you’re pushing your anger and frustration onto everyone because you don’t have the right person to be angry or frustrated with.”

Steve stayed silent, letting Wade’s words sink in.  Wade wasn’t telling him anything he didn’t know, but having it laid out in front of him made it seem ten times worse.

“Hey man, I’m not trying to make you upset, honest.”   Wade jumped in quickly, seeing Steve’s crushing face.  “I just wanted to tell you that if you still want to be a hard-ass or whatever you can.  But just do it to me, Peter is exhausted and hurt and Darcy thinks you don’t trust her anymore.  But they’re not gonna tell you to stop.”

“Why?” Steve whispers.

“You’re hurting, and they don’t want to upset you more.”

Steve felt like the gum stuck to the sidewalk they’re walking on.  He behaved idiotically, driven by the pain and humiliation he felt from Bucky leaving him.  And what’s worse is that no matter how terrible he would’ve been towards his friends, they would have never left him.

“Why are you talking to me then?” He asked Wade curiously.  “If I’ve been so awful and everyone was going to let me continue being an asshole, why did you decide to come to me?”

Wade smirked slightly.  “The worst thing you could’ve done is make my workouts a living hell.  But I thrive on people pushing me and yelling at me.  It’s done _wonders_ for me and Darcy.”  He winked at the end of his sentence, the grin even more pronounced.

“Oh gross Wade.”  Steve scolded him, but when Wade only grinned back he actually smiled.

“There’s the patented Roger’s smile.” 

Steve sighed but felt better than he has in the past week.  Even though he had many amends to make and friends to beg for forgiveness, he knew he was doing the right thing. 

“Wade, I’m so sorry.  I was a terrible trainer and friend to you.”  He held out his hand to Wade, who grinned and pulled Steve in for a hug.  Steve gasped at the tight embrace and felt happy tears sting his eyes.

“It’s okay Steve.  We all do crazy things when the ones we love are in danger.  One of my ex’s was kidnapped and I thought I was gonna kill someone.”

Steve gave a watery laugh, not sure if Wade was joking or not.  But he didn’t care – he felt dizzy with relief and lighter than he had in days.  Wade released him and clasped a hand on Steve’s shoulder.

“Wanna head back?”  He asked kindly.

Steve nodded, his face determined.  “Yeah, I have some major explaining to do.”

“Don’t worry, I don’t think anyone is too upset.”  Steve gave Wade a worried look.  “Well…Darcy may be a _tad_ upset.” 

“Better late than never.” Steve sighed as they turned back to the gym.

So Steve returned, with Wade offering tips and hints on how Steve could apologize to his friends.  Each idea was wilder and filthier than the last but Steve was doubled over laughing as he walked through his gym doors.

His outburst drew the attention of his friends all gathering around the front desk.  They gave him looks ranging from annoyed surprise and polite bewilderment.

The sight sobered Steve up and he felt another wave of fear roll over him – what if his friends rejected his apology?  What would Steve do if his friends turned their backs on him?  He could hardly blame their semi-hostile looks – Steve had been a brutal and nasty man to them, he deserved nothing short of brutal and nasty treatment.

A warm hand on his shoulder with an even warmer smile from Wade pulled Steve from his disparaging thoughts and he sighed deeply before stepping forward.

Steve apologized for pushing Peter too far and dismissing his injury – he was met with a timid smile and shrug of Peter’s shoulders, the kid’s eyes reflecting empathy.

Steve apologized to Darcy for micromanaging the crap out of her and belittling her every decision – she just rolled her eyes and demanded a week’s worth of fancy coffee, but it was commanded without any antagonizing or hurtful words.

Steve apologized to Natasha and Clint for interfering with their training and almost throwing a years-long friendship down the drain – Natasha only smiled while Clint gave him a wholesome thump on the back.

Steve apologized to Sam for casting his concern’s for Steve’s own well-being aside and treating him like a second-rate employee – Sam’s nod of forgiveness was the final gesture to break Steve down.

His friends stood in front of him, their support pulling him from the depths of his self-hatred and their love proving that he was never to be alone.

Their arms enclosed him tightly, and for the moment Steve didn’t care that a group of adults were hugging a much more pathetic and blubbering mess.   He was, and will be, forever grateful for the compassion and generosity that currently surrounded him.

***

A sharp and piercing trill yanked Steve from his dreamless sleep.  He groped around his couch looking for his phone as he tried to get a grip on reality.

He vaguely remembers being sent up by Sam, ordered to actually get some sleep for once.  He must’ve crashed on his couched, the nights spent down in his gym and the emotionally draining afternoon sapping the energy from him.  He glanced at the clock by his TV, green lights telling him it was just pass 9:30 PM.  Groaning he sat up, the annoying ringtone still blaring.

Steve checked his phone’s screen – _Caller Unknown_ – and groaned again.  _I swear to god if some telemarketer woke me up,_ he thought crossly.

“Hello?”  He grunted into the phone.

“ _Steve?_ ”  A scared and panicked voice woke Steve better than any bucket of ice cold water would do.

“ _Bucky?!_ ”  He asked incredulously.  “Oh my god, what happened? Are you -”

“ _Look I don’t have much time_.”  Bucky cut in hurriedly, his voice low and fast.  “ _I’m sorry I haven’t been able to call, this is the first time I’ve been completely alone, I didn’t want you to think I just up and left I would_ never.  _You gotta believe me Steve_.”

“Bucky, it’s okay.”  Steve rushed into the phone, trying to relieve Bucky’s frantic ramblings.  “I’m just glad to hear your voice, I’ve been – we’ve all been worried sick.”

“ _Steve I am so sorry.  I never wanted to leave you or the gym – it nearly killed me to do it_.”

“Then why did you?”  Steve couldn’t help but ask, his voice bordering accusatory. 

“ _You were right, Pierce was waiting for me at my apartment – he has so much dirt on me Steve, I could go to prison for life if I didn’t leave with him_.”  Bucky sounded desperate, almost insane in his simple explanation.

“Bucky…” Steve was at a loss for words.  He had no idea what to do or what to say.  “God Bucky, what am I supposed to do here?”

“ _I don’t know Steve, but Pierce is taking me back to Europe by the end of next week -_ ”

“ _What?!_ ”

 _“ – and I just needed to hear your voice one more time and make sure you knew that I never wanted to leave you.  Steve you’re the best thing that has ever happened to me, I am so sorry that you got caught up with all of my shit.”_ Bucky’s voice broke on the last word, but when he continued he sounded composed and urgent _.  “God I never wanted you or anyone else even come close to experiencing any part of my past, but if that meant I would’ve had to stay with Pierce and never meet you I’d choose dealing with this shit every time.  I know I’ve said how thankful I am to have met you and be your friend but I’ve never been more thankful to even_ know _you Steve Rogers – thank you for bringing me into your life and showing me that there is good and love in the world_.”

Steve’s vicelike grip on his phone kept him from falling apart and collapsing into a puddle on his couch.  “Bucky, Pierce can’t just _take_ you against your will!”

A helpless laugh came through the phone.  “ _Steve,”_ Bucky’s whispered sob physically hurt Steve and he clutched at his heart to hold back his tears. _“I’m sorry but I have to.  I’ve done terrible things with my life, and Pierce would have no problem turning me over to the police, or worse to the people who would love to see me dead_.”

“Where are you?”  Steve asked frantically.  “I’ll come find you and get you out of there.”

“ _There’s no saving me now Steve.”  Bucky whispered into the phone.  “I’m sorry Steve.  I – oh shit someone’s coming.  Steve, I l -_ ”

Silence greeted Steve as the line went dead and dread filled his heart.

“Bucky?!  Bucky!  _Bucky!”_   Yelling into the phone was useless but Steve couldn’t fathom the thought that he may have heard the last of Bucky Barnes forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’M SORRY AGAIN. *Leaving even more stuffed animals and chocolate on the ground*  
> I’m sorry if this chapter seems kind of ‘blah’ I had a lot of trouble writing it – it was practically killing me. Also I changed/added a new name or whatever it’s called (I’m still really new to AO3 please forgive me), just letting you know in case there’s any confusion. Thank you for the love from chapter 14, you guys truly are the best!


	16. Chapter 16

“Bucky!  Bucky!”

Steve finally pulled his phone down and checked the screen to see that yes, the phone call really ended.  He balled his hand in a fist and held it up to his forehead, his eyes shut tight.

 _Bucky is going to leave forever_.

Steve’s panicked state left him gasping for air and the thunderous pounding he heard showed that his heart had picked up speed.  He tried to force himself to relax but it wasn’t doing him any good.

He quickly unlocked his phone and dialed Sam’s number – Steve knew he was one of the only people who could truly calm him down.  The ringing tone was just heard over his heart beat in his ear as he still attempted to control his breathing.

“ _Hello?_ ”

“Sam, Bucky called me he’s practically being held against his will and he’s going back to Europe I’m going to throw up Sam what do I do I’ll never see him again what do I do?!”

“ _Whoa whoa Steve, slow down_.”  Sam’s calm voice spoke to him through the phone but it did nothing for his sanity.

“Sam I’m gonna lose Bucky, I can’t lose Bucky he sounded so scared.  I don’t know what to do I feel like I’m drowning.”  Steve choked out the last words and gasped for more air, his heart still beating erratically.

_“Steve I need you to breath.  Do you think you’re having an asthma attack or a panic attack?_

“This isn’t an asthma attack, I haven’t had one since I was a kid Sam!”

 _“Okay, I need you to stop thinking and breathe.  Inhale for four seconds, hold for four, and exhale for four – repeat that four times for me right now._ ”

Steve did as he was told, even though he thought he would pass out during the first set.  But by the third set he felt himself unwind and his heart rate had slowed down by the time he finished the fourth set.

“ _Steve how are you feeling?_ ”

“Better,” Steve croaked.  He wasn’t gasping for breath but his head was pounding and he was exhausted.   “My head hurts but I don’t feel trapped anymore – thanks Sam.”

“ _Now can you tell me what’s going on without panicking again?_ ”

Steve took a breath.  “Bucky called me and he’s being taken back to Europe by the end of next week. He said he won’t ever see me again.”

“ _Shit_.” Sam cursed.

“Yeah,” Steve said in a tiny voice.  “Sam what am I going to do?”

“ _I don’t know_ ,” Sam admitted and Steve heard the defeated tone in his voice.

“Sam I can’t _not_ do anything!  Bucky needs me to try!”  The panic bubbled in Steve as he raised his voice.

“ _Steve relax.  Look, I’ll come your way now. Just stay calm and breathe more if you need to – I’ll be right there._ ”

“Okay Sam, I’ll see you soon.”  Steve hung up and immediately began pacing around his apartment.  The simple activity, while not as effective as boxing, alleviated some of his anxiety.

Steve ran through the facts in his brain over and over as he waited.  Bucky was with Pierce, he was going to Europe by the end of next week, he never wanted to leave Steve, he was scared, he needs help.

 _How can I help?_ Steve wondered dismally.  _I have nothing to go off of, no clue of where he could be._

“The letter!”  Steve couldn’t help but exclaim out loud to himself as he remembered the feeble attempt by Pierce to keep him away from finding Bucky.  He ran to his room and pulled open his bedside table drawer with force.  He unclearly remembers trying to throw the letter away but Sam taking in from the trash and placing it in the drawer.

 _Thank you Sam_ , he thought as he grabbed the letter and ripped it open.  The first thing he noticed at the top was the insignia belonging to S.H.I.E.L.D., a grey circle enclosing a black eagle.

 _Could it be that easy?_ Steve wondered.  He didn’t know much about the elite gym, except from what Darcy has ranted about or even from what some of his gym members had told him.

_“They charge for towels!”_

_“Those skinny bitches use their knobby elbows to block and the refs always look away, its bullshit.”_

_“I felt like if I wasn’t losing weight I was being judged horribly – it wasn’t fun to be there.”_

_“Everyone needs some meat on those bones, god I hate those dumb bitches.”_

Steve scanned through the letter, scoffing at the formal tone and bullshit jargon that definitely wasn’t Bucky.  He knew that the signature at the bottom wasn’t even Bucky’s – Steve was right to not believe Pierce’s gimmick.

Steve rushed downstairs with the letter in his hand and booted up the laptop sitting on the front desk.  He quickly typed ‘ _S.H.I.E.L.D. – gym’_ and navigated to their main page. A futuristic-themed website boasted their state-of-the-art equipment and professional trainers.  Steve clicked at the drop down menu and selected ‘ _Blog_ ’ from the endless list of options, which included a link to the gym’s roller derby squad.

He was met with a picture of Brock Rumlow – a smug look smirking up at Steve, his arrogance seeping through the screen.

‘ _Rumlow to coach Boxing Seminar at S.H.I.E.L.D. – Rising Star Tours Facility and Meets with Trainers.’_

Steve scanned the post and glanced at the photos littered throughout the article.  Professional-level pictures of Brock checking out equipment and conversing with other S.H.I.E.L.D. trainers were clearly staged and obviously a cover as to why Pierce was in New York.  Even though the elusive man was pictured nowhere, Steve would bet that Pierce wouldn’t let his ‘prized fighter’ out of his sight.  And seeing the other man Pierce called Jack in the background of the photos confirmed Steve’s suspicions.

Steve heard the front door unlock and looked up to see Sam cross the threshold of the gym.  But he wasn’t alone – Natasha and Clint followed closely behind with Darcy and Wade bringing up the rear.

Steve noted that while Sam, Darcy and Wade were wearing PJs (which apparently meant Wade slept without his shirt on), Natasha and Clint were dressed nicely – Clint was wearing shoes other than his sneakers and Natasha’s red hair tumbled down to her shoulders in gentle waves.

“Steve,” Sam called as he rushed over.

“Hey Sam.  I didn’t know you were going to bring in reinforcements.”  He replied with a pointed look to Natasha and Clint.  Natasha gave an uncharacteristic smile and blushed lightly while Clint turned a bright red but grinned.

“Sam just said you were freaking out and if we could we should meet you here.”  Clint supplied, still unable to stop smiling.

“Yeah, Sam called Darcy and she said you were hysterical.”  Wade said, puffing out his chest and squaring his shoulders.  “Who do I have to kill?”

“Good lord,” Sam muttered.

“But you don’t look like you’re freaking out,” Natasha piped up coolly.  “So if we came down here for nothing…”

“No no, I was.  I think I almost had a panic attack and Sam helped me calm down.  But I’m sorry if in interrupted anything, I don’t want to be a bother.”

“Steve, when are you going to get it through your head that you’re not a bother and we _want_ to help?” Darcy asked exasperatedly.  “Now tell us what’s going on, Sam didn’t give any details.”

“Okay.  Bucky called me and said he was going back to Europe with Pierce and he wouldn’t be able to see me again.”

The group reacted to his news with shock and anger – Wade balled his fists, Darcy gasped loudly, Clint narrowed his eyes and Natasha let a flash of fury cross her face.

“But they just can’t take him!” Darcy exclaimed.  “They can’t _force_ him to go!”

“He told me Pierce could send him to jail.”  Steve replied.  “He’s had a rough start and he’s done some not great things in his life.”

Darcy groaned and looked at everyone else.  “Why is everyone calm?!  Why aren’t you guys freaking out?!”

“It’s a lot to process!” Clint said crossly.  “We can’t help that you’re temper goes from zero to sixty in two seconds.”

“Hey back off man,” Wade interjected angrily.  He stepped closer to Clint and glared.  “Don’t go after Darcy for having a human reaction to terrible news.”

“Oh what, are you saying I’m not _reacting_ enough?”  Clint challenged, also stepping forward.

“Enough.”  Steve called firmly.  He didn’t raise his voice or yell but there was enough force to get Clint and Wade to step away from each other and look slightly ashamed.  He took another breath before continuing.  “I think I know where Bucky is.”

“Where?” Natasha asked immediately.

“S.H.I.E.L.D.”  Steve said.  As expected, Darcy made a noise of angry disgust and Wade put a hand on her back to calm her down.

“How do you know?” Sam asked calmly.

Steve held up the letter.  “Pierce brought this letter when he came to tell me Bucky ‘quit’.  Sam you took it from me when I tried to throw it out.  The letter has the logo from the gym.  But,” Steve set the letter on the desk and let his uncertainty choose his next words.  “It wouldn’t be that easy to find him, right?  I mean, _why_ leave something so obvious?”

“It’s Alexander Pierce.”  Natasha said simply.  “He’s confident enough that you won’t try to go up against him – he has enough resources and power to take down Russian crime families, the Real IRA, hell he could completely end gang operations in Detroit with one word.  He would find it fun to mess with you and your gym.”

“How do you know so much about him?”  Steve asked, slightly pleading for answers.

“I trained with him.”

Silence followed her statement and Steve just stared at Natasha – he was sure his friends shared similar masks of surprise.

“When?”  Sam asked, disbelief in his voice.

“About seven years ago.  But I was sure to make everything professional and keep it strictly business – my manager before wasn’t too happy about it but I wasn’t going to do anything I didn’t want.”  Natasha’s face was cool and her tone impassive.  “I checked every bit of the contract and kept our contract short – I would train with Pierce for only six months and then either leave or re-sign.

“It was an easy decision – Pierce was ruthless and cold.  After six months I left and I fired my manager.  He was adamant about me staying with Pierce and I wasn’t.  He was not happy but I didn’t care.”

“So did you ever know Bucky?”  Steve asked.

Natasha looked slightly guilty.  “Yes.”  She answered, remorse in her voice.  “But I never met him.  I had heard about him and I would see him from a distance sometimes.  Pierce was possessive with him, always going to him if he came in during my session.  He wouldn’t have known me though, he was…focused on what he did for Pierce.”

Steve noticed Natasha’s slight hesitation and was grateful for her word choice.  Steve was the only one who fully knew of Bucky’s past, with Sam and Natasha knowing enough.  He couldn’t imagine meeting or seeing Bucky while he worked for Pierce, how broken and tied-down he must’ve been.

“I’m sorry,” Natasha apologized softly.  “I recognized him the first day I met him, but it wasn’t my place to say where.”

Steve nodded.  “I’m not mad – if anything your time with Pierce can give us insight and help us get Bucky back.”

“What can we do?” Sam immediately asked – he didn’t sound disheartened anymore, but determined.

“I don’t know,” Steve acknowledged.  “But we have to do something by the end of next week – that’s when they’re leaving for Europe.”

“How do you know?” Wade asked.  “I mean, I don’t want us to take the time to think of a plan but see that he’s already gone.”

“Bucky told me,” Steve replied.  “Plus, I found this.”  He lifted the laptop so that the group around the desk could see the screen.

“The blog post said that Brock will be in the gym for the week until he goes back to Europe.” Steve explained.  “There’s no way Pierce would leave him alone, and he’s going to be keeping Bucky close from now on.”  He looked to Natasha and saw her nod, confirming his beliefs.

“This is the guy who went after you?” Wade asked Darcy. 

“No it was the other guy.”  She pointed to one picture with Jack in the background.  Wade squinted at it, his face contorted in uncharacteristic fury.  “I’ll kill him, I swear to god.”  She just held his hand tightly and patted his shoulder.

“We need a plan,” Steve stated.

“We should go to the gym,” Clint suggested. 

“That’s stupid,” Natasha replied but her voice didn’t hold its normal dismissiveness.

“What else can we do?”  He asked her softly.  “It’s straightforward and direct, and seeing how we don’t have much time it’s the quickest option.”

“You don’t want to go head-to-head with Pierce.”  Natasha told him.  “We can’t just waltz in there and ask for Bucky.”

“I don’t care about facing Pierce, I owe him a punch to the face for him ‘unorthodox training’ comment.” 

“You might not care, but I do.” Natasha told him quietly, the intention and concern clear in her voice.  The smile Clint gave her was so sweet that Steve had to turn away.  He looked at Sam and Darcy raising their eyebrows at each other and Wade nodding in glee.

“Okay, we’re gonna come back to that.” Darcy said.  “But we have to focus on this right now.  Don’t think you guys are off the hook just yet, I have _loads_ of questions.”

“Hard pass,” Natasha said flatly but she smiled.

Darcy nodded.  “I can respect that.  Okay,” she paused in thought.  “I got it – what if we buy Bucky back?”

“That’s slavery.” Sam said steadily. 

“What if we tunnel him out?”  Wade suggested hopefully.

“Be serious,” Sam replied with an annoyed tone.

“This is so frustrating!”  Darcy yelled.  Steve looked and saw genuine rage in her eyes.  “I fuckin knew S.H.I.E.L.D. was evil!  Their roller derby team plays dirty, of course their whole operation is dirty!”

A lightbulb went off in Steve’s head and he focused in on Darcy.  “Say that again.”

“S.H.I.E.L.D. is full of dirty pigs?”  She supplied.

“That’s it!” Steve cried fervently.  The wheels were turning in his head and he looked to everyone around the desk, finally feeling some sort of hope and excitement.  “Darcy, we’re gonna need Captain Stacy and that lawyer from Hell’s Kitchen, I’ve got an idea.”

***

The windows on the outside of S.H.I.E.L.D. reflected the sun’s rays brightly as Steve, Sam, Natasha and Clint walked up to the front door on Sunday morning.

“Good lord, I can barely see.”  Clint complained as he shielded his eyes.  “Why do they need such obnoxious and garish décor?”

Steve just shrugged and halted by the door.  He pulled on the handle only to find it locked – dismayed Steve noticed the high-tech card scanner used by members to gain access to the gym.  He looked back up to the eagle logo on the glass door with a dumfounded expression.  “Okay, we have our plan but I didn’t think this part through.  How do we get in?”

Natasha nudged his arm and glancing over he saw her looking up.  He followed her gaze to a security camera pointed directly at them.

“No need to worry.”  She said flatly and soon enough the door unlocked with a loud _click_.

“Looks like he was expecting you,” Same noted dryly from behind.  Steve nodded but was too busy mentally steeling himself to come up with a response.  He squared his shoulders and pulled open the door.

After walking inside they found themselves in a foyer complete with a small fountain and a second pair of locked doors to lead them further into the gym.  Steve heard Clint whistle at the grandeur and felt inadequate, thinking of his humble and much smaller gym.  The space here made Steve’s look like a used cardboard box on the side of the road.

Shoving down the thoughts, Steve gazed around and noticed the receptionist sitting at the front desk (also much larger than his).  She looked up from her computer and gave Steve a warm smile that did not match her cold eyes.

“Mr. Pierce will see you and your friends now.”  She spoke in a no-nonsense tone and indicated to the glass doors leading to the gym.  The man who accompanied Pierce to Steve’s gym with Brock was standing right inside, a cold and humorless expression on his broad face.

Steve didn’t bother to reply to the woman and walked towards Jack.  The man opened the glass door to Steve.  “Follow me,” he said in a dark and low voice.  He turned away before any of them could protest and left them to hurry forward and follow.

Steve couldn’t help but gaze around the spacious and cutting-edge gym as they were led through.  He noticed that almost all of the machines and equipment were the latest models and everyone using them were exercising with ease and simplicity.  Steve looked back at his friends and caught them doing the same thing he was – Sam with an overwhelmed look on his face, Clint scanning the gym aggressively aggravated and Natasha was subtly watching people train with her cool mask in place.

Jack led them through the open gym and down a darker hallway.  Steve saw doors leading to the locker rooms, the sauna, the medic’s office and even a space for racquetball.  He turned back to his friends and said, “I think I need to step up my gym game.”

Sam shook his head.  “No our space is perfect.”

“Yeah we don’t need this much useless junk,” Clint spoke up in a tone loud enough for Jack to hear.  But whether he did or not didn’t matter, seeing how he didn’t react to Clint’s words.  He abruptly stopped at one door and propped it open, indicating for Steve to step through first.

Steve hesitated, kinda-sorta-slightly-really uncertain of what will be behind the door.  Will Bucky be there?  What about Pierce?   He still wasn’t moving when he felt a hand around his arm – he looked down to see Natasha nodding encouraging and silently reminding him of their plan.

Steve nodded firmly and opened the door.  Slightly squinting from the bright lights he saw a boxing ring set up in the middle of a smaller but still grand room.  A few people were scattered around but the attention was focused on the man in the ring.  He was brutally attacking the bag in front of him – no technique or skill, just viciously strong punches whacking the bag.

As Steve stepped closer into the private gym he recognized Brock Rumlow as the boxer and he couldn’t help the anger that rose within him.

“Steven!  What a wonderful surprise!”  Steve turned at the call of his name and watched as Pierce made his way towards their group.  He was dressed in another immaculate suit and was holding a glass of amber liquid.

“And you brought the gang, how _fun_.”  Pierce smiled as he looked around at Steve’s friends, but his smile was more of a sneer and made Steve want to squirm.  But he held his ground, unwilling to break his poker face.

“Although you didn’t bring your fiery brunette friend.”  Pierce noted disdainfully. He tutted and shook his head.  “Shame really.  I liked her, and I think she would’ve loved a tour of our facilities, maybe even look in on our roller derby team practicing.”

Ignoring the casual offer, a reminder that Pierce looked up Darcy’s personal information and probably everyone else’s, Steve balled his hands into fists and put on the most hated face he could.

“Where is Bucky?”

“Hmm…Bucky?”  Pierce had the audacity to look confused, which just boiled Steve’s blood.  “OH, James?  Yes he’s around somewhere.”

“You can’t just keep him here.”  Steve retorted angrily.  He had a plan and he had to stick to the plan but he couldn’t help the rage rising in him.

Pierce just smiled in smug amusement.  “Oh James _wants_ to be here, believe me.”

“Bullshit.”

“Easy Steve,” Natasha cautioned from behind.

“Hello Natalia, you’re looking well.  _Very_ well, I should say.”  Pierce turned his leering gaze to Steve’s friend and looked back in time to see Clint move protectively in front of her.  He was giving Pierce a look of pure loathing, which only made the older man’s eyes sparkle.

Pierce looked back to Steve with a mockingly comforting face.  “If it’ll make you feel better I can bring James out.”  He snapped his finds and Jack left the room.  They waited in silence, the only noise coming from Brock’s hostile grunts and the sound of his fist connecting with the bag.  Steve turned to watch him work, observing the lack of any method or practiced moves.

“Isn’t he marvelous?”  Steve looked back to Pierce, who was admiring Brock in the ring.  “Sheer power and a ruthless attitude – he’s made me quite rich.”

“His stance is mediocre.” Natasha stated nonchalantly.  Brock heard her comment and snarled in her direction, but didn’t leave the ring.  He went to the bag with more fervor and his moves were more archaic and erratic.  Pierce looked nothing short of pleased and took a greedy gulp of his drink.

The door opened again and Steve rapidly turned to see Bucky being led in by Jack.  His breathe caught in his throat from finally seeing him after being deprived of his face almost two weeks but his heart stilled after he took in Bucky’s appearance.  He had a black eye and Steve saw bruises trailing down his arms.  He limped into the gym, and even his posture sagged from exhaustion.  One quick look at his eyes presented a defeated look that clearly mirrored his appearance.

Steve whirled to Pierce, a newfound ferocity in his heart.  “What did you do to him?!” He practically growled, and he was sure that if he were a dog his hackles would be raised with his teeth barred. 

Pierce just tilted his head with a patiently rude look on his face.  “Well sometimes Brock needs to train on something besides the bag, and that’s where James stepped in.  Even if he’s not much of an improvement, right James?”  Pierce looked over to Bucky with fatherly look on his face but mainly came across as disturbing.  Steve also looked to Bucky and saw him give one jerky nod, his eyes darting around to anywhere but Steve.

“You see Steven, there’s no beating sheer power.  Despite the tricks and ‘skills’ that James may have he is nothing compared to pure strength and muscle.”

Steve snapped his head back to Pierce and saw red – how dare he insinuate that Bucky was nothing better than an immobile bag to wham on.  Steve took one step forward with the intent to do nothing but harm the idiotic and self-righteous man in front of him but was held back by two strong hands.

“C’mon man, it’s not worth it.”  Sam whispered calmly into his ear.

“Yeah just stay focused.”  Clint said in a low voice, even if his voice sounded like he wouldn’t mind seeing Steve punch Pierce in the face.

Breathing forcefully through his nose, Steve nodded angrily.  He felt the hands leave him, but he still gave Pierce a look of pure hatred.

Pierce on the other hand, was looking like a kid on Christmas morning, pure delight and excitement looking so wrong on his old and wrinkled face.

“So, Mr. Pierce.”  Sam started calmly, stepping forward slightly.  “If you’re not using Bucky in fights and, as you said yourself, he’s practically worthless.”  Steve heard the slight fumble on the word and knew that Sam had trouble even repeating the horrid thing about Bucky.  “Why do you want him around still?  Isn’t he just taking up space?”

“That is an interesting point, Mr. Wilson.”  Pierce nodded as he considered Sam’s words.  “I really should have you peek into our med bay – I think you would see the appeal of being a part of team S.H.I.E.L.D.”

“Tempting but I will have to pass.” Steve admired Sam for not only staying loyal to his gym but being able to keep a level head and stare into Pierce’s snakelike eyes and not flinch.  “But my question still stands.”

“Yes, James does take up space.”  Pierce agreed, his tone turned more apathetic and business-like.  “However, he’s good practice for Brock and I trained him for years to be the boxer that he is.”

“So you trained him to be no better than a punching bag?”  Sam asked.  “I mean, you said before that he was not much better than one, and if you trained him to be the boxer he is now…”

If Steve had more guts he would go ‘oooooooohhhhhhhh’ and definitely snap his fingers at that burn, but he can barely think straight since the moment Bucky entered the room, bruised and battered.  But Pierce certainly didn’t appreciate Sam’s deductions, as his eyes narrowed and he frowned.

“James has a signed contract that he has yet to completely honor.  And until he does I have no intention of letting him leave.”

“So you’re going to hold him hostage?”  Sam asked curiously.

“Oh Sam you twist my words so savagely, of course I would _never_ hold James hostage.”  Pierce’s snapped response and his annoyed expression revealed how disenchanted he was becoming .  “James is more than free to come and go as he pleases, but it just so happens that I have many jobs for him to do _and_ he has no wish to leave.  Isn’t that right James?”

Everyone turned to Bucky as his eyes dashed across their faces.  He settled on Steve’s for a half-second more and Steve’s heart crack as he saw the sadness and hurt dulling his eyes.  Steve thought he was going to cry as he saw Bucky bite his lip and give a slow nod.

“Of course, I would be willing to terminate James’ contact, in exchange for another boxer to sign to my team.”  Steve looked back to Pierce but saw him eyeing Natasha, his implication clear to everyone.

“Hell no,” Clint snarled.  Steve turned in time to see Clint step forward, his face full animalistic rage.  “There is no way Natasha would _ever_ fight for you again, you pompous asshole.”

Jack immediately strode forward and Clint had no problem quickly stepping around Steve to meet him.  Jack started to roll up his sleeves and Clint moved into a fighter’s stance.

“Everyone settle down,” Pierce called calmly and somewhat frustrated.  “There’s no need to behave barbarically.  Jack, back off.”  Jack continued to glare at Clint but still backed away, his eyes never leaving Clint’s face.  Clint was sending an equally-hostile look back and only moved when Natasha walked forward and gently pulled him back.

“Okay look,” Steve finally spoke up.  He looked into Pierce’s smug face with determination.  “I’ll fight for Bucky.”

Silence rang through the gym, with Brock even halting his fighting after Steve’s announcement.  Steve saw movement out of the corner of his eye and knew that Bucky was now focusing all of his attention on him, but he didn’t look away from Pierce’s now intrigued face.

“Really?  You, Steven Rogers, will fight for James?”  Pierce’s voice was light and Steve noticed a hint of skepticism.

But Steve nodded in grim determination, hell-bent on making this work.  “Yes, I’ll fight Brock – one match, standard boxing rules, no tricks or pageantry.”

Pierce appeared to be mulling it over and pursed his lips in thought.  “Okay, what are the stakes?”

Steve took a breath, taking one more minute to consider what he was about to offer.  But just knowing that Bucky was trapped with Pierce and was slowly being pulled back into the life that nearly destroyed him pushed Steve into laying down his offer.  “If I win, you leave Bucky and all of us alone forever.  You rip up whatever contract you have with him, you stop harassing Natasha and you never step foot into my gym again.  If I lose, you’re still going to leave Bucky alone, but I will take his place instead.”

Pierce’s eyebrows shot up as Steve’s suggestion and Steve watched him try to contain his greedy excitement.  “Well, you are not nearly as valuable at Natasha, but I do know Johann would love to see you again.”  He paused again and Steve held his gaze with resolve.  Finally, Pierce nodded.  “Deal.  But give me a few days to set up the fight and get things arranged.”

“No pageantry, Pierce.” Steve repeated forcefully.  “And no matter what, you’ll leave Bucky alone.”

“Yes, yes of course.”  Pierce waved away Steve’s insistencies impatiently.  “But for now, James is still my employee and he has work to do.”  He snapped his fingers again and Bucky immediately walked from the room, turning away before Steve could meet his eyes.

“Wait,” Steve started.  He thought he would have the chance to hug him, or apologize, or say _something_.

“Jack will see you out, we’ll be in touch.”  Pierce nodded to Jack, who began to herd them from the room.  Steve started to back away, keeping his glare on Pierce.  But just as he left the gym he noticed Bucky return from another door, approaching the ring with his shoulders back and his face set.  Steve swore he saw Bucky turn to him but Jack closed the door before their eyes could meet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter sixteen! Just a little disclaimer, when Steve is on the verge of having a panic attack, the breathing exercise that Sam recommends is not a 100% cure for a severe panic attack. It’s just an exercise to help with anxiety, and I don’t want to put out the idea that that is the proper way to combat a panic attack. However, this story is winding down, but not without the big showdown! Thank you all for the love from chapter fifteen!
> 
> UPDATE 8/31: I've added the final chapter count, so all we're looking at is one final chapter along with a epilogue - it's the final countdown!


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings posted at the bottom!

Tuesday night comes and Steve finds himself outside of S.H.I.E.L.D., affected with similar emotions from just two days ago - anger, confusion, agitation, and determination. Even though there's no sun to reflect off the gym's windows Steve and his friends are still unable to look inside, much to Wade's exasperation.

"Are you _sure_ you don't need another person with you guys?  An entourage with an odd number is definitely bad luck."

"Wade I swear to God if you mention how butt hurt you are we're not having sex for a month."

Wade's eyes widened comically at Darcy's outburst and he clamped his mouth shut.  Darcy just shot him a look and turned to Steve.  "We've got everything covered out here, just go in and kick some ass."

Steve felt the corner of his mouth lift up at Darcy's blunt advice.  "Thanks.  I hope everything goes smoothly out here."

"It will."  Darcy affirmed.  "You know what to do, we know what to do, and Pierce won't know what hit him."

"It'll be the Fist of Justice!"  Wade exclaimed.  He looked around at the annoyed faces and sighed.  "Well it's true."

"We should get going."  Natasha prompted quietly.  Steve nodded.

"Right, well...I'll see you guys on the other side."  He spoke to Darcy and Wade, the implication of what could happen if things went badly hanging in the air. 

"You got this Steve."  Wade said confidently.  He pulled Steve in for a hug and whispered, "But just in case." 

"Thanks man."  Steve whispered back.  Wade released him and Darcy quickly swooped in and gave him a tight hug. She pulled away and punched him on the arm without another word, giving Steve an intense look before departing with Wade.

Steve turned to Natasha, standing with Clint and Sam, all wearing varying looks of resolve and grimness. 

"Let's do this."  Similar to last time, they stood by the front door and gazed up to the security camera.  The door buzzed open and Steve led his friends through the darkened lobby.  Jack was there to meet them again, flanked with two other men dressed in black suits.

"Come with us."  Jack commanded.  Steve had to hold back an eye roll.  Did Pierce really need to send in reinforcements?   What did he think they would do, try to run?  Steve has a million thoughts running through his mind but bolting from this fight wasn't even an option.  Leaving Bucky behind would not be physically possible for Steve.

Jack brought them back to the same private gym from before and walking in Steve noticed a few changes, including the bar along the wall, bleachers surrounding the ring, and the range of people walking around.

"This is a crowd."  Sam noted.  "D'you think Pierce has all of these people working for him?"

"No, there are a few crime families here, Pierce probably has a few betting pools going on."  Clint replied, tension seeping into his voice.

"How do you know that?"  Sam asked curiously.

"I recognize the guys my brother used to work with."  Steve looked back to see Clint's strained face looking straight ahead.  Natasha moved to his side and curled her hand around his bicep, which he covered with his own hand.

"Are you good?"  Steve asked him in a murmur.  When Clint nodded Steve went back to scanning the gym, finally settling on one man sitting with Pierce behind Brock's corner.

Bucky's eyes locked with Steve's and he saw the same fear and apprehension that has haunted Steve's dreams.  Steve wanted to smile or nod, or hell do _anything_ to reassure Bucky that things would be okay, but Jack stepped in his line of vision.

"We're starting in ten minutes, be ready at your bench at the warning bell."

Not even bothering to nod Steve made his way to his bench.  He set his bag down and shucked his shirt.

"Here, I'll wrap your wrists."  Sam offered.  Steve nodded and sat down as Sam pulled the tape from his bag.

"How're you feeling?"  Steve tore his gaze away from Sam's methodical movements to look at Natasha's face.

He took a minute to really analyze his thoughts - he was about to fight semi-public ally for the first time in seven years, his opponent was a professional and ruthless boxer that could probably kill him with just his hands, his life was riding on his one fight, he still hasn't had a chance to talk to Bucky since that phone call, he still didn’t know what kind of hell Bucky’s been put through since he was reunited with Pierce, and even though Pierce promised to leave Bucky alone there was still the chance that he would go back on his deal.

Steve should be a ticking time bomb, ready to explode at the next request or problem he has to deal with.  But all he really felt was an unnerving sense to prove himself as a boxer again and show that he wasn't great because of the drugs he unknowingly took.  Steve desired to be known as a fierce and smart competitor and leave everyone who thought he was a failure or a cheater eating their words.

And just thinking those ideas left Steve wracked with guilt; he's not supposed to be here to prove his worth.  Bucky has been trapped with this vile excuse of a man and all Steve can imagine is everyone admiring his worth once more.

Steve wasn't sure how to vocalize this directly so he avoided her look.

"Just stay focused on the fight."  Sam piped up, still carefully taping Steve's hands.  "Everything is in place so don't stress about that."

"Yeah, move quickly.  Brock won't be able to keep up with you."  Clint added.

"Don't lose," Natasha said simply.

Steve gave a small smile. “Well if I don't come out of this, make sure Bucky gets the hell out of here.  Don't let Pierce go back on his deal."  Steve looked to each of his friends stricken faces.

"What do you think he'll do, kill you?"  Clint asked, looking truly bothered.

Steve shrugged.  "Well I hope not.  But we're in Pierce's gym, who knows what he'll have Brock do or how much he paid the refs to let him go to town on my face."

"Well that’s not gonna happen."  Clint said forcefully.  His eyes darted to Sam and Natasha.  "Right?  We've got the plan, we've got everything set."

"Just thinking worse-case scenario Clint."  Steve said.  Sam had finished his job and Steve rose from the bench, grabbing his gloves from his bag.  "On that note, I've given Mr. Murdock control of the gym and he is instructed to divide my shares between the three of you."  Steve ignored their sounds of surprise.  "I don't know what Pierce will do if I lose, and I'd rather not see him take the gym away or something."

He focused on pulling his gloves and strapping them on tightly to avoid looking at his friends faces.  He wasn't sure if he would see confusion, fury or tears, but he didn't want to risk seeing anything that would break down the little self-control he was holding onto.

The warning bell rang through the gym and everyone turned their ages to Pierce standing in the ring.  "Ladies and gentlemen, I welcome you to S.H.I.E.L.D. for a very special fight!  We have the World Champion Crossbones taking on the infamous Captain America!"

A smattering of applause and tittering of laughter echoed through the gym and Steve gritted his teeth in frustration.

"If I could have both boxers come to the middle and we can get this started."  Steve gave one last look to his friends, their shattered faces staring back at him.

"Steve," Natasha started to say, her voice sounded more choked up than ever.  But Steve just shook his head.

"Thank you, for everything."  He tried to convey the years of laughs, tears, and memories that he will forever cherish in those four words as best as he could, hoping that they would understand how broken he would be if he never met them.

Steve forced himself to turn away in climb into the ring, the noises around him still hammering at his brain and breaking into his psyche.  He needed to bunker down fast or he would be taken out in the first round.

Brock was already standing by Pierce as Steve walked forward.  He was sending Steve a look of wild rage and twisted euphoria _.  Good lord what is his deal?_   Steve thought as he registered Brock's expression.  He tried to shake it off and turn his attention to Pierce.

"Alright gentlemen, we have a ten-round fight on our hands, three minutes per round.  Points will be awarded by our table refs and we I'll have one ref with you in the ring.  We know the stakes, but let's put on a show for everyone else, yeah?"

"You're sick," Steve said, disgusted with Pierce's excitement.  Brock made a motion to punch Steve but stopped when Pierce set a hand on his arm.

"Save it Brock.  He'll learn."  He cleared his throat and spoke louder.  "Boxers, tap gloves and retreat to your corners."

Steve did what he was told, earning a sharper jab from Brock.  As he walked back, he locked eyes with Bucky again, the storm-grey eyes piercing Steve.  No longer did he look miserable and defeated, but instead a fierce hopefulness and adoration shook Steve to his core.

Bucky was placing his bet on Steve, despite the fact that he's off the hook whether Steve wins or loses.  Steve knows that Bucky has trusted before and it has done nothing but bring him pain and suffering.  And while Steve was hoping and thinking that Bucky would be rooting for him, seeing the emotions plain on his face gave Steve the nudge to settle into his zen-boxer persona.

He waited in his corner, the noises around him now a dull humming only fueling his desire to rip Brock a new one and walk away with Bucky unscathed.

The ring ref, a portly man just fitting into his stripped shirt, waddled his way to the middle of the ring.  He received nods of confirmation from both Brock and Steve, then swished his hand down to begin the fight.

Brock wasted no time and quickly stalked forward to Steve.  Not one to back away, Steve came forward with his fists at the ready.  He kept Clint's advice in his back pocket, taking the first round to analyze Brock's movements and determine his weak points.

Unfortunately, Brock's weak points seemed nonexistent.  He was quick to attack and the force behind his punches were quickly tearing down Steve's blocks.  Steve may have giving up fighting others for good, but the sting from the punches were impossible to forget.  And by the fourth round, Steve was exhausted.

“He’s strong.  He’s really strong.”  Steve gasped out, his chest heaving.

"You're doing great," Clint told him as Steve sat in his corner, trying to catch his breath.  Sam was dabbing at a wound on his forehead while Clint gave him some more water to guzzle down.

"Steve, he relies heavily on his right side - keep attacking there and he'll block it more than his left.  You'll have a clear shot of his left soon."

Steve nodded at Natasha's coaching, still unable to use words to reply.  The bell rang again and Steve quickly got up to meet the resilient and energetic movements of Brock.  Steve started to dart around, using his blocks and movements to avoid Brock's fists.  He angled to the right and waited for the other fighter to move his blocks to the right.  As Steve saw the opening on Brock's left side, he swung a wide punch and felt immediate satisfaction at the spasm of pain that crossed Brock's face.

But Brock's pained expression quickly turned to a scowl but the bell rang again before he could counter and the ref jumped in front to stop Brock from attacking him anyway.  Steve sat back down and turned his head.

"How're we looking?"  He asked hoarsely.  The rush of landing a solid punch on Brock gave him the energy to speak and he needed to know how badly things were going for him.

"You guys are pretty evenly matched - your blocks are saving your ass right now, but it'll only be a matter of time until he fatigues, he's not a machine."  Clint rushed out, giving Steve more water to drink.

"Got any other tips?"  He asked Natasha.

"Keep it in tight this round," she replied.  "He's gonna change his game up and I don't know what he'll do.  Let him go in and just keep blocking." 

Steve nodded.

"This may be a bad time, but despite you never fighting you are amazing."  Clint's compliment came with a snort from Sam, but it lifted Steve's spirits, even if he could only nod while the bell rang yet again.

Steve followed Natasha's advice and didn't go in for any attacks.  But surprisingly, neither did Brock.  They danced around each other, waiting for the other to fight first. 

Something wasn't right and Steve felt unease settling into his stomach.  He had no idea why Brock decided to completely pull away and it only left Steve nervous for what was to come.

He didn't have to wait long.  The bell rang signaling the end of the sixth round and Brock pounced on Steve.  He tackled him to the ground and began to pummel his face.  Steve felt nothing but searing pain and had to wriggle out from below.  He heard the angry shouting from his friends, and as he scrambled away he dazedly watched Clint being pulled back from the ropes by one of Pierce's men.

Steve went to stand, his brain sluggishly telling him to help his friends but as soon as he took a step forward Brock's fist connected with the back of Steve's head and he went tumbling forward.  He didn't fall, the ropes holding his beaten body up.  He was able to see the concerned and furious looks of his friends before he was quickly spun around to meet the wicked smile on Brock's face before he punched Steve's face again.  Unable to stay standing Steve crumpled to the ground, a quick respite of peace broken when Brock's foot connected with his stomach.

Steve could vaguely hear his name being called over and over again, but all he could register was the sharp and painful jab of Brock kicking him over and over again. He felt his eyelids droop close and he wanted nothing more than to close his eyes and give into the cool and tranquil darkness.

Steve noticed the kicking was replaced with a gentle caressing on his cheeks and in his hair, his name being shouted much louder than before. He could also hear different people shouting and radio static before finally sinking into unconsciousness.

***

It was the aching pain Steve felt first.  His head, his ribs - pretty much everything hurt.

Steve smelled the disinfectant that reminds him of his youth and getting numerous shots when he was sick.

Steve heard the soft whirring of machines, the constant monotone beeping, and the music to terrible daytime talk shows.

Realizing that his eyes were still closed, Steve opened them as far as he could.  He saw a sliver of light from his left eye but was able to take in the full room from his right.  He now recognized the tell-tale signs of a hospital, but was still confused by a few key things.

Why couldn't he completely open his left eye?  Why did he have a scruffy stubble and smell like he hasn't showered in days?  And why is Bucky sitting by his bed working on a Sudoku puzzle book?

"Wha...."

"Steve!  Hey, you're awake!"  Bucky closed his book and scooted his chair right up to Steve's bed.  He looked exhausted but his eyes were bright and he looked much happier than before.

Before.  At S.H.I.E.L.D.  Brock punching him over and over again.  The unpleasant memories come rushing back to Steve and he winces.

"You okay?  Are you in pain?"  Bucky looked Steve over and glanced to the many monitors that surrounded his bed.

"No, nothing serious.  I'm just achy.  And thirsty.  Can I have some water?"

"I can get you some ice chips, but I think the doctor is going to want to check on you to see if you can have water or not.  I'll go get the nurse."  He gave Steve a warm look and quickly walked away from the room. 

Now alone, Steve tried to piece together the memories from the fight. While he remembers getting in the ring and fighting, and losing, to Brock, everything else gets fuzzy and unclear and his head begins to throb painfully.  But soon enough, Bucky walked back with a nurse and a doctor.

"Hello Mr. Rogers, how're you feeling today?"

"Sore.  And tired but not sleepy tired.  What happened?"

"You came in late Tuesday with three broken ribs, internal bleeding and we were nervous about possible brain damage.  We had to put you in a medically induced coma for one day, and we've just been waiting for you to wake up."

Steve looked up at the doctor with a wary expression.  "How long was I out?"

"About three days - it's Friday morning, around 10AM."

"Oh."  Steve thought he should be surprised for being knocked out for three days, but all he could think about was how tired he really was.

"Steve I'll come back in and check on you later.  Just take it easy, and if your head hurts page the nurse and he will come take care of you."  She gave Steve a smile and left.

Bucky came back to the bed and sat back in his chair.  He was regarding Steve with a kind and timid smile.  "Are you sure you're not in any pain?"

"Well I am.  But will you tell me what happened on Tuesday?  I can't remember for the life of me and every time I do my heart hurts a lot."

Bucky nodded.  "Okay, do you remember being in S.H.I.E.L.D.?  And fighting Brock?"  Once Steve nodded Bucky continued.  "Well he was hitting you pretty hard.  I'm pretty sure he was close to killing you."

"I had him on the ropes."  Steve muttered.

"Of course you did."  Bucky said, his tone indulgent.  "And here I thought you _didn't_ suffer from brain damage."

"Alright alright, clearly he had me beat."  Steve admitted, gesturing to his injuries.  "But what happened next?"

"You were out on the mat when the police came in and busted everyone.  They had a tip that there were illegal weapons, and not only was Alexander there but three other crime families had top members there.  Alexander was arrested for transporting illegal weapons and working with known fugitives.  And nearly everyone else there were arrested for working with known fugitives, aka Alexander."

Steve sighed in relief and sat back again his pillows.  "Oh thank god.  It worked."

"Yeah, they actually tackled me to the ground too.  But Captain Stacy said I wasn't to be charged and they let me go."

"Good.  He wasn't too keen on that," Steve started and Bucky nodded in agreement.

"Natasha filled me on everything you guys did.  Making that deal with Alexander, going to Captain Stacy, and Matt Murdock getting a warrant for search and seizure, that was brilliant."

Steve shook his head.  "It was nothing."

"No Steve."  Bucky was adamant when he spoke.  "You had to pull strings with Darcy's derby team, Gwen had to convince her father to go after Alexander-"

"Pierce is wanted in five different countries, Matt was more than happy to hear our case."

"That's not the point I'm getting at."  Bucky took a breath.  "You told Alexander that you would take my place if you lost - you were going to sacrifice yourself for me."

"Well when you phrase it like that it sounds better."

"And you were ready to give away your shares of your gym."

"That's just thinking logically, I didn't know what Pierce was going to do to the gym-"

"God you are so stubborn."  Bucky interrupted.  "I just want to say thank you for saving me and you won't let me."

Steve opened his mouth, ready to protest Bucky again but looking into his earnest and stern face sapped his energy.  He gave a sigh and looked around.

“Where’s everyone else?”

“They’re at the gym.  Natasha, Clint, Darcy and Sam come in every morning and night, and Wade, Peter and Gwen have been in every day.  I sent them a text that you woke up so maybe they’ll come back earlier.”

Steve shrugged.  “They don’t have to, it’s fine.”

“Steve, you were lying on the mats, your face looking like a crushed tomato.  If it was scary for me, I can’t imagine how it is for them.  An idiot can tell that they’ve all been worried sick, so good chance they’ll come see you as soon as they can, if they’re not on their way now.”

Steve opened his mouth but closed it when he didn't have a response.  He looked down at his sheets, suddenly feeling different levels of guilt and blame.  "I don’t want to be a bother.”  He mumbled.

Bucky huffed indignantly, finally causing Steve to turn to him.  Even though he sounded annoyed, Bucky had nothing but kindness on his face. 

“When are you going to get it through your head that you’re _not_ a bother?  I thought risking your life to save me would do it but I guess not.”  Bucky shrugged his own shoulders.  “That’s okay, I’ll stick around to keep reminding ya.”

Steve’s throat dried, the suggestion of what Bucky’s proposing very clear.  However, he looked back down and tangled his hands in his sheets.  “I don’t think I did that much.”  He said quietly.

"That's not what I heard.  Natasha said you came up with the plan and Darcy mentioned how you were able to sweet talk Matt Murdock and Captain Stacy into helping you.  I even saw you come into the gym and make a deal with Alexander to get me out of my contract.  You fought Brock Rumlow and were beaten down. Steve, you did everything."

"I had to."  Steve whispered. 

"Why?"  Bucky asked, equally quiet.  Steve looked up at the vulnerability on his face.

"I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I didn't try to get you free." 

Bucky was silent for a beat.  "So, this really was for me?"  When he saw Steve nod he exhaled loudly.  "You took down Alexander's entire operation, putting the man who tortured me behind bars, for me?" Steve looked up at Bucky's incredulous tone and saw an amazed look on his face.

"I don't know if you are upset or happy about this."  Steve said cautiously.

Bucky huffed and shook his head, his eyes bright.  "Never have I met a more selfless yet self-doubting person like you Steve Rogers.  You saved me, and you're scared that I might be upset with you."

Steve felt the heat creep up on his face and he gave a tiny smile.  "I don't think there was a possibility of me not trying to save you Buck."  He moved his hand, with the monitor on his finger, to cover Bucky's hand resting on the bed railing. 

"Thank you."  Bucky whispered in a choked voice, lightly squeezing Steve's hand.  "I really don't know what I can do to make it up to you."

"Will you stay with me?"  Steve asked quietly.  "I don't know how long I have to be in here."

"Don't worry Stevie, I'm here."  Bucky assured him, smiling through his tears.  "I'm with you 'til the end of the line."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Semi-graphic depiction of violence
> 
> Next chapter! I’m not an expert in modern medicine, so the medical terms and everything are probably not accurate, just letting y’all know. And I know this chapter is a shorter one, but I have the (final!) chapter posted as well, enjoy! Thank you for the love from chapter 16!


	18. Epilogue

**12 Months Later**

"I'm worried about Odin."

"Don't be, I'm sure Tony is doing a fantastic job watching him."

"Yeah, that's _exactly_ why I'm worried."

Bucky just rolled his eyes.  "Will you just settle and get ready to watch Natasha kick some ass?"

Steve sighed and tried to relax in his cushioned seat.  "I'm still not sure why we agreed to take Thor's advice on a dog name."

"Oh you know what I did to convince you."  Bucky drawled, leaning in close to whisper in Steve's ear.  His breath tickled and Steve held back the shudder that wanted to run through him.  "Or did you forget?  I would be more than happy to remind you..."

"Lovebirds!  Are you even paying attention?"

Bucky laughed quietly in Steve's ear and pressed a quick kiss to Steve's temple before turning away and smirking at Wade sitting down the row.

After the tumultuous year they all faced the simple action of Bucky whispering in Steve's ear will make him go red like it was their first date.  Which had finally happened - dinner at the Italian restaurant one week after Steve had been released from the hospital.

Bucky had stayed with Steve since his release, making sure he could move around and go up and down the stairs to his gym.  As the time passed and Steve was becoming more mobile on his own, it had only made sense for Bucky to move in with Steve, seeing how he didn't have an apartment anymore, thanks to Pierce.

Who was eventually extradited to Russia to face criminal charges there - Steve and Bucky aren't sure what happened to everyone else involved with Pierce, but they didn't care to look it up. There were much more important things to focus on.

Including day-to-day operations at the gym.  Bucky stepped in and helped out while Steve was still recovering and once Steve was well enough to return to work, Bucky decided to leave his boxing career behind.  He had confessed to Steve that helping and training the members at the gym was much more enjoyable and less stressful. 

That didn't mean he and Steve didn't spar every now and then - just to stay in shape of course. Even if Bucky had other ideas for how they could work out, which caused Steve to blush from his head to his toes.

After Steve was cleared to work, he became more comfortable fighting with some of the members so they could get real boxing experience.  He enjoys being able to connect with whoever he was training with and was pleased to see massive improvements in their fighting since he changed his training technique.

Wade and Peter both benefitted from this new arrangement.  They were both signing up and fighting in small and local matches, and they needed all they help they could get.  But working with the training team of Rogers and Barnes, both boys were able to dominate and win almost all of their fights.

Wade didn't quite need the boost in his ego, but Steve was thrilled to see the change in Peter.  Gone was the timid and terrified boy who first came into his gym, but now a growing man who worked hard and had the wins to prove it.

Another unexpected but delightful change in the gym was finally seeing Natasha and Clint get together.  They were in fact on a date the night Bucky had called Steve all those days ago, and had slowly been testing if they could keep their work dynamic the same now that they were involved in a romantic relationship.  Clint was optimistic but Natasha had told Steve to check back in a month and see how they are.

And now, twelve months later, Natasha was fighting for a world title in Los Angeles, one part of a newly engaged trainer-trainee team.  She would death glare at anyone who cooed their congratulations or scoff at the pairing, but Steve knew she was secretly pleased and finally happy.

She had invited everyone to be part of her entourage, as Sam and Wade so eloquently put it, flying everyone in a private jet and putting them in the penthouse suite of the best hotel in LA.  Of course, all thanks to her biggest sponsor.

After Steve learned that Tony in fact wasn't going to be flying out for the fight, he had causally mentioned that he was looking for a dog sitter for their four-month yellow Labrador, Tony had jumped at the opportunity to take in the "mutt" to his tower while they were gone.  Steve was suspicious, but relaxed slightly once Pepper assured him Odin would be in good hands.

It still didn't calm him 100%, and he tried to get comfortable as they waited for the fight to begin. Sam leaned over from his other side and Steve cut him off before he could ask.  "Yes Sam, I know Odin is fine.  It's _Tony_ though, you don't know if he'll try to make him a puppy jet-pack or something."

"Um, that's not what I was going to say."  Sam said abruptly.

"Oh, sorry."  Steve replied, chagrined.  "What's up?"

"Do you think Peggy is having a good time?  Should I get her some water, or a hot beverage?"

Steve laughed out loud at Sam's sincerely worried tone and looked to his semi-frantic face.  "'Hot beverage'?  Really Sam?  Did you ask her if she wanted a 'hot beverage'?"

Sam gave him a dirty look and turned his attention back to Peggy, who looked very relaxed and satisfied in Steve's opinion.  He knew he shouldn't mess with Sam so badly, but he couldn't help it.

He definitely didn't expect Sam and Peggy to finally get together, after Sam tried to ask her out again and again.  After the sixth rejection, Steve told him to try being sincere and kind instead of suave and crude.  And whaddya know, Peggy finally said yes and they had been together for about a month and a half.  This was their first big trip with each other, and Sam was running around making sure everything was perfect for her.

Sam thought he was being discreet, but Steve's pretty sure Peggy picked up on his motives when he dramatically lifted her bag from the airport baggage claim, along with her carry-on and his bags, over his shoulder while refusing help from anyone.  Steve saw the twinkle in Peggy's eyes and the exasperated yet gentle smile on her face.

And Steve couldn't help but catch Peggy's eye now and give her a quick wink, causing her to smile mischievously.  Steve looked past her to see Peter, Gwen, Wade and Darcy all discussing the fight.  He smiled  at the memory of Peter calming Gwen down on the flight, holding her hand while she kept her eyes shut tight during takeoff and the landing.  But he did not appreciate having to keep Wade and Darcy from sneaking off to the bathroom, both determined to join the Mile High Club on their flight.

He still can't believe that he's here - if his 22 year old self were to see him now, actually happy and smiling without any hesitation, he would scoff and go back to whatever training he was supposed to do.

Of course, Steve knows that his younger self would be insanely jealous to be where Steve is right now, to watch Natasha square off with Angel Dust, the reigning world champion.  She is strong and brutal, but Steve has seen how hard Natasha has been working for this fight and knows how relentless she has been.

Steve gave a quick glance to Bucky, reading the fascination and excitement on his face.  He knows it was hard for Bucky to give up on a skill and practice that’s he worked on for years.  Not to mention having to get past whatever recent psychological torture Pierce put Bucky through.  It took time, and more bandages, but Bucky finally agreed to seeing a therapist once a week.  He still goes to Dr. Jarvis, and Steve had never been prouder of his boyfriend.

He took Bucky’s hand in his own, still staring adoringly (or as Wade wonderfully puts it, ‘Like a five-year old getting kissed by a million puppies on a sunny afternoon in a field of flowers’).  Bucky met his gaze, giving Steve his genuine smile that made the butterflies dance in Steve's stomach.

"You still worrying about Odin?"

Steve smiled and shook his head.  "Not as much.  I haven't had to worry about a lot lately."

"Me neither."

Steve looked deep into Bucky's Storm-grey eyes, reveling in the opportunity that he now gets to do this every night before he sleeps and every morning when he wakes.  He gets to unashamedly rake his eyes over Bucky's jawline, down to his lips and chest, now knowing what the hard muscle feels like under his roaming hands. 

And not only does Steve get to enjoy Bucky's physique, but he also gets to appreciate Bucky as he is.  The man who smiles at every dog on the street, who laughs carefree with his head thrown back, and who gives Steve either a flirty look when trying to sweet-talk him or a shy and soft smile whenever Steve walks in the room.  Steve knows he’s just begun to scratch the surface of the wonderful mystery that is his boyfriend, and he hopes he’ll be able to spend the rest of his days exploring everything there is to know about Bucky.

"What?"  Bucky's bashful voice broke Steve's thoughts and he looked back to his face.

"I love you."  Steve said simply.

"I love you too."  Bucky replied, a playful smile teasing his lips.  "Punk."

"Jerk." Steve leans in a gives Bucky a kiss, and the crowd roars.  He pulls back - certainly they weren't cheering because he kissed his boyfriend, right?

Steve looks and sees Natasha knocking Angel Dust to the ground.  He, along with everyone in the arena, stands up and cheer madly.  The ref smacks the ground and grabs Natasha’s hand, raising it as a sign of her victory.  Clint storms the ring and pulls Natasha in a tight hug, twirling her around.  She pulls his face to hers and kisses him deeply.

Whistles pierce the cheering, Sam and Bucky amongst those celebrating.  Steve looked around to his friends, in the ring and down the row, and never felt more content. 

More obstacles will come his way - from running a gym, taking care of a dog, and still learning from his past mistakes.  But with his friends on his left and Bucky on his right, Steve can take down any fight with a simple one-two punch.

**END**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you! Cheap words that are said over and over, but I am still in awe over how wonderful and supportive everyone who has read this fic has been. Whether you were there since the beginning, or joining in for the finale, words cannot describe how thankful I am for each and every one of you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for making my first fic-writing experience an enjoyable and delightful time, and I will certainly be posting more stories in the future. Until next time! <3
> 
> Update (9/25): A quick plug for my tumblr account! You can find me [here](http://peglegmeglikeskegs.tumblr.com/) although I'm not as active as I'd like to be on it, so it's pretty lame right now. But I'd love to meet all of you, and thank you again for reading my story!!! :) :) :)


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